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Another late night. Do I even feel the fatigue anymore? No, not really. I can’t sleep anyway. The moment my eyes close, my walls break down, and all I see are those grotesque monsters storming towards me, and a splash of red as an image of all those soldiers I witnessed die on the battlefield flash before my eyes.

             Another late night. What time is it now? Oh, it’s four am. Everyone wakes up at seven. Three more hours, huh? I’m starting to feel tired now. What’s this? The words on my document aren’t legible anymore. Ah, I see. My eyes won’t focus anymore.

             Erwin, you should have given me more work. I’m already more than half finished today’s. What will you do now, now that I’ve gone ahead into my work? Knowing you, you won’t give me tomorrow’s work. You’ll tell me to wait until it’s time.

             Ah, I’m tired. I’ll go to bed now. I’ll finish it in the morning.

             I lean back in my chair and prop my elbow onto the armrest of my chair. I lay my head in my hand and close my eyes. Instantly, blackness overwhelms me.

             I’m flying. Flying. Flying. No, wait. I’m using my 3DMG to zip through the air.

             Red. All I see is red. Red.

             There are kyojin here. Five of them. Three in front, and two on either side. Easy enough. I’ll kill them and head back to the others.

             “JUST YOU WAIT YOU MONSTERS!” A shout screams out. I whip my head over to my right and I’m horrified at what I witness.

             A soldier is being held up in a kyojin’s grasp. He’s been crushed, and I can see red just hitting the ground beneath him.

             “CAPTAIN LEVI WILL BE HERE! THE CORPORAL WILL KILL YOU ALL! UNDER HIS GUIDANCE, WE WILL BE VICTORIOUS!”

             I rush forward. My 3DMG is an extension of my body. I hook onto the kyojin’s shoulder, and fly. Grip my handles, and spin.

             We all land on the ground, and I rush over to the soldier’s side. He’s lost too much blood. There’s no way he’ll make it.

             “Captain…” He gasps for breath and reaches his hand out to me. I grasp it. “Did I make a difference, Captain Levi? Did I – COUGH – h… help at all?” His eyes are fearful, as they all are.

             “Cadet, you fought bravely. I promise you that you’re sacrifice wasn’t in vain. Your will. I will never forget your will, and how bravely you fought for humanity. I will use your will as strength to keep fighting.”

             He smiles, and the fear is now gone. “Thank you Captain Levi.”

             Then the life goes out of his eyes, and I watch his entire body go limp.

             I let go of his hand, and watch his arm drop, and hit the ground with a THUD!

             I jolt up, fully awake. My entire body is covered in sweat, and it feels gross. My hair is matted down against my forehead, and my clothes are clinging to me. I look at the clock. It’s only six. Still an hour to go.

             “Tch, I might as well take a shower. This is disgusting.”

             I get up and glance at my small drawer. I open it up, and inside are their badges. The badges that I collected from their uniforms.

             “You’re name was Matt Cain. You were twenty-two years old, and you came from the Trost District. You had a girlfriend waiting for you back at home, as well as a loving family.”

             I grit my teeth. Yes, that man who died and reappeared in my dream is Matt Cain. He was so young, and had so much going for him. I don’t know much about him, but I heard he was a righteous young man that had always fought because he thought it to be just, and for no other reason.

             “This world isn’t fair.” I whisper. “Just how many of these men are going to die before it all ends?”

             My heart is thudding in my chest, and I make my way to my room. Inside, I take a shower. I feel sick, but that’s routine. I just try to ignore it. I’m still tired, but there’s nothing I can do about that.

             I get out of my shower and dry myself off. Pick out a fresh shirt, new pants, underwear, cravat, and jacket. I dress myself before drying off my hair to a certain degree. Then I pull on my socks and boots. Seven o’clock.

             I get out and begin walking down the hallway. My vision is spinning, and I feel like throwing up.

             “Corporal!” I hear a voice coming from behind me. I turn around, and suddenly my spirits lift up.

             There she is. [Full Name]. She’s just another cadet, but she brings a calmness to me. Whenever she’s around, my worries disappear. Any fatigue I feel, and sickness that’s overtaking me, I no longer feel it.

             “Good morning sir!” she saluted me. Her delicate features shine in front of me, and I can’t help but wonder how she always manages to be so happy.

             “At ease cadet.” I mutter. She relaxes her stance. “I don’t understand how you can be such a morning person,” I say to her. She laughs, and my heart picks up speed by a small margin.

             “Sir, that’s where you’re wrong. I absolutely detest mornings.” She smiles at me. “Usually, at this time, I’m a half-dead zombie that’s cursing the world for the very fact that mornings exist.”

             I raise an eyebrow. “Oh? And what makes today different?”

             She steps around me. “You looked like you had a bad morning, so between the two of us, I figured at least I should smile a bit!”

             Before I could respond, she ran down the hallway towards the mess hall. I follow after her, and when I enter the room, I can see that she’s already eating with her friends. Jaeger suddenly comes up and talks to her, and before I know it, everyone is sitting together.

             “Good morning, Levi,” Erwin comes up from behind and greets me. “Good morning, Commander,” I reply. He smiles. “No need to be so formal, Levi. Come.”

             We go to sit at the Squad Leaders’ table, and our food is brought to us. One of the perks of being a ranking officer. You don’t stand in line to get your food.

             Hanji is already there, and she says, “Ne, Levi? I thought about this new formation, and Erwin approved it. We just need your consent on it.”

             “If Erwin consented, I don’t see why you need my opinion. Just get that guy from the Capital to approve, and we’re good to go.” I mutter, drinking some tea.

             “Sheesh, this is what I get for trying to include you.”

             “I don’t remember asking to be included.”

             “Come on~! You know you like me.”

             “I’d like for you two shut up.”

             After that, she just sits back and eats quietly.

             It’s the afternoon now, and I’m in a Squad Leaders’ Meeting. We’re all discussing the plan for our next expedition, which just so happens to be tomorrow. Just some last minute, finer details.

             I take off my jacket and roll my head back, listening to Erwin’s voice going on about formation, when I suddenly hear all noise stop.

             I look back up to see everyone staring at me, eyes wide. “What is it?” I growl out.

             “Lance Corporal, sir, you took off your jacket.” One Squad Leader pointed out. I raised my eyebrow. “Yeah? So? It’s hot in here.”

             “Levi,” Hanji says. “It’s not hot in here. It’s a completely normal temperature. Everyone else thinks so, right?” Everyone nodded their heads.

             “Tch, whatever. I feel hot, so I’m taking it off. Or what? Do you want me to take my shirt off for you too?” I hiss out. They all quickly turn back to Erwin, fearful that I might hurt them.

             Erwin just nods and goes back to his explanation, and someone speaks up, saying that perhaps one Cadet, who got injured yesterday, can skip out. Erwin agrees.

             But my body just keeps feeling hotter. I loosen the cravat around my neck, but all I feel is an overwhelming amount of heat. I’m starting to sweat, and breathing is becoming difficult. The meeting finally ends, and I grab my jacket, redo my cravat, and hurry out of the room.

             The hallway is a lot cooler, but it brings me little relief. I walk down the hallway. Why does it feel like we’re in the middle of a summer heat blast?

             I lean out of a window, trying to catch a breeze.

             A giggle and, “Corporal, may I ask what you’re doing?”

             I come back inside and __________ is standing there, her hands behind her back, as she smiles widely at me. That smile never goes away.

             The heat suddenly feels more bearable, but it doesn’t disappear. “I was just trying to see if I could catch a breeze. I don’t know why, but I feel really hot.”

             She looks at me and says, “Perhaps you’re feeling unwell?”

             “I never feel well,” I smirked. “No, this is different than usual. I just don’t know what’s going on. Well, whatever.” I walk past her and she says, “I’ll bring you some ice and a cold cup of water later, heichou!”

             I smirk. “Alright. I’ll look forward to it.”

             She does bring it later, but it does little to help the heat. I work late again that night.

             It’s the time of the expedition, but it all comes and goes as it normally does. Soldiers die, mission feels like a failure, and we come back to the haunting gazes of the walls. I can feel the cold glares hitting me from every direction. I glare back at them, and they turn their heads, but not their eyes nor their anger and hate.

             We finally make it to the Survey Corps Headquarters, and burn the bodies of the soldiers that we managed to recover today. The fire blazes up to the sky, like it’s trying to reach heaven, and I can see everyone else in mourning. Usually I’d be like them: sad, angry, and scared. I’d just do a better job hiding it. But today, for some reason, it feels different. I’m cold. It’s a sudden change from the heat that I kept feeling yesterday. Now, my body feels frozen, chilled, whereas my feelings are numb. I can’t feel anything other than the cold.

             But I’m standing next to a bonfire. I don’t understand it anymore. My vision is hazy, and I can’t see anything but an orange glow. I shake my head, close my eyes, count to ten, and open them again. It’s all good now.

             Eventually, we all head back to our rooms. No one’s in the mood for dinner. I’m walking, and suddenly my entire world starts spinning.

             I can’t see anything but swirling colours and a lot of haze, as if someone is creating smoke from beside me and it’s blowing right in front of my eyes. I stop, and my legs feel like gelatin. My entire body is shaking, in pain, and the voices of the cadets around me turn into a muffled background sound.

             It’s no use. My eyes roll to the top of my head, and I fall to the ground. I can’t see, and the last thing I hear before my body hits the ground is a voice calling out to me.

             “CAPTAIN!”

             And then the world goes black.

             I don’t know what’s going on, nor do I know how much time has passed. All I know is, when I wake up, I’m in my room. I open my eyes and the sky is dark, but judging by the colour, it’s not passed six o’clock yet.

             I open my eyes and look out the window, just looking at the sky from my bed, lying down. I move my hand, trying to get some sort of feel for my body, when I hit something. I look down only to see _________ sitting on a chair with her face on the side of my bed, fast asleep.

             Surprised, I sit up and look at her. Why is she here? What’s going on?

             I calm down and study her face. Her eyes are slightly red and puffy, indicating that she’s been crying. I reach out and touch her, trying to get her to wake up. She stirs and opens her eyes slowly, before looking at me. Her eyes suddenly widen and she stands abruptly, sending her chair toppling over.

             “CAPTAIN!” She yells. I cringe at the sound and tell her, “Quiet down. You’re too loud.” My voice sounds hoarse, and it’s only then that I realize how thirsty I am.

             “I-I-I-I’m sorry!” She exclaims. Then she quickly leaves the room and comes back with a pitcher and glass. She pours some water into the glass and hands it to me. I take it and drink it all at once. Putting my glass down on the table beside me, I get off the bed and walk to the couch.

             “Come, _______.” She does as I tell her and walks to the couch. I sit down and motion for her to do so. She obeys.

             “Now, I have questions. First of all, how long was I out?” I inquire.

             “Seven days, sir.” I’m surprised.

             “Seven… days….”

             “Yes sir.”

             I sigh and ruffle my hair. “Well, isn’t that just peachy? Now I have an entire week’s worth of work to catch up on.”

             “Actually sir, Commander Erwin ensured that you would have absolutely no work to catch up on, and no work for about two weeks after you wake up. You are to relax, as he said it.”

             I look at her. “Alright, how badly was I injured, and where was I injured? I don’t remember sustaining any injuries, but I do remember I passed out… in the… hallway, I think.”

             She looked away and down at her hands, her hair covering her face like a curtain. “You weren’t injured at all sir. You…”

             Her hands start to shake and small tears start dropping onto her hands. I’m surprised and don’t know what to say or what to do. So I remain silent and wait for her to continue.

             “You… you passed out due to exhaustion.” She pauses before rubbing her tears away and trying to continue in a stronger voice. “A-according to Major Hanji, you’ve been over-working yourself. You haven’t been getting a sufficient amount of sleep, not enough food, and the amount of work and training you’ve done took their toll on your body. That’s why you passed out, sir.”

             I look at her and pull her face to look at me. Tears are cascading down her cheeks, and she quickly pulls away.

             “I’m the one who collapsed. Why are you crying, Cadet?” I ask.

             She shakes her head before saying, “I thought you were going to die, heichou.”

             “What?”

             “You don’t remember, do you?”

             “Remember what?”

             She looks like she’s genuinely scared. “For the past week, you’ve had a high fever. It only went down yesterday. You were in such pain. Your face, which is usually so devoid of emotion, was contorted into an expression of pain. You were sweating really badly, and your heartbeat was far too fast to be healthy!” She wipes away her tears before continuing on. “You were breathing so hard, like you couldn’t get enough oxygen into your body, and once in a while you’d start screaming, as if you were reliving your worst nightmares! I… I really thought you were dying, heichou!”

             She cries and cries, her voice quivering, her body shaking, and all I can hear are her sobs. Her face is red, and she doesn’t meet my eyes.

             I’m hesitant to do anything. What if I hurt her? But the expression of pain and fear is so prominent on her face, and evident throughout her body, that I can’t help but do what I do next.

             I pull her into a hug. She gasps suddenly, and I pat her hair, then her back.

             “Idiot. You shouldn’t be crying about that now. I’m alright. You can see that. I’m alive, and my fever is gone.”

             She doesn’t move, but I hear the pain in her voice.

             “If only I’d noticed. If only I’d known. I would’ve done something to help you. I would’ve tried to do something. Anything. But I didn’t notice your pain. I didn’t notice your suffering. I was so selfish. All I did was keep talking to you and going about my life, and I never noticed!”

             I pulled her back and placed my forehead on hers, looking at her face. Her eyes remained down, looking anywhere but my face.

             “I tried to make sure no one would notice. Of course you wouldn’t. Especially you.” Her eyes grow wide, and I sigh. “It’s not because you’re absolutely oblivious. I just…” I close my eyes, wondering if I should say it, but decide rejection is better than seeing her like this.

             “I always felt better when you were around.” Finally, she looks up to meet my eyes. I nod and continue. “No matter what was wrong, no matter how I felt, you always made me feel like it was bearable. I felt fine, or a lot better at least, when you were beside me.”

             I wipe her hears away and tell her, “Stop crying now. I feel a lot better when I see you smile.” She rubs the rest of the tears away, but is unable to smile.

             “Why?” she asks.

             “I’d like to ask you that.” I sigh and sit back against the couch, and turn my head to look at her. “Why is it that, no matter how horrible I’m feeling, I feel better when you’re around? Why is it that even though I’m the one who should be suffering right now, you’re hurting more than I am? Why is it that I can’t remain mad at you no matter how much you screw up? Why is it that I’m always thinking of you? Do you know why?”

             She only watches me, and I flick her on the forehead. “It’s because I’m in love with you, _________.”

             Her eyes become even wider than before, and she begins blushing bright red. I smile and lean my head back.

             “It’s alright if you don’t feel the same way about me, but at least do me a favour and stop crying. It actually makes me want to cry myself.” I ruffle her hair. “Stop crying, alright? That smile of yours is what everyone loves about you, including me. Of course, I love other things about you too.”

             She looks away before saying, “Heichou… why is it that I always want to be near you? Why is it that, no matter what you say, I find myself wanting to smile and laugh? Why is it that, no matter what happens, I find myself searching for you? Why is it that I worry about you, even though you’re strong enough to live without me doing so?”

             She remains quiet, and I’m surprised. This means….

             “I’m sure you understand, sir.” She looks at me and says, “I love you too.”

             Then she gives me a bright smile. “I don’t know why you’re always up so late, why you’re always working too hard, but please, sir, let me stand by your side and help you from now on.”

             I bring her into another hug and I can’t help but feel at peace.

             “Alright, I promise. On two conditions.”

             “Sir?”

             “You’re to call me Levi from now on, and you’re going to be my girlfriend.”

             “Yes… Levi.”

             It’s ten o’clock. It’s not that late.

             I look up and see her there. ___________. My girlfriend. It feels good to be able to call her that and have it be true.

             I take her to her dorm and she kisses me goodnight. I can’t help but kiss her back.

             I go to bed.

             There aren’t any nightmares anymore.

             I’m only dreaming of her now.