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Pcaara — Chapter 11 - START!
#city #hoenn #leftovers #originalstory #pokemon #slateport #nuzlocke
Published: 2019-09-22 22:04:08 +0000 UTC; Views: 1119; Favourites: 9; Downloads: 0
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Chapter 11 Cover | NextAAAA oh boy here we are!!! This chapter's a doozy and I've been saying multiple times already but i really can't wait to share the whole thing with you. Where I feel like chapter 10 marked a big shift in my technical prowess, I feel like chapter 11 is going to mark a big shift in how this story is told. Especially now that I have a very indepth idea about where it's all going. But, enough of the futurevision, let's get to them
AUTHOR'S NOTES:
- Lysidia works in slateport city at a salon titled the "Berry Beauty Boutique". They specialize in organic hair products and goofs n gaffs. Most customers come for the later heheh
- CITY SON!!!! my boy vander is here finally ;;A;; He's one of the characters that's been around since the very beginning, even before I really had lysidia designed if we're being technical.
- I like to play a game so I don't get stressed by drawing crowds. Basically, every person in the bg or fg has to look like the POV can shift to them at any moment. If you can look at a random city dweller doing their city dwelling and have an interested "WHOA WHAT TYPE OF SHIT ARE THEY UP TO" Then i've done my job
I create these guys on the spot, so even im surprised at what color combinations come up. On this page in particular, the young kids on the train and the orange haired guy in the marketplace are bg characters that ended up so cool they might come back later- So I usually make the covers of each chapter based on how the chapter itself turns out, style wise. But this is the first time im trying to live up to the cover with the rest of the pages haha And honestly the results have been bomb so far. I really don't know what's happening with this chapter and how vibrant it looks but im running that shit through some analysis so I can call on it at will
- Doduo are, indeed, very popular service birds in slateport city
- My man Gendou, being a blacksmith papa who provides Lysidia with that good shit, is actually named after an ancient website I used to go to back in middle school to get anime music for my mp3 player. It hasn't been updated in a while but im surprised its still hosted at all??
Til next time!
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Comments: 19
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All of the interactions focus on Lysidia's friendly and personal manner she has on everyone as a first name (and nickname) basis, so from that starting point we can see that she is particularly sociable. It's very enjoyable to read, she's authentic in her dialogue.
The flow on the scene seems to be more on the city itself rather than building what we know about Asadi's mother Lysidia. The information in this chapter/update is not much to further a specific plot point, or at least it isn't apparent what that point may be yet. The mixture between giving us more insight into the everyday of the Hoenn world and the ground laying for further story is very well done in my opinion. There's been callbacks to past chapters/pages all throughout the story and it's worth waiting to see what the future will carry on from this type of setup/update.
The panel flow is nice when we move from one setting to another. My only major comment is that the text at the top of the page feels bouncy to read, meaning that I have to bounce around a bit before understanding the scene completely. That goes away after Lysidia leaves the parlor and from there it's clear and easy to read.
I love the gradient outside of the panels that fades into the next scene. It keeps the space around the action from feeling too empty.
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Hey, my first critique. Thanks so much! <3
Completely see what you mean by the bouncy text in the beginning. I'll try to make the flow of speech bubbles more clear going foward, as there's quite alot going on and they kind of go against the flow of the panels.
Also I love your point about the information flow, but i'm wondering. Is the heavier focus on the city vs really establishing lysidia as a character distracting at all? I know you don't know the rest of the chapter/how this develops, but it'd be nice to know, as I placed a heavy emphasis on worldbuilding as a whole this chapter and it may be that I need to tweak the priorities a liiittle bit going foward, as the characters should be the focus for the most part.
Thanks again!
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The text flow is much better for the rest of the chapter! I think it may be the usual difficulty of having so many different characters speaking together in a small space that had the 'bouncy' effect.
I loved the balance between worldbuilding and Lysidia! It felt good to see that she is a rounded individual with facets and details that are just as natural to her as they are to Asadi.
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Ohh, that's good to know!! And glad about the balance, that's what I was going for
Thanks again for the critique! I know there's another page coming up with kinda bouncy text (since they've all been linearted/thumbnailed waaay in advance) but it's much easier to spot moments like that for future pages now 
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I'm excited to read it!
And I hope my critiques are useful? I'll provide thoughtful comments as much as I can!
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They are! I super super appreciate them
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Woo! we get to see more of Asadi's mom!! and whaaat she can ride her Noivern? that's so cool!
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YEYEYEYE! glad you enjoyed seeing more of them
Lysidia's got quite a few cool things up her sleeves...
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I absolutely love how wonderful the city (and all the scenery in general in your comic) looks like, it makes me wanting to be there myself...!
I wonder which region is the safest one (when Hoenn being the 2nd save region here)!
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Thank you! Really been trying to capture the character of locations since Dewford, and I feel like that was super put to the test with Slateport - which is a great city, so long as you aren't out alone at night heheheh.
And hmmm, that's a good question
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That's slateport city for you! Everyone's living their daily grind, so it's definitely lively 24/7.
and thankk youuu, there's alot of intense ones this chapter so it was really a challenge. Glad you and everyone else are enjoying them >///<
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Ah, what a fun page! I can definitely feel people living theirs lives, the unresting city full of colors, the small details I find everytime I look at the panel one more time! Good job. XD
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Thanks so much!! Glad you got that unresting city vibe, it's one of the main things I was going for
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Hehehe, thank you! He and his pal are a rambunctious duo
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