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'A chance to be myself', Hope thought as he turned away from Lightning, surrounded by the light that soon would claim him as part of the nothingness. 'Here at the very end, here I am. Telling myself barefaced lies once again, so obvious they make me cringe inside. And for what? To not feel pity for myself? As if that means anything by now.'

He knew Lightning was surprised by what he had just told her. Of course she would. He had just told her that he had been kept going forward all his life because of her. Her memory, her inspiration, her presence. She thought she only had brought him pain... which was not entirely a lie. But Hope would not tell her how miserable how his life without her had been, not then and not there. Not ever. It was not fair, for any of them.

'Then again', Hope frowned, trying to keep his inner thoughts for himself in those last moments, 'has my life ever been fair? I say I've got a chance... but it's far from the chance I truly wanted.'

He remembered how Lightning's hand had gone through his as she reached out to him. He was merely an echo that had made its way into Lightning's heart for a final goodbye, nothing more than a fading consciousness. How desperately he had wanted to hold her hand into his and never let go. And then he had looked at his hand as if it had betrayed him, his very last wish. The hand of a child, the soon-to-become vessel of God, made and remolded from the flesh and blood of who once led humanity to its golden age.

'To be myself', he almost snorted, bitter his thoughts. 'I lost myself 169 years ago. I gave my heart to God in exchange for an empty promise. I guess I deserve how I look like now. The man called Hope Estheim died the moment he threw himself into a god's hands.'

A child with the mind of an adult, his heart stolen away. How ironic, that Bhunivelze now had inside him what would allow him to understand and control the Chaos, and he was not even aware. Hope had guessed it a long time ago, he had taken advantage of it. Through that link between him and God, he had been trying to guide Lightning and protect her from Bhunivelze... and in extension, from himself.

And to that end, he would have to vanish forever. So Lightning could be free. And Hope Estheim would rest in peace at last, no one ever remembering his existence.

'Not that it'd made any difference', Hope held back a weary sigh. 'Hope Estheim vanished for many years now. All I am is a disgusting shadow of who he once was, a disgrace on his name and legacy. I haven't been myself. All I've done and said is an echo of what Hope Estheim would've done.'

Yet as his final moments drew close, Hope felt something stirring inside him. A feeling he had not experienced in a very long time. His wish to protect the world, his determination to free his people from the chains of the divine whims... his love for Lightning Farron, the woman who would soon face God in the body he was about to leave for good. After all, his heart would be the only thing that would remain, unknowingly protected by the same deity that tried to get rid of.

The heart of Hope Estheim.

He was still alive. Somewhere, somehow, after all that time, and after what he had done long ago, what cursed his remaining consciousness into the unfeeling, pure body of a child.

"I'm not scared. Not even now", he said aloud, slightly clenching his fists as he felt again as he should be. It was his last chance to tell her. The last time he would see her. "Because you're here."

For one time, he spoke the truth. He spoke as Hope Estheim.

Well, I got Meeting-You-scene feels a few days ago and I realized it's been a long time since the last time I drew something about this heart-wrenching moment. And I decided to flavor it with some improvised drabble for this moment.

Nothing much to explain here, right? It's basically about how much Hope kinda lies to Lightning and himself all that time. He acts as if he was perfectly fine, as if he was okay with his destiny and how much he's suffered. Yet in the post-LR novel, we see Hope clearly in a PTSD state, almost as if he wasn't there, running away from people and secluding himself in his own world. He copes with the unfairness of his life in a way that in a sense resembles Lightning's: lying to himself, pretending he's perfectly fine when he's crumbling down inside. That was what put him into the rose-haired phantom trance after all. No one realized what Hope was going through, and he ended up all alone, what led him to his downfall.

Done by Paint Tool SAI and Photoshop.

Hope you like it!

Description
'A chance to be myself', Hope thought as he turned away from Lightning, surrounded by the light that soon would claim him as part of the nothingness. 'Here at the very end, here I am. Telling myself barefaced lies once again, so obvious they make me cringe inside. And for what? To not feel pity for myself? As if that means anything by now.'

He knew Lightning was surprised by what he had just told her. Of course she would. He had just told her that he had been kept going forward all his life because of her. Her memory, her inspiration, her presence. She thought she only had brought him pain... which was not entirely a lie. But Hope would not tell her how miserable how his life without her had been, not then and not there. Not ever. It was not fair, for any of them.

'Then again', Hope frowned, trying to keep his inner thoughts for himself in those last moments, 'has my life ever been fair? I say I've got a chance... but it's far from the chance I truly wanted.'

He remembered how Lightning's hand had gone through his as she reached out to him. He was merely an echo that had made its way into Lightning's heart for a final goodbye, nothing more than a fading consciousness. How desperately he had wanted to hold her hand into his and never let go. And then he had looked at his hand as if it had betrayed him, his very last wish. The hand of a child, the soon-to-become vessel of God, made and remolded from the flesh and blood of who once led humanity to its golden age.

'To be myself', he almost snorted, bitter his thoughts. 'I lost myself 169 years ago. I gave my heart to God in exchange for an empty promise. I guess I deserve how I look like now. The man called Hope Estheim died the moment he threw himself into a god's hands.'

A child with the mind of an adult, his heart stolen away. How ironic, that Bhunivelze now had inside him what would allow him to understand and control the Chaos, and he was not even aware. Hope had guessed it a long time ago, he had taken advantage of it. Through that link between him and God, he had been trying to guide Lightning and protect her from Bhunivelze... and in extension, from himself.

And to that end, he would have to vanish forever. So Lightning could be free. And Hope Estheim would rest in peace at last, no one ever remembering his existence.

'Not that it'd made any difference', Hope held back a weary sigh. 'Hope Estheim vanished for many years now. All I am is a disgusting shadow of who he once was, a disgrace on his name and legacy. I haven't been myself. All I've done and said is an echo of what Hope Estheim would've done.'

Yet as his final moments drew close, Hope felt something stirring inside him. A feeling he had not experienced in a very long time. His wish to protect the world, his determination to free his people from the chains of the divine whims... his love for Lightning Farron, the woman who would soon face God in the body he was about to leave for good. After all, his heart would be the only thing that would remain, unknowingly protected by the same deity that tried to get rid of.

The heart of Hope Estheim.

He was still alive. Somewhere, somehow, after all that time, and after what he had done long ago, what cursed his remaining consciousness into the unfeeling, pure body of a child.

"I'm not scared. Not even now", he said aloud, slightly clenching his fists as he felt again as he should be. It was his last chance to tell her. The last time he would see her. "Because you're here."

For one time, he spoke the truth. He spoke as Hope Estheim.

Well, I got Meeting-You-scene feels a few days ago and I realized it's been a long time since the last time I drew something about this heart-wrenching moment. And I decided to flavor it with some improvised drabble for this moment.

Nothing much to explain here, right? It's basically about how much Hope kinda lies to Lightning and himself all that time. He acts as if he was perfectly fine, as if he was okay with his destiny and how much he's suffered. Yet in the post-LR novel, we see Hope clearly in a PTSD state, almost as if he wasn't there, running away from people and secluding himself in his own world. He copes with the unfairness of his life in a way that in a sense resembles Lightning's: lying to himself, pretending he's perfectly fine when he's crumbling down inside. That was what put him into the rose-haired phantom trance after all. No one realized what Hope was going through, and he ended up all alone, what led him to his downfall.

Done by Paint Tool SAI and Photoshop.

Hope you like it!