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Bullied!Emotionless!Reader X Bully!France

“(name), are you alright?” the little French boy extended his small hand, and you held it. “Thanks, Francis.” While you said thanks, the young boy rummaged his pockets, trying to find something. And when he did, he handed a pair of star-shaped earrings to you. “Wow, this is cute! Can I really have it?” Francis nodded, saying, "If you gave me a kiss.” Kissing Francis on the cheek, you see a small blush across his cheek, and then…

BEEP! BEEP!

The alarm went off, and you groaned. Another school day… Picking up your clothes, you tried to find the earrings you always took to school in your pocket. But they were nowhere to be found.

“I can’t find them!” Throwing up your hands in desperation, you gave up on trying to find your star shaped earrings. Sighing, you threw yourself onto your bed, feeling depressed. Nowadays your life is filled with nothing, and going to school was a horrible experience. Being bullied just because you were a “smartypants” or a “teacher’s pet” or an “ugly b*tch"… is a stupid reason.

Sometimes you thought that the past was the best. The days that were carefree, and the times when you were oblivious. Sighing once again, you curled up on your bed, thinking that being ignorant was true bliss. When no one would ever think of hurting others, an apology was enough to fix everything, every problem. Both sides would say sorry, and that was the end of it. Then the next day everyone would be friends again.

Growing up and trying to understand that the ‘real world’ wasn’t the same as the ‘ideal world’ that you kept in your mind was hard. Accepting the fact that the reality you were living in didn’t work with apologies was hard. People left you alone because they knew that dealing with you and being with you would bring them down. Thinking that you would cause them to be bullied as well. As a result, one by one, each of your friends left you. People left your side until you were alone, and even your beloved Francis, someone who you trusted so much, had abandoned you for popularity.

Closing your eyes, you recalled the days of your childhood. Hoping that someday people will eventually come back to be friends with you. But nothing works that way anymore. Such naiveté only exists to hurt you, and so you casted it away. You left your hopes behind, becoming an empty shell, void of emotions. To your surprise, it works very well. No one cared, and you kept your emotionless façade intact.

Your parents became worried about your condition, but you said nothing. After casting away emotions, the world seems a lot more bearable.

Why am I trying to even find that pair of dirty earrings anyway? It’s worth nothing.
But deep inside you knew the answer to your own question. You were small and weak, nothing else. You knew you were living a lie, pretending to be a shell without emotions, but inside the thick walls you created, the emotions were still there. The hope and the faith that you thought were lost long ago were inside. You couldn’t help it. Who am I fooling?

You stood up and looked at yourself in the mirror, and all you saw in your reflection was an emotionless girl whose loneliness was well concealed behind thick walls created by an agonized heart. Dressing yourself, you walked out of the room. “I’m going to school.” Looking at you with concerned eyes, your parents asked, “Are you going to be alright, darling?”

You gave them a short reply. “Sure.” Walking out of the house, you closed the doors behind you gently. You wanted to keep them out of your struggle. You shook your head, and continued to drag yourself along the streets with an expressionless face.

Arriving at school, you walked down the hallway, with everyone staring at you. Just like usual, huh… Scanning around with soulless eyes, you continued to go to your locker. Opening it slowly, you see the lost pair of earrings on top of your school books. You smiled lightly, as you were reminded of the old days whilst putting them in your pocket.

“Oh? Why is the teacher’s pet smiling now?” Getting rid of your smile, you turned to face Gilbert with cold eyes. “Oh, so it’s the attention-seeking albino. Do you need something from me?” Talking with a monotone voice and sarcasm, you glared at him. “There’s no need to be so cold, you know?” Patting your head, Gilbert continued with an obnoxious tone, “But you really pissed off the awesome me. How dare you call me that!!”

Gilbert slammed your frail body against the lockers, and you fell to the ground. Not hearing a squeak or a yelp of hurt coming from you, Gilbert smirked. “Is that not enough? You want more from the awesome me? Fine, (name). Don’t regret it!!” Gilbert kicked you repeatedly in the abdomen, but you did not give in, and persevered. The pain was becoming dull, and you just looked into space blankly. It’s not as if it hurts much anyway…

“Tch! What an uninteresting toy. Oi, Francis, do something.” Hearing Francis’ name being spoken, you were broken out of your trance. Francis walked forward looking at you with disgusted eyes. “Who knew you would fall so low to become Gilbert’s toy… (name).” You laughed, laughed until it hurts your injured stomach even further.

Despite wearing an expression of confusion at first, Francis and Gilbert quickly revert back to their normal, assertive faces. “WHY ARE YOU MOCKING US?!!” Gilbert yelled, and everyone in the hallway that looked at your situation scampered into classrooms, hoping that Gilbert’s rage would not reach them. So much for high school life…

“Why, I’m only laughing because I find this amusing. Francis, you want me to answer your question, right?” Francis still glared at you. “Although this is a little cliché, but I’m going to say it. That’s my line, you idiot.” As you fell to the ground from Gilbert’s punch, the earrings fell from your pocket.

Seeing that the earrings fell out of your pocket, you became dismayed. Nevertheless, you kept your façade, and faced Gilbert and Francis, who were looking very, very pissed off. But even with your façade, Francis could see that you trembled, and this sign of weakness made him laugh. “So, maybe I have what it takes to break you after all?”

Taking the earrings into his hands, Francis broke the stems of the earrings, throwing them to the ground in front of you. “There! Aren’t you happy, mon ami?” Asking with a sadistic tone, you felt that your thick walls that hid your weaknesses are starting to crumble, and piece by piece, starting to reveal your painful emotions that you locked away long ago. Picking yourself off the ground coolly, you looked straight into Francis’ cold eyes, saying quietly, “Does it feel good to break me? Congratulations. But what you’ve broken wasn’t only just me. It’s also you that’s broken. The past will never return.”

Hearing the bell ringing for the start of class, you turned around and ran to the nurse’s office, and you didn’t even care about your injured body and the pain. The pain in your heart did not cloud your emotionless eyes, and you relented, trying to rebuild the walls inside your heart, trying to get rid of your painful emotions, raging in your chest.

It is now that you realize that the walls aren't thick at all. They have always been and will always be paper thin. There was no longer a need for a treasure from the past anymore. The past is never coming back.

Returning to your emotionless state, you entered the nurse’s office.

*France POV*

Seeing (name) saying that I was broken… it was true. I couldn’t accept it. I needed something to blame, and that something was her. Kneeling down on the ground, I picked up what I had broken earlier. To my shock, I saw in my hands a pair of star-shaped earrings that I gave (name) long ago, when we were young. When I didn’t care about anything, not popularity, nothing except for her. Except for (name). I loved her then.

But things change. I changed. I abandoned her. I left her. Now she is alone, fending for herself. Her strength is something I envied. I couldn’t stand it. But I was wrong. She wasn’t strong. She made herself into an empty shell to protect herself. Against someone who should have been friends with her, someone who should have been on her side. It made me feel sick. Sick of myself. Sick of how cruel I was.

Even then, she treasured me, the old me inside her heart. The one she spent her days laughing and playing with. But I just shattered her dreams of our past. And now both of us have lost something very precious to us. We have lost our treasure. I broke her into tiny little pieces, and she would never forgive me for breaking her heart. Not again.

I put the earrings in my pocket, and faced Gilbert, who was still laughing. “Gil, je suis désolé. I can’t lie to myself anymore, mon ami.” Gilbert stopped laughing, and glared at me. “Vhat do you mean, Francis? You vill betray me, just like Antonio?” I dug my fingernails into my hands until it bled, and the blood ran down my hand, dripping on the floor. It probably wasn’t as painful as (name)’s injured and abused frail body, though… I smirked. “Of course. But I don’t think you’re going to forgive me for it, aren’t you?”

Gilbert sneered, mirroring my ugly expression. “Nein. So let zhis be somezing fun, shall ve?” Gilbert started to punch me, but I accepted all his punches without any retaliation. “Vhy aren’t you returning my punches!! Zhat’s why you and zhat geeky, ugly mädchen are so boring!” I grimaced, but Gilbert put down his hands.

“Do vhatever you vant to.” He slowly walked away, punching one of the lockers on his way to class. But I just sat there and chuckled despite the aching. To think that Gil had an accent when he got so angry… How hilarious.

But I want to at least have a chance to try and recover that lost treasure even though it’s already nowhere to be seen...

*Normal POV*

“Not again, (name)! You’re always coming to me, every day of the week!” the nurse, Mrs. Smith, complained as she inspected your injuries. “I’m fine. Besides, I don’t come here on weekends.” You replied quietly, with a slightly sarcastic tone. “But (name), you can’t just let people bully you.”

Why is she always prying? “Please don’t associate yourself with me, Mrs. Smith.” You said coldly. “(name), if you want to cry, there’s no need to hold back your tears, you know that?” Mrs. Smith continued treating your injured body, lightly dabbing your wounds with an alcohol-soaked cotton ball. You remained silent, but gripped the hem of your skirt tightly, as the alcohol was hurting you.

“(name)… you know, I was once like you. An empty shell, and nothing more.” You became surprised with this revelation. “But someone saved me from it. And now it’s my turn to do the same thing.” Facing and looking right into your eyes, she said, “Please believe that there is still hope. Please don’t hurt yourself now...” As her voice faded away, you felt tears rolling down your cheeks.

Nothing ever made you cry. Touching the warm drops of water coming of your eyes, you felt disbelief. But not even sobs escaped your clenched throat. You remained silent. Knowing that speaking would break you even further. Hoping was something you had given up on. But she pried it open so forcefully, it had cost you your emotionlessness.

“(name). I’ll be here for you.” Mrs. Smith embraced you gently, as you were a fragile porcelain doll. You stayed silent. But the stream of tears continued endlessly in spite of your efforts. “It’s time for me to go.” You stood up, rubbing your eyes vigorously. Opening the door, you whispered, “Thank you.”

After you closed the door, Mrs. Smith sighed. “If she was always that honest to herself and other people…”

Walking slowly, you opened the door to your second period class, and handed the medical pass to the teacher. “Ah, thank you, (name).” You sat down on your chair, and started to take notes, ignoring the disparaging looks coming from your classmates.

———Time skip———

The day dragged on and on, but it finally came to an end. You exhaled, tired from all the problems you dealt with. Opening your locker, you see a letter addressed to you along with one of the broken star earrings. You knew that it was from Francis, but you pushed your feelings aside again. Your heart screamed in pain, saying not to open it. You felt fear, fearing that reading it would lead to even more painful experiences. But you opened it anyway. The letter covered with tear stains was written in beautiful cursive. It read:

Dear (name),

I know that what I have done was wrong. I abandoned you alone, left you to fend for yourself. And now you have no one by your side. When you were at the nurse’s office, I looked inside and saw your tears. You were right all along. I was the broken one. But you are broken as well. I crushed you, stomped on your feelings until you thought that they were no longer existent.

To think that I did it just because I wanted popularity… The very thought made me feel disgusted. It made me loathe my very being and existence. To say that no words can help me apologize to you may seem like a stupid thing to say, but I think that it describes my feelings very well. But I would say one thing.

Je suis désolé, (name). I am sorry.

For all things I’ve ever done to you. There is no need to forgive me. I will leave you alone for the rest of your life, if you want me to. But in all honesty, I think that I crave for your forgiveness more than anything in the world.

If you are willing to forgive me, please, come to see me after school at 4:00 pm on the rooftop of the school.

If you are not willing to forgive me, I understand. I will not pursue after you. I will not repeatedly ask for your forgiveness.

Please give me a chance to properly apologize to you.

Francis Bonnefoy.

You crumpled the paper, with all the strength in your abused, frail body. Trying to release all the pain into one piece of paper. Why now? Why?!!! You kneeled down on the floor, clutching your chest with one hand and squeezing the paper with the other, as if you were trying to squeeze the ink out of it.
The pain gripping your chest and clenching of your throat had hurt more than any of Gilbert’s punches. It felt as if someone were trying to strangle you, and you gasped for breath.

“Why? Why… now?” You felt tears clouding your eyes, but it was not sadness that gripped you. It felt like anger, like fury, boiling in your chest. You wanted revenge. But you were too kind. Your excruciating heart wasn’t willing to push you to revenge. And it started to plead you to hope again. It pleaded you to forgive him.

“Oh, so now the emotionless doll is starting to cry. How interesting.” Gilbert’s voice rang through the abandoned hallway, as if you were in a nightmare. Hearing his voice, you immediately returned to your normal state, letting go of your chest even though it pained you. “How can I help you?” You asked calmly.

Gilbert stood, and looked down upon you. But you did not cry. Seeing that looking down at you was not enough, he knelt down to meet your eyes. You still gripped the paper. “I’m surprised. Now that I look at you closely, I understand why Francis left the awesome me.” He sat down next to you, and you became surprised, but Gilbert continued anyway. “Now zhat Francis and Antonio left zhe awesome me… what should I do?” His voice trembled, and it seems as if even the awesome Gilbert now feels desolation.

You felt a tiny bit of yourself cheer, but also felt a certain sympathy in your heart. “Gilbert, read this.” Why am I doing this?! He bullied me! Even though painful thoughts ran through your head, you ignored it, and handed over the crumpled paper anyway.

Gilbert took the paper, and uncurled it. And when he finished, he laughed, but with tears streaming down his face. “(name), to zhink zhat das arschloch and you were friends!” You flinched, but stayed still. Gilbert gave you back the piece of paper, looking into your eyes with his sparkling ruby ones. “(name), please give him a chance.” Gilbert groveled before you, surprising you. The awesome Gilbert groveling before you, for a friend that abandoned him for you?

“I don’t care what you think about me. I am the same as Francis. I hurt the girl I liked, and now, she’s not here beside me anymore.” In your shock, you continued to listen, your façade fading. “I don’t want Francis to be the same any longer. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t... apologize, but when I did... she...” Gilbert now broke down and sobbed like a child, and you patted his head unknowingly.

Feeling that your hand was stroking his head, attempting to console him, Gilbert sat up . “(name)… I misjudged you. I hated you... because you mirrored her. I felt like you... were her. But I was... wrong.” Still stuttering and trying not to cry, Gilbert looked at you, trying to contain himself. “I shouldn’t have looked away. I should have apologized again, no matter what it took. I promise you, I won’t do anything to you anymore, so go find him, and let him apologize to you. Please. Bitte.”

You smiled genuinely, something you haven’t quite done around people in quite a few years, surprising Gilbert. Facing Gilbert, you say gently, “Gilbert, nothing is too late. Apologize to her, and I will apologize to Francis as well. As long as you can promise me that, then I will give Francis a chance.” Gilbert nodded, as he was speechless. Throughout the time he bullied you, Gilbert never saw you smile. And now that you did, he saw that you weren’t ugly after all.

“I will see you soon, Gilbert. Hopefully, I can forgive you then, too.” As you walked up the stairs, Gilbert laid down and looked the ceiling, sighing. “Maybe I shouldn’t give up, and try to say sorry. The awesome me never fails, after all...”

Walking up the stairs, you thought that this was the happiest feeling you had ever had in your entire life, but you also felt that it was nerve wracking. Reaching the roof, you breathed in, and exhaled. Opening the door to the rooftop, you see Francis looking at the buildings, and the look in his eyes almost reflected your eyes when you were emotionless.

You closed the door slowly. As Francis heard your footsteps he turned to face you, his bruised face filled with disbelief, and his eyes went to the bandages that were exposed. Regret immediately filled his sky blue eyes. You walked towards Francis, but he froze there, staring at you.

“So… what are going to say to me, Francis? Sorry that I’ve hurt you for the past few years or anything?” Francis flinched at your cynical tone, but said nothing in return, but looked down at the floor. “If you’re not saying anything, let me say something, alright?” The quick switch from cynical to gentle was rather surprising to Francis, but you sat down on the floor of the rooftop anyway, ignoring his facial expression.

“You better thank Gilbert, you know? He begged me! He groveled before me, asking for me to forgive you…” You trailed off, but continued on after realizing that Francis was still listening, and speechless. “I never knew that Gilbert had such a troubled past, or that he cared so much for you, Francis. But I feel sorry for him, so I’ll forgive you.”

Francis finally smiled at you. “Ma petite fleur, I didn’t think you would be here. I thought that waiting for you was futile. I thought that you would never forgive me for breaking you. You were right, I was also broken by breaking you.” It was your turn to be quiet, and you listened closely. “I thought that the past was way beyond salvation.” Francis held a faraway look in his eyes. “But I wanted your forgiveness, so, so badly. When I left you, it felt as if a part of me was missing. I needed something to blame.” Turning around to face you, Francis extended his right arm, and dropped the other broken earring, and as you caught it, you saw that Francis’ arms were also bloodied but bandaged, and his hands were messily wrapped with bandages as well.

“Merci, (name).” Francis sat down on the floor as well, bowing his head. “It’s fine. I thought that being emotionless would help me cope with you. I should’ve said something, or at least attempt to do something. I’m sorry, Francis.” Your reply seemed to hit Francis hard, and his expression showed fury. “But I was wrong! I hurt you, abandoned you! Why are you saying this?” But that fury was directed at himself. “It’s because I looked at the world like a naïve child. I was wrong to think everyone would come back to me.”

Pulling Francis’ arms towards you, you unraveled the bandages around his hands, only to see fingernail marks. “Francis… please don’t hurt yourself.” “But that’s what I deserved. It probably hurts less than your bruises anyway.” Francis retaliated. You ignored him, and took out the alcohol and bandages that you always kept with you. Dabbing Francis’ hands, you see that his expression remained unchanged, but you knew that he was gritting his teeth from the sharp pain. Just like the old days…

Finishing off and re-bandaging his hands, you said quietly, “Francis, you changed for the worst. But at least you are now here with me.” Suddenly, Francis hugged you. “I’m so sorry. Sorry… sorry…” You felt that your shoulder was becoming warm and damp from Francis’ tears that ran down his face. You closed your eyes as tears ran down yours as well, and wrapped your arms around Francis’ body.

Both of you stayed in the warm embrace, and not a word, nor a sob escaped both lips. It felt like the time has stopped for eternity at that moment, and you wanted it to last forever. When you and Francis left each others’ comfort, you both looked at each other in the eye.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you (name). S-” Francis started, but you covered his mouth with your hand. “There’s no longer a need to say sorry anymore, Francis. You’re here with me now.” You stood up, and now that the walls have turned into dust, you are willing to believe again. You didn’t care anymore about being hurt. “Francis. Let’s go home together.” Holding out your hand, you beckoned him to take it. Francis grasped your hand, and both of you walked down the halls together hand in hand.

“Hey, Francis?” Francis turned around to face you. “I found my lost treasure after all.”