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Published: 2011-02-08 17:55:09 +0000 UTC; Views: 298; Favourites: 2; Downloads: 4
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GabrielI raced Rachel back to the house. She was laughing behind me as I picked up speed. She'll never catch me! I yelled as she whammed into me, sending us both falling. She giggled as she had me pinned down. I sighed, glad that Michael couldn't see me now…
"Apologize, Gabriel!" she said.
"I didn't forget it was your birthday! I was pretending!" She frowned and got off.
"Oh. Okay!" she laughed again and jumped up. "C'mon! Mom and Dad are gonna be mad at me for staying out this late."
"Yikes! It's getting dark!" I yelled. I scrambled up and we raced each other the rest of the way to our houses. I was laughing so hard I could barely breathe! Rachel ran slightly ahead of me, always able to beat me at racing. I smiled and picked up speed. Rachel stopped suddenly and I passed her.
"Gabriel, wait!" she yelled. I stopped and looked back at her.
"What's wrong?" I asked. She pointed ahead of us. We could see lights flashing near were our houses were. I frowned. "What's going on?" Rachel came up next to me and shook her head. She hugged my arm as we walked closer to the red lights.
I frowned as I saw my brother Michael sitting on the porch with a strange man standing next to him. I frowned more when two men came out f the house carrying a cot thing with someone sleeping on it. I looked at Rachel who shrugged slightly. I went over to Michael who had his head bowed. He looked up at me and I stopped dead at his teary face. "M-Michael? What's wrong?" He bit his lip and looked at the sleeping person on the cot being put in an ambulance.
"Rachel! I'm so glad you're alright!" I looked over and saw Rachel's mother run over to her and hug her. I looked at Michael.
"Where's mom?" I asked. Michael bowed his head again. The guy standing next to him sighed and went over to me. I frowned at the shiny star on his shirt. He knelt down in front of me and put his hands on my shoulders, like what grown ups do when they gotta tell a kid something.
"Young man, this may come to a bit of a shock to you, and you may not understand, but your mother, well, she has left us." I frowned at the badge man.
"Where'd she go?" I asked, wondering why this guy would know where Mom is.
"A man, a bad man, came into your house and shot your mother. He left no fingerprints, no other form of evidence for that matter. No one saw him leave. That's not normal. I'm sorry young man. Your mother is dead." My eyes widened. Like dad…
"What…?" I whispered. Michael got up and hugged me. I tightened my arms around him. Rachel was staring at us, worry all over here face. He dad came over and put his hand on Michael's shoulder. The badge man stood up and cleared his throat.
"Thank you, Mr. and Mrs. Marren for answering my questions." Rachel's dad nodded.
"What's going to happen to the boys now, sheriff?" he asked.
"I've called in and arrangements have been made for them," he said. I hugged Michael tighter.
"Foster care you mean?" Rachel's dad said frowning.
"We can take them in. We'll just need the paperwork…" Rachel's mom started. The badge guy put up his hand.
"I'm sorry, but the arrangements have already been made. I'll keep you in touch."
I stared out the window at Rachel and her parents waving goodbye. I bit my lip and waved back at her. She held her cat in one arm. I laid my chin on the back of the seat in the police car. I'm gonna miss her…
Michael rubbed my shoulder. "Don't worry, Gabriel. We'll be alright…" he glanced back at Rachel and her family. "I'm sure you'll see her again." I nodded and sat down in the seat as Rachel disappeared.
But what I didn't know was that Michael was wrong. I'd never see her again.
10 years later
"Gabriel! C'mon get back here!" I ignored my brother and kept walking. "They're not gonna be happy when they find out you left again!" He yelled after me. I shrugged.
"It's too noisy, Michael," I yelled back. He sighed and went back in the house. It was true. There were too many kids in that place. Well… not really, but five's too much for me. Two of those kids, my foster brothers, are younger than me! I frowned to myself. That's not really a big deal either. I groaned and kicked a rock down the street.
I hated it here. The people are stupid, and think I'm stupid. Just cause I don't talk to them doesn't mean I'm stupid. They're just always whining and being brats. I sighed and turned into the park. Hopefully I won't get caught this time and sent back to the house.
I walked down the path, still kicking the same rock. I liked it here. Especially in the evening. There's like, no one here. I jumped up onto a big rock on the edge of the path and looked around. Most of the park was empty. Just a tree here and a bench there. But then on the edge of the park was a forest I liked to explore. I jumped off the rock and went into the trees.
After a while, I realized I was lost. Usually, I just go straight on through to the street on the other side. It's not too big. Now though, I had no idea where I was. I frowned. I couldn't hear the cars either…
I turned to the right, hoping the trail I saw would lead me out. It was getting late even for my standards. I was walking for a while, but stopped when I heard something. I frowned as I saw a guy in a cloak run through the trees. A cloak? Weird.
Come save her.
What?! I spun around, trying to see who said that. No one was there. I turned back to the guy. Maybe he said it? I decided to follow him. He didn't notice me. I frowned when I heard a baby crying. He has a baby?! What's he doing with a baby in the forest?!
The Bear Child awaits you.
Huh?! Bear… Child?! I stared at the guy. Did he say that? "Hey!!" I called after him. He didn't reply. I started to get freaked out. This is really weird…
She can't wait forever, you know.
I kept following, hoping I wasn't going crazy. After a while, he stopped in front of this big cave. I frowned, not remembering a cave in this forest. Did I just never see it? What the hell is going on?! The man knelt down and placed the baby in front of the cave. I heard a growl. My eyes widened as this huge shadow loomed over the guy. He froze, then bolted off through the trees in my direction. I yelled as he as about to crash into me, but he ran right through me! I stared after him, but then I saw the shadow. I cringed and slowly turned around. I screamed as I saw the hugest bear in the whole world. He raised his dustbin size paws and I turned and ran after the guy, still screaming my head off.
What was going on?! There aren't bears in this park!! There aren't even bears that size in the world! I ran in the direction I knew the park was. I have to get out of here! I stopped to catch my breath. This is crazy! I jumped as I heard a twig snap. Crap… he followed me… I stood there frozen, not daring to move. This is crazy…
I saw a light. I street lamp! I was near the street after all!! I ran towards the light, the fear of the bear far gone. It wouldn't go near the street! I chuckled to myself. I stopped dead as I saw another cave. The light was coming from there. What the heck. Maybe that's the guy, camping out for the night? I slowly approached the cave and peered in. My mouth dropped open.
A deer, a silver deer, was standing in the middle of the cave. His golden horns shone brightly. I stared as I realized he was the cause of the light. "Come in Gabriel. I've been waiting for you."
The ground came up to me and all was black.
Kovaan
I bowed my head as my father passed. The fool. I smiled slightly as my soldiers bowed beside me. He really thinks he our master? I straightened my back and looked into his eyes. The one filled with fire was blazing. Not a good sign. He motioned for me to follow. I sighed. I'll take whatever he gives me. I'm used to it by now.
We entered his chambers. He walked to his desk and placed his pale fingers on some papers resting on top. I waited for him to speak. After a while, he looked up at me. "Well?" he asked.
"Well what?" I muttered. I sighed and stood in front of me.
"Why isn't the Bear Child in those dungeons? Why are those bears still alive?" I didn't say anything. "I'm disappointed in you, Kovaan," he muttered. Like that was a surprise. He turned away from me and paced the room. I stared at him, my anger taking control.
"Why don't you get her then, if you're so disappointed?" He turned to me. I clenched my teeth as familiar pain shot through my bones. I gasped and steadied myself with a nearby chair. It felt like knives were stabbing into every inch of my skin and fire and ice fought over my body temperature. The floor came closer to my face. My vision blurred as I hit the floor.
His feet came into my view and he knelt beside me. He wrapped his long fingers around my sweaty neck. "You will go back to the Dead Wood. You will bring me the Bear Child. You will kill each one of those bears. Do you understand?" He dropped me to the ground and went back to his desk. "You're dismissed Kovaan." I stared at him as I fought to keep consciousness. I wouldn't give him the pleasure of seeing how weak I was. I slowly pulled myself up with the back of the chair and saluted my father, the King of Rienvia. I turned and left, knowing he never salutes back.
My men stood waiting for me. I rubbed my head, feeling unsteady on my feet. I croaked, "We leave at dawn." My second in command, Voreth stepped next to me.
"Sir? Perhaps we should wait a few days… till you're feeling more up to it that is," he murmured. I grabbed his collar and slammed him into the wall.
"You think I'm not up to it?! You think I'm weak?! Huh, Voreth?!" I yelled.
"N-no sir! I merely meant-" I ripped my sword out of its sheath and plunged the blood red blade through his stomach. He gasped and I muttered into his ear, "I'm ready for anything, Voreth. You should know that by now." I pulled the sword out and watched him slide down the wall, creating a bloody path. I stared at the red soaked armor that was once white. I looked at my sword, then back at Voreth. His eye drooped closed. What have I done?
I walked through the soldiers, them making an easy path for me. I walked to my rooms, using the wall to support my shaking body. I pulled the door open and entered before any of the servants saw me. I fell to the floor and vomited. I reached up and pulled myself up onto my bed. I laid on my side and held my aching head. "get me out of here…" I murmured into the blackness.
The next morning I stood in front of my troops. They all looked uneasy. I sighed, not wanting to deal with them right now. I opened my mouth to speak when Jokavh entered. My shoulders dropped as I figured the day couldn't get any worse. He beckoned to me with his finger. I sighed and followed the Royal Doctor out of the room.
"You should have come to me after he tortured you," Jokavh said.
"I don't need your help," I muttered. He looked back at me.
"Do you want to die before your father?" I didn't say anything. Jokavh sighed and led me into the infirmary. He motioned for me to sit down. I obeyed. He pulled a bottle of blue medicine out of the cabinet. I sighed. Great, another one of his disgusting elixirs. He handed me and said, "Drink it all at once. It'll go down quicker." I sighed and drank the bottle. I scrunched up my face and covered my mouth.
"Jeez…" Jokavh smiled slightly.
"Sorry my 'elixirs' are so 'disgusting'." I sighed.
"How about you stop reading my mind?" I said putting the bottle down on his desk not so gently. He shrugged and sat in front of me.
"Voreth's alive. I saved him just in time." I stared at the ground. "He's right over there if you want to see him."
"I'd rather not."
"You feeling guilty or something?"
"Why don't you just read my mind like always."
"If you didn't know, it's rather refreshing when people actually tell me the truth." I sighed and stood up. The room swayed around me. Jokavh stood and pushed me back into the chair. "Rest, Kovaan." I shook my head slightly.
"I have to go to the Dead Wood," I muttered. Jokavh looked at me.
"Well, if you want to die than be my guest." I scoffed and stood up again, waiting for he dizziness to leave. Jokavh sighed.
"Kovaan, I'm serious, you need to rest," he said moving to make me sit. "The more your father tortures you, the more-"
"I don't care what you, or anyone else has to say. I'm the Prince, your just a doctor. So stop acting like you're going to rule." Jokavh stared at me.
"What happened to you, Kovaan? What happened to the kid I once knew?"
"He grew up." I walked out before he could say anything else.
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Comments: 13
WolfPawDragonClaw [2011-02-08 21:53:04 +0000 UTC]
Kovaan is so mean to Jokavh.
But reading this is so scary. Like...one little event can make everything else change.... Its very scary. I think every writer should write something like this. Even with trivial events. The switch of names (like you did here) or something. It's really something. You can explore your characters some more like how they react to different situations.
This is nice! A few typos here and there, but its not too bad!
I like how you kept the main 'format' the same, but it isn't awkward (like people reacting the way they would act to the unedited version and stuff like that), it feels natural. And it feels like this is a separate 'world'...like in Higurashi!
Sorry...I just had to say that. In different Higurashi worlds different things happen, but there's always a 'base', you could say. What you wrote just goes to show you how fragile time really is!
Amazing job!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
RobotsWithCookies In reply to WolfPawDragonClaw [2011-02-09 14:06:49 +0000 UTC]
Yeah it was sad....
I was thinking that... like it's made weird too.... but I ;earned more about Kovaan and Xaena's relationship which is good.
Thanks! I knew there would be some since I didn't have an editor BUt that Higurashi makes sense. The I seriously copied and pasted what the officer said to Gabriel/Rachel (but obviously changed the wording when needed). Cause he'd say the same thing despite which kid he was talking too.
Thank you! It was a strange experience. You should try it too sometime.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
WolfPawDragonClaw In reply to RobotsWithCookies [2011-02-09 15:37:21 +0000 UTC]
Yeah!
Fine, I'll make a poll!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
WolfPawDragonClaw In reply to RobotsWithCookies [2011-02-09 18:02:01 +0000 UTC]
On second thought, I'll just make a list of all the changes!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
RobotsWithCookies In reply to WolfPawDragonClaw [2011-02-09 18:02:56 +0000 UTC]
Ohhhh.... okay.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Malusdraco [2011-02-08 20:28:32 +0000 UTC]
woah...
this is good...
are you ready to write more now?
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
RobotsWithCookies In reply to Malusdraco [2011-02-09 14:07:44 +0000 UTC]
Thanks! I actually like it better than the actual beginning but that may be just because I didn't edit the actual thing. And yeah, I'm ready! Thanks again!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Malusdraco In reply to RobotsWithCookies [2011-02-09 20:27:37 +0000 UTC]
rly?
that's cool
i could possibly try that...
but there's not much of a story to go from...
woopwoop!!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
RobotsWithCookies In reply to Malusdraco [2011-02-09 20:51:21 +0000 UTC]
Yeah! But it does help if you get writer's block. When you do get more, you should so do that!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1