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jeremy3 — Everfree part 85en

#derpy #scootaloo #fluttershy #rainbowdash #pinkiepie #twilightsparkle
Published: 2017-07-21 15:30:10 +0000 UTC; Views: 5416; Favourites: 68; Downloads: 26
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Description English is not my first language,  if you find mistake or error, please notice me.
Ps: Certainly more than usual, it was a difficult part.


Thanks for the help to:
tchernobyl.deviantart.com/
keeper-of-time-rd.deviantart.c…

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Comments: 29

fotland42 [2017-09-19 06:40:10 +0000 UTC]

It's a shame there isn't a talented mage present who could help now that Cloudy has gone to sleep.

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AJR001 [2017-09-04 17:41:30 +0000 UTC]

Oh fudgesicles indeed...

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EL-JEMVI [2017-08-19 02:08:28 +0000 UTC]

Derpy is dying!?

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Maverickwolfzx [2017-07-22 18:21:11 +0000 UTC]

www.youtube.com/watch?v=WTtgQv…

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jeremy3 In reply to Maverickwolfzx [2017-07-24 14:37:11 +0000 UTC]

Can I help you?

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Maverickwolfzx In reply to jeremy3 [2017-07-24 16:33:10 +0000 UTC]

Nah, I'm fine.

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Wabefuhon [2017-07-22 14:34:16 +0000 UTC]

The only one capable of that kind of power would be Discord. But would be more easily achievable if it was both her parents and the help of Celestia from when Derpy was really young.

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tigreanpony [2017-07-22 13:33:30 +0000 UTC]

Very nicely done, and I have to agree with comment before me or if you want to use diy instead of Fabrication it should be in all caps DIY (Do it Yourself) Still I think Fabrication would be more professional or spell out do it yourself. Still really loving the comic, keep up the great work.

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jeremy3 In reply to tigreanpony [2017-07-22 14:35:10 +0000 UTC]

I was thinking about "tinkering" who is the literal translation for "bricolage" in french .
I will try, but the colored lines is really so boring to do that I can't promesse to do it all the time, because of it I not sure to finish one part for next week. 

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Keeper-of-time-RD [2017-07-22 13:03:58 +0000 UTC]

As always, great comic!

Two corrections for you.

Fabulous doesn’t fit Twilight’s meaning. I think you either meant ‘should be famous!’ or ‘would be amazing!’ And obviously Rainbow’s retort needs to match whatever word Twilight chose.

Famous if you are going for the logic train of there’s no way a unicorn could be powerful enough to cast this spell without being well known.  Amazing if you are having Twilight marveling more at the spell itself than the caster.

The other one is the ‘clumsy diy’ comment. I don’t actually know what a diy is and I can’t find it in any of my dictionaries.

Given the context of the line I’m guessing you meant something like ‘clumsy shack’ (If Twilight is thinking ‘my spell is like a clumsy shack as compared to a fortress.’) or ‘clumsy replica’ (if Twilight isn’t trying to compare the two spells using architecture as a metaphor.)

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jppiper In reply to Keeper-of-time-RD [2017-07-23 09:18:40 +0000 UTC]

diy is short for do it yourself

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jeremy3 In reply to Keeper-of-time-RD [2017-07-22 13:09:01 +0000 UTC]

Thank you, I'll made the change on monday.

The word I have in mind for the second correction sound like fabric, or fabricatim.

Bricolage in french.

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Keeper-of-time-RD In reply to jeremy3 [2017-07-22 13:16:35 +0000 UTC]

Ah okay, that sounds more like it would become "clumsy creation" then.

technically the word 'Fabrication' would work too, but in English fabrication is more commenly used to mean 'lie' than 'something you built' even though it can be used to mean either.

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jeremy3 In reply to Keeper-of-time-RD [2017-07-22 14:30:59 +0000 UTC]

What do you think about "tinkering", I like this one!

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Keeper-of-time-RD In reply to jeremy3 [2017-07-22 15:20:51 +0000 UTC]

“Tinkering” can only refer to the act of creating something, not the creation itself, so it doesn’t fit at all.

I’m fairly certain that “clumsy creation” is the best fit for your intended meaning.

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jeremy3 In reply to Keeper-of-time-RD [2017-07-22 15:45:25 +0000 UTC]

So, go for clumsy creation, thank you. 

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adamlhumphreys In reply to jeremy3 [2017-07-23 20:05:32 +0000 UTC]

The only reason why "tinkering" wouldn't work is because it would be a verb instead of a noun. ^^ Although, I looked it up www.tfd.com/tinker , and it actually can be used as a noun in reference to a person, but not a spell/manifestation.

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Keeper-of-time-RD In reply to adamlhumphreys [2017-07-24 13:28:00 +0000 UTC]

That’s not exactly right. When speaking of the person it becomes “Tinkerer” not “Tinkering.”

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LightDragon1988 [2017-07-21 23:45:14 +0000 UTC]

Nice story! Wait continue)

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sigel4ever [2017-07-21 20:18:31 +0000 UTC]

and the wait moment is still tense!

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ROCuevas [2017-07-21 19:19:20 +0000 UTC]

They are safe. Quickly check on Scootaloo

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PhoenixFlambe [2017-07-21 17:08:02 +0000 UTC]

Interesting... wait now i got questions!
1. Derpy is basically a blank flank?
2. If not than it's a spell disguised as a cutie mark?

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jeremy3 In reply to PhoenixFlambe [2017-07-21 18:24:45 +0000 UTC]

And the answers for this questions are part of "everfree part two" 

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sweetymimy22 [2017-07-21 16:45:50 +0000 UTC]

on what does pinkie sit on ?? a rock or rather an egg ??

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heathfiedler In reply to sweetymimy22 [2017-07-22 00:59:05 +0000 UTC]

its the eye lol

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jeremy3 In reply to sweetymimy22 [2017-07-21 18:23:42 +0000 UTC]

You already know the answer, Look the part 82. 

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NovemberLilly [2017-07-21 15:50:43 +0000 UTC]

this was unexpected.

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jppiper In reply to NovemberLilly [2017-07-23 09:19:52 +0000 UTC]

when did twilight started speaking like rarity?

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NovemberLilly In reply to jppiper [2017-07-31 21:06:27 +0000 UTC]

idk

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