HOME | DD

Description

Stop me if you heard this one before: an emergency technician, a scientist, a millionaire, an actress, a fighter pilot, and a lawyer are driving through Central America through an ambulance.
With Dr. Casey Brinke at at the wheel and Dr. Niles Caulder, this eccentric group’s leader, riding shotgun, it seems that Steve and Rita Dayton, Larry Trainor, and Cliff Steele had to ride in the back with all of the possibly-needed (and poorly-secured) medical equipment. Dr. Caulder, aka The Chief, had, in the past, used his medical knowledge to save the lives of many of those in the ambulance with him.
Steve, aka Mento, had suffered an extraordinary cranial concussion that left him mentally challenged until Caulder fused his skull to a prosthesis that restored his intelligence and personality (as well as grant him telepathic and telekinetic abilities).
Steve’s wife Rita, aka Elastigirl, was exposed to deadly chemicals that almost “melted” her until Dr. Caulder saved her, the procedure granting her superhuman stretching abilities (as long as she concentrates on staying in a human shape in normal life).
Larry, aka Negative Man, was exposed to radiation during a test flight, and his whole body became radioactive, but Caulder grafted his entire skin layer in an organic, anti-radiation metal of his creation. The downside being he can no longer feel with his skin. Whoops. The upside? He can leave his own body as a power energy spectre that can fly and shoot energy blasts (although his body is vulnerable during this).
Cliff, aka Robotman, is a quadruple amputee with burnt-off skin and a missing heart, due to a deadly car crash. His robot armor and prosthetic heart is NOT courtesy of Caulder, but a criminal genius called The Calculator, instead. This was back when Cliff was a flunkie of The Scarecrow, a mad scientist who was soon enough defeated by the heroes known as The Titans. Cliff surrendered peacefully to the police, and Caulder pulled some strings to get him out… in exchange for joining his merry team of whatever-the-hells.
Between Niles Caulder and Steve Dayton, they have certainly have enough money to fly a private jet to their destination in Columbia. Why drive all the way there, from New York City, in an ambulance? Simple, according to Dr. Caulder: to avoid detection from their target by not having to deal with airport security. Besides, Casey needs something to do, too.
Oh, and Casey Brinke? She’s the daughter of Danny Brinke, a deceased associate of Dr. Caulder who asked him to take her in as his final request. Casey’s father is memorialized with the official naming of Danny Street, a street in NYC that the newly-formed team’s headquarters is located.
Oh, wait, the name of this team? The Doom Patrol, of course! Mainly because they’re fandom reinventions of the Doom Patrol from the original DC Comics now being written by some fat nerd from Florida.
Their mission in Columbia is investigating a raid on a Prometheus Corp. laboratory and storage facility that was stocking chemical compounds used for Everyman, the superpowers-for-sale procedure Prometheus is famous for. Infinity Inc., the corporate superhero team owned by Prometheus, has had no luck investigating the raid and abandoned ship. Not the DP, though. No siree, Bob. As Dr. Caulder and his team investigated, Robotman makes the comment to Steve and Rita that their former foster son, Logan Nakahara, is doing good for himself as the Infinity Inc. hero Beast Boy, and he could probably put a good word in for the Doom Patrol to them and, maybe, even the Justice League. Negative Man, in his energy phantom form, spied a series of footprints that, while otherwise invisible, had left behind an energy signature. The team drove their… sigh… ambulance through the jungle, tracking the footprints, until they came upon a luxurious mansion in the rainforest. They spied a small team of criminals taking off invisibility suits as they talked to their boss in his second-story chemical lab. The face of the boss of this group was run through an internet criminal database in Mento’s helmet, and recognized as Stephano Fonseca, a black-market cocaine magnate. In Fonseca’s lab, he had been experimenting with the Everyman formula, and now he’s serving a new cocaine-like drug to his minions. As they ingested the drug, they began mutating and gaining abilities! Fonseca also ingested the drug, gaining fire and ice powers!
“I am Snowflame! Cocaine is my god, and I am the living instrument of it’s will!”
Jesus, who writes this crap? Anyways, while The Chief and Dr. Brinke stayed behind, Mento, Elastigirl, Negative Man, and Robotman rush the mansion. While powerful, the mutated minions were inexperienced in their random powers and very, very high, so the Doom Patrol had little problem with them. Not so much with Snowflame, though. He had been experimenting on himself with the Everyman-infused cocaine for a while, so now he’s immune to the high. Not how drugs work, but OK. Snowflame managed to defeat the Doom Patrol and-
You know what? No. This can’t happen this way. You’re the writer of this fan-story, Rick. You came up with these crappy microheroes. But you can’t have the DP lose to SNOWFLAME of all assholes. Just… just say that the super-powers drugs are wearing off faster than normal for him because of his constant exposure to it. Ok? Ok. …sigh, I probably should have stayed in The Painting That Ate Paris.
Snowflame’s powers began weakening, and Robotman, not down for the count, tosses him into the drug lab. Fonseca tried to ignite his flame abilities, but that caused the lab to explode, killing Snowflame. The Columbian authorities and Infinity Inc. apprehended the remaining thugs after their powers wore off. Beast Boy was with the Infinity Inc. members dispatched there, and he agreed with his former foster parents that he should put in a good word with William MacIntyre, CEO of Prometheus Corp. They hooked Casey’s ambulance up to The Skyman and both teams flew back to New York City.
Once the DP returned to their headquarters in NYC, Dr. Caulder had a private phone call, wherein he said “the team’s test mission was a success… Mr. Luthor.”
DUN-DUN-DUN!
Notes:
* Yes. Mr. Nobody had been commenting on this story the whole time. And being an ass about it.
* The name is a reference to the naming convention of the Doom Patrol's tv episode titles.

* The “organic, anti-radiation metal” grafted to Larry’s skin made more sense to me than bandages.
* Cliff really is a lawyer in the original comics. He even represented the Metal Men in a case.

* Casey's father Danny was a brilliant scientist working with Caulder. He was also genderqueer and was killed by a guy he was dating who thought he was a woman...

Description

Stop me if you heard this one before: an emergency technician, a scientist, a millionaire, an actress, a fighter pilot, and a lawyer are driving through Central America through an ambulance.
With Dr. Casey Brinke at at the wheel and Dr. Niles Caulder, this eccentric group’s leader, riding shotgun, it seems that Steve and Rita Dayton, Larry Trainor, and Cliff Steele had to ride in the back with all of the possibly-needed (and poorly-secured) medical equipment. Dr. Caulder, aka The Chief, had, in the past, used his medical knowledge to save the lives of many of those in the ambulance with him.
Steve, aka Mento, had suffered an extraordinary cranial concussion that left him mentally challenged until Caulder fused his skull to a prosthesis that restored his intelligence and personality (as well as grant him telepathic and telekinetic abilities).
Steve’s wife Rita, aka Elastigirl, was exposed to deadly chemicals that almost “melted” her until Dr. Caulder saved her, the procedure granting her superhuman stretching abilities (as long as she concentrates on staying in a human shape in normal life).
Larry, aka Negative Man, was exposed to radiation during a test flight, and his whole body became radioactive, but Caulder grafted his entire skin layer in an organic, anti-radiation metal of his creation. The downside being he can no longer feel with his skin. Whoops. The upside? He can leave his own body as a power energy spectre that can fly and shoot energy blasts (although his body is vulnerable during this).
Cliff, aka Robotman, is a quadruple amputee with burnt-off skin and a missing heart, due to a deadly car crash. His robot armor and prosthetic heart is NOT courtesy of Caulder, but a criminal genius called The Calculator, instead. This was back when Cliff was a flunkie of The Scarecrow, a mad scientist who was soon enough defeated by the heroes known as The Titans. Cliff surrendered peacefully to the police, and Caulder pulled some strings to get him out… in exchange for joining his merry team of whatever-the-hells.
Between Niles Caulder and Steve Dayton, they have certainly have enough money to fly a private jet to their destination in Columbia. Why drive all the way there, from New York City, in an ambulance? Simple, according to Dr. Caulder: to avoid detection from their target by not having to deal with airport security. Besides, Casey needs something to do, too.
Oh, and Casey Brinke? She’s the daughter of Danny Brinke, a deceased associate of Dr. Caulder who asked him to take her in as his final request. Casey’s father is memorialized with the official naming of Danny Street, a street in NYC that the newly-formed team’s headquarters is located.
Oh, wait, the name of this team? The Doom Patrol, of course! Mainly because they’re fandom reinventions of the Doom Patrol from the original DC Comics now being written by some fat nerd from Florida.
Their mission in Columbia is investigating a raid on a Prometheus Corp. laboratory and storage facility that was stocking chemical compounds used for Everyman, the superpowers-for-sale procedure Prometheus is famous for. Infinity Inc., the corporate superhero team owned by Prometheus, has had no luck investigating the raid and abandoned ship. Not the DP, though. No siree, Bob. As Dr. Caulder and his team investigated, Robotman makes the comment to Steve and Rita that their former foster son, Logan Nakahara, is doing good for himself as the Infinity Inc. hero Beast Boy, and he could probably put a good word in for the Doom Patrol to them and, maybe, even the Justice League. Negative Man, in his energy phantom form, spied a series of footprints that, while otherwise invisible, had left behind an energy signature. The team drove their… sigh… ambulance through the jungle, tracking the footprints, until they came upon a luxurious mansion in the rainforest. They spied a small team of criminals taking off invisibility suits as they talked to their boss in his second-story chemical lab. The face of the boss of this group was run through an internet criminal database in Mento’s helmet, and recognized as Stephano Fonseca, a black-market cocaine magnate. In Fonseca’s lab, he had been experimenting with the Everyman formula, and now he’s serving a new cocaine-like drug to his minions. As they ingested the drug, they began mutating and gaining abilities! Fonseca also ingested the drug, gaining fire and ice powers!
“I am Snowflame! Cocaine is my god, and I am the living instrument of it’s will!”
Jesus, who writes this crap? Anyways, while The Chief and Dr. Brinke stayed behind, Mento, Elastigirl, Negative Man, and Robotman rush the mansion. While powerful, the mutated minions were inexperienced in their random powers and very, very high, so the Doom Patrol had little problem with them. Not so much with Snowflame, though. He had been experimenting on himself with the Everyman-infused cocaine for a while, so now he’s immune to the high. Not how drugs work, but OK. Snowflame managed to defeat the Doom Patrol and-
You know what? No. This can’t happen this way. You’re the writer of this fan-story, Rick. You came up with these crappy microheroes. But you can’t have the DP lose to SNOWFLAME of all assholes. Just… just say that the super-powers drugs are wearing off faster than normal for him because of his constant exposure to it. Ok? Ok. …sigh, I probably should have stayed in The Painting That Ate Paris.
Snowflame’s powers began weakening, and Robotman, not down for the count, tosses him into the drug lab. Fonseca tried to ignite his flame abilities, but that caused the lab to explode, killing Snowflame. The Columbian authorities and Infinity Inc. apprehended the remaining thugs after their powers wore off. Beast Boy was with the Infinity Inc. members dispatched there, and he agreed with his former foster parents that he should put in a good word with William MacIntyre, CEO of Prometheus Corp. They hooked Casey’s ambulance up to The Skyman and both teams flew back to New York City.
Once the DP returned to their headquarters in NYC, Dr. Caulder had a private phone call, wherein he said “the team’s test mission was a success… Mr. Luthor.”
DUN-DUN-DUN!
Notes:
* Yes. Mr. Nobody had been commenting on this story the whole time. And being an ass about it.
* The name is a reference to the naming convention of the Doom Patrol's tv episode titles.

* The “organic, anti-radiation metal” grafted to Larry’s skin made more sense to me than bandages.
* Cliff really is a lawyer in the original comics. He even represented the Metal Men in a case.

* Casey's father Danny was a brilliant scientist working with Caulder. He was also genderqueer and was killed by a guy he was dating who thought he was a woman...