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Kat--R — Tired {Read Description, kinda important}
#deep #depression #emotional #fortress #redscout #scout #sfm #team #tf2 #sfmtf2 #scoutred #tf2sfm #scoutsfm #2 #sfmscout #teamfortress2
Published: 2017-03-05 18:24:58 +0000 UTC; Views: 1268; Favourites: 29; Downloads: 10
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"I know you're tired...but I know you can get through it. Don't let go. No matter how tired you get."
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Comments: 17
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Remember one thing, in a battle between consciousness and desires, the latter always wins. So trying to force yourself do something 'right' is never gonna work. All it can ever do is bring more feelings of failure, which leads to depression and inferiority complex and so on.
I suggest you to read a few books (or articles, if you can't bring yourself to read a book) about art of warfare. And especially on how to combat a stronger opponent. Because that's what you'll have to do, you'll have to defeat an entity stronger than yourself, which is Id.
Also, read a few psychology books (or articles, or forums, but you have to be a bit skeptical with them), this will help you understand your problem better, and may be even find tricks to combat it.
First of all, you're not the only one who's experiencing this problem, in fact, majority of the people you meet will encounter or already encountered this issue at some point in their lives. Also, a lot of people have spent their time in order to come up with strategies to overcome it. The more educated you are, the more chances of dealing with it you have, so learn from others, and don't try to reinvent the bicycle.
You've made some of the classical mistakes that you could've easily avoided.
0) So, let's clear things out: for simplicity reasons, we're gonna use one of the first models of the psyche, which I already mentioned. It has its flaws, so don't take it too seriously, but it's a nice way to show you how things work (in case you're not familiar with them already - just skip the next part if you are).
Alright, let's begin - basically, it goes like this: you have 3 guys in your head - Super-ego, Ego and Id, and they are constantly at war. This happens, because their goals are polar opposites to each other:
Super-ego is trying to be efficient with its every move, behave correctly in every situation, follow every rule etc. All the feelings of righteousness, morality, duty, efficiency, perfectionism, will are coming from it. Its goal is to make you a superhuman that works 24/7 and is perfect in every way to everyone, and to ensure a bright future for you.
Id is an incarnation of worldly desires - future or past doesn't really concern it much, it is trying to satisfy you present needs. All the feelings and emotions of pleasure and displeasure are closely associated with it, as well as instincts. Its behavior closely resembles that of a baby, because that's all that babies really have - they don't yet understand logic, any concepts, and even themselves - they freak from the movement of their own limbs, cry once they feel discomfort and follow their instincts 'mindlessly'.
Ego is a guy who you're most likely associating with yourself. He realizes himself as a part of this world, and is trying to find his place in it. He's also stuck with the other 2 in this body, and is trying to resolve the constantly emerging conflict between them in order to move on. He's very pragmatic and realistic, and is trying to achieve results.
Now, hopefully, you see the problem: if you let Super-ego rule, it's gonna exhaust all your organism's resources while trying to achieve perfection, which is unreachable, of course, and in the process it will make you feel guilty and ashamed of yourself, because you're 'not good enough'. This is not the route you wanna be taking. If you let Id rule, you'll basically become an adult baby, over the top lazy, emotionally unstable person who seeks nothing but pleasure, which will become harder and harder to achieve with such a lifestyle, so eventually you'll start feeling constant irritation by everything, including yourself. This is also not the path you should walk. And if you put Ego in charge, it will do whatever it takes to achieve your goals, which, as you might imagine, is not the best strategy ever. Goal doesn't always justify the means, and this approach will inevitably fail itself at some point.
So, what should you do? You should be balancing these guys.
1) Don't let the Super-Ego shame you. But don't ignore him either. His core is rational, so do your best to explain to him that it is inefficient to shame yourself in the current environment, ask him to be patient, and always use arguments gained from the books you'll hopefully read, and he will eventually listen. Not for long though, and not completely, but you're gonna use that little window of time to do other things.
2) Once you have a partial support of Super-ego, you'll have to deal with Id. And this is not gonna be easy, as it's the most ancient and the strongest part of your psyche. Imagine it as a titan baby, that doesn't listen to reason and doesn't really comprehend human speech, but is powerful enough to obliterate everything you throw at it. So, to deal with it, you'll have to use tricks and deception. Basically, your needs have to be satisfied for it to loosen its grip. You should find a way of pleasing yourself when the right moment comes, and punishing when appropriate. This stick-n-candy approach is very efficient, as any other taming technique. What works well on animals, will work well on Id just as well. Just watch your Super-control, and don't allow it to start oppressing Id with his ideas when it comes to punishing, because you'll be back to square one.
3) Dealing with Id should give you sense of achievement, knowledge that you're about to overcome the big oppressor in your life, use it to satisfy both Super-Control and Id and buy more time for yourself. Before you loose control again, you have to get allies - possible scenarios are:
a) use help of a specialist;
b) tell close friends/relatives about the struggle you're dealing with;
-- Never, ever try to deal with your problems alone. You won't be able to. If you need proof, open any history book: Nothing significant ever was achieved by anyone singleheadedly. Even as a species, we are much weaker than, say, tigers, our senses are inferior to them, we don't have nearly as much strength or stamina. Yet tigers are nearly extinct, due to humans. Why is that so? It's because intellect, collaborative effort and communication are times stronger than beastly strength, agility and endurance. Don't try to be good, it's OK to be weak, after all, it's a defining characteristic of humans. Let the others help you, and help others yourself.
"I play games and I don't talk to people, I avoid them even." - that is the critical part of your problem. And this whole thing on DA is nothing more than your instincts trying to socialize in some way, reach OTHERS for help, you even admit it yourself - "...just maybe this will reach someone." - it will, but we won't be able to help as much, because we are not 'real' enough. For your brain to work properly, you need 'traditional' social interactions. Of course, not everyone will understand, and you will not look respectable in eyes of those who you'd like to be respected by. But that's only until they encounter this issue. And then, maybe, you'll be able to help them in their struggle, one day.
The only way to defeat bigger force is by having good allies and a good strategy.
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I appreciate your comment and I read what you wrote. However, everyone is different. How you deal with an issue and how I deal are very different. The basis of what you're going off of may work for the time...for some but not all. In reality I know what I need...I need to get back to therapy and back on my meds. Sadly, at the moment that's not possible for me. This is my way of coping. When I posted this I was actually socializing. I don't know why you'd think I wasn't. Depression is more than what you've typed here...its not just a mental exhaustion...its a physical and emotional one too. I don't look for acceptance in others I've learned that a long time ago. I look for people to understand where I come from but thats it.
I avoid people yes. Is that an issue? Maybe. I'm not a people person. Never was. I do socialize with people its just not different people. Its people I'm comfortable with.
I don't know if your knowledge of depression comes from books or medical journals or articles...but I feel those who have experienced depression for themselves will understand the deeper meaning. When I said I'd hope this reaches someone, I meant reach them in a way where they can see that no matter how tired you are you don't give up.
People who suffer from depression are given a piece of thread and are told to make rope...and it's tiring to do so...but no matter how tired, you don't give up. Thats the message I was trying to convey on top of some venting.
Again, I appreciate your comment and it's a good one but don't assume who I really am till you know about me... You've made assumptions based on a description. Some you were right about but mostly incorrect about. I appreciate the comment and if you care/are curious, Im in a much better place now since posting the poster and everything. Posting the poster and the description helped a LOT actually, and working in my head and figuring out whats going on helped a lot too.
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As I said, I won't be able to help, since I'm not 'real' enough for you. Same is true for the opposite. You are not 'real' enough for me. It's true that I don't know you - your education level, gender, age, family status, experience, social position and so on, not even whether you say the truth or not - that's the reason I went for the most generalized and simplistic way of bringing across my point, and assumed the worst state. Turns out a lot of my assumptions were wrong - I fully expected that. Now that I know you've already had medical attention and have people you're comfortable with, things are going better and you even understand what you have to do, I realize that my help 'sn't necessary at all.
So, few remarks:
1) I'm sorry for my English, it causes a lot of confusion and does a poor job of delivering my message, I'm working on it.
2) "but don't assume who I really am till you know about me" - I'll never get to know you, so making assumptions was the only thing left.
3) "How you deal with an issue and how I deal are very different" - well, obviously, otherwise there would be no point in conversation.
4) "When I posted this I was actually socializing. I don't know why you'd think I wasn't." - actually, I said you did, but I was unsure if that was unconsciously or not.
5) "However, everyone is different." - Yes and no. It like saying that every dice roll is different. The result of the roll might be, but the rules are always the same, and expected range of results, and it is possible to analyze and model outcomes. Same goes for people. Everyone might be different, but we all have extremely similar ruleset (genome), and expected set of development routes. And just like the with dice rolls, it is possible to analyze and model human development with certain precision. And the main message still holds: learn what the studies of others about humans (art of war, politics, psychology, biology, math) have to say, and use this knowledge and help of others to overcome your weaknesses.
Good luck!
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I dunno, to me, people are real whether they're in front of me, or thousands of miles away. I think the idea that people aren't real unless you can touch them or see what they look like is sorta silly but to each their own right? Opinions are always different. As for your English that's fine, I easily could've gotten confused by some of what you said because of translation issues but that's how it goes -I'm also ditzy so there's that. I've found studying myself through the eyes of another helped me more to help others...does that make sense? Lol I suppose if I'm able to understand myself better I can understand others and help them in similar situations.
Sorry for seeming pissy about you analyzing, I tend to dislike when people assume rather than ask, that's just me. I'm strange that way. It's not that your help is unnecessary. Help even when I'm in a better state is always appreciated honestly. 
But I think people are real whether they are thousands of miles away or 2 feet in front of you. A majority of my friends are online, I find when we strip away the visual aspects you can get to know a person WAY better. You aren't focused on their gender, looks, or other physical appearances that may lead to pre-judgement. You get to know the person for who they are rather than what they look like. But I can see where you come from.
Again, I appreciate the comment, it was helpful and educational regardless.
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I like how a guy is spilling out his soul into the long description and the first reaction is "Oh cool scout, how did you make it?? :3"
Because greenscreen and transparent layer is such a cosmic concept, aye ?
A word of advice for an author - It's fine to be depressed, clinically or not. Many people are. But keep stuff a little more vague in the future, that's a bit too much personal info given here.
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I appreciate that, but like I said, I was hoping it would reach someone who was in, or who has been in that situation. Maybe it would help them to know that while we're all given a thread and told to make rope out of that little thread, we can't give up no matter what. When I'm depressed, I'm someone who needs to pour it out. Is it smart? No. Too personal? Maybe. But I don't always do it to appease others. I do it to help me.
Is it a little over looking for someone to just glaze over the heartfelt description and ask how it's made? Yeah. But it's okay. Maybe they don't understand how photo editing works. Not everyone does.
I again appreciate the comment, I appreciate you looking out for me. Suppose I'm one of those TMI people that pours their heart out on a page because I can. Thanks for the comment though.
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I uh.
Alright man I have sympathy for your current bad situation, but now you're refusing an advice about safety in public, given from a person who sits on this rotten website for far longer time, reasoning it as "because I can". Not very reasonable nor polite, considering nobody would really give a damn otherwise.
Also tone down the "deep and emotional" wording and meanings a little, when talking to actual people. I'm but a simple slav :V
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I'm not refusing advice, I do understand what you're saying, but as I said, it's better for me to get it out than bottle it up. Whether people care or not is up to them. As I said, when I do stuff like this it's not for anyone else but myself. If it reaches someone, and someone can relate and feel better knowing they're not alone, good.
No where did I say "I do it because I can" I do it because I need to, the poster is art the description is just me saying what I need to say explaining what the picture means. It's just me.
And I don't have to take advice from anyone, can't refuse what's optional. I can understand you sit on here a lot longer than I probably have and good for you I guess. I said I appreciate your advice, but what I do is my own business. If you didn't wanna read the description you didn't have to. The reason I said it was important wasn't because I want people to read about my sadness, but if you weren't sure what it's all about I explain it. I talk about how depression isn't a joke and while not easy it can be fought through.
And as for my "deep and emotional wording" I'm sorry that's confusing for you.
Regardless, I'm not gonna continue justifying my actions to someone who -from what I can tell- doesn't exactly understand depression, and that keeping thoughts bottled up isn't a wise choice when you have depression. I again, appreciate your comments and your advice, but I'm someone who likes to go my own way and carve my own path. People don't have to listen to me ramble and go on, they can just comment it looks cool and move along. And word to the wise if you've been sitting here so long on this site. Just because you give what you feel is advise, people who refuse it...aren't rude, or are they being unreasonable or irrational. People -surprisingly- can refuse your advice. Blaspheme right? And "safety in public"no where is safe, there's no safe places and I'm not looking for one. I put the description there because I wanted to, and I needed to. I don't care if people cared or not that wasn't for them. If they read it, understood and sympathized? Great. Glad I could reach someone.
Please, understand something, just because you've been on this "rotten website" far longer than me -or anyone else- you don't get to deem what's reasonable or safe. You are not Deviant Art Police. You have no say in when people take your advice. Advice is a choice, an option. Come down from that high horse for 2 seconds, oh great one. And if you don't like the description don't read it.
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God, okay nevermind
Sorry bud, not going to read that textwall, no matter if that's a positive or negative response.
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TL;DR: Was basically just because you think people need to take your advice, they don't. If you don't like to read, then don't.
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oh lmao okay, so that's another "don't like it, don't look at it".
Alright fam, don't make your depression a personality trait by accident.
Peace out.
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How you make that scout into ghost/spirit cloaking?
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It was just editing. The fadrd scout was a separate poster itself.
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Okay. But i see one workshop of SFM workshop's Script; it is Doc's Improved Cloaking script. I see one model, it look like your editing, it's ghost spy, it have explanation but i don't understand because i am still noob and Thai 
steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles…
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I honestly can't help you. I don't even use that script. You can always ask the creator in the comments and see if they'll break it down for you. I don't use that script personally, and can't tell you how it works as I'm not the creator. Like I said what I did was just simple editing.
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