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SheltieWolf β Page21 rough sketch
Published: 2008-07-25 21:44:02 +0000 UTC; Views: 1450; Favourites: 37; Downloads: 18
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Description
I'm drawing Page21 now.If there is something of wrong in characters' lines. Please teach me right English.
Thank you!
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Comments: 72
Alright, second panel. You're trying to convey that he's still young, so he should say something like this...
"My bad, I didn't mean to hear what you said... I... I just wanted to talk to Takeru."
Then the fifth panel, Inayori should say...
"Don't worry, your secret is safe with me!'
Then Oto should say
"That's good to hear!"
Then that end part should be like this...
"But Everyone always said 'Oto was the daughter of evil.' But, you takeru and me were all brought up by grandpa, So..."
And that's all ya need.
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Thank you very much for the nice advice! ^_^
Yes. You are right. He is still young. So I wanted to write his lines in easy English.
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I hope my translations help your comic be the best it can be.
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Nice to see a sketch!
IΒ΄ve always found WIPΒ΄s/sketches very interesting ^^
Great job dear
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YouΒ΄re very welcome dear 
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wow, it's amazing!!! great work!!! LOVE
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Thank you! ^_^
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you're welcome
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In the second panel, it would be better if it said "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to eavesdrop," but other than that, I think thats it ^^ can't wait to see it coloured
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nice to see how you sketch out your stories.
well i did see a few mistakes but everything is already mentioned by the others so i just say i cant wait to see it colored
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i'm sorry but i'm too bud in english xD
but i love your line
your art is special i love it
can't wait to see next page xD
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Hmmm....
I'd help out but I wouldn't be the first to tell you.
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Nice.
Maybe on the second panel, you could reword it like this:
"I'm sorry... I wasn't meant to overhear your conversation... I... I only wanted to talk to Takeru..."
And on the last panel...
"Everybody has always said "Oto is the daughter of evil"... But Oto, Takeru and I were brought up by my grandpa together. So..."
Other than that, it's flawless.
Can't wait to see it colored. ^^
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Thank you very much! ^_^
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It's good. Two things though in the 2nd panel where it says "I wasn't meant" you might want to say "I didn't mean..." instead and where it says "talk" you should use "conversation..." to have it flow smoother. And in the last panel where it says "Everybody have" you may want to say "Everybody has..." or "Everyone has..."
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Thank you very much! ^_^
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I can't wait to see it all colored!!!!
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You already have a lot of suggestions, but for Inayori's first line, I like, "Sorry... I didn't mean to overhear you. I just wanted to talk to Takeru..."
"I didn't want to/ mean to eavesdrop..." also works.
They all make such a nice group!
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Thank you very much!
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Awesome! I can't wait to see it finished! I have one suggestion for you! In the second panel where it says "I wasn't meant to listen in on your talk" It should say "I didn't mean to listen in on your conversation."
Otherwise, great job!
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Thank you very much!
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People have pointed out almost everything already, so the only thing I could say would be that "Oto is the daughter of evil" sounds better ^^
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"Oto is the daughter of evil"
I will correct it. Thank you!
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C: mooooooreeeee
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your only welcome if you are going to color it <^/.\->
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I'm sorry I didn't mean to listen, I just wanted to talk to Takeru
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So it was Inyanori? Takeru is lucky it wasn't one of the less trusting wolves!
I see that the others have already pointed out the corrections. I agree with a few of them, but disagree with others. Here's what I'd use:
"I'm sorry... I didn't mean to evesdrop, I only wanted to speak to Takeru..."
and
"everyone always says "Oto is a daughter of evil"... but Oto, Takeru and I.., we've been brought up by my grandpa together, soo..." as Animewolf94 suggested
"everybody has always" as CuhmCroi suggested
"Sure! I won't tell anyone!"
and
"Inyanori, can you keep..." as Furrama suggested.
Your english is VERY good, Sheltie!
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