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                               Chapter Twenty-Seven: Admitting His Flaw

Caleb stood there then looked down; truth was he wasn't even sure what to say when he looked back up into her eyes he said

"Can we please go to the living room ma'am?"

"Yes of course, this is your house you aren't mine yet we can go wherever you will feel most comfortable"

He nodded and lead her down the steps, trying ot gather his thoughts together as he went.  Trying to push the meditation conversation he just had out of his head.  He knew what he wanted to say; he wanted to throw himself at her feet and say, no he wasn't worthy of being a master; that he was a submissive and should be treated as such.  But, would that work? Would she even believe him; these were the thoughts that spun around in his head as they sat down and she asked

"So you wanted to talk to me?"

"Yes, I….. I am not worth of ever being a master I deserve to be at a womans feet for good.  I am in no way a master nor could I handle it"

"You're wrong Caleb, well actually you're partially right" she said as he looked at her with his head tilted to one way like she was some sort of alien "You aren't a master, nor were you meant to be; what you are is the pure definition of a switch."

"What? I thought that was a made up term" Caleb honestly did, he had gotten into many arguments with "Switches" over the years, saying that you couldn't be both you couldn't have both at all.  Many of the people from Erotic Nightshade agreed with him; a master was, a master, and a slave or pet was just that. Then again, these were the people who convinced him you didn't need training to be a master.  That you shouldn't have to know what it's like to rightfully claim you were what you were, look at where that got him.

"Yeah, but still why should you waste training on me; why am I so freaking special?"

"Because I care about you, you damn fluff ball; now before we even talk about that we need to get you a haircut and shave ASAP"

Caleb stifled a laugh "I tell you this and all you can think about is my hair?

'Well it's not that Caleb, really and truthfully it isn't; it's just the fact that I know you, better than most of your friends for some reason.  You are not a strict submissive, strictly speaking given the choice you will sooner or later choose a pet as well" she sighed "it's best that we allow you to have a pet as well; one that we could preferably share you know?"

Caleb nodded and smiled, something in him felt lighter and he couldn't really fault her logic even though everything in him screamed a different story, she could read him better than anybody; better than himself.

He leaned back relieved just a little and added, "I think…. I need to seek some help; these nightmares and that specter have gotten worse.  I think I had a break through today but, I don't know if it'll come back and I might have a full fledged break down.  Neither of us want that now do we?"
Demeter nodded her consent "I think that would be best.  I could recommend you a doctor"

"Nah, not this time sweetie; though I do thank you for it' he smiled

Several days passed between these conversations; Caleb had gotten his hair cut it was now in a shag style and dyed black with red tips.  He also shaved off the growth that was on his chin that some called a beard.  He looked in the mirror the next day and realized the hair cut and the clean shaven made him look his age, to an extent.  If you looked into his eyes you would see a depth not many had at his age.  Facing himself it was like he was looking at a stranger.  Over the past year and a half he had lost his perpetual smile, the twinkle in his eye before this his hair had been long and he was unshaven not because he enjoyed it but because Ophelia said he looked good like that; part of Caleb thought it might be because she wanted to keep him so she wanted him unattractive.  He shrugged it off as he put on a shirt and looked himself over ok everything seemed right he left the house and got in his car driving to the psychiatrist he had made an appointment with a few days earlier.

It took a thirty minute drive and the office was shabby the man's name was Dr. Phobos he sat down and filled out the paperwork he sat there reflecting on it all; the relationship, the visions, the nightmares, and his family life all of it.  It would make even a soap opera look sane in some ways; scorned by his mother, lovers and even friends at time he was surprised he hadn't been locked up already.

'Mr. Brown?" the nurse said; which snapped him out of his daydreaming.

"Yes" he said as he got up.

The way back looked like what you would suspect any clinic to look like Caleb guessed; it had inkblot tests on the wall pictures of the doctor, paintings of patients on shrink couches. All of it seemed right but Caleb couldn't shake the feeling that something was just wrong about this as he finally sat down in a chair opposite the man that he thought would be his therapist and help him through this time.
Dr. Viktor Phobos was a man of Caleb guessed sixty with a snowy hair and a receding hairline his body looked like it was weighted down by the challenges of a great mind and his hands were gnarled.  Not the hands you would expect of a person who sat behind the desk all day, but when he called Doctor Young the man came highly recommended on the list of shrinks in town.  Caleb then took in the office it was so clinical that he wasn't even sure he could classify it as an office.  It had volumes of books on the shelf and a window that helped give the aging shrink a little more breathing room finally Phobos spoke and the voice that came out was a deep resonating voice.  One that you didn't think would come out of a man his age, with a slight hint of a German accent

"Zo vhat vring 'ou 'ere" is what it sounded like when he tried to ask Caleb the first question. It was a good thing that Caleb could understand him so he answered

By telling him the whole story from the very beginning to the end; from his sister's death to his mothers abusive or neglectful attitude toward him to Ophelia (even with the gory details), this in all took him thirty minutes but it felt like it had already been the hour.  When he finished Caleb heard the most asinine thing that he could have ever heard:

"Well I think, you suffer from dissociative identity disorder, an Oedipus complex and inferiority issuses because of your mother and the things with your sister"

That was all the man had to say, Caleb didn't even let him finish all of the thoughts; he got up and plopped down his money and left with not even a protest in kind when he hit the door the nurses jumped and almost let out a scream and jumped.  She shook her head "Some people can't handle the truth of themselves" Caleb thought he heard her say as he left the offices and got into his car.

"Of all the…for fuck sake….crackpot" he kept mumbling as he started up the car he saw sage walk by and thought it was strange.  She approached his car and said

"What's up silly boy?"

"Stupid, crack pot doctor; doesn't know his head from his ass"

"Which one, Doc Phobos?"

"Yeah how'd you know"

"Got sent to him when I was younger, walked out on the first day never looked back.  Guy called me a Oedipus I don't see how he's still in business."

"I don't know either"

She reached in her purse and brought out a business card that read

                                                          Dr. Airi Crane PhD

And underneath it said had the address and her phone number "Try that one Dragon, been with her for three years now, can't go wrong"

He looked at it and said "Ok…well thanks where the heck are you going?"

"I was heading your way decided walk for some reason. You know me, exercise and all that"

"Well you found me and boy am I glad to be found"

Caleb opened the car, it was like he hadn't seen Sage in about twenty years even though he knew it was more or less only a couple of days.  She was still the tank of a woman he knew her to be she stood about five feet ten inches, was a good deal 'heavy' by some standers weighing in at two-hundred and seventy pounds; floor length black hair that made her look like gypsy and intense hazel eyes that just screamed for you to come at her in some way; not that Caleb would, he had seen too damn many guys meet the wrong end of her.  She was as ferocious as a guard dog and just as lethal sometimes; he was glad he knew how to stay on her good side, though that took many years in the first place.

As they eased out of the parking lot Caleb noticed that he was seeing things in a new light, Ophelia was gone and it was a mistake to have taken things so freaking fast.  His so-called friend Lucian and many of the people he hung around with them were only half right.  You weren't born a master, but neither were you born a submissive in truth it was the world around you that created you as such; Ophelia had been a mistake, Demeter didn't seem like this she was kind to her friends fiercely loyal, able to tell you the truth no matter what that might have meant for her, he continued on this trail of thought when he heard Sage say

"Are you even paying attention dragon boy?"

"Huh, oh fuck I'm sorry Sage I completely spaced out"

"It's ok, what's on your mind"

"Strangely enough all the things you warned me about; I remember years ago that you warned me about mixing with Lucian, I didn't listen.  You, Roselynn, and Demeter all warned me about Ophelia and I didn't fucking listen.  Now look where I am."

"You're with me in a car, going to lunch. Your life is finally getting back on track thanks to Demeter; and you're still the fucking worrier I knew in high school"

Caleb laughed, Sage was right; he had a pension for thinking and over thinking things and making the simplest mistakes over and over again.  That was why he was only twenty-three, almost twenty four and he had no permanent companion.  Even in his right mind, as he wasn't now he would still have a lot of issues because he tended to make rash decisions about people, not think things through and just plain not pay attention; but he couldn't look to the past now this was the present and he was with friends and obviously had someone who cared enough to at least train him, he shook his head and carried on

"So where do you want to blow some steam off at Sage?"

"Hmm, you know where we haven't been in quiet some time?"

"No where?"

"To see your sister; I know I haven't, when was the last time you went?"

"I… I really don't know"

He tried to think how long it had been since he had visited her grave site; must've been a year? He didn't know but he started to head out of the den and into Pleasant. As much as he didn't want to; he knew she wouldn't let him hear the end of it until he did, better to bite the bullet now and hope he didn't cry.

The graveyard was named Weeping Angels Cemetery; Caleb found this very apt they pulled along the side walk and got out, she wasn't buried in the ground one of the few requests that his sister would have laughed at as she very much didn't want to get "Ate up by the wormsies" as she would say.  As they approached the mausoleum where she was interred his throat caught as he noticed the stone bear that had been laid there so long ago; his name was Bad Andy after a stuffed animal she had that she always blamed for her troubles.  No matter how healed he might be that bear always made him choke as it always brought up one memory of his:

Caleb had just come home from a friends to notice his door ajar, he walked in to see his little sister sitting in the middle of the floor and plucking at a guitar he had just gotten for his thirteenth birthday anger flashed through him faster than he could stop it

"JAYNE! What are you doing in my room you know you're not supposed to be in here if I'm not at home" he tried to grab at her and she ducked out of the way hiding behind her stuffed animal

"I didn't do nutthin it was all Andy"

"Who's Andy?

His little sister pointed to her stuffed toy, and he couldn't help it he took the animal and said "Well this isn't Andy this is Bad Andy"

That was a memory he held onto forever, it made him smile because his sister giggled afterward bringing a smile to the young man's face.  Sage and he sat there for the longest time not saying anything.  Sage didn't know Jayne but knew of her from his great many stories and laughter he had over the small things about her; she knew this was a somber moment so she let him have it to himself and was only there if she was needed. She knew him and knew he needed to see the gravesite even if he didn't admit it.

This was closure for him, and all of his pain

Description
                               Chapter Twenty-Seven: Admitting His Flaw

Caleb stood there then looked down; truth was he wasn't even sure what to say when he looked back up into her eyes he said

"Can we please go to the living room ma'am?"

"Yes of course, this is your house you aren't mine yet we can go wherever you will feel most comfortable"

He nodded and lead her down the steps, trying ot gather his thoughts together as he went.  Trying to push the meditation conversation he just had out of his head.  He knew what he wanted to say; he wanted to throw himself at her feet and say, no he wasn't worthy of being a master; that he was a submissive and should be treated as such.  But, would that work? Would she even believe him; these were the thoughts that spun around in his head as they sat down and she asked

"So you wanted to talk to me?"

"Yes, I….. I am not worth of ever being a master I deserve to be at a womans feet for good.  I am in no way a master nor could I handle it"

"You're wrong Caleb, well actually you're partially right" she said as he looked at her with his head tilted to one way like she was some sort of alien "You aren't a master, nor were you meant to be; what you are is the pure definition of a switch."

"What? I thought that was a made up term" Caleb honestly did, he had gotten into many arguments with "Switches" over the years, saying that you couldn't be both you couldn't have both at all.  Many of the people from Erotic Nightshade agreed with him; a master was, a master, and a slave or pet was just that. Then again, these were the people who convinced him you didn't need training to be a master.  That you shouldn't have to know what it's like to rightfully claim you were what you were, look at where that got him.

"Yeah, but still why should you waste training on me; why am I so freaking special?"

"Because I care about you, you damn fluff ball; now before we even talk about that we need to get you a haircut and shave ASAP"

Caleb stifled a laugh "I tell you this and all you can think about is my hair?

'Well it's not that Caleb, really and truthfully it isn't; it's just the fact that I know you, better than most of your friends for some reason.  You are not a strict submissive, strictly speaking given the choice you will sooner or later choose a pet as well" she sighed "it's best that we allow you to have a pet as well; one that we could preferably share you know?"

Caleb nodded and smiled, something in him felt lighter and he couldn't really fault her logic even though everything in him screamed a different story, she could read him better than anybody; better than himself.

He leaned back relieved just a little and added, "I think…. I need to seek some help; these nightmares and that specter have gotten worse.  I think I had a break through today but, I don't know if it'll come back and I might have a full fledged break down.  Neither of us want that now do we?"
Demeter nodded her consent "I think that would be best.  I could recommend you a doctor"

"Nah, not this time sweetie; though I do thank you for it' he smiled

Several days passed between these conversations; Caleb had gotten his hair cut it was now in a shag style and dyed black with red tips.  He also shaved off the growth that was on his chin that some called a beard.  He looked in the mirror the next day and realized the hair cut and the clean shaven made him look his age, to an extent.  If you looked into his eyes you would see a depth not many had at his age.  Facing himself it was like he was looking at a stranger.  Over the past year and a half he had lost his perpetual smile, the twinkle in his eye before this his hair had been long and he was unshaven not because he enjoyed it but because Ophelia said he looked good like that; part of Caleb thought it might be because she wanted to keep him so she wanted him unattractive.  He shrugged it off as he put on a shirt and looked himself over ok everything seemed right he left the house and got in his car driving to the psychiatrist he had made an appointment with a few days earlier.

It took a thirty minute drive and the office was shabby the man's name was Dr. Phobos he sat down and filled out the paperwork he sat there reflecting on it all; the relationship, the visions, the nightmares, and his family life all of it.  It would make even a soap opera look sane in some ways; scorned by his mother, lovers and even friends at time he was surprised he hadn't been locked up already.

'Mr. Brown?" the nurse said; which snapped him out of his daydreaming.

"Yes" he said as he got up.

The way back looked like what you would suspect any clinic to look like Caleb guessed; it had inkblot tests on the wall pictures of the doctor, paintings of patients on shrink couches. All of it seemed right but Caleb couldn't shake the feeling that something was just wrong about this as he finally sat down in a chair opposite the man that he thought would be his therapist and help him through this time.
Dr. Viktor Phobos was a man of Caleb guessed sixty with a snowy hair and a receding hairline his body looked like it was weighted down by the challenges of a great mind and his hands were gnarled.  Not the hands you would expect of a person who sat behind the desk all day, but when he called Doctor Young the man came highly recommended on the list of shrinks in town.  Caleb then took in the office it was so clinical that he wasn't even sure he could classify it as an office.  It had volumes of books on the shelf and a window that helped give the aging shrink a little more breathing room finally Phobos spoke and the voice that came out was a deep resonating voice.  One that you didn't think would come out of a man his age, with a slight hint of a German accent

"Zo vhat vring 'ou 'ere" is what it sounded like when he tried to ask Caleb the first question. It was a good thing that Caleb could understand him so he answered

By telling him the whole story from the very beginning to the end; from his sister's death to his mothers abusive or neglectful attitude toward him to Ophelia (even with the gory details), this in all took him thirty minutes but it felt like it had already been the hour.  When he finished Caleb heard the most asinine thing that he could have ever heard:

"Well I think, you suffer from dissociative identity disorder, an Oedipus complex and inferiority issuses because of your mother and the things with your sister"

That was all the man had to say, Caleb didn't even let him finish all of the thoughts; he got up and plopped down his money and left with not even a protest in kind when he hit the door the nurses jumped and almost let out a scream and jumped.  She shook her head "Some people can't handle the truth of themselves" Caleb thought he heard her say as he left the offices and got into his car.

"Of all the…for fuck sake….crackpot" he kept mumbling as he started up the car he saw sage walk by and thought it was strange.  She approached his car and said

"What's up silly boy?"

"Stupid, crack pot doctor; doesn't know his head from his ass"

"Which one, Doc Phobos?"

"Yeah how'd you know"

"Got sent to him when I was younger, walked out on the first day never looked back.  Guy called me a Oedipus I don't see how he's still in business."

"I don't know either"

She reached in her purse and brought out a business card that read

                                                          Dr. Airi Crane PhD

And underneath it said had the address and her phone number "Try that one Dragon, been with her for three years now, can't go wrong"

He looked at it and said "Ok…well thanks where the heck are you going?"

"I was heading your way decided walk for some reason. You know me, exercise and all that"

"Well you found me and boy am I glad to be found"

Caleb opened the car, it was like he hadn't seen Sage in about twenty years even though he knew it was more or less only a couple of days.  She was still the tank of a woman he knew her to be she stood about five feet ten inches, was a good deal 'heavy' by some standers weighing in at two-hundred and seventy pounds; floor length black hair that made her look like gypsy and intense hazel eyes that just screamed for you to come at her in some way; not that Caleb would, he had seen too damn many guys meet the wrong end of her.  She was as ferocious as a guard dog and just as lethal sometimes; he was glad he knew how to stay on her good side, though that took many years in the first place.

As they eased out of the parking lot Caleb noticed that he was seeing things in a new light, Ophelia was gone and it was a mistake to have taken things so freaking fast.  His so-called friend Lucian and many of the people he hung around with them were only half right.  You weren't born a master, but neither were you born a submissive in truth it was the world around you that created you as such; Ophelia had been a mistake, Demeter didn't seem like this she was kind to her friends fiercely loyal, able to tell you the truth no matter what that might have meant for her, he continued on this trail of thought when he heard Sage say

"Are you even paying attention dragon boy?"

"Huh, oh fuck I'm sorry Sage I completely spaced out"

"It's ok, what's on your mind"

"Strangely enough all the things you warned me about; I remember years ago that you warned me about mixing with Lucian, I didn't listen.  You, Roselynn, and Demeter all warned me about Ophelia and I didn't fucking listen.  Now look where I am."

"You're with me in a car, going to lunch. Your life is finally getting back on track thanks to Demeter; and you're still the fucking worrier I knew in high school"

Caleb laughed, Sage was right; he had a pension for thinking and over thinking things and making the simplest mistakes over and over again.  That was why he was only twenty-three, almost twenty four and he had no permanent companion.  Even in his right mind, as he wasn't now he would still have a lot of issues because he tended to make rash decisions about people, not think things through and just plain not pay attention; but he couldn't look to the past now this was the present and he was with friends and obviously had someone who cared enough to at least train him, he shook his head and carried on

"So where do you want to blow some steam off at Sage?"

"Hmm, you know where we haven't been in quiet some time?"

"No where?"

"To see your sister; I know I haven't, when was the last time you went?"

"I… I really don't know"

He tried to think how long it had been since he had visited her grave site; must've been a year? He didn't know but he started to head out of the den and into Pleasant. As much as he didn't want to; he knew she wouldn't let him hear the end of it until he did, better to bite the bullet now and hope he didn't cry.

The graveyard was named Weeping Angels Cemetery; Caleb found this very apt they pulled along the side walk and got out, she wasn't buried in the ground one of the few requests that his sister would have laughed at as she very much didn't want to get "Ate up by the wormsies" as she would say.  As they approached the mausoleum where she was interred his throat caught as he noticed the stone bear that had been laid there so long ago; his name was Bad Andy after a stuffed animal she had that she always blamed for her troubles.  No matter how healed he might be that bear always made him choke as it always brought up one memory of his:

Caleb had just come home from a friends to notice his door ajar, he walked in to see his little sister sitting in the middle of the floor and plucking at a guitar he had just gotten for his thirteenth birthday anger flashed through him faster than he could stop it

"JAYNE! What are you doing in my room you know you're not supposed to be in here if I'm not at home" he tried to grab at her and she ducked out of the way hiding behind her stuffed animal

"I didn't do nutthin it was all Andy"

"Who's Andy?

His little sister pointed to her stuffed toy, and he couldn't help it he took the animal and said "Well this isn't Andy this is Bad Andy"

That was a memory he held onto forever, it made him smile because his sister giggled afterward bringing a smile to the young man's face.  Sage and he sat there for the longest time not saying anything.  Sage didn't know Jayne but knew of her from his great many stories and laughter he had over the small things about her; she knew this was a somber moment so she let him have it to himself and was only there if she was needed. She knew him and knew he needed to see the gravesite even if he didn't admit it.

This was closure for him, and all of his pain