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Description

barbecue food is good
you invite me out to eat it I should go
but I’m feeling kinda nervous
and not quite myself
so I’m running late on purpose
and I know this won’t help
how things have become between us
if I go you’ll give me hell
and that I don’t know how to fix
is making me unwell, well

I arrive at your house but you’ve just got up
and you are wearing a towel and your eyes look dark
I help to dry your body and I see your cut
so I give you a plaster and we cover it up
I say have you been crying and you say shut up
so we sit in the garden and touch grass with our hands

the sun is going down now and it’s been okay
you tell me all the things you did while I was away, and this worries me so much
but you say your fine

listen, can you hear it?
if you speak, will I feel it?
will it hurt?
and I knew it
I don’t know

I don’t know how all people haven’t got mental health problems. thinking is one of the most stressful things I’ve ever come across. and not being able to articulate what I want to say drives me crazy. I think I should read some more books, learn some new words. my sister used to read the dictionary I’m gonna start with that. I’d like to travel. I want to see India and the pyramids, a whale and that race with all the bicycles in France. I’m not sure about rivers they scare me, but I love swimming, I’m good at it. and when I swim I count the laps and this helps me relax. when I was younger I saw a house burnt down and I walked past it for the next six years. derelict, black, chalky and dangerous, I wondered if squatters lived there. I’m still not sure but I know there were not any parties it was a shit-hole. after a while the council got round to tidying up the town. they thought it was an eye-sore so they tore it down. behind the house there was a wall with a few bits of crappy graffiti and the word “CUNT” written in giant letters and now I walk past that. I like going to the park. I like walking through it. I like taking my dogs there and friends and I like being alone. I like being able to shout but I wish I could be quiet. when I’m quiet people just think I’m sad and usually I am. sometimes when i’m at really noisy train-station, of with the big fat trains like kings cross, I feel like putting down my bags and SHOUTING things out because I’ve got something to say.

DON’T YOU WANT TO SHARE THE GUILT?

don’t think, just try and sleep.

- Kate Nash

sometimes your thoughts to a song change. sometimes you find yourself in another situation, another day of your life, and the melody that is playing and the words are being said suddenly appear so different. I never felt so about this one. I never thought it would change. all this time, I felt it so close to me, wrapping around my shoulders and embracing me like a friend that I’d been searching for. it describes things so perfectly, I guess. how it is, how I wish it’d would be, how I wish it wouldn’t be, and how it shouldn’t be. it is just there, holding the simplicity of a confused mind. and maybe that is all I need.

(day eighty-five)

preach it; our art is free - join THE ART WARRIORS
photography & edit (c) me
model: me.
equipment used: canon eos 1000D & canon 50mm f/1.4; tripod.
facebook fanpage

do not use my photos without my written permission!

Description

barbecue food is good
you invite me out to eat it I should go
but I’m feeling kinda nervous
and not quite myself
so I’m running late on purpose
and I know this won’t help
how things have become between us
if I go you’ll give me hell
and that I don’t know how to fix
is making me unwell, well

I arrive at your house but you’ve just got up
and you are wearing a towel and your eyes look dark
I help to dry your body and I see your cut
so I give you a plaster and we cover it up
I say have you been crying and you say shut up
so we sit in the garden and touch grass with our hands

the sun is going down now and it’s been okay
you tell me all the things you did while I was away, and this worries me so much
but you say your fine

listen, can you hear it?
if you speak, will I feel it?
will it hurt?
and I knew it
I don’t know

I don’t know how all people haven’t got mental health problems. thinking is one of the most stressful things I’ve ever come across. and not being able to articulate what I want to say drives me crazy. I think I should read some more books, learn some new words. my sister used to read the dictionary I’m gonna start with that. I’d like to travel. I want to see India and the pyramids, a whale and that race with all the bicycles in France. I’m not sure about rivers they scare me, but I love swimming, I’m good at it. and when I swim I count the laps and this helps me relax. when I was younger I saw a house burnt down and I walked past it for the next six years. derelict, black, chalky and dangerous, I wondered if squatters lived there. I’m still not sure but I know there were not any parties it was a shit-hole. after a while the council got round to tidying up the town. they thought it was an eye-sore so they tore it down. behind the house there was a wall with a few bits of crappy graffiti and the word “CUNT” written in giant letters and now I walk past that. I like going to the park. I like walking through it. I like taking my dogs there and friends and I like being alone. I like being able to shout but I wish I could be quiet. when I’m quiet people just think I’m sad and usually I am. sometimes when i’m at really noisy train-station, of with the big fat trains like kings cross, I feel like putting down my bags and SHOUTING things out because I’ve got something to say.

DON’T YOU WANT TO SHARE THE GUILT?

don’t think, just try and sleep.

- Kate Nash

sometimes your thoughts to a song change. sometimes you find yourself in another situation, another day of your life, and the melody that is playing and the words are being said suddenly appear so different. I never felt so about this one. I never thought it would change. all this time, I felt it so close to me, wrapping around my shoulders and embracing me like a friend that I’d been searching for. it describes things so perfectly, I guess. how it is, how I wish it’d would be, how I wish it wouldn’t be, and how it shouldn’t be. it is just there, holding the simplicity of a confused mind. and maybe that is all I need.

(day eighty-five)

preach it; our art is free - join THE ART WARRIORS
photography & edit (c) me
model: me.
equipment used: canon eos 1000D & canon 50mm f/1.4; tripod.
facebook fanpage

do not use my photos without my written permission!