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The Knife's Speech
Published: 2010-04-11 16:03:56 +0000 UTC; Views: 10393; Favourites: 201; Downloads: 285
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Description
In the early eighteen hundreds, a sixteen year old girl decides to leave her hard home life and go out to seek her fortune. She takes with her a blanket, some food and her father's old knife. On the road to London, the knife speaks to her.I left the forge in years long gone by,
with blades of great renown and greater strength,
but none of them has done so much as I,
though they may be recalled whilst I am not.
It was with them that men waged cruel war,
displaying awesome power before the world.
I'm agent of small deeds which no one saw,
but which will have effect until Earth's end.
There's little in those youths who name me beautiful,
run fingers down my spine to test me,
feel my balance, call me graceful
and having paid that tribute soon abandon me.
To them I'm but a toy that men outgrow
and leave behind with boyhood.
My subtler power's a power they'll never know
in heat of war and sound of soldiers' feet.
Yet gentle women know my power well;
and quiet girls unleash my strength
on finding a true foe which they must quell.
That power is cool steel on warm skin.
It's a power many seek to lose.
They hide me, guilty β not forgetting β
for my power's a hard one not to use
and leads to fear and terror.
I made no move to lead those girls astray.
There's nothing I have done, but much I've been
as the tool to carve a sad and weary way
which cannot be retraced.
I wonder now where you are taking me;
or, better, wonder where I will take you.
Your hand holds possibility,
but it's I who point the path.
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Comments: 93
Thanks for your feedback!
The poem is definitely intended to deal with those kinds of gender issues, so I'm glad it came through that way. I wonder if you could point out to me where you felt the poem was stilted? I'm inclined to think I might just need to polish a bit harder; I don't think I could quite make the poem work without the rhyme scheme, but I can certainly have a go at de-stiltifying it.
I'm afraid I'm unlikely to write all the surroundings of this piece; when I wrote it nearly two years ago it was part of a play that I still haven't managed to wrestle into existence.
Thanks again for your time and effort!
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Hi there. This caught my eye because it was a DD, and I'm offering this critique because it's the first piece I've read on DA that interested me enough to want to crit. I'm well aware that my interpretation of the poem may not be what you intended, but I hope you will find something useful in this feedback.
This is a simple piece of poetry with a single, strong central idea, although the delivery is a bit muddled in places.
The knife is a simple tool, and works as a simple metaphor for small things that can make a big impact in the long run. Sort of another variation on "for want of a horse-shoe nail, the war was lost." But unlike the horseshoe nail, the knife isn't a random event. It's a tool that can make all the difference when used with purpose.
In a broader sense, the knife serves as a metaphor for a woman, or for the state of being female. It was made by the same hand (read: God or Nature) that made great (read: masculine) swords, but the swords are destined for great things simply because they are male. The female knives are smaller and considered weaker, therefore overlooked.
Young men, admire the knife for being beautiful and graceful, they caress it and then quickly forget it, just as a young man may 'love and leave' a pretty woman, admiring her but thinking her useless in his grand plans.
The knife, however, knows that small deeds also have value in the world. "Yet gentle women know my power well"...
The poet chose to focus on the knife as a weapon, a woman's weapon that could be used for self-defense or assassination, and that's all fine but I think some subtler points could be made as well.
I wanted to see those "small deeds" elaborated upon: use of a knife in the kitchen, for instance, or in the garden, or cutting wood or cloth or bandages--all the little behind-the-scenes jobs that a woman performs with a knife, which ALLOW the menfolk to get on with their grand schemes.
It's not clear here whether the knife has actually been used for assassinations or self-defense, or both.
There's an apparent contradiction in the lines, "I made no move to lead those girls astray," and the last line "but it's I who point the path." I prefer the idea of the knife holding possibility and the girls making the decision. Otherwise you imply that the knife is evil or possessed and the metaphor of feminine power breaks down.
Technical stuff: the intro at the beginning detracts from the following stanzas; you shouldn't need to explain your poetry before the reader gets to it. That intro should be incorporated as a stanza or two and would be a good place to incorporate the "everyday uses" of the knife in this girl's household.
The contractions "I'm" and "it's" seem out of place amid the more archaic structure/word choice.
Overall I was pleased by the fairly simple language here, but I would advice further simplification of word choice and phrasing. The attempt at the archaic language seems forced and awkward in places. I applaud your efforts to make the stanzas rhyme without depending on hard rhymes, but some of the word choices and tacked-on adjectives feel cliched or clunky when I look at them closely. "Which will have effect until Earth's end" was a bit over-the-top.
If you're interested I'd be glad to do a more in-depth line-by-line crit but this critique window is not a good place to do that.
Thanks for sharing this. Overall the effect was quite intriguing. You could probably publish this as-is to one of the free fantasy e-zines, but with a little more work you might be able to land it with a paying market.
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Thank you very much for this, and sorry I've taken so long to get back to you! You've made the strengths and weaknesses of this poem much clearer, which is all I could really ask of a critique. It's very much appreciated indeed. Thanks again!
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My pleasure. I like to help when/if I can.
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The Knifeβs Speech
Hello
What an interesting approach to the workshop taking on an inanimate object and characterising it, and characterising it you certainly did! I really felt this knife had a personality, one that had a history, a dimension to it, taking it beyond an object. I really liked the feel of a story behind it, almost like the knife built itβs own legend. . I think its probably an affinity with Tolkien and the reference you drew there- he gave the knife a name and therefore giving it a personality in the way you have and I think you used that reference quite effectively in the piece.
I have a small love for knives; not in some yobbish way, but in writing. My main character in the NaPo story (which still needs finishing) has a big love for fighting with knives- despite his name being Vincent Swords (oh irony) and so the choice of words kind of related to how I felt about giving Vincent knives to fight with over anything else
I am quite interested in how you perceived this speech being performed? Would the voice have been an offstage one or would you have brought out someone to speak for the knife? I think this may be the crux of the issue with this piece- not that it necessarily has to be a live performance.
I also really liked the tone of the piece, one which used language in a simple and effective way, bringing and understanding to the character. Iβm intrigued about the girl who now has this knife and hope there is more story to come.
Thank you for participating in this workshop!
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Thanks very much for the critique, Becca, and sorry I've taken so long to reply. I'm flattered that you had so many good things to say!
I must admit that I hadn't thought very much about how the piece would be staged. If anything, I was imagining it as film, rather than a live performance, but mostly I was just writing what I saw in my head. I guess that's a difference between short story writing and writing for performance that I need to work through. Thank you for pointing it out.
I agree that there's quite a strong Tolkien influence on this. I think it will develop more of its own character if I continue it (I'm still deciding that).
Thanks again for the critique!
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I've now read this poem approximately a dozen times. I keep opening it, reading it, and then find myself wordless when it comes to a comment or critique. So I'm just going to jump in and say the first thing that's been on my mind after every reading!
I freaking love this premise. It's unique and pulled off well. The pacing, the actual language used, read so well. I really can believe it's a knife talking to a girl who needs...maybe not a friend, but someone/thing to help her out in this new life she's walked out into.
A question: How can an object be greatest, best known and most forgotten all at the same time? I've been trying to think of an example, either real-world or fantasy, but I haven't come up with anything. To me, if something is really well known, it is never forgotten. Like Aragorn's Narsil in Lord of the Rings. Everyone remembers that sword, even if they aren't quite sure where it's gotten away to. So is it that the location of the knife is often forgotten? Or is it that people who carry the knife are prone to forget it (you touch upon it in a stanza further down, but it still seems odd to me--if it is so great, why in the world would they forget it? I actually dont' care for that stanza much at all. I feel like it could be cut out and the poem wouldn't suffer.)? To leave it behind? Does it (to continue the LotR comparison) act like the One Ring and scamper away from its holder when it senses someone better is about to pass its way? I don't know why I'm so hung up on this, but I totally am. Each time I read that bit, I frowned at it. I simply cannot envision something that is both a best known and most forgotten.
I absolutely love, love, love the last two lines. I think I actually said the word, "Awesome," out loud the first time I read it. And I enjoy the rhyme scheme you adopted; it isn't so obvious that it detracts from the piece, but it helps the flow of sound really well. Great job.
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Thanks very much for the critique!
The point I was trying to make with 'greatest, best known and most forgotten' is that when people think of a great blade, it's usually something like Anduril (Narsil, whatever you want to call it 
I could definitely make that clearer, or cut out some of that idea, since it's rather secondary anyway. I didn't realise quite how cloudy all that had got.
And I'm thrilled that you like it all that much!
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Oh, now that's an interesting concept. I didn't see that in the piece, but I think it's a lovely idea so don't cut it! 
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I think I will. 
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I suppose, technically, at the point it is Aragorn's sword, it is called AndΓΊril...
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I like the subtle iambic pentameter flowing through this poem. It's not totally a Shakespearean sonnet, but it hints at it, and that's good for this poem, because it allows for more flexibility. What a beautiful piece. I'm going to be thinking about this knife for days.
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Props for picking up on the meter! I originally intended to use it much more strictly throughout (like Shakes manages in his plays), but it didn't quite work out that way. 
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Loved it!
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Very nice. I lost myself in this, felt focussed completely on the voice of the knife rather than my own thoughts
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Thanks! That's a wonderful compliment.
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EVERYTHING is going right for you lately, isn't it? 
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It's crazy, right? Not that I'm complaining.
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wow awesome
definitely deserving of a dd
i love it
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Yay! Thank you, and thanks for commenting!
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I'm glad you think so! Thanks!
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Many congrats on your DD! I remember reading this on my old account. The revisions are impressive. 
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Thanks! I got so much really helpful feedback on this that editing was quite fun!
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That's one thing I love about critique!
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Love the flow in this~ The idea of the knife's perspective is brilliant and it's so well written.
Congrats on the DD, you really deserved it
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Thanks very much! It was a fun piece to write.
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now I don't read much, but this right here is brilliant. Well done!
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Hmm, yes that is a similar idea. And when I was a kid I used to play a tabletop RPG with a magic staff along the same lines. People can do scary things when they get power and a weapon is a peculiarly concentrated sort of power. I guess it becomes a recurring theme.
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This was the first thing I saw in my message centre this morning.
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This could become something to tell for ages to children looking for a simple effective hero/protagonist.
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Thanks! Maybe one day I will expand it into a longer script. The idea certainly appeals.
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And this has rhyme, I didn't notice the first time. (And rhyme and time rhymes!)
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Yes, it does.
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(: No, it wasn't that forced at all. They aren't present in every line but that's okay - I love it just the way it is!
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It's meant to be a constant axax rhyme pattern. 
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