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TipsyRa1d3n — Cthulhu f'*** OFF!' (Redacted)

Published: 2015-02-03 06:59:43 +0000 UTC; Views: 1705; Favourites: 23; Downloads: 3
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Description Ohman, this one was a treat to do!

OK, so let's get down to brass tacks cuz I love this SCP in particular. XD

What is it?

Apparently, it's some young, teenaged Elder God who is still growing up, but finds his powers manifesting quickly and unpredictably. Namely, he has relatively weak compulsion powers. Aka making humans who have been around him constantly for longer than 6 months aware of his wants and needs, and compelled to fulfill them. He also has the strange "curse" of being able to spontaneously spawn a cult that worships him into existence. Needless to say, they just straight up approach him at least once a month, then do some extremely squick-y things in front of him as he too finds himself absolutely disgusted at their behavior. This doesn't happen very often, but when it does, he really wants them to go away and worship some other god, or read a Bible. 

He came to the SCP Foundation looking for some peace and quiet, so he basically lives a normal life in his would-be cell. 

What would THEY do?

Since he's allowed to play computer games, and has only one available network for Skype connections (ECCENTRI-CITY), he's been in contact with Helena and Sklekxzai for quite a while. Gaming with them in his off-time since the SCP Foundation knows they're pretty trustworthy. Eventually, since this guy (THEY NICKNAME HIM "Loo-Loo") has seen several instances of cultists breaking into his cell and adapting to the SCP's bodyguard's methods of defense, Loo-Loo eventually decided to just move to the Eccentri-City. Mostly because really, few people there find themselves very affected by Loo-Loo's compulsion power. The closest it ever got to that was Adrian making a batch of snowball cookies for him for no reason. XD

The cultists still come, but he finds his life quite a bit easier now that there are literally hundreds of people to defend him from that terrible situation at any given time. Not to mention, he actually lives near Helena because he often comes over to play first person shooters with her and Sklekxzai. THIS GUY....if he continues on the path he's going, he's probably not gonna grow up and settle down with a cult like any other abomination, but prolly stay young, irresponsible, and totally lovin' those games. 
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Comments: 29

JaredtheFox92 [2015-02-03 20:03:31 +0000 UTC]

Baila: A water god?

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TipsyRa1d3n In reply to JaredtheFox92 [2015-02-03 20:11:33 +0000 UTC]

Loo-Loo: Almost, but not quite there yet. -_-;

BESIDES, I'm really not all up for that God stuff yet. I'm cool just playing videogames with my besties Helena and Sklekxzai. One question, does anyone actually worship you?

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JaredtheFox92 In reply to TipsyRa1d3n [2015-02-03 20:14:57 +0000 UTC]

Baila: No, why would you worship something as random as the weather? It's not like mortals can change it.

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TipsyRa1d3n In reply to JaredtheFox92 [2015-02-03 20:17:15 +0000 UTC]

Loo-Loo: Totally get what you mean. Thing is I've already got people trying to worship me even though I'm not even all that powerful to begin with. 

Not to mention, the absolutely GROSS shit they do that they think qualifies as worship. Ugh, Jesus Christ....

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JaredtheFox92 In reply to TipsyRa1d3n [2015-02-03 20:33:24 +0000 UTC]

Baila: Neither am I. That would make me feel unconformable.

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TipsyRa1d3n In reply to JaredtheFox92 [2015-02-04 00:04:43 +0000 UTC]

Loo-Loo: As it is....their methods of worshipping make me EXTREMELY uncomfortable already. Thing is, they could go with temples, or rain dances, or hell maybe even selling Loo-Loo merchandise to spread the word. But NOPE.

They have to do all that other....SHIT. Y'know...burst into your bedroom and do blood orgies in front of you. After you take a shower. Possibly in a public restaurant. Those assholes....can you teach me how to make thunderbolts or something...? Or at least how to get them to bug off? 

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JaredtheFox92 In reply to TipsyRa1d3n [2015-02-04 00:07:31 +0000 UTC]

Baila: *Shrugs* A flood or two would do it.

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TipsyRa1d3n In reply to JaredtheFox92 [2015-02-04 00:13:18 +0000 UTC]

Loo-Loo: Hmm...closest thing I have to that is a water jet. But I guess that'll work. I'll probably buy a Nerf Gun to make it more effective, cuz these nutjobs have killed people before to get into my old cell. Killed them and ate their carcass....made symbols on my bedroom walls using blood and jizz stains, tried to pull me into a circle to sing a litany....you don't get any problems like that, do you?

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JaredtheFox92 In reply to TipsyRa1d3n [2015-02-04 00:19:22 +0000 UTC]

Baila: Anyone who kills for me gets a free lighting bolt to the head. >_>

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TipsyRa1d3n In reply to JaredtheFox92 [2015-02-04 00:21:40 +0000 UTC]

Loo-Loo: Trust me, if I knew how to lightning bolt, I'd totally do the same thing too. -_-

'Tis why I'm getting a house at Eccentri-City. So far the closest thing a person there's come to worshiping me is randomly baking me a batch of snowball cookies. So I think I'll be fine there! 

I dunno, d'you know a temporary place where I can stay for the night?

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JaredtheFox92 In reply to TipsyRa1d3n [2015-02-04 00:37:44 +0000 UTC]

Baila: There's a beach over there. *Points.*

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TipsyRa1d3n In reply to JaredtheFox92 [2015-02-04 00:43:54 +0000 UTC]

Loo-Loo: Works for me. I think that'll work nicel--

....goddammit, I see them coming already. Not again... -_-;

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JaredtheFox92 In reply to TipsyRa1d3n [2015-02-04 00:47:13 +0000 UTC]

Baila: Are you scared of them?

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TipsyRa1d3n In reply to JaredtheFox92 [2015-02-04 00:51:45 +0000 UTC]

*They see several men and women in hooded robes coming for him, carrying a bound and gagged woman, and several garden tools including garden shears, trowels, pruning saws, and a spade.*

Loo-Loo: I'm not SCARED of them! I hate having f***ing cultists around because they're gross and stupid!

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JaredtheFox92 In reply to TipsyRa1d3n [2015-02-04 00:59:53 +0000 UTC]

Baila: Do you want me to handle this?

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TipsyRa1d3n In reply to JaredtheFox92 [2015-02-04 01:02:27 +0000 UTC]

Loo-Loo: Gimme a moment, I gotta figure out if I can get through to these nutjobs.

*They stop when they get to him, and drop the tied-up girl to their feet. Standing devoutly as they seem to stare at him.*

Loo-Loo:....OK guys....um, your Lord commands you to stop for a moment, and tell me what the hell's gonna happen. Tell me the details before you do ANYTHING with the girl.

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JaredtheFox92 In reply to TipsyRa1d3n [2015-02-04 01:22:10 +0000 UTC]

Baila: *Whispers* Tell them to ignore me.

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TipsyRa1d3n In reply to JaredtheFox92 [2015-02-04 01:31:02 +0000 UTC]

Loo-Loo: *Nods*

Also don't pay mind to her, just explain to me.

Cultist: Ok! My Lord, we bring you this virgin offering that, for our bloodbirthing ritual, we shall--

*CENSORING ALL THE DETAILS FOR DECENCY'S SAKE.

And Loo-Loo is frozen in disgust and horror at their planned ritual, before he throws up into a garbage can nearby.*

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JaredtheFox92 In reply to TipsyRa1d3n [2015-02-04 01:47:12 +0000 UTC]

Baila: Honesty mortals, if we gods wanted people to  kill wouldn't we just do it ourselves?

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TipsyRa1d3n In reply to JaredtheFox92 [2015-02-04 01:55:10 +0000 UTC]

Cultist: Ma'am, you must understand something! Gods are definitely capable of killing mortals, but it is we, the followers of the gods, who must do our part and prove our devotion to our Lord! It is for him that we must sacrifice this young lady, so her blood and amniotic fluids may--

Loo-Loo:

*Takes his head out of the garbage can and storms towards them.*

Your so-called Lord is completely un-appeased by this disgusting BS, and I swear to heaven above I am going to smite you all if you don't go home, AND DO SOMETHING ELSE LIKE READ A GODDAMN BIBLE!!!

*Panting after his outburst as the cultists and humans stop what they're doing.*

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JaredtheFox92 In reply to TipsyRa1d3n [2015-02-04 01:56:57 +0000 UTC]

Baila: How about doing something pleasing? You know like keeping your planet nice and safe for us deities to look at?

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TipsyRa1d3n In reply to JaredtheFox92 [2015-02-04 02:03:30 +0000 UTC]

Cultist:.....that's not what the other Eldritch Gods wanted.

You see, they were really into plunging the population of Mobius into madness and terror.

Loo-Loo: Like my Grandpa? Dude, don't even THINK about Grandpa anymore. King Norbert personally went to R'lyeh himself and kicked his ass because he was an asshole. I mean....he didn't even LIKE you guys. Didn't even wake up from his death-like sleep or show any gratitude or acknowledgement for your efforts, despite all the rituals and hard work you did for him because he was a raging asshat. 

Cultist: Wait....really? Our rituals did NOTHING...?

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JaredtheFox92 In reply to TipsyRa1d3n [2015-02-04 02:05:57 +0000 UTC]

Baila: Yeah, nothing. Do you think you mortals are going to stop us gods from doing things the way we want by petty worship?

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TipsyRa1d3n In reply to JaredtheFox92 [2015-02-04 02:14:15 +0000 UTC]

*WELL this seems like a lot to absorb for the cultists! They speak to the gods for the first time, only to realize that their rituals literally do jacksh**, and that their gods are actually starting to seriously get cheesed off at them for it.*

Loo-Loo: Look...it's hard to accept, because you guys have probably been y'know, cutting up little kids and making wall graffiti with vagoo juice long before me, but it's the truth.

Grandpa Cthulhu didn't even care, I hate it, she hates it, your worship is NOT gonna change how any of us do things, so uh...untie the woman and listen carefully to what I'm about to say next.

*They nod and hastily untie her, allowing her to run the heck away from there.*

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ComanderSprings [2015-02-03 08:58:02 +0000 UTC]

I've been really interested in Eldritch Abominations lately. I think I should start to read Lovecraft's books!

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TipsyRa1d3n In reply to ComanderSprings [2015-02-03 09:02:22 +0000 UTC]

Heh, funny you mention that! Thing is I've actually never fully read one of Lovecraft's books, but they seem to be pretty good! Albeit this guy's pretty much a parody of Eldritch Abominations in general. XD

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ComanderSprings In reply to TipsyRa1d3n [2015-02-03 09:10:27 +0000 UTC]

I see. It turned out pretty good

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Jay-Law [2015-02-03 08:13:03 +0000 UTC]

Kind of looks like Zoidburg to me...

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TipsyRa1d3n In reply to Jay-Law [2015-02-03 08:23:53 +0000 UTC]

Oh yeah!! Totally. XD

Except somehow MORE jaded despite being only 200 years old, and being quite a late bloomer for an Elder God! XDD

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