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RandomDC3 — 1372 - Snark of the Week 23

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Published: 2023-08-27 10:58:06 +0000 UTC; Views: 2459; Favourites: 9; Downloads: 0
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Description I don't know what it is about the number 23, but it really gives me bad vibes as I feel it carries this aura of misery and depression. Looking at the lineup of this Snark of the Week, it seems to have taken that concept to heart.

Continuing on from last week, the NHS baby killer in the UK (I refuse to call the bitch by name) has been found guilty of seven counts of child murder. Unfortunately, because we’re such a soft touch in this miserable country, she's been given a full-life sentence. Personally, I’d have strapped her to an electric chair that’s shot by a firing squad while being set on fire! I'm sorry, but if you lay your hands on children or animals, you deserve both barrels as far as I'm concerned!

While I’m talking about animals, those who love Internet Memes are mourning the loss of an adorable Shiba Inu known by the online nickname of “Cheems.” While I personally didn’t see a lot of the memes involving this dog, I am saddened to hear that Cheems lost his battle with Cancer. It’s never easy to say goodbye to a beloved family pet, so my thoughts and prayers are with Cheems’ owner and family.

From one goodbye to another (see I told you this was a depressing week), I regret to inform you all that Charles Martinet will no longer be voicing the iconic video game character, Super Mario. I'm sure Mario fans are upset by this announcement, while Sonic fans are just looking over and saying “Hmm. First time?”

While it’s true he's not the first person to voice the Italian plumber, he's certainly the best of the bunch; Kind of like how everyone associates Kevin Conroy with Batman, or Peter Cullen with Optimus Prime. Apparently, he's going to be hanging around as the “Mario Ambassador” - which probably means he's still gonna be playing Mario's dad in the eventual Super Mario Bros. 2 movie and doing a lot of convention appearances.

This is one of those occasions where I pray to Unicron that he's just retiring with no controversy attached. Can it please just be that he's decided “I'm nearing my 70s and it's time to let somebody else do this.” PLEASE don't let it be that Nintendo fired him because “something-something patriarchy!” or he decided to have an opinion on Twitter. God only knows we need less of that shit going around! Also, if you're replacing him with "a guy who sounds like Chris Pratt" than that's the dumbest decision you've made since the Virtual Boy, Wii U and your expensive online service.

For what It's worth, Mr. Martinet, thank you for your many years of long service and you will always be Super Mario to us all! As I said, I really hope this is just him announcing his retirement and not Nintendo pulling one of their many stupid decisions.

And speaking of stupid decisions, let's get back to Walt Disney and their criminal gang. When last we left them, they were up shit's creek without a paddle - largely because they can't afford said paddle. So from what I've been reading, Disney could be met with a massive lawsuit over lying about their expenditures and budgets for their unwatchable movies.

What? The Walt Disney Corporation? Lying? Say it ain’t so (sarcasm).

Compounding the issue is the ongoing drama of paying off Hulu and trying to make the company profitable again, which is like asking the Shit-England team to win a football match against a potted plant - It cannot be done!

That would explain the sudden announcement of a Star Wars: Dark Forces Remaster: an FPS classic that tells the tale of how Kyle Katarn stole the Death Star plans, before going toe to toe with the metal as fuck Dark Troopers. Seeing how this game has resurfaced from the depths of Disney Hell, may I be the first to snap my fingers and cause Rogue One to evaporate into dust. Au revoir Jyn Erso and the Hipster Brigade. I have a feeling you’ll soon be joined by the rest of Disney’s expanded universe if Ahsoka predictably underperforms.

No doubt the media are all a flutter with excitement about that show which seems to be “strong female protagonist number 5,762, who probably doesn't need no man and is super skilled at EVERYTHING.” Yeah, that shit stop being cute around 2016. Tell a different story already, assholes!

Will Disney turn this ship around and become profitable again? Don't know, don't care because I was satisfied about 12 corporate uppercuts ago. Here's the thing, Disney: Either put something out there of merit and quality, or just put yourself out of my misery already!

Not to let this SOTW end on a sour note, let's talk about some recent game announcements.

Tekken 8 was pushed to January of next year, but it did show us the full roster reveal in the latest trailer. I don't see Panda in that line up, Harada. Afraid she’ll destroy the entire roster with little effort?

Sonic Superstars continues to look enjoyable, though I am shocked to see the original Sonic design as an alternate costume. It's amazing how they went from a quirky rabbit, to a hedgehog who can't shut the fuck up! Though speaking of his Modern counterpart, I'm glad I'm not bothering with the Frontiers DLC because the big announcement was Super Sonic with BLUE EYES now! Yeah, give me a call when he's rocking us sombrero, a thick Italian accent and reasons for me to give a shit, SEGA. This Dragonball Z shit stopped being cute a while ago!

Broken Sword: Remastered looks like a lot of fun, but all I needed to hear was Star Wars: Dark Forces Remastered.

Well, that's my birthday sorted out.

Honarable mentions: Troy's mugshot (there, I mentioned it. Happy now?) Many celebrity deaths this week (awaiting to hear 2023 is the new 2016).
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Comments: 9

Falcovsleon20 [2023-08-28 01:28:56 +0000 UTC]

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RandomDC3 In reply to Falcovsleon20 [2023-08-31 10:10:09 +0000 UTC]

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Falcovsleon20 In reply to RandomDC3 [2023-09-01 20:14:47 +0000 UTC]

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The-British-Badnik [2023-08-27 18:50:14 +0000 UTC]

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SodaDog [2023-08-27 14:32:27 +0000 UTC]

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Ginga1122 [2023-08-27 14:21:49 +0000 UTC]

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RandomDC3 In reply to Ginga1122 [2023-08-31 10:10:27 +0000 UTC]

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The-British-Badnik In reply to Ginga1122 [2023-08-27 14:55:57 +0000 UTC]

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D-FenderProductions [2023-08-27 12:20:47 +0000 UTC]

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