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SheltieWolf β Page23 rough sketch
Published: 2008-08-11 21:08:55 +0000 UTC; Views: 1355; Favourites: 23; Downloads: 16
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Description
I'm drawing Page23 now.If there is something of wrong in characters' lines. Please teach me right English.
Thank you!
He've --- He's
found --- find
careless mistake! XD
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Comments: 91
well i tried my best but i have to admit that it was hard to understand what you want to say.
could you maybe add a short description next time to explain what the page should say that way picking the right words will be way more easier.
so here is my rewrite i hope im not to far from what you mean:
[panel 1]
news of my dad?
Yep! , travelers who know the news of your dad are visiting a den of grandpa, he says he knows one of them
[panel 2]
your father was...
He was a great Fighter. People called him "Hero of Fire" but his real name was "Susanoo".He defeated a terrible monster called "yamata-no-orochi"
[panel 4]
(once again very hard to understand what you mean)
But he had gone missing for a long time. i want to find him, training myself to become a noble wolf just like him on the way. i need to leave for the outside world next fall.
[panel 5]
when you leave?
Let's go together!, you and me to the large world!
*cough*
[panel 6]
Look! there come the travelers
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Thank you very much!
I will correct them!
Well? Was it hard to understand my lines in panel4?
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yes it was hard to understand the different timeframes of the message
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i agree with him
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Pretty good! You're becoming more elaborate in your usage of words! Just a few corrections, and I'll type the whole sentence so you can see how they make sense
"Travelers who visit know that your daddy's going to visit grandpa's den! Grandpa said that "He was an old friend of mine"."
"People called him the "Hero of Fire"."
"But, He's been missing for a long time. I wanna find him. So, I will leave to search the outside world next fall. Once more, I hope to train myself and become a noble wolf like him."
"When you leave...."
"Look! They're the travelers!
Takeru's dad is going to show up? That's cool!
And, 'Orochi' means 'eight-heads' or something like that, right? I want to see if I know my Japanese-monster-terms!
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Thank you very much!
Your lines are nice! I will correct them!
"Orochi" meant "big snake" in old Japanese.
By the way, "Yamata" meant "deviding into eight heads".
Yamata-no-Orochi is one of the terrible monster in Japanese myth. He was defeated by Susanoo who was a great hero.
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You're welcome!
Big Snake... Deviding into eight heads... Got it! So, the monster's name is "The snake with eight heads"?
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I see a typo in the second paragraph Granpa sould be Grandpa. Also, in the same bubble. βone of them is an old friend of meβ , βmeβ should beβmine.β
Fifth paragraph βBut heβve been missing for a long while.β should be βBut heβs been missing for a long while.β Also, "I wanna found him" should be "I wanna find him."
βI will leave for the outside world from the next fall.β Sounds odd. Not sure if itβs grammatically correct, but Iβd suggest βI will leave for the outside world next fall.β
Hope this helps. Nice page, by the way.
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Thank you very much! ^_^
Your advice helped me.
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Susanoo? That's sound like a "great figther" in Okami xd
And Orochi too Oo
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Susanoo is one of the great hero in Japanese myth. He fought against Yamata-no-Orochi which is a snake monster of eight head. And he helped a lot of people.
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yup but the game okami was based off the legend of Susanoo the thunder god or somethin like that
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ooh! can't wait to see it done!
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hm... maybe you can change what Inayori says to: "Yep! Some travelers know where your dad is are at Grandpa's den. He said that one of them is an old friend."
And maybe change Takeru's words to "He was a great fighter, some people called him the "Hero of Fire." But his real name is Susanoo and he defeated the terrible monster Yamata-no-Orochi." "But he's been missing for a long time... I want to find him. So I'll leave for the outside world next fall. I hope to train myself to become a noble wolf like him."
And thus where Oto goes: "When you leave...?"
then Takeru should say: "Sure! Lets travel together!"
And finally, Inayori: "Look! There are the travelers!"
Lol, I think that's it! 8D
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Thank you!
I will correct them.
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>>>>>>>"but hes been missing for awhile i wanna find him"
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Thank you. ^_^
Oops! Careless mistake.
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''He've been missing for a long time. I wanna found him''
Should be: He's been missing for a long time. I want to find him.
Otherwise its awesome
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Thank you! ^_^
I will correct it.
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Awesome, can't wait to see this page done. I'll leave the spelling up to everyone else since they seem to already have covered it XD.
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Thank you! I'm drawing this page now!
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:dances her happy dance: XD
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cool^^
"news about my dad?" "yep! travelers who know news about your daddy are visiting grandpa's den. grandpa said: one of them is an old friend of mine"
and then "but he's been missing for a long time. i want to find him/ i wanna find him. so i'll leave for the outside world next fall. what's more important, i want to train myself and become a noble wolf like him/ i hope i can train myself and become a noble wolf like him"
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Thank you very much!
I will correct them!
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"an old friend of mine"
"people called him"
"but he's been"
"I wanna find"
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Thank you!
"Found" is careless mistake...
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ehm; in the first pic it says "granpa", and ehm, in one of the pic it says peolpe
. also
he've been missing >> he's been missing
I wanna found him >> I wanna find him
^_^ If I missed something, sorry XD
Very nice sketches, I never scetch my work ^_^"
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oh and, also,
"travellers who know your daddy's news visited your grandpa's den"
If they have allready visited ^^
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Thank you very much!
I will correct them! ^_^
He's... and found oops! Careless mistake!
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^_^ You're welcome
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