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Description
RALPH BREAKS THE INTERNET: WRECK-IT-RALPH 2.
Directed by: Rich Moore and Phil Johnston.
Starring: John C. Reilly, Sarah Silverman, Gal Gadot, Taraji P. Henson, Jack McBrayer, Jane Lynch, Alan Tudyk, Alfred Molina and Ed O'Neill.
Rated: PG (Mild content, not suitable for young children).

I think there should be an 11th Commandment.

Something that should be recognised around the world, and should anyone break this vow they're sentenced to death. That Commandment is "Disney must NEVER make a sequel!" Nothing to do with hate boners for faceless media corporations, Disney have had this problem for the longest time for they cannot leave anything truly the fuck alone! The movies they make are closed ended and are the embodiment of the phrase "and they all lived happily ever after." Yet those fancy yachts aren't going to pay for themselves are they? Lion King 3, Hunchback 2, Pirates 5, and Toy Story 4 are just the tip of the iceberg in this mockery of creativity. That doesn't include Marvel or Lucasfilm for they're still there own entities unlike say Pixar.

This ultimately gives my feelings away for Ralph Breaks the Internet: Wreck-It-Ralph 2 doesn't it? I loved the original movie because it was the Toy Story for Video Games, whereas I feel this movie resented the fact it was associated with the original. I didn't hate this movie to begin with. The first 20 minutes of Ralph 2 (which I'll be reffering to it as to save time) are everything I felt the first movie should have been. Ralph and Vanellope pissing about in other games and just having fun. However it all came crashing down when they jump onto the Internet to make some rather weak commentary about social media, websites, pop up ads, and viral videos that I think most of us were making around 2004.

"Oh aren't trendy videos weird and stupid?" Hey thanks for the astute observation there, Captain Obvious! Are you also aware that the sky is blue, the grass is green, and Hollywood is run by pedophiles?

When I say weak commentary, I mean it's the kind of observations that aren't really clever or unique. They feel like jokes made by people who don't really use or understand the Internet but are trying to look "hip" and "with it" as the kids say. The clumsy understanding of trendy videos demonstrates this for they appear to be confusing Viral Trends such as the Ice Bucket Challenge or Fidget Spinners, with Internet Memes such as Screaming Goats or Rick Rolling. Even the rather cringey scenes with the character Yesss (voiced by Taraji P. Henson) felt like one of those "how do you do, fellow kids?" moments that will date this movie in about a year or so. On that note, just a passing critique, you can get the logos of Youtube, Google, Twitter, Amazon, Instagram, Pintrest, National Geographic, and others in the background, but you make up a phoney Youtube site called "Buzztube?" It couldn't have been a monetary reason for Disney have enough money to win a court case against God and Batman at this point in time!

There's always something rather pathetic when movies, games, and tv shows desperately try to show they're hip and relevant by referencing Internet memes or using social media. It actually has the opposite effect to include memes or "the flavour of the month" event from the Internet, because these trends change very quickly or don't have any real staying power. Remember when Ugandan Knuckles was popular for about 3 weeks? I mean look at Batman: The Animated Series for a second. The show focused on timeless writing, stories, and character exploration that I can watch it nearly 30 years later and it still feels fresh. Imagine if they made it like this modern crap and had Joker talk about Rick Rolling, or Scarecrow's fear toxin made Batman see Goatsee or Meatspin while Robin says shit like "praise kek!"

It would be fucking awful and you know it!

The Internet isn't really a complex idea or something that can support a decent narrative for a movie like this. Using the video game backdrop from the first movie, Ralph had different levels, worlds, and locations to explore, yet each website he visits in this movie are just dull and sterile looking. The video game aspect is placed onto a shelf so the movie can go into two obnoxous directions: The main one is the forced comedy about the internet and the other is basically Disney endulging itself a bit too much. I've always wondered what it looks like when a movie studio drops trou and outright masterbates in the audiences face. Thanks to the Oh My Disney segment of this movie I now have a point of reference.

So yeah thanks for that, Disney.

Now I'm sure it was intended to be a bit of harmless fun and taking some shots at their expense and it was thankfully shorter than expected. But I think we get it, Disney. You own Lucasfilm, you own the Marvel Cinematic Universe, you own 20th Century Fox, you own Pixar, and you have enough money to write "Suck my enchanted balls, Bugs Bunny!" on the side of every planet in the solar system with large capital letters. While granted it was short but it basically highlighted that Disney weren't very interested in making a Wreck-It-Ralph sequel, but seemed more interested in waving its dick around and making lazy jokes about the internet. Even the cameo by the late Stan Lee felt really out of place here. I love Stan Lee to bits, but he really has zero to do with video games. A cameo by Shigeru Miyamoto or even Bill Gates would have been better in my opinion. The moment I felt like walking out on the film was the Disney Princess segment. Not the NPC comment but it just dragged on a bit too long and, again, made jokes most of us made many years ago. I'm glad you're self aware and can take jabs at yourself, Disney, but this to me was a bit forced!

Here's an idea, free of charge. Scrap any plans for a Wreck-It-Ralph 3 and instead make one huge movie starring ALL of your IPs. A movie about Thanos, Darth Vader, Maleficent, Frollo, Mr.Burns, and Negaduck trying to rule the world and the heroes team up to save the day. The movie culminates with a big action scene of Iron Man riding on the back of Simba, a rocket strapped to his back, wielding the sword in the stone in one hand, a lightsabre in the other, wearing Mickey's magic hat, and he's singing about The Bare Necessities as they charge face first into an army of symbiote possesed Donald Duck's armed with Infinity Gauntlets.

....I'd watch it.

Thankfully the movie remembered it's a homage/spoof of gaming and includes a new game into the mix - Slaughter Race. What appears to be a spoof of Grand Theft Auto meets Need for Speed, this is where I feel the movie should have kept its focus. Personally it would have made more sense to drop the Internet aspect of the movie and have Slaughter Race as a new attraction in the arcade. That way Vanellope begins to spend more time with the character Shank (played by Gal Gadot) and Ralph developes a jealousy of her, in a similair vain to Woody's jealously of Buzz Lightyear in the original Toy Story.

Sadly that would have been a good idea, and Disney find good ideas too expensive these days. Ralph is completely wasted as a character in this movie, to the point I hardly recognise him. Ralph in the original was a nice guy at heart who just wanted to be accepted by his piers, only to finally accept his place in life and gained a friend to open up to. He is not a blubbering manbaby who cries at the drop of a hat, nor was he a needy little bitch who couldn't leave Vanellope's side. I want to believe it was 100% coincidental and I'm just reading too much into this, but having Ralph as this needy little bitch with "insecurity issues" while Vanellope is this "strong independent female who don't need no man!" really rubbed me the wrong way. Especially at the end when he's rescued by the woke feminists... I mean, Disney Princesses and they put him in a dress. Also the mention of TED Talks by a character kinda cemented the SJW/NPC stence wafting off this movie in places. Ralph and Vanellope were equals who bounced off each other with their quirky personalities. I never saw one above the other and they bonded over their outcasted natures. Having them break up and argue like an old married couple just felt wrong and out of place in a movie that was referencing Tron and Sonic the Hedgehog about an hour ago.

While these complaints probably only bug me and Di'Annis, I found Ralph 2 to be a rather incomplete movie. Many of the shots from the trailers never made it into the movie and subplots seem to go missing for an hour before showing up again at the end with no real resolution. Two characters that were completely wasted in this movie were Calhoun and Felix, who played a major role in the 2012 film, yet are given a subplot of becoming parents that the movie does nothing with. My theory was we establish the two adopt 15 kids and the movie would cut back to them every 20 minutes or so to see how they're doing. Yet that never happened and the issue seemed to resolve itself. I feel like this will be fixed with a "Snyder Cut" in the future (or literal DLC for a movie in this case) and if so then I wish movies would stop pulling this shit. I don't care if it makes it 5 hours long, either show us a complete movie or don't fucking bother! Stop cutting bits off to show us in "an extended edition!" or as they should be called "Oh you wanna see the full movie? Then give us more dosh!"

We burned EA at the stake for this shit, and we can burn you too!

Finally some bullshit that really flies in the face of the first movie and other nitpicks. Firstly, the big deal of "dying outside your own game" was a major plot point with the first film that's easily brushed off with Shank "adding Vanellope's code to Slaughter Race" so she can't die for good in that game. If that is the case could that happen at the arcade? Why make a big deal out of this when you could just update code to do away with it? Also I get why the Acarde Games have this "punch in/punch out" set up when the arcade closes, however the Internet doesn't truly work like that since it never sleeps for anyone can log in from all over the world. Finally the title of this movie itself is a really dated reference to talentless "celebrity" Kim Kardashian West, who thought taking a picture of her ass would "break the internet." When in reality if I wanted to see a picture of a really big ass, I can go on Google Image Search.

Yet it keeps giving me pictures of Piers Morgan for some reason.

In closing - Ralph 2 is a really flawed movie that is not as good as the original. The pieces were there and I did chuckle a few times, but it's potential got flushed when it decided it didn't want to make some funny gaming satire, but focus on tired Internet jokes that weren't even as funny as the ones we made while watching it. When Vanellope is being chased by the Storm Troopers, we both said to each other "OI M8 U GOT A LOISENCE 4 DAT LINK?"

Oh and you know what? I'll address it. I'm fully aware this will be Sonic's last decent appearence in cinema, but I'm waiting for a trailer to fully talk about it.

Description
RALPH BREAKS THE INTERNET: WRECK-IT-RALPH 2.
Directed by: Rich Moore and Phil Johnston.
Starring: John C. Reilly, Sarah Silverman, Gal Gadot, Taraji P. Henson, Jack McBrayer, Jane Lynch, Alan Tudyk, Alfred Molina and Ed O'Neill.
Rated: PG (Mild content, not suitable for young children).

I think there should be an 11th Commandment.

Something that should be recognised around the world, and should anyone break this vow they're sentenced to death. That Commandment is "Disney must NEVER make a sequel!" Nothing to do with hate boners for faceless media corporations, Disney have had this problem for the longest time for they cannot leave anything truly the fuck alone! The movies they make are closed ended and are the embodiment of the phrase "and they all lived happily ever after." Yet those fancy yachts aren't going to pay for themselves are they? Lion King 3, Hunchback 2, Pirates 5, and Toy Story 4 are just the tip of the iceberg in this mockery of creativity. That doesn't include Marvel or Lucasfilm for they're still there own entities unlike say Pixar.

This ultimately gives my feelings away for Ralph Breaks the Internet: Wreck-It-Ralph 2 doesn't it? I loved the original movie because it was the Toy Story for Video Games, whereas I feel this movie resented the fact it was associated with the original. I didn't hate this movie to begin with. The first 20 minutes of Ralph 2 (which I'll be reffering to it as to save time) are everything I felt the first movie should have been. Ralph and Vanellope pissing about in other games and just having fun. However it all came crashing down when they jump onto the Internet to make some rather weak commentary about social media, websites, pop up ads, and viral videos that I think most of us were making around 2004.

"Oh aren't trendy videos weird and stupid?" Hey thanks for the astute observation there, Captain Obvious! Are you also aware that the sky is blue, the grass is green, and Hollywood is run by pedophiles?

When I say weak commentary, I mean it's the kind of observations that aren't really clever or unique. They feel like jokes made by people who don't really use or understand the Internet but are trying to look "hip" and "with it" as the kids say. The clumsy understanding of trendy videos demonstrates this for they appear to be confusing Viral Trends such as the Ice Bucket Challenge or Fidget Spinners, with Internet Memes such as Screaming Goats or Rick Rolling. Even the rather cringey scenes with the character Yesss (voiced by Taraji P. Henson) felt like one of those "how do you do, fellow kids?" moments that will date this movie in about a year or so. On that note, just a passing critique, you can get the logos of Youtube, Google, Twitter, Amazon, Instagram, Pintrest, National Geographic, and others in the background, but you make up a phoney Youtube site called "Buzztube?" It couldn't have been a monetary reason for Disney have enough money to win a court case against God and Batman at this point in time!

There's always something rather pathetic when movies, games, and tv shows desperately try to show they're hip and relevant by referencing Internet memes or using social media. It actually has the opposite effect to include memes or "the flavour of the month" event from the Internet, because these trends change very quickly or don't have any real staying power. Remember when Ugandan Knuckles was popular for about 3 weeks? I mean look at Batman: The Animated Series for a second. The show focused on timeless writing, stories, and character exploration that I can watch it nearly 30 years later and it still feels fresh. Imagine if they made it like this modern crap and had Joker talk about Rick Rolling, or Scarecrow's fear toxin made Batman see Goatsee or Meatspin while Robin says shit like "praise kek!"

It would be fucking awful and you know it!

The Internet isn't really a complex idea or something that can support a decent narrative for a movie like this. Using the video game backdrop from the first movie, Ralph had different levels, worlds, and locations to explore, yet each website he visits in this movie are just dull and sterile looking. The video game aspect is placed onto a shelf so the movie can go into two obnoxous directions: The main one is the forced comedy about the internet and the other is basically Disney endulging itself a bit too much. I've always wondered what it looks like when a movie studio drops trou and outright masterbates in the audiences face. Thanks to the Oh My Disney segment of this movie I now have a point of reference.

So yeah thanks for that, Disney.

Now I'm sure it was intended to be a bit of harmless fun and taking some shots at their expense and it was thankfully shorter than expected. But I think we get it, Disney. You own Lucasfilm, you own the Marvel Cinematic Universe, you own 20th Century Fox, you own Pixar, and you have enough money to write "Suck my enchanted balls, Bugs Bunny!" on the side of every planet in the solar system with large capital letters. While granted it was short but it basically highlighted that Disney weren't very interested in making a Wreck-It-Ralph sequel, but seemed more interested in waving its dick around and making lazy jokes about the internet. Even the cameo by the late Stan Lee felt really out of place here. I love Stan Lee to bits, but he really has zero to do with video games. A cameo by Shigeru Miyamoto or even Bill Gates would have been better in my opinion. The moment I felt like walking out on the film was the Disney Princess segment. Not the NPC comment but it just dragged on a bit too long and, again, made jokes most of us made many years ago. I'm glad you're self aware and can take jabs at yourself, Disney, but this to me was a bit forced!

Here's an idea, free of charge. Scrap any plans for a Wreck-It-Ralph 3 and instead make one huge movie starring ALL of your IPs. A movie about Thanos, Darth Vader, Maleficent, Frollo, Mr.Burns, and Negaduck trying to rule the world and the heroes team up to save the day. The movie culminates with a big action scene of Iron Man riding on the back of Simba, a rocket strapped to his back, wielding the sword in the stone in one hand, a lightsabre in the other, wearing Mickey's magic hat, and he's singing about The Bare Necessities as they charge face first into an army of symbiote possesed Donald Duck's armed with Infinity Gauntlets.

....I'd watch it.

Thankfully the movie remembered it's a homage/spoof of gaming and includes a new game into the mix - Slaughter Race. What appears to be a spoof of Grand Theft Auto meets Need for Speed, this is where I feel the movie should have kept its focus. Personally it would have made more sense to drop the Internet aspect of the movie and have Slaughter Race as a new attraction in the arcade. That way Vanellope begins to spend more time with the character Shank (played by Gal Gadot) and Ralph developes a jealousy of her, in a similair vain to Woody's jealously of Buzz Lightyear in the original Toy Story.

Sadly that would have been a good idea, and Disney find good ideas too expensive these days. Ralph is completely wasted as a character in this movie, to the point I hardly recognise him. Ralph in the original was a nice guy at heart who just wanted to be accepted by his piers, only to finally accept his place in life and gained a friend to open up to. He is not a blubbering manbaby who cries at the drop of a hat, nor was he a needy little bitch who couldn't leave Vanellope's side. I want to believe it was 100% coincidental and I'm just reading too much into this, but having Ralph as this needy little bitch with "insecurity issues" while Vanellope is this "strong independent female who don't need no man!" really rubbed me the wrong way. Especially at the end when he's rescued by the woke feminists... I mean, Disney Princesses and they put him in a dress. Also the mention of TED Talks by a character kinda cemented the SJW/NPC stence wafting off this movie in places. Ralph and Vanellope were equals who bounced off each other with their quirky personalities. I never saw one above the other and they bonded over their outcasted natures. Having them break up and argue like an old married couple just felt wrong and out of place in a movie that was referencing Tron and Sonic the Hedgehog about an hour ago.

While these complaints probably only bug me and Di'Annis, I found Ralph 2 to be a rather incomplete movie. Many of the shots from the trailers never made it into the movie and subplots seem to go missing for an hour before showing up again at the end with no real resolution. Two characters that were completely wasted in this movie were Calhoun and Felix, who played a major role in the 2012 film, yet are given a subplot of becoming parents that the movie does nothing with. My theory was we establish the two adopt 15 kids and the movie would cut back to them every 20 minutes or so to see how they're doing. Yet that never happened and the issue seemed to resolve itself. I feel like this will be fixed with a "Snyder Cut" in the future (or literal DLC for a movie in this case) and if so then I wish movies would stop pulling this shit. I don't care if it makes it 5 hours long, either show us a complete movie or don't fucking bother! Stop cutting bits off to show us in "an extended edition!" or as they should be called "Oh you wanna see the full movie? Then give us more dosh!"

We burned EA at the stake for this shit, and we can burn you too!

Finally some bullshit that really flies in the face of the first movie and other nitpicks. Firstly, the big deal of "dying outside your own game" was a major plot point with the first film that's easily brushed off with Shank "adding Vanellope's code to Slaughter Race" so she can't die for good in that game. If that is the case could that happen at the arcade? Why make a big deal out of this when you could just update code to do away with it? Also I get why the Acarde Games have this "punch in/punch out" set up when the arcade closes, however the Internet doesn't truly work like that since it never sleeps for anyone can log in from all over the world. Finally the title of this movie itself is a really dated reference to talentless "celebrity" Kim Kardashian West, who thought taking a picture of her ass would "break the internet." When in reality if I wanted to see a picture of a really big ass, I can go on Google Image Search.

Yet it keeps giving me pictures of Piers Morgan for some reason.

In closing - Ralph 2 is a really flawed movie that is not as good as the original. The pieces were there and I did chuckle a few times, but it's potential got flushed when it decided it didn't want to make some funny gaming satire, but focus on tired Internet jokes that weren't even as funny as the ones we made while watching it. When Vanellope is being chased by the Storm Troopers, we both said to each other "OI M8 U GOT A LOISENCE 4 DAT LINK?"

Oh and you know what? I'll address it. I'm fully aware this will be Sonic's last decent appearence in cinema, but I'm waiting for a trailer to fully talk about it.