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XXKitsunaXX [2008-08-05 10:37:40 +0000 UTC]

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emanjii [2008-08-05 09:29:35 +0000 UTC]

Awesome! I love all the different poses you use, it makes your comic so much more interesting to read ^^

Anyway, instead of, "Inayori, by the way, what did you wanna speak with me?" I'd have put, "Inayori, you said you wanted to talk to me?" or something along those lines ^^ also, "I will stand up you with Takeru after this." it makes more sense to say "I will stand up for you with Takeru after this" ^^

Also, the bottom left hand panel is amazing. I don't know why but I love Takeru in that panel xD

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dead-dance-crow [2008-08-04 21:45:05 +0000 UTC]

your sketch looks as good as the final version C:

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OddsAndAtrocities [2008-08-04 13:42:19 +0000 UTC]

Alright....
2nd panel "I've made up my mind Oto! I'll stand with you and Takeru from now on!"

Then the fifth panel "So, What'd you want to talk about Inayori?"
"Oh, I've got some good news!"

Hope these help you out pal.

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TheKarelia [2008-08-04 13:30:46 +0000 UTC]

Can´t wait to see the finished result

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ElementalSpirits [2008-08-04 12:58:35 +0000 UTC]

It looks like all the mistakes have already been corrected. xD but it's looking good. ^^

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LiLStenly [2008-08-04 12:00:14 +0000 UTC]

Man that is not my business but why posting the sketches ... to see the finished picture is much more cool ?

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ARVEN92 [2008-08-04 11:44:13 +0000 UTC]

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwww love inayori's pose in last panel^^ with that pawww^^ so cutie^^ XD
ZOMG now i cant wait what the "good news" are about lol^^

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xXblackwolfXx [2008-08-04 09:47:31 +0000 UTC]

they already corrected everything
love the sketches

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dragonsnouts [2008-08-04 07:20:51 +0000 UTC]

"I've always regarded you as my sister. Oto! I just made up my mind! I will stand with you and Takeru after this."

"...Thank-you so much. I'm very happy."

"By the way, Inayori, what did you want to speak to me about?"

"I have good news!"

"Huh?"

That should do it. Very nice page.

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ViciouslyPlayfulWulf [2008-08-04 03:14:32 +0000 UTC]

Nice sketch.
In the 2nd panel instead of "I will stand up you with Takeru after this" try "I will stand up for you along with Takeru, after this!" or "After this, I shall stand up for you along side Takeru!"
In the 3rd panel instead of "I am happy as I thought" try "I am happy just as I thought..." or "I'm glad, the idea makes me very happy..."
The 4th panel where it says "....what did you wanna speak to me?" you could say "...what did you wish to speak to me about?" or "did you wanna speak to me about something?"
Finally the 5th panel take out the 'a' so it can just be "I have good news!" or it could alsome be "I've got great news!"
Hope these suggestions help you

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Darksoulwoof [2008-08-04 02:27:32 +0000 UTC]

kool somrthing happy <^/.\6>

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OPALwhitedragon [2008-08-04 01:55:51 +0000 UTC]

YAYS! cant wait to see it finished-XD!

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Kentari-Samul [2008-08-04 01:00:55 +0000 UTC]

by the way, inayori what did you want to speak to me about?
or
by the way inayori what did you want to tell me?

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castalidragon [2008-08-04 00:24:34 +0000 UTC]

These are my suggestions from reading it, so tell me if you feel the meaning doesn't match your intentions.

"Oto, from now on I've made up my mind. I'm going to stand up for you just like Takeru!"

"Thank you so much. That really makes me happy..." or "Hearing that makes me happy..." If I'm misunderstanding the line here, I apologize in advance.

I love your comic, so I hope my suggestions are helpful. Great job!

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spiritedfox [2008-08-03 23:51:37 +0000 UTC]

Yeah, awesome! I love it!

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Filippa-e [2008-08-03 23:05:42 +0000 UTC]

I would love to help but my english isn't perfect either xD xD

how fun to see your skecthes before comic I wonder how it'll turn out when it's done ^^

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codewolf [2008-08-03 22:50:55 +0000 UTC]

[panel 1]
I always wanted to regard you as my sister

[panel 2]
Oto!, i made up mu mind just now! i will stand up for you with Takeru from now on.

[panel 3]
Not completely sure here in what context so i changed it a bit: thank you so much that means allot to me

[panel 4]
Inayori? what did you want to ask me by the way?

[panel 5]
#1 I have good news!
#2 Huh?!

might want to change that huh?! to a "what?" or a "please tell me" but all 3 are correct language


hope it helps
groeten van uit nederlands

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