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Description
This current period of my life, given how productively busy I am against the setting of COVID-19 that is still going on and has halted what was considered 'normalcy' in modern living, has inspired me to start working on some pretty personal art for the sake of expression and catharsis.  These touchy topics have been impacting my life for years behind-the-scenes and that, for a long time, I felt too badly or ashamed of myself to commit to expressing as a result of my own poorer self-esteem, feeling embarrassed about any raw 'vents' I made public on this site (which you can still find if you dig back far enough ) and dealing with my own mental/emotional struggles on top of other events. I was also inspired by some very earnest, honest YouTube videos about people practicing self-compassion for the sake of their SANITY (whose words of wisdom and suffering hit me hard emotionally).

The first drawing idea that has been percolating in my mind was a tribute to my journey of self-compassion that I started during the beginning of my young adulthood. I originally wanted to draw a comic of confronting the inner 'demon' that I was originally bogged down by. However, once I made some breakthroughs in my own philosophical debates and in my therapeutic processing, I realized that my struggles and insecurities were a part of me that I shouldn't bash myself for or be truly afraid of anymore. Instead of projecting any negativity or uncomfortable, painful experiences onto the most vulnerable parts of myself (as I think a lot of us learn, even inadvertently, to do in their given environments sadly ), I have come to truly change my habits and treat myself like my own child or friend rather than an enemy.  I still remember the rougher times quite vividly, where I even daydreamed a few times about a better, future version of myself coming to 'rescue' and comfort me.

There was a time where I truly didn't think that it would be possible for me to love myself, much less ACCEPT myself. While I still have my sore spots, I could not even imagine getting a fraction of the peace of my mind that I have now in comparison to the turbulence of my younger self.  It is too easy to get caught up in others' arrogant or self-hating attitudes about what kinds of people or traits deserve worship versus scorn, so to figure out what you truly need to be well and happy while being unabashedly caring of them can only reward you years down the road with enough psychological support, healthy habits, and true hard work.  What's even harder to do is to look at yourself honestly and be able to see problems that you need to work on without being self-critical to the point of pessimism or paralysis (though it certainly helps when you are physically and mentally healthier place to have better, grounded judgment!). It took multiple psychologists to get me to understand that self-hatred is just another form of abuse that arises as one of many symptoms of a mentally sick and emotionally hurt person.

I no longer feel a massive weight of guilt over my problems and emotions. I am no longer hit by relentless, intrusive thoughts about being a "terrible" person for just being human. I no longer have a running dialogue of worthlessness and critical scrutiny that gets steadily louder and more jarring over the days of being unchallenged. While it is not a cure-all and nothing (no matter what concept, status, or object is advertised to be so) can "protect" you from never feeling disappointment, rejection, insecure, or pain ever again, self-care is truly the antidote to a lot of problems in humanity when you really get down to it. When you love yourself, you are in a better state to heal, forgive, and then love others properly.

I can only wish that everyone reaches that level of self-compassion someday so we can all be happier, healthier human beings for not just ourselves, but for each other too.

Description
This current period of my life, given how productively busy I am against the setting of COVID-19 that is still going on and has halted what was considered 'normalcy' in modern living, has inspired me to start working on some pretty personal art for the sake of expression and catharsis.  These touchy topics have been impacting my life for years behind-the-scenes and that, for a long time, I felt too badly or ashamed of myself to commit to expressing as a result of my own poorer self-esteem, feeling embarrassed about any raw 'vents' I made public on this site (which you can still find if you dig back far enough ) and dealing with my own mental/emotional struggles on top of other events. I was also inspired by some very earnest, honest YouTube videos about people practicing self-compassion for the sake of their SANITY (whose words of wisdom and suffering hit me hard emotionally).

The first drawing idea that has been percolating in my mind was a tribute to my journey of self-compassion that I started during the beginning of my young adulthood. I originally wanted to draw a comic of confronting the inner 'demon' that I was originally bogged down by. However, once I made some breakthroughs in my own philosophical debates and in my therapeutic processing, I realized that my struggles and insecurities were a part of me that I shouldn't bash myself for or be truly afraid of anymore. Instead of projecting any negativity or uncomfortable, painful experiences onto the most vulnerable parts of myself (as I think a lot of us learn, even inadvertently, to do in their given environments sadly ), I have come to truly change my habits and treat myself like my own child or friend rather than an enemy.  I still remember the rougher times quite vividly, where I even daydreamed a few times about a better, future version of myself coming to 'rescue' and comfort me.

There was a time where I truly didn't think that it would be possible for me to love myself, much less ACCEPT myself. While I still have my sore spots, I could not even imagine getting a fraction of the peace of my mind that I have now in comparison to the turbulence of my younger self.  It is too easy to get caught up in others' arrogant or self-hating attitudes about what kinds of people or traits deserve worship versus scorn, so to figure out what you truly need to be well and happy while being unabashedly caring of them can only reward you years down the road with enough psychological support, healthy habits, and true hard work.  What's even harder to do is to look at yourself honestly and be able to see problems that you need to work on without being self-critical to the point of pessimism or paralysis (though it certainly helps when you are physically and mentally healthier place to have better, grounded judgment!). It took multiple psychologists to get me to understand that self-hatred is just another form of abuse that arises as one of many symptoms of a mentally sick and emotionally hurt person.

I no longer feel a massive weight of guilt over my problems and emotions. I am no longer hit by relentless, intrusive thoughts about being a "terrible" person for just being human. I no longer have a running dialogue of worthlessness and critical scrutiny that gets steadily louder and more jarring over the days of being unchallenged. While it is not a cure-all and nothing (no matter what concept, status, or object is advertised to be so) can "protect" you from never feeling disappointment, rejection, insecure, or pain ever again, self-care is truly the antidote to a lot of problems in humanity when you really get down to it. When you love yourself, you are in a better state to heal, forgive, and then love others properly.

I can only wish that everyone reaches that level of self-compassion someday so we can all be happier, healthier human beings for not just ourselves, but for each other too.