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Everyone had their strengths and weakness, and as far as Neo could figure, his personality was made up of mostly strengths. He had engineered himself that way; he was a robot after all. It had been a simple matter to rewrite his own code, then rewrite it again and again, until he was absolutely perfect in every way. There was not a scientific problem in the world Neo couldn’t solve, no logistical challenge that couldn’t be optimized.
So then why was it Neo still had problems?
Take his own robot minions, for example. Neo had engineered them to be superior in every way. They were made of the most durable material, and they were all connected to Neo’s hyper-efficient, quantum computing network. He could write up orders, send them out, and his minions would be hard at work at Neo’s latest scheme within seconds.
That was, at least, until his minions had the wonderful idea to form, of all things, a union. What had once been hyper-efficiency had turned to a colossal bureaucracy, the complexity of which flabbergasted even Neo himself.
So what had he done? The only logical thing of course.
He melted down all his minions and started over.
That had solved one problem, but just like an endless game of optimization Whack-a-Mole, it had created another one.
Namely, the complete inability his minions possessed to stop Sonic the Hedgehog.
Neo smacked the computer terminal in front of him. The holographic screen above it fuzzed slightly. The obnoxious face of Sonic the Hedgehog looked back at him.
“Aw, what’s the matter, Neu~?” Sonic called out with a sly smile. He was staring up at one of the cameras Neo had installed throughout the entire secret lair. Sonic tapped his foot against the charred body of one of Neo’s fallen mechanical minions. “You distracted by my beautiful face or somethin’? Cuz your robo-buddies are even dumber than the last time. This guy didn’t even notice me until I was already on top of him.”
Neo growled a harsh, mechanical screech. He pressed a button on the terminal before him, and a holographic screen popped up in front of Sonic. Sonic would now be able to see Neo’s face. That would, according to Neo’s calculations, intimate the hedgehog.
“We have been down this path a million times before now, hedgehog. What makes you think this time will be any different? You may have had some past successes breaking into my lair, but you have never truly been able to stop me.”
“Aw, stop you? Where’s the fun in that?” Sonic flipped back his quills with the palm of his hand. “I’m just here because I know you can’t keep your eyes off me.”
He blew the camera a kiss.
Neo cursed. He slammed the button again, cutting off Sonic’s hologram without another word. Sonic could no longer see Neo, but Neo could still see Sonic.
Which, as it always had, proved to be a mistake. Sonic knew that Neo could still see him, and he took full advantage of that by speeding down the corridors of Neo’s lair in what had to be his most flirtatious attempt yet. Every time Neo sent a minion after Sonic, Sonic would jump into the air, pose for the camera, then destroy the robot with a single pounce. He would wave at the camera, smile, then continue down the hallway singing.
Why did Neo keep making this mistake? The problem, as far as Neo could tell, was that Sonic was some type of pathological narcissist who thrived on any form of attention. If Neo would just ignore him, Sonic would probably go away.
Probably.
Or the hedgehog would actually destroy Neo’s lair for real this time. That was a risk Neo couldn’t afford to take.
So he continued to watch Sonic, and Sonic continued to tele-flirt with him. Occasionally, Neo would lose his cool and make the mistake of turning on his own feed for Sonic to see in an attempt to intimate the hedgehog. Sonic would just smile at him, and Neo would have to cut the feed again immediately.
Neo plopped back down into his evil mastermind throne and pressed his forehead with the tips of his fingers. As always, this hedgehog was proving to be a massive pain in the motherboard. Everything about Sonic was just so weak, so inefficient, so...random, and Neo was endlessly tormented by it.
“Knock-knock~”
Neo jerked upright, his gaze locked to the steel door.
“You gonna let me in, Neu? Let me see that big, handsome ‘bod of yours in person, hmm? Come on now, Neu, don’t make me wait. I didn’t come all this way for nothing.”
Neo groaned. He stood up. He dragged himself over to the door as every electron in his circuits told him this was a terrible plan.
Neo slammed the door open. “What? What do you want?”

Sonic smiled. He stepped forward, standing but a hand’s distance away from Neo. “What’s the world come to that a hedgehog can’t just visit his neighbor, huh? I was just walking this way and I thought I might as well stop in and see how you’re doing.”
Neo held perfectly still, his fists clenched. “And here I thought you were stopping by to borrow a cup of sugar.”

“ Was that a joke, Neu? I never thought you had it in you.” Sonic inched even closer. He was so close now that Neo could feel his breath. “But if you want to give me some sugar, you know I’m always willing.”

“Actually, I think I will take you up on that offer.”
With one hand, Neo grabbed Sonic’s wrist. With his other, he grabbed Sonic’s waist. Then, with the hedgehog completely in his embrace, he leaned forward and pressed his muzzle to Sonic’s mouth.
Sonic’s eyes widened. He mumbled something Neo couldn’t understand, but whatever it was, it didn’t sound like sarcasm. Then Sonic’s eyelids slowly fell shut. He leaned in and brought his hand down, pressing his palm to Neo’s own. Sonic let their fingers slowly intertwine. A soft purr rumbled from him.
Finally, Neo withdrew.
Sonic stood there, eyes half-lidded in a daze. His voice was very quiet. “N-neu?”
Neo snapped the other half of the handcuff to the iron support beam. Then he took a step back and crossed his arms in triumph. “You are mine now, hedgehog.”
“Huh?” Sonic shook his head, attempting to regain his wits. “What did you—”
Sonic tugged his wrist. The handcuff held firm. He tried to pull free, but he couldn’t breakaway. Then he tried to lean down, preparing for a spin, but there wasn’t enough room. His feet slipped out from under him, and he fell to the ground on his bottom.
“You can try all you want, hedgehog, but those handcuffs are made from the strongest alloy known to science. You won’t break free.”

Neo stepped forward, his optics beaming. He could feel the desire to monologue growing within himself, but he tried to ignore it. “Not so confident now, are we?”

Sonic looked up at him. For a brief moment, Neo thought he saw a twinge of panic cross the hedgehog’s face. But it was fleeting, and it vanished as fast as it had appeared. Sonic went to say something, but Neo cut him off.
“There is no need for a rebuttal, hedgehog.” Neo stepped backward. He snapped his fingers. Steel bars came shooting down from the ceiling and formed a perfect cage around Sonic.
“You are mine now.”