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Published: 2004-08-27 17:56:38 +0000 UTC; Views: 287; Favourites: 5; Downloads: 27
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Description
You and I, my love,In a clumsy waltz,
We dance beside the docks.
The world is ours
And, fireflies,
We chase the shooting stars.
The air is still
And time has stopped
And the moon a ten pence piece.
We flicker like moth and flame,
Giddy, drunken, unashamed,
More enchanted with each timid kiss.
Tonight we are fey folk,
Darting through the dark,
Then together by a flaming sea.
We sit close, breathe each other in,
Cold midnight against hot skin,
As the moon makes love to the streets.
Comments: 34
gaux-gaux [2004-09-02 23:03:51 +0000 UTC]
beautiful pic.....and beautiful poem! love them both! ^^
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electricfire1243 [2004-08-31 01:50:45 +0000 UTC]
"The world is ours
And, fireflies,
We chase the shooting stars" I love the flow to this... it's wonderful.
"Giddy, drunken, unashamed,
More enchanted with each timid kiss" But this seems to be a bit too long for the rest, overdescribed I guess. Good work though. :B
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Sparklepixie In reply to electricfire1243 [2004-08-31 10:51:45 +0000 UTC]
Thank you. Yeah, I agree with that line.. couldn't convey my idea in a compact enough form, perhaps I should replace the word "enchanted" but I like that word, it's so pretty
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tigress86 [2004-08-30 18:59:38 +0000 UTC]
that is especially beautiful piece there. i especially like the ending. it kinda sums it all up in a nice way. i must fave this.
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darksk8er [2004-08-30 15:10:38 +0000 UTC]
Wow I love that Great job!! There is so much emotion in this. Again great job!
I'm lovin it lol
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Tridelvior [2004-08-30 13:19:11 +0000 UTC]
wow.. you have such vivid language, and the emotion really flows out well in this poem. excellent job.
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phoenixtx [2004-08-30 07:36:05 +0000 UTC]
the final loves i think is the best in the poem
it kind of sums up the entirity of the emotion shown.
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Sparklepixie In reply to phoenixtx [2004-08-30 08:40:53 +0000 UTC]
Phew, that's good to know.. thank you very very much
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shaundj [2004-08-29 19:51:23 +0000 UTC]
very romantic indeed, i love the picture that goes with it! the start of the poem for me is the best.
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potato-queen [2004-08-29 06:29:17 +0000 UTC]
A very playful and romantic piece. I truely enjoyed.
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Sparklepixie In reply to potato-queen [2004-08-29 08:24:46 +0000 UTC]
Thank you very much..!
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chr0ma [2004-08-28 09:06:22 +0000 UTC]
Lookit all them golden streaks in the water *_* So artistic
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Sparklepixie In reply to chr0ma [2004-08-28 16:47:21 +0000 UTC]
Heehee, and the wobbliness due to shaky hands and silly camera settings Thank you!
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movingpictures [2004-08-28 05:25:36 +0000 UTC]
Pretty
I like the kind of poetry that is impulsive and on-the-fly... if it turns out to have a rythym like that, then cool! I'm not very good at writing it myself, and they only pop out every now and then. Just keep trying and go with the flow, I guess, you'll improve with practice.
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Sparklepixie In reply to movingpictures [2004-08-28 06:49:18 +0000 UTC]
Ooh like your avatar Yeah, I want to write more nowadays
I came across loads of notebooks I'd filled up with stories and fragmented poems from when I was about 13 and it was pretty fun reading them, however silly some where
It's nice and relaxing to write! Thank you very much
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poetically-pathetic [2004-08-28 02:37:03 +0000 UTC]
its absolutely beautiful ........ i love everything about it ......
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Sparklepixie In reply to poetically-pathetic [2004-08-28 06:46:59 +0000 UTC]
Thank you very much, that's a wonderful compliment..!
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NindeEarfalas [2004-08-27 18:15:34 +0000 UTC]
That's excellent! I love the use of visual and metaphoric imagery. Really helps capture a mood within the poem.
I especially love the last stanza. Good work! x
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Sparklepixie In reply to NindeEarfalas [2004-08-27 18:22:29 +0000 UTC]
Thank you.. that's really kind of you Is the last line ok? My boyfriend suggested I change it to something a little less "passionate" but I can't think what to! @_@ By the way, you have some nice work in your gallery!
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NindeEarfalas In reply to Sparklepixie [2004-08-27 18:27:34 +0000 UTC]
Thanks very much!
No, I like the last line. It ends the poem nicely. x
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30000070 [2004-08-27 18:02:40 +0000 UTC]
firstly............the poem's brill! And i love the photo too, the contrast of black and yellow is captured well
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Sparklepixie In reply to 30000070 [2004-08-27 18:04:22 +0000 UTC]
Thank you! I took the photo on a night like described (it's er.. meant to be the "flaming sea"). It's the lights of ships and building over the water, came out rather strangely but it was really pretty .. Thank you very much!
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