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themapper — Sodden Rejection
Published: 2006-01-23 04:19:06 +0000 UTC; Views: 272; Favourites: 2; Downloads: 4
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Description
Sodden With RejectionSodden from evening's chill rainfall,
I stumble from street lamp to stop sign,
plodding thru puddles unheeded,
alone with my furious mem'ry.
Loathing the runnels that blind me,
my glasses befogged and near useless,
cursing the night that now hides me,
yet grateful no eyes mock my passing.
Hurriedly bargaining favours
I cannot commit but desire. Yes,
hoping the goddess of rainstorms
will wash my hot shame and forgive me.
Long did I want and desire her
and long did she discard my love-words:
clumsy one moment then agile,
I loathe my fool tongue that has sent me
sodden from evening's chill rainfall,
and stumbling from street lamp to stop sign,
plodding thru puddles unheeeded,
alone with my furious, furious memory
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Comments: 11
that is really good, i wish i could write that because i know that can't have been easy to write.
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heh. well, it was hard, mostly because of having to say what it really felt like, having to be brutally honest about how it felt when I was, what, 19? or summat like that age. really, i was embarrassed to feel so exposed like that.
the mechanics, well, yes, they were some work too of course, but without the history behind it, the effort would have been sterile.
very glad you read this one, as it was a kind of purge for me.
russ
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wow, when i write, im always so scared to be brutally honest, so i always twist bits, to make it different from what i feel, i always feel vunrable.
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Awesomely done. I don't know if I could do the same with a set structure. Wonderful job!
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Always a pleasure, certainly.
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Well I can certainly feel the push and pull of the meter in this. I do also understand your frustration in attempting to keep to a pattern when your memories are not ever that compressed and organized. In high school I was required to write a poem in the Sestina form. Two such versions are somewhere on DevArt here....[link] and [link] here...I really like the words you chose though, they make it more interesting, more intricate than most. A+ for effort!
Mim
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Wow! I always think, the best reply to a poem is another poem... thank you!! I shall go there right now to read your own, with pleasure.
Russ
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Ah, it sounds like something that might be happening in the near future to me! *bites teeth* A nice poem for a nice story (though it wasn't nice to you then, and I presume now too) but I never really got complex meters like the dactylic hexameter that you used - though this therefore would only have to then serve to your advantage but I'm sorry that I can't offer any advanced critique.
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No worries, mate. I wrote this while in a bombastic kind of mood and, in the light of morning, I think it shows.
Thanks for the read.
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