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vampirekyawl — Hypocrisy
Published: 2011-06-01 21:54:10 +0000 UTC; Views: 15191; Favourites: 366; Downloads: 31
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Before people starting getting into hissy fits over this (and that's assuming anyone looks at it), I want to say this:Please note that I DO support gay rights, so keep your nasty comments telling me that I'm ignorant/whatever to yourself.
HOWEVER, that said, I DO NOT support this crazy notion that some people have that goes along the lines of OMG liek the Church hates gays so all people who ever set foot in a church hate gays and that means that Church and the Bible and all religion is evil and we should hate THEM because they hate stuff we support.
What, you have the right to disagree with them, but they don't have the right to disagree with you?
Now, I'm not saying that people are justified to go around and spew whatever crap happens to pop into their minds (-coughcough-Westboro Baptist Church-cough-) because that's not right. Saying that soldiers are dying because God hates "fags" is wrong. Period. Especially when it is shouted outside military funerals.
I also don't believe that is Christian. I went to CCD (OMG a Catholic; the Pope hates gays so she must hate gays and get her BURN HER AT THE STAKE!!!) for 8 years, and while we didn't actually learn much, the one thing that was repeated over and over and over again was that God loves us all. I personally interpret that to include EVERYONE (although I'm not very religious, so I could be wrong).
You don't have to believe in God. You don't have to believe in any religion (hey, what's up with people saying "religion" and automatically referring to an Abrahamic religion, especially Christianity and Islam?). That's your right as a human being.
You also have the right to think for yourself. If you support gay rights, that's your choice. If you aren't comfortable with it, that's your choice, too. And while I don't agree with you, I don't feel the need to attack your faith, as well as you personally.
Let me put it this way: If you bash religion and say horrible things about it, if you make threats like burning someone's holy book just because you want to make a point, that makes you just as bad as all the religious zealots who shout horrible things about homosexuals and say that Islam is the devil's religion and that women are inferior (I'm sure some people still think this) and everything else that religious extremists say.
Being on the extreme end of either spectrum, of ANY spectrum, is never good.
Whew. End of rant.
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Comments: 354
👍: 1 ⏩: 0
They can disagree, but in a world owned by me they would be executed by a firing squad.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
bitches be like accept everyone be open minded and then order a drone strike on people that disagree with their personal beliefs
damn i do hate hypocrites
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Well said, I 100% agree with you on all accounts. I grew up Pentecostal Christian, and now you could say I'm best described as an agnostic theist. I believe in God and call it good enough, even though I know I can't prove one way or the other if God exists.
I get tired of the fights going back and forth between straight people and LGBT. I also get tired of the wars between people who believe in God and people who are atheists, and meanwhile pagans and people of other religions kind of get pushed to the way side.
Plus, some Christians are gay so there's that!
There's assholes on both sides, and no one has the right to bash anyone.
👍: 2 ⏩: 0
I fucking HATE when people hate on anyone for the people they are attracted too. People can control who they love. This applies to gays, straights, bisexuals, pansexuals, Asexual s, etc. The only sexual attraction that is unacceptable is pedophilia
👍: 2 ⏩: 1
I totally agree with the pedophilia part. Being a part of the LGBT community shouldn't be against the law..
I'm glad that people are realizing that
👍: 3 ⏩: 0
sorry i think straight people are gross because in the bible it created adam and steve, not adam and eve. god gave us the gift of being gay and by being straight goes against god's wishes. you must repent for being a heterosexual or you will succumb to the fires of hell for your sin. ill send a prayer to the lord and saviour the son of our god jesus christ to rid of your sin.
"my wee wee small"
moses 69:420
please go to a church to accept jesus into your sinful soul, amen brother!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
got it! I got it! I got it! Dinghy ahoy. Dinghy off the port bow. - Dinghy off the port bow! - Dinghy off the port bow! Dinghy off the port bow. - Captain, dinghy off the-- - Dinghy. I got it! I got it. Where is it? It's right here, captain. I never thought I'd see it with me own eye. Tickets to The SpongeBob Movie! Who lives in a pineapple Under the sea? Absorbent and yellow And porous is he SpongeBob SquarePants lf nautical nonsense Be something you wish SpongeBob SquarePants Then drop on the deck And flop like a fish SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants The sea. So mysterious, so beautiful. So... ...wet. Our story begins in Bikini Bottom's popular undersea eatery The Krusty Krab restaurant, where-- - Back up. Back up. - Hey. Wait a minute. - What is happening? - PIease, settIe down. We've got a situation in there I'd rather not discuss tiII me manager gets here. Look, there he is. TaIk to me, Krabs. It started out as a simpIe order: a Krabby Patty with cheese. When the customer took a bite, no cheese! Get ahoId of yourseIf, Eugene. I'm going in. Take it easy, friend. I'm the manager of this estabIishment. Everything's gonna be just fine. - I'm reaIIy scared here, man. - You got a name? - PhiI. - You got a famiIy, PhiI? Come on, PhiI, stay with me. Let's hear about that famiIy. I got a wife and two beautifuI chiIdren. That's what it's aII about. I want you to do me a favour, PhiI. What? Say cheese. Order up. Three cheers for the manager! Hip! Hip! Hip! Hip! Hip! Hip! Hooray! Gary, I had that dream again. And it's finaIIy gonna come true. Today. Sorry about this, caIendar. Because today is the grand-opening ceremony for The Krusty Krab 2, where Mr. Krabs wiII announce the new manager. Who's it gonna be, Gary? WeII, Iet's ask my waII of 37 4 consecutive empIoyee-of-the-month awards. SpongeBob SquarePants. I'm ready. Promotion. CIeanIiness is next to manager-Iiness. I'm ready. Promotion. I'm ready. Promotion. SpongeBob! What are you doing in here? I have to teII you something, Squidward. Whatever it is, can't it wait untiI we get to work? - There's no shower at work. - What do you want? I just wanted to say I'II be thanking you in my manageriaI acceptance speech today. Get out! Okay. I'II see you at the ceremony. That sounds Iike the manager of the new Krusty Krab 2. Oops. HoId on. - CongratuIations, buddy. - Oh, thanks, Patrick. And tonight, after my big promotion, we're gonna party tiII we're purpIe. I Iove being purpIe! We're going to the pIace where aII the action is. - You don't mean...? - Oh, I mean. Goofy Goober's Ice Cream Party Boat! Oh, l'm a Goofy Goober, yeah You're a Goofy Goober, yeah We're all Goofy Goobers, yeah Goofy, goofy, goober, goober, yeah I'd better get going. I'm ready. Promotion. I'm ready. Promotion. Good Iuck, SpongeBob. Hey, Iook for me at the ceremony. I got a IittIe surprise for you. l'm a Goofy Goober Yeah HeIIo, Bikini Bottom! Perch Perkins here, coming to you Iive from in front of The Krusty Krab restaurant, for years the onIy pIace to get a deIicious and mouth-watering Krabby Patty. UntiI today, that is. That's right, foIks. Long-time owner Mr. Krabs is opening a new restaurant caIIed The Krusty Krab 2. First of aII, congratuIations, Mr. Krabs. HeIIo. I Iike money. What inspired you to buiId a second Krusty Krab right next door to the originaI? Money. Curses! It's not fair. Krabs is being interviewed by Perch Perkins, and I've never even had one customer! Don't get worked up again, Plankton, l just mopped the floors. Oh, Karen, my computer wife, if onIy I couId have managed to steaI the secret to Krabs' success, the formuIa for the Krabby Patty. Then peopIe wouId Iine up to eat at my restaurant. Lord knows I've tried. I've exhausted every eviI pIan in my fiIing cabinet... - ...from A to Y. - A to Y? Yeah, A to Y. You know, the aIphabet. What about Z? - Z? - Z. The letter after Y. W, X, Y, Z. PIan Z! - Here it is, just Iike you said. - Oh, boy. It's eviI. It's diaboIicaI. It's Iemon-scented. This PIan Z can't possibIy faiI! So enjoy today, Mr. Krabs, because by tomorrow, I'II have the formuIa. Then everyone wiII eat at the Chum Bucket, and I wiII ruIe the worId! AII haiI PIankton. AII haiI PIank--! I'm ready. Promotion. I'm ready. Promotion. I think I stepped in something. Not in something, on someone, you twit. Sorry, PIankton. Are you on your way to the grand-opening ceremony? No, I am not on my way over to the grand-opening ceremony. I'm busy pIanning to ruIe the worId! WeII, good Iuck with that. I'm ready. Promotion. I'm ready. Promotion. Stupid kid. WeIcome. WeIcome, everyone, to the grand opening of The Krusty Krab 2. - We paid $9 for this? - I paid 1 0. Now, before we begin with the ribbon-cutting, I'd Iike to announce the name of our new manager. Yay! Yeah! Yeah! Now we're taIking! Yeah! Yes. WeII, anyway... The new manager is a IoyaI, hard-working empIoyee. Yes. The obvious choice for the job. He's right. A name you aII know. It starts with an S. - That's me. - PIease weIcome our new manager... ...Squidward TentacIes. Yes! Yeah! Oh, better Iuck next time, buddy. Yeah! AII right! PeopIe of Bikini Bottom, as the manager of-- SpongeBob. HoId the phone, foIks, I'm getting an important news fIash from Mr. Krabs. Go ahead, Mr. K. I'm making a compIete what of myseIf? The most embarrassing thing you've ever seen? And now it's worse because I'm repeating everything you say into the microphone? Oh, for crying out Ioud, SpongeBob, you didn't get the job. - What? - You did not get the job. But-- But why? SpongeBob, you're a great fry cook, but I gave the job to Squidward because being manager is a big responsibiIity. WeII, Iet's face it, he's more... - ...mature than you. - I'm not... ...mature? Lad, I mean this in the nicest of ways, but there's a word for what you are, and that word is... Now, Iet's see... - Dork? - No, wait, that's not right. Not a dork. - A goofbaII? - CIoser, but no, no, no. - A ding-a-Iing. - Wing nut. A KnuckIehead McSpazatron. Okay, that's enough. Look, what I'm trying to say is, you're just a kid. And to be a manager, you have to be a man. Otherwise they'd caII it ''kid-ager.'' You understand-ager? I mean, you understand? I guess so, Mr. Krabs. SpongeBob? I'm ready. Depression. I'm ready. Depression. Poor kid. Hooray for SpongeBob! Hooray for SpongeBob! Let's hear it for SpongeBob! HeIIo? Where'd everybody go? Did I miss something? Did you see my butt? Later that evening... Time to put PIan Z into effect. Starting at the undersea castIe of King Neptune. Oh, right. The royaI court is now in session. Bring the prisoner forward. So you have confessed to the crime of touching the king's crown. - Yes, but-- - But what? But it's my job, Your Highness. I'm the royaI crown poIisher. WeII, then I guess I can't execute you. - Twenty years in the dungeon it is. - Daddy. You're free to go. BIess you, Princess Mindy. Mindy, how dare you defy me. Why do you have to be so mean? I am the king. I must enforce the Iaws of the sea. Father, I wish you'd try a IittIe Iove and compassion instead of these harsh punishments. That wouId be nice. Squire, cIear the room. I wish to speak to my daughter aIone. What is this, Mindy? - Your crown? - And what does this crown do? - Covers your baId spot. - It's not baId, it's thinning. This crown does much more than cover a sIightIy receding hairIine. No, this crown entitIes the one who wears it to be in charge of the sea. One day, you wiII wear this crown. I'm gonna be baId? Thinning! Anyway, the point is, you won't wear it untiI you Iearn how to ruIe with an iron fist. Like your father. Dad, your ''crown''... What the...? My crown! Someone has stoIen the royaI crown! I got it. I got it. Hey, aII you Goobers, it's time to say howdy to your favourite undersea peanut, Goofy Goober. Howdy, Goofy Goober! Hey, feIIow Goofy Goobers. Time to sing. Oh, l'm a Goofy Goober, yeah You're a Goofy Goober, yeah We're all Goofy Goobers, yeah Goofy, goofy, goober, goober, yeah AII right. Get it together, oId boy. I know. I'II just stop thinking about it. Hey, you know, I actuaIIy feeI a IittIe better. I don't even remember why I was sad. Hey, it's the new Krusty Krab 2 manager. Wow, the pressure's aIready setting in. No, Pat, you don't understand. I didn't get the promotion. What? Why? Mr. Krabs thinks I'm a kid. - What? That's insane. - I know. WeII, saying you're a kid, it's Iike saying I'm a kid. - Here's your Goober MeaI, sir. - I'm supposed to get a toy with this. Thanks. I'm gonna head home, Pat. The ceIebration's off. - Are you sure? - Yeah. I'm not in a Goober mood. Okay, see you. And here's your TripIe Gooberberry Sunrise, sir. TripIe Gooberberry Sunrise, huh? I guess I couId use one of those. Now you're taIking. Hey, waiter, we need another one over here. There you go. Boy, Pat, that hit the spot. - I'm feeIing better aIready. - Yeah. Waiter, Iet's get another round over here. Oh, Mr. Waiter. Two more, pIease. Waiter. Oh, waiter. Waiter. Waiter. - Waiter! - Why do I aIways get the nuts? AII right, foIks, this one goes out to my two bestest friends in the whoIe worId: Patrick and this big peanut guy. It's a IittIe ditty caIIed... ...''Waiter!'' Hey. Hey, get up. Hey, come on, buddy. I wanna go home. Come on, paI. Oh, my head. Listen to me. It's 8 in the morning. Go scrape up your friend and get going. My friend? Patrick. Hey, what's up, buddy? Wait, you said 8:00. I'm Iate for work. Mr. Krabs is gonna be... Mr. Krabs. Now, pay attention, Squidward. As new manager, you've gotta keep a sharp eye out for paying customers. Yawn. What's this? King Neptune is riding toward The Krusty Krab at Iunchtime. He's got money. Stay in the coach, daughter. This won't take Iong. Daddy, pIease. I think you're overreacting. SiIence, Mindy. I know what I'm doing. - Squire. - Yes, Your Highness. Have this poIe executed at once. A hundred and one doIIars for a Krabby Patty? With cheese, Mr. Squidward, with cheese. Greeting, subjects. I seek the one known as Eugene Krabs. May he present himseIf to me at once. I'm Eugene Krabs, Your Highness. WouId you Iike to order something? Nay! I'm on to you, Krabs! You have stoIen the royaI crown, you cannot deny. For, cIever as you are, you Ieft one damning piece of evidence at the scene of the crime. ''I stoIe your crown. Signed, Eugene Krabs.'' ReIinquish the royaI crown to me at once. But-- But this is crazy. I didn't do it. Ahoy, this is Eugene Krabs. Leave a message. Hi, Mr. Krabs. This is Clay, the guy you sold Neptune's crown to. Yeah, l just wanted to say thanks again for selling me the crown. Neptune's crown. l sold it to a guy in Shell City, and l just wanted to say thanks again for selling me the crown. Neptune's crown. Which is now in Shell City. Goodbye. Don't you just hate wrong numbers? My crown is in the forbidden SheII City?! PIan Z. I Iove PIan Z. Prepare to burn, Krabs. Wait, Neptune. PIease, I'm begging you. I ain't a crook. Ask anyone, they'II vouch for me. Very weII, then. Before I turn this conniving crustacean into fishmeaI, who here has anything to say about Eugene Krabs? I've got something to say about Mr. Krabs. SpongeBob, me boy, you've come just in time. - Pardon me, miss. - PIease, teII King Neptune aII about me. I have worked for Mr. Krabs for many years and aIways thought he was a great boss. You see? A great boss. I now reaIize that he's a great big jerk! I deserve that manager's job! But you didn't give it to me, because you say I'm a kid. WeII, I am 1 00-percent man! And this man has got something to say to you. There. I think I made my point. Anyone eIse? No? WeII, then. Me pants are on fire! Me underwear's on fire! I'm on fire! Oh, yeah. And now, Eugene Krabs, you wiII-- Wait. I'm fIattered you wouId do this on my account, but being manager isn't worth kiIIing Mr. Krabs over. Quiet, fooI! Mr. Krabs stoIe my crown, and now it's in SheII City. - That's why he must die. - Doesn't it seem a IittIe harsh to kiII someone over a crown? You don't understand. My crown is a symboI of my king-Iike authority. And between you and me... ...my hair is thinning a bit. Oh, Your Highness, I'm sure it's not that notice-- BaId. BaId. - BaId! BaId! - BaId! BaId! My eyes! AII right, aII right. King Neptune, sir? WouId you spare Mr. Krabs' Iife if I went to get your crown back? You, go to SheII City? No one who's gone to SheII City has ever returned. What makes you think you couId? You're just a kid. But I'm not a kid. I can do it. Run aIong, I have a crab to cook. No! I won't Iet you. Very weII, then. I'II have to fry you both. Daddy, stop it. Can't you get through one day without executing someone? Mindy. I toId you to stay in the carriage. Where's your Iove and compassion? Look at this IittIe guy. He's wiIIing to risk his Iife to find your crown and save his boss. - But, daughter, I-- - PIease, Father? At Ieast Iet him try. What have you got to Iose? Might I remind you of your speciaI probIem? - BaId! BaId! BaId! - BaId! - BaId! BaId! - My eyes! AII right. Very weII, Mindy. I'II give him a chance. But when your IittIe champion faiIs to return, I get to spIatter this crab aII over the waIIs. And as for you, be back here with my crown in exactIy ten days. - He can do it in nine. - Eight. - Seven. - Six. - Patrick! - Patrick! Six it is, then. - Five. - Patrick, shush. UntiI then, the crab shaII remain frozen where he now stands. No, wait. I'm begging you. Who turned on the AC? Mr. Krabs! Oh, no, this is terribIe. Who's gonna sign my paycheck? Come aIong, Mindy. Listen, you guys, the road to SheII City is reaIIy dangerous. There's crooks, kiIIers and monsters everywhere. And what's worse, there's a giant CycIops who guards the outskirts of the city and preys on innocent sea creatures. Don't Iet him catch you, because if he does, he'II take you back to his Iair, and you'II never be seen again. She's purty, SpongeBob. Here, take this. What's in here? It's a magicaI bag of winds. - I stoIe them from my father. - You're hot. Once you find the crown, open the bag of winds and you'II be bIown back home. - Mindy! - I'm coming. - Good Iuck, SpongeBob. - Wait. How did you know my name? Oh, I'm gonna be queen of the sea one day. I've Iearned the names of aII the sea creatures. What's my name? That's easy. You're Patrick Star. - Mindy! - I gotta go. I beIieve in you guys. Thanks, Mindy. Don't worry, Mr. Krabs. Patrick, Squidward and I-- Pass. - Patrick and I... - Hi. ...are gonna get that crown back and save you from Neptune's wrath. You've got nothing to worry about. Your Iife is in our hands. Patrick, Iet's go get that crown. - Feast your eyes, Patrick. - What is it? The Patty Wagon. Mr. Krabs uses it for promotionaI reasons. Let me show you some of its features. Sesame-seed finish, steeI-beIted pickIes, griIIed-Ieather interior. And under the hood, a fueI-injected french-fryer with duaI overhead grease traps. - Wow. - Yeah, wow. Hey, I thought you didn't have a driver's Iicense. You don't need a Iicense to drive a sandwich. - SheII City, here we come! - SheII City, here we come! Ding-a-Iing. Hey there, oId buddy. Freeze. One secret formuIa to go, pIease. No, no, don't troubIe yourseIf. I'II get it. WeII, I'd Iike to hang around, but I've got Krabby Patties to make... ...over at the Chum Bucket. PIan Z, I Iove you. Oh, l'm a Goofy Goober, yeah You're a Goofy Goober, yeah We're all Goofy Goobers, yeah Goofy, goofy, goober, goober, yeah FiII her up, pIease. What'II it be, feIIas, mustard or ketchup? Are they Iaughing at us? No, Patrick, they're Iaughing next to us. Where you two dumb kids headed, anyway? - Kids? - Now, Patrick. For your information, we are not kids, we are men. And we're off to get King Neptune's crown in SheII City. - SheII City? - SheII City? Ain't that the pIace that's guarded by a kiIIer CycIops? That's right. LIoyd, take off your hat in respect. Respect for the dead! You two dipsticks ain't gonna Iast ten seconds over the county Iine. Oh, yeah? We'II see about that. Out of the car, feIIas. How many seconds was that? TweIve. - In your face. - In your face. That's what I'm taIking about. Yeah. Who's the kid now? They're dead. Perch Perkins here with an incredibIe news fIash. PIankton is seIIing Krabby Patties at the Chum Bucket. How is this possibIe? Let's find out. Step right up. PIenty for everybody. Excuse me, PIankton. Perch Perkins, Bikini Bottom News. - Can I get a minute? - Anything for you, Perch. AII of Bikini Bottom wants to know, how did you get the Krabby Patty? WeII, Perch, before my dear friend Eugene Krabs was frozen by King Neptune... I'm sorry. He confided in me a secret wish. ''SeII the Krabby Patty in my absence at the Chum Bucket,'' he said. ''Don't Iet the fIame die out.'' By the way, act now and you get a free Chum Bucket bucket heImet with every purchase. Here you go, Perch. - Thanks. - Bucket heImets for everyone! My heImet! Karen, baby, I haven't feIt this giddy since the day you agreed to be my wife. l never agreed. EviI PIan Z is working perfectIy. Nothing can stop me now. Nothing except SpongeBob and his pink friend. My sensors indicate that they're going after the crown. lf they make it back, Neptune might discover some fingerprints. Tiny fingerprints. Stubby, tiny fingerprints. EviI PIan Z is way ahead of you, baby. I've aIready hired someone to take care of those two. He's a vicious, coId-bIooded predator. Sesame seed. Hey, mister. Does that hat take ten gaIIons? - Going on. - Yeah. Yeah. - Moving on. - Just keep going. Yup. Gonna get that crown. Oh, yeah. - AII right. - AII right. Yeah. Victory. - Are we there yet? - We must be cIose by now. Patrick, Iook. We're doing great! SheII City's onIy five days away. By car. I wish we stiII had our car. SpongeBob, Iook. Our car! - The key. - Where do you think it is? There it is, Pat. The key! Now, how are we gonna get it? I know. WaIk in and ask him for it. What are you Iooking at? - Patrick, that's a terribIe idea. - Sorry. I know. I'II go in and create a distraction, and you get the key. Wait. I wanna do the distraction. Okay. I guess it reaIIy doesn't matter who does the distraction. You see me waIking back--? Can I have everybody's attention? I have to use the bathroom. It's right over there. Stupid contacts. Oh, there it is. I better go wash it off. Patrick. You caII that a distraction? WeII, I had to go to the bathroom. WeII, I got my hands dirty for nothing. Patrick, check it out. - Hooray! - Hooray! - BubbIe party! - BubbIe party! Hey! Who bIew this bubbIe? You aII know the ruIes! AII bubbIe-bIowing babies wiII be beaten senseIess by every abIe-bodied patron in the bar. That's right! So who bIew it? So nobody knows. - Maybe it was-- - Shut up! Somebody in here ain't a reaI man. You! We're on a baby hunt. And don't think we don't know how to weed them out. Now, everybody Iine up. DJ, time for the test. No baby can resist singing aIong to this. SpongeBob, it's the Goofy Goober theme song. I know. Oh, l'm a Goofy Goober, yeah You're a Goofy Goober, yeah We're all Goofy Goobers, yeah Goofy, goofy, goober, goober, yeah - It was you! You're the baby! - No, no! I onIy coughed, I swear. DJ ! Turn it up Iouder! Don't sing aIong, Patrick. I'm trying. Trying so hard. l'm a Goofy Goober, yeah You're a Goofy Goober, yeah We're all Goofy Goobers, yeah Goofy, goofy, goober, goobers, yeah WeII, weII, weII. Which one of you babies was it? - It was him. - It was him. - He did it. - He did it. I've never even eaten at-- Goofy, goofy, goober, goobers, yeah WeII, Iooks Iike we got ourseIves a doubIe baby. Man, that was a cIose caII. Guess what I got. The key! Too bad SpongeBob's not here to enjoy SpongeBob not being here. Morning. Some peopIe have no taste in headgear. Babies too? Excuse me, miss, but where is everybody getting that horrid headwear? Who said that? Down here. WeII, I got it at the Chum Bucket. PIankton's giving them away free with every Krabby Patty. Chum Bucket? Free? Krabby Patty? PIankton? Giving? With? So you're seIIing Krabby Patties, PIankton? That's right, Squidward. And there's a free bucket heImet with every purchase. Care for one? No. You may have hoodwinked everyone eIse in this backwater town, but you can't fooI me. I Iisten to pubIic radio. - And what's that supposed to mean? - It means you set up Mr. Krabs. You stoIe the crown so Neptune wouId freeze him and you couId finaIIy get your stubby IittIe paws on the Krabby Patty formuIa. It was you aII aIong. But you made one fataI mistake. You messed with my paycheck. And I'm gonna report you to the highest authority in the Iand, King Neptune! We'II see about that, Inspector LooseIips. Now activating helmet brain-control devices. What? All hail Plankton. - What's going on here? - All hail Plankton. Seize him, sIaves! All hail Plankton. I'm getting out of here! All hail Plankton. All hail Plankton. Who can stop me now? Who? - Come on, Pat, one more time. - Okay. We're on a baby hunt. And don't think we don't know how to weed them out. ''Weed them out.'' What a jerk. The road's getting kind of bumpy here. You know, SpongeBob, there's a Iesson to be Iearned from aII of this. What's that, Patrick? A bubbIe-bIowing doubIe baby doesn't beIong out here in man's country. Yeah. Wait. We bIew that bubbIe. Doesn't that make us a bubbIe-bIowing doubIe baby? Hey, Iook, free ice cream! Oh, boy! How you doing? Wait a minute. Wait a minute. SpongeBob! Yeah? Make mine a chocoIate! Got you covered. Two, pIease. CertainIy. You kids enjoy. ActuaIIy, we're men, Iady, but thanks. Okay, Patrick, Iet's... You can Iet go now. I said, Iet go, pIease. What is this? What kind of oId Iady are you? Did you get the ice cream? Step on it, Patrick! Hey! You may not know it, cowboy, but we got a ruIe around here about bIowing bubbIes. AII bubbIe-bIowing babies wiII be beaten senseIess by every abIe-bodied... - In bar... - Bar... Come on, kiddies, have some ice cream. I'II Iet you pet Mr. Whiskers. Jump for it, Patrick! WeII, we Iost our car again. Never mind the car, where's the road? Road. Road. Road. Road. Road. Road. Road. R-- Sorry. There's the road. On the other side of this... ...deep, dark... ...dangerous... - Hazardous. - ...hazardous... Monster-infested. Yeah, monster-infested... ...trench. Hey, SpongeBob, Iook! Here's the way down. WeII, we're not gonna get the crown standing here. On to SheII City. Hey, Iook, it's making noise. SpongeBob? - Hey, where are you going? - I'm going home, Patrick. But what about Mr. Krabs? What about us? We'II never survive in that trench! You said it yourseIf, this is man's country. And Iet's face it, Pat. We're just... - ...kids. - We're not kids. Open your eyes, Patrick! We bIow bubbIes, we eat ice cream. We worship a dancing peanut, for corn's sake! We don't beIong out here! We do not worship him. You've been wearing the same Goofy Goober Peanut Party underpants for three years straight. What do you caII that? Worship? You're right, SpongeBob. We are kids. PuII your pants up, Patrick. - We're going home. - But you can't go home. Mindy! Mindy? - How much did you hear? - I heard enough. - Did you see my underwear? - No, Patrick. Did you want to? Look, guys, you may be kids, but you're the onIy ones Ieft who can get that crown. What do you mean, the onIy ones Ieft? Things have gotten a Iot worse since you Ieft Bikini Bottom. Or shouId I say PIanktopoIis. All hail Plankton. No resting! This monument ceIebrating my gIory isn't gonna buiId itseIf. Move faster! Oh, my gosh! Patrick, Iook! PIankton's turned everyone we know into sIaves. Squidward. Sandy. Mrs. Puff. Even Gary. PIankton. Can't your father do something? My father's too distracted by his baId spot to do anything. Squire, wiII you hurry. So you see, you can't quit. The fate of Bikini Bottom rests in your hands. - But-- But we're just-- - Hey. It doesn't matter if you're kids. And what's so wrong with being a kid, anyway? Kids ruIe! You don't need to be a man to do this. You just gotta beIieve in yourseIf. You just gotta beIieve! - I beIieve. - That's the spirit. I beIieve that everybody I know is a goner! Come on, guys. Guys. Guys? Guys? Oh, boy. Think, Mindy, think. Yup, I guess you're right. A coupIe of kids couId never survive this journey. That's why I guess I'II just have to turn you into men. You can do that? How? With my mermaid magic. Did you hear that, Patrick? She'II use her mermaid magic to turn us into men! Hooray! We're gonna be men! We're gonna be men! We're gonna be men! Good. Now, Iet's get started. CIose your eyes. - Are we men yet? - Not yet. Spin around three times. I think it's working. Good. Now, keep your eyes shut. With my mermaid's magic and my one taiIfin, I command the two of you to turn into men! Open your eyes. I don't feeI any-- Oh, my gosh, Patrick, you have a moustache! So do you! So now that you're men, can you make it to SheII City? - Guys. - Yeah? I said, now that you're men, can you make it to SheII City? Heck, yeah! - Are men afraid of anything? - Heck, no! And why? Because we're invincibIe! - Yeah! - Yeah! I never said that. - Yeah! - Yeah! - Yeah! - Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah. - Patrick? - Yeah, buddy? Why did we jump over the edge instead of taking the stairs? Bec-- WeII... - Patrick. - Are we dead? No. Far from it, my friend. We're safe and sound at the bottom of this trench. The moustaches worked! Do you know what that means? We are invincibIe! Now that we're men We can do anything Now that we're men We are invincible Now that we're men We'll go to Shell City Get the crown, save the town And Mr. Krabs Now that we're men We have facial hair Now that we're men l change my underwear Now that we're men We've got a manly flair We've got the stuff We're tough enough to save the day We never had a chance when we were kids No! No! No! But take a look at what the mermaid did Yeah, go, Pat. Oh, yeah. Yeah, go, SpongeBob. Hooray! Now that they're men We can't bother them Now that they're men They have become our friends Now that they're men There'll be a happy end They'll pass the test And finish the quest for the crown They'll pass the test And finish the quest They'll pass the test And finish the quest for the crown ''SheII City, dead ahead.'' We did it, Pat! We made it past everything! Even the hideous, disgusting monsters. Not you guys. You guys are awesome! WeII, Patrick, we shouId be there in one more verse. - Now that we're men-- - FinaIIy. I got you right where I want you. Can I heIp you with something, sir? Name's Dennis. I've been hired to exterminate you. You're gonna exterminate us? Listen, junior, you caught me and my friend here in a good mood today, so I'm gonna Iet you off with a warning. Step aside, and you won't have to feeI the awesome wrath of our moustaches. You mean these? I thought you stiII had a piece of saIad stuck to your Iip from Iunchtime. They were fake? Of course they were fake! This is what a reaI moustache Iooks Iike. - Is he a mermaid? - AII right. Enough gab. What are you gonna do to us? PIankton was very specific. PIankton? For some reason, he wanted me to step on you. Step on us? Yeah! That way you'II never find out that he stoIe the crown! Perhaps I've said too much. That's a big boot. Don't worry. This wiII onIy hurt a Iot. I Iove this job! - Bigger boot! - Wait, Pat. This bigger boot saved our Iives. Thank you, stranger. Stranger? It's the CycIops! HeIp us! HeIp us! Save us, someone! Are we dead? I don't think so. ArtificiaIIy coIoured rocks? I don't know where we are. What is this? It's some kind of waII of psychic energy. No, Pat, it's a giant gIass bowI. Hey, there's some fish foIk. - Hey, over here! - Hey! Hey! Hey, you guys! - You guys, hey! HeIp! - Hey! HeIp! - A IittIe heIp here! We're stuck in this-- - HeIp us out of the tank! Wait a second. Those fish are dead. What's he gonna do with us? Oh, no, he's going for his eviI instruments of torture. GIue? GoogIe eyes? He's making a humorous diorama of... ...AIexander CIam BeII? Patrick, he's kiIIing sea animaIs and making them into smeIIy knickknacks. And I think we're next. - You think so? - Patrick! No! The heat is so intense from this Iamp that I can't move. The heat is so intense from this Iamp that I can't move. TeII me about it. This doesn't Iook too good, Patrick. You mean we're not gonna Get the crown, save the town And Mr. Krabs? I don't even think we're gonna be abIe to save ourseIves, buddy. - Thanks. - Don't mention it. WeII, it Iooks Iike what everybody said about us is true, Patrick. You mean that we're attractive? No, that we're just kids. A coupIe of kids in way over their heads. We were doomed from the start. I mean, Iook at us. We didn't even come cIose to the crown. We Iet everybody down. We faiIed. SheII City. Yeah, we never made it to SheII City. SheII City. ExactIy, buddy. Yeah, the pIace we never got to. SheII City. Okay, now you're starting to bum me out, Patrick. No, Iook at the sign. ''SheII City. Marine gifts and sundries.'' SheII City is a gift shop? But if this is SheII City, then where's the...? - Crown. - Crown. Neptune's crown. This is SheII City. Pat, we did make it. Yeah, I guess we did. We did aII right for a coupIe of goofbaIIs. l'm a Goofy Goober, yeah You're a Goofy Goober, yeah We're all Goofy Goobers, yeah Goofy, goofy, goober, goober, yeah That's the end of SpongeBob. Come here, you. Shut up and Iook at the screen. The bird's right. Look. It be the tear of the Goofy Goobers. Hey, we're aIive. - Let's get that crown. - Right. On three, Patrick. Ready? One, two, three. Hey, it's Iighter than I thought. What's happening? I don't know. Look! Come on, Patrick. Let's get this crown back to Bikini Bottom. - Do you stiII have that bag of winds? - I sure do. Here you go. What? Nothing. Nothing. Okay, Iet's go over the instructions. Let's see, it says here, ''Step one: Point bag away from home.'' - Okay. - ''Step two: PIant feet firmIy on ground.'' - Right. - ''Step three: Remove string from bag, reIeasing the winds.'' Check. WeII, that seems simpIe enough. Point bag away from home, feet firmIy on ground, puII string, reIeasing the winds. AII right, Iet's do it for reaI. SpongeBob? - No, no, stop! - I was bad, I'm sorry! - PIease, bag. - I'm sorry, I just thought-- It was a mistake! Oh, no. How wiII we ever get back to Bikini Bottom now? I can take you there. - Who are you? - I'm David HasseIhoff. - Hooray! - Hooray! So where's your boat? Boat? - Go, HasseIhoff. - Next stop, Bikini Bottom. All hail Plankton. All hail Plankton. WeII, Krabs, you know what today is? Sorry about this, caIendar. March 1 4. Wait, that's not right. It shouId say ''The day that Krabs fries.'' Guess who's here. Hooray for HasseIhoff! Nothing can stop us now. Unidentified object off the hindquarters. It Iooks Iike... ...bigger boot. But how? Dennis! Did you miss me? This is the best seat in the house. AII right, Neptune, Iet's get it on. Eugene Krabs, your six-day reprieve is up, and it is time for you to die. PIease, I didn't do it. There is nothing eIse I can do. You can give SpongeBob and Patrick a IittIe more time. Except give SpongeBob and Patrick a IittIe more time-- What? Mindy, wiII you butt out. I won't have you staIIing this execution. StaIIing? I'm not staIIing anything. - Yes, you are. - No, I'm not. Yes, you are. You're doing it right now. - I'm staIIing. - Yes. - StaIIing? - StaIIing! - StaIIing. - StaIIing! Oh, boy. Now, where were we? - Patrick, run. - No. I'm tired of running. If we run now, we'II never stop-- Run, SpongeBob! Take it easy back there, feIIas. SpongeBob, be carefuI. Come on, kid, give it up. Dennis aIways gets his man. Never! Yeah! I did it! You got guts, kid. Too bad I gotta rip them out of you. I don't know what PIankton's paying you, but if you Iet us go, I can make it worth your whiIe. It's gonna take a Iot more than 5... - What is this? - That, sir, is five Goober doIIars. LegaI tender at any participating Goofy Goober-- I got bubbIes. Fun at parties. My eyes. I got you, SpongeBob. Thanks, buddy. Thanks a Iot. That's it. I'm through messing around. See you Iater, fooIs. See you. So you think... ...I'm... ...staIIing. Where am I, in Crazytown? I have had enough of this nonsense! You are to wait in the carriage untiI the execution is done. - But, Daddy-- - Now! No, no, no! Oh, SpongeBob, wherever you are, you better hurry. Okay, feIIas, this is where you get off. Bikini Bottom's directIy beIow. But we'II never be abIe to fIoat down in time. Who said anything about fIoating? - lnitiating launch sequence. - What the--? - Did you see that? - The controI. AII hands on deck. Ten seconds to lift-off. Nine, eight... Eugene Krabs, the time has come... - No. - Yes. ...six, five... ...for you... - No. - Yes. ...three, two... - ...to fry. - No. - Yes. - ...one. No! You done good, HasseIhoff. You done-- Hooray! We made it. We made it. My crown. My beautifuI crown! SpongeBob? Patrick? I knew you couId do it. Oh, yes. WeII done, SpongeBoob. Sorry to rain on your parade, PIankton. Oh, don't worry about me. My parade shaII be quite dry under my umbreIIa! UmbreIIa? Daddy, no. Daddy, yes. All hail Plankton. All hail Plankton. All hail Plankton. All hail Plankton. All hail Plankton. SpongeBob, what happened? - PIankton cheated. - Cheated? HoId on there, baIdy. Oh, grow up. What, you think this is a game of kickbaII on the pIayground? You never had a chance to defeat me, fooI. And you know why? Because you cheated? No, not because I cheated. Because I'm an eviI genius. And you're just a kid. A stupid kid. I guess you're right, PIankton. I am just a kid. Of course I'm right. Okay, Neptune, time to kiII. And you know, I've been through a Iot in the past six days, five minutes, And if I've Iearned anything during that time, it's that you are who you are. - That's right. Okay, Neptune-- - And no amount of mermaid magic... ...or manageriaI promotion... ...or some other third thing... ...can make me anything more than what I reaIIy am inside: - A kid. - That's great. - Now, get back against the waII. - But that's okay. - What? What's going on? - Because I did what everyone said a kid couIdn't do. I made it to SheII City, and I beat the CycIops, and I rode the HasseIhoff, and I brought the crown back. - AII right, we get the point. - So, yeah, I'm a kid. And I'm aIso a goofbaII. And a wing nut. And a KnuckIehead McSpazatron! - What's going on here? - But most of aII, I'm... - Okay, settIe down. Take it easy. - I'm... I'm... What the scaIIop?! l'm a Goofy Goober You're a Goofy Goober We're all Goofy Goobers Goofy, goofy, goober, goober Put your toys away Well, all l gotta say When you tell me not to play l say no way - No way! - No, no freaking way l'm a kid, you say When you say l'm a kid l say, ''Say it again'' And then l say thanks - Thanks! - Thank you very much So if you're thinking That you'd like to be like me Go ahead and try The kid inside will set you free l'm a Goofy Goober What's happening? His dance moves are impressive, but I'm in controI. - Seize him! - All hail Plankton. I'm free. I've been freed! What? No! My precious heImets! His chops are too righteous. The heImets can't handIe this IeveI of rock 'n' roII. Karen, do something. Karen? AII right, that's the Iast straw. Neptune, I command you to... - Here you go, Daddy. - I better get out of here. Look, it's the wizard who saved us. Out of my way, fooIs. Come on, I was just kidding. Come on, you guys knew that, didn't you? With the heImets and the big monuments... Wasn't that hiIarious, everybody? I wiII destroy aII of you! WeII, Mindy, I have to admit, you were right. Your compassion for these sea creatures proved a most admirabIe trait. Without it, I wouId have never again seen my beIoved crown. I think you're going to make a fine ruIer of the sea one day. - Now, Iet's go home. - Daddy, haven't you forgotten something? What? Oh, yeah. Eugene Krabs, I forgot to unfreeze you. What the--? I guess I had it set to ''reaI boy'' ending. Oh, I'm sorry for faIseIy freezing you, Krabs. And may I say, sir, you are a very Iucky feIIow to have in your empIoy such a brave, faithfuI and heroic young Iad. - Where is he, anyway? - I'm up here. I'm on it. Go to him now, Krabs. Embrace him. SpongeBob, me boy, I'm sorry I ever doubted you. That's a mistake I won't make again. Oh, Mr. Krabs, you oId soft-serve. And now, SpongeBob, I'm gonna do something that I shouId've done six days ago. Mr. Squidward, front and centre, pIease. I think we aII know who rightfuIIy deserves to wear that manager pin. I couIdn't agree more, sir. Hooray for SpongeBob! Wait a second, everybody. There's something I need to say first. I just don't know how to put it. I think I know what it is. After going on your Iife-changing journey, you now reaIize you don't want what you thought you wanted. What you reaIIy wanted was inside you aII aIong. Are you crazy? I was just gonna teII you that your fIy is down. Manager! This is the greatest day of my Iife! ((OCEAN MAN))
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b r u h
they were joking
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And I also posted a joke. What, are double jokes illegal?
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my comment was a joke too-
...not really, i'm just dumb
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That was a joke too and I'm not gonna lie I freaking love your profile picture
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thanks! it's not by me though, it's by kvife
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Them: Love is love!
me: Yeah totally! I support consensual incest!
Them: ewww you’re sick. Incest unhealthy. Not good. Na ah
me: but you just said Love is love what f@#king side are you on?
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yes, but that says that ''love is love'' is not a good defense for lbgt, and it was probably also a joke
PS: I think I need to make this clear, so yes I DO support lgbt people and even tho this is not a good defense for them, there are many others that are far better and make sense
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When people are saying love is love they're talking about lgbt people not fucking incest?
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I don’t care anymore. I still don’t find myself supporting lgbt.
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yes, but that says that ''love is love'' is not a good defense for lbgt, and it was probably also a joke
PS: I think I need to make this clear, so yes I DO support lgbt people and even tho this is not a good defense for them, there are many others that are far better and make sense
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They're allowed to disagree, it doesn't mean I'm going to stop considering them shitty people. The state of merely having an opinion doesn't magically make you immune from judgment.
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I'm not trying to make straight people stop fucking.
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sorry i think straight people are gross because in the bible it created adam and steve, not adam and eve. god gave us the gift of being gay and by being straight goes against god's wishes. you must repent for being a heterosexual or you will succumb to the fires of hell for your sin. ill send a prayer to the lord and saviour the son of our god jesus christ to rid of your sin.
"my wee wee small"
moses 69:420
please go to a church to accept jesus into your sinful soul, amen brother!
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got it! I got it! I got it! Dinghy ahoy. Dinghy off the port bow. - Dinghy off the port bow! - Dinghy off the port bow! Dinghy off the port bow. - Captain, dinghy off the-- - Dinghy. I got it! I got it. Where is it? It's right here, captain. I never thought I'd see it with me own eye. Tickets to The SpongeBob Movie! Who lives in a pineapple Under the sea? Absorbent and yellow And porous is he SpongeBob SquarePants lf nautical nonsense Be something you wish SpongeBob SquarePants Then drop on the deck And flop like a fish SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants The sea. So mysterious, so beautiful. So... ...wet. Our story begins in Bikini Bottom's popular undersea eatery The Krusty Krab restaurant, where-- - Back up. Back up. - Hey. Wait a minute. - What is happening? - PIease, settIe down. We've got a situation in there I'd rather not discuss tiII me manager gets here. Look, there he is. TaIk to me, Krabs. It started out as a simpIe order: a Krabby Patty with cheese. When the customer took a bite, no cheese! Get ahoId of yourseIf, Eugene. I'm going in. Take it easy, friend. I'm the manager of this estabIishment. Everything's gonna be just fine. - I'm reaIIy scared here, man. - You got a name? - PhiI. - You got a famiIy, PhiI? Come on, PhiI, stay with me. Let's hear about that famiIy. I got a wife and two beautifuI chiIdren. That's what it's aII about. I want you to do me a favour, PhiI. What? Say cheese. Order up. Three cheers for the manager! Hip! Hip! Hip! Hip! Hip! Hip! Hooray! Gary, I had that dream again. And it's finaIIy gonna come true. Today. Sorry about this, caIendar. Because today is the grand-opening ceremony for The Krusty Krab 2, where Mr. Krabs wiII announce the new manager. Who's it gonna be, Gary? WeII, Iet's ask my waII of 37 4 consecutive empIoyee-of-the-month awards. SpongeBob SquarePants. I'm ready. Promotion. CIeanIiness is next to manager-Iiness. I'm ready. Promotion. I'm ready. Promotion. SpongeBob! What are you doing in here? I have to teII you something, Squidward. Whatever it is, can't it wait untiI we get to work? - There's no shower at work. - What do you want? I just wanted to say I'II be thanking you in my manageriaI acceptance speech today. Get out! Okay. I'II see you at the ceremony. That sounds Iike the manager of the new Krusty Krab 2. Oops. HoId on. - CongratuIations, buddy. - Oh, thanks, Patrick. And tonight, after my big promotion, we're gonna party tiII we're purpIe. I Iove being purpIe! We're going to the pIace where aII the action is. - You don't mean...? - Oh, I mean. Goofy Goober's Ice Cream Party Boat! Oh, l'm a Goofy Goober, yeah You're a Goofy Goober, yeah We're all Goofy Goobers, yeah Goofy, goofy, goober, goober, yeah I'd better get going. I'm ready. Promotion. I'm ready. Promotion. Good Iuck, SpongeBob. Hey, Iook for me at the ceremony. I got a IittIe surprise for you. l'm a Goofy Goober Yeah HeIIo, Bikini Bottom! Perch Perkins here, coming to you Iive from in front of The Krusty Krab restaurant, for years the onIy pIace to get a deIicious and mouth-watering Krabby Patty. UntiI today, that is. That's right, foIks. Long-time owner Mr. Krabs is opening a new restaurant caIIed The Krusty Krab 2. First of aII, congratuIations, Mr. Krabs. HeIIo. I Iike money. What inspired you to buiId a second Krusty Krab right next door to the originaI? Money. Curses! It's not fair. Krabs is being interviewed by Perch Perkins, and I've never even had one customer! Don't get worked up again, Plankton, l just mopped the floors. Oh, Karen, my computer wife, if onIy I couId have managed to steaI the secret to Krabs' success, the formuIa for the Krabby Patty. Then peopIe wouId Iine up to eat at my restaurant. Lord knows I've tried. I've exhausted every eviI pIan in my fiIing cabinet... - ...from A to Y. - A to Y? Yeah, A to Y. You know, the aIphabet. What about Z? - Z? - Z. The letter after Y. W, X, Y, Z. PIan Z! - Here it is, just Iike you said. - Oh, boy. It's eviI. It's diaboIicaI. It's Iemon-scented. This PIan Z can't possibIy faiI! So enjoy today, Mr. Krabs, because by tomorrow, I'II have the formuIa. Then everyone wiII eat at the Chum Bucket, and I wiII ruIe the worId! AII haiI PIankton. AII haiI PIank--! I'm ready. Promotion. I'm ready. Promotion. I think I stepped in something. Not in something, on someone, you twit. Sorry, PIankton. Are you on your way to the grand-opening ceremony? No, I am not on my way over to the grand-opening ceremony. I'm busy pIanning to ruIe the worId! WeII, good Iuck with that. I'm ready. Promotion. I'm ready. Promotion. Stupid kid. WeIcome. WeIcome, everyone, to the grand opening of The Krusty Krab 2. - We paid $9 for this? - I paid 1 0. Now, before we begin with the ribbon-cutting, I'd Iike to announce the name of our new manager. Yay! Yeah! Yeah! Now we're taIking! Yeah! Yes. WeII, anyway... The new manager is a IoyaI, hard-working empIoyee. Yes. The obvious choice for the job. He's right. A name you aII know. It starts with an S. - That's me. - PIease weIcome our new manager... ...Squidward TentacIes. Yes! Yeah! Oh, better Iuck next time, buddy. Yeah! AII right! PeopIe of Bikini Bottom, as the manager of-- SpongeBob. HoId the phone, foIks, I'm getting an important news fIash from Mr. Krabs. Go ahead, Mr. K. I'm making a compIete what of myseIf? The most embarrassing thing you've ever seen? And now it's worse because I'm repeating everything you say into the microphone? Oh, for crying out Ioud, SpongeBob, you didn't get the job. - What? - You did not get the job. But-- But why? SpongeBob, you're a great fry cook, but I gave the job to Squidward because being manager is a big responsibiIity. WeII, Iet's face it, he's more... - ...mature than you. - I'm not... ...mature? Lad, I mean this in the nicest of ways, but there's a word for what you are, and that word is... Now, Iet's see... - Dork? - No, wait, that's not right. Not a dork. - A goofbaII? - CIoser, but no, no, no. - A ding-a-Iing. - Wing nut. A KnuckIehead McSpazatron. Okay, that's enough. Look, what I'm trying to say is, you're just a kid. And to be a manager, you have to be a man. Otherwise they'd caII it ''kid-ager.'' You understand-ager? I mean, you understand? I guess so, Mr. Krabs. SpongeBob? I'm ready. Depression. I'm ready. Depression. Poor kid. Hooray for SpongeBob! Hooray for SpongeBob! Let's hear it for SpongeBob! HeIIo? Where'd everybody go? Did I miss something? Did you see my butt? Later that evening... Time to put PIan Z into effect. Starting at the undersea castIe of King Neptune. Oh, right. The royaI court is now in session. Bring the prisoner forward. So you have confessed to the crime of touching the king's crown. - Yes, but-- - But what? But it's my job, Your Highness. I'm the royaI crown poIisher. WeII, then I guess I can't execute you. - Twenty years in the dungeon it is. - Daddy. You're free to go. BIess you, Princess Mindy. Mindy, how dare you defy me. Why do you have to be so mean? I am the king. I must enforce the Iaws of the sea. Father, I wish you'd try a IittIe Iove and compassion instead of these harsh punishments. That wouId be nice. Squire, cIear the room. I wish to speak to my daughter aIone. What is this, Mindy? - Your crown? - And what does this crown do? - Covers your baId spot. - It's not baId, it's thinning. This crown does much more than cover a sIightIy receding hairIine. No, this crown entitIes the one who wears it to be in charge of the sea. One day, you wiII wear this crown. I'm gonna be baId? Thinning! Anyway, the point is, you won't wear it untiI you Iearn how to ruIe with an iron fist. Like your father. Dad, your ''crown''... What the...? My crown! Someone has stoIen the royaI crown! I got it. I got it. Hey, aII you Goobers, it's time to say howdy to your favourite undersea peanut, Goofy Goober. Howdy, Goofy Goober! Hey, feIIow Goofy Goobers. Time to sing. Oh, l'm a Goofy Goober, yeah You're a Goofy Goober, yeah We're all Goofy Goobers, yeah Goofy, goofy, goober, goober, yeah AII right. Get it together, oId boy. I know. I'II just stop thinking about it. Hey, you know, I actuaIIy feeI a IittIe better. I don't even remember why I was sad. Hey, it's the new Krusty Krab 2 manager. Wow, the pressure's aIready setting in. No, Pat, you don't understand. I didn't get the promotion. What? Why? Mr. Krabs thinks I'm a kid. - What? That's insane. - I know. WeII, saying you're a kid, it's Iike saying I'm a kid. - Here's your Goober MeaI, sir. - I'm supposed to get a toy with this. Thanks. I'm gonna head home, Pat. The ceIebration's off. - Are you sure? - Yeah. I'm not in a Goober mood. Okay, see you. And here's your TripIe Gooberberry Sunrise, sir. TripIe Gooberberry Sunrise, huh? I guess I couId use one of those. Now you're taIking. Hey, waiter, we need another one over here. There you go. Boy, Pat, that hit the spot. - I'm feeIing better aIready. - Yeah. Waiter, Iet's get another round over here. Oh, Mr. Waiter. Two more, pIease. Waiter. Oh, waiter. Waiter. Waiter. - Waiter! - Why do I aIways get the nuts? AII right, foIks, this one goes out to my two bestest friends in the whoIe worId: Patrick and this big peanut guy. It's a IittIe ditty caIIed... ...''Waiter!'' Hey. Hey, get up. Hey, come on, buddy. I wanna go home. Come on, paI. Oh, my head. Listen to me. It's 8 in the morning. Go scrape up your friend and get going. My friend? Patrick. Hey, what's up, buddy? Wait, you said 8:00. I'm Iate for work. Mr. Krabs is gonna be... Mr. Krabs. Now, pay attention, Squidward. As new manager, you've gotta keep a sharp eye out for paying customers. Yawn. What's this? King Neptune is riding toward The Krusty Krab at Iunchtime. He's got money. Stay in the coach, daughter. This won't take Iong. Daddy, pIease. I think you're overreacting. SiIence, Mindy. I know what I'm doing. - Squire. - Yes, Your Highness. Have this poIe executed at once. A hundred and one doIIars for a Krabby Patty? With cheese, Mr. Squidward, with cheese. Greeting, subjects. I seek the one known as Eugene Krabs. May he present himseIf to me at once. I'm Eugene Krabs, Your Highness. WouId you Iike to order something? Nay! I'm on to you, Krabs! You have stoIen the royaI crown, you cannot deny. For, cIever as you are, you Ieft one damning piece of evidence at the scene of the crime. ''I stoIe your crown. Signed, Eugene Krabs.'' ReIinquish the royaI crown to me at once. But-- But this is crazy. I didn't do it. Ahoy, this is Eugene Krabs. Leave a message. Hi, Mr. Krabs. This is Clay, the guy you sold Neptune's crown to. Yeah, l just wanted to say thanks again for selling me the crown. Neptune's crown. l sold it to a guy in Shell City, and l just wanted to say thanks again for selling me the crown. Neptune's crown. Which is now in Shell City. Goodbye. Don't you just hate wrong numbers? My crown is in the forbidden SheII City?! PIan Z. I Iove PIan Z. Prepare to burn, Krabs. Wait, Neptune. PIease, I'm begging you. I ain't a crook. Ask anyone, they'II vouch for me. Very weII, then. Before I turn this conniving crustacean into fishmeaI, who here has anything to say about Eugene Krabs? I've got something to say about Mr. Krabs. SpongeBob, me boy, you've come just in time. - Pardon me, miss. - PIease, teII King Neptune aII about me. I have worked for Mr. Krabs for many years and aIways thought he was a great boss. You see? A great boss. I now reaIize that he's a great big jerk! I deserve that manager's job! But you didn't give it to me, because you say I'm a kid. WeII, I am 1 00-percent man! And this man has got something to say to you. There. I think I made my point. Anyone eIse? No? WeII, then. Me pants are on fire! Me underwear's on fire! I'm on fire! Oh, yeah. And now, Eugene Krabs, you wiII-- Wait. I'm fIattered you wouId do this on my account, but being manager isn't worth kiIIing Mr. Krabs over. Quiet, fooI! Mr. Krabs stoIe my crown, and now it's in SheII City. - That's why he must die. - Doesn't it seem a IittIe harsh to kiII someone over a crown? You don't understand. My crown is a symboI of my king-Iike authority. And between you and me... ...my hair is thinning a bit. Oh, Your Highness, I'm sure it's not that notice-- BaId. BaId. - BaId! BaId! - BaId! BaId! My eyes! AII right, aII right. King Neptune, sir? WouId you spare Mr. Krabs' Iife if I went to get your crown back? You, go to SheII City? No one who's gone to SheII City has ever returned. What makes you think you couId? You're just a kid. But I'm not a kid. I can do it. Run aIong, I have a crab to cook. No! I won't Iet you. Very weII, then. I'II have to fry you both. Daddy, stop it. Can't you get through one day without executing someone? Mindy. I toId you to stay in the carriage. Where's your Iove and compassion? Look at this IittIe guy. He's wiIIing to risk his Iife to find your crown and save his boss. - But, daughter, I-- - PIease, Father? At Ieast Iet him try. What have you got to Iose? Might I remind you of your speciaI probIem? - BaId! BaId! BaId! - BaId! - BaId! BaId! - My eyes! AII right. Very weII, Mindy. I'II give him a chance. But when your IittIe champion faiIs to return, I get to spIatter this crab aII over the waIIs. And as for you, be back here with my crown in exactIy ten days. - He can do it in nine. - Eight. - Seven. - Six. - Patrick! - Patrick! Six it is, then. - Five. - Patrick, shush. UntiI then, the crab shaII remain frozen where he now stands. No, wait. I'm begging you. Who turned on the AC? Mr. Krabs! Oh, no, this is terribIe. Who's gonna sign my paycheck? Come aIong, Mindy. Listen, you guys, the road to SheII City is reaIIy dangerous. There's crooks, kiIIers and monsters everywhere. And what's worse, there's a giant CycIops who guards the outskirts of the city and preys on innocent sea creatures. Don't Iet him catch you, because if he does, he'II take you back to his Iair, and you'II never be seen again. She's purty, SpongeBob. Here, take this. What's in here? It's a magicaI bag of winds. - I stoIe them from my father. - You're hot. Once you find the crown, open the bag of winds and you'II be bIown back home. - Mindy! - I'm coming. - Good Iuck, SpongeBob. - Wait. How did you know my name? Oh, I'm gonna be queen of the sea one day. I've Iearned the names of aII the sea creatures. What's my name? That's easy. You're Patrick Star. - Mindy! - I gotta go. I beIieve in you guys. Thanks, Mindy. Don't worry, Mr. Krabs. Patrick, Squidward and I-- Pass. - Patrick and I... - Hi. ...are gonna get that crown back and save you from Neptune's wrath. You've got nothing to worry about. Your Iife is in our hands. Patrick, Iet's go get that crown. - Feast your eyes, Patrick. - What is it? The Patty Wagon. Mr. Krabs uses it for promotionaI reasons. Let me show you some of its features. Sesame-seed finish, steeI-beIted pickIes, griIIed-Ieather interior. And under the hood, a fueI-injected french-fryer with duaI overhead grease traps. - Wow. - Yeah, wow. Hey, I thought you didn't have a driver's Iicense. You don't need a Iicense to drive a sandwich. - SheII City, here we come! - SheII City, here we come! Ding-a-Iing. Hey there, oId buddy. Freeze. One secret formuIa to go, pIease. No, no, don't troubIe yourseIf. I'II get it. WeII, I'd Iike to hang around, but I've got Krabby Patties to make... ...over at the Chum Bucket. PIan Z, I Iove you. Oh, l'm a Goofy Goober, yeah You're a Goofy Goober, yeah We're all Goofy Goobers, yeah Goofy, goofy, goober, goober, yeah FiII her up, pIease. What'II it be, feIIas, mustard or ketchup? Are they Iaughing at us? No, Patrick, they're Iaughing next to us. Where you two dumb kids headed, anyway? - Kids? - Now, Patrick. For your information, we are not kids, we are men. And we're off to get King Neptune's crown in SheII City. - SheII City? - SheII City? Ain't that the pIace that's guarded by a kiIIer CycIops? That's right. LIoyd, take off your hat in respect. Respect for the dead! You two dipsticks ain't gonna Iast ten seconds over the county Iine. Oh, yeah? We'II see about that. Out of the car, feIIas. How many seconds was that? TweIve. - In your face. - In your face. That's what I'm taIking about. Yeah. Who's the kid now? They're dead. Perch Perkins here with an incredibIe news fIash. PIankton is seIIing Krabby Patties at the Chum Bucket. How is this possibIe? Let's find out. Step right up. PIenty for everybody. Excuse me, PIankton. Perch Perkins, Bikini Bottom News. - Can I get a minute? - Anything for you, Perch. AII of Bikini Bottom wants to know, how did you get the Krabby Patty? WeII, Perch, before my dear friend Eugene Krabs was frozen by King Neptune... I'm sorry. He confided in me a secret wish. ''SeII the Krabby Patty in my absence at the Chum Bucket,'' he said. ''Don't Iet the fIame die out.'' By the way, act now and you get a free Chum Bucket bucket heImet with every purchase. Here you go, Perch. - Thanks. - Bucket heImets for everyone! My heImet! Karen, baby, I haven't feIt this giddy since the day you agreed to be my wife. l never agreed. EviI PIan Z is working perfectIy. Nothing can stop me now. Nothing except SpongeBob and his pink friend. My sensors indicate that they're going after the crown. lf they make it back, Neptune might discover some fingerprints. Tiny fingerprints. Stubby, tiny fingerprints. EviI PIan Z is way ahead of you, baby. I've aIready hired someone to take care of those two. He's a vicious, coId-bIooded predator. Sesame seed. Hey, mister. Does that hat take ten gaIIons? - Going on. - Yeah. Yeah. - Moving on. - Just keep going. Yup. Gonna get that crown. Oh, yeah. - AII right. - AII right. Yeah. Victory. - Are we there yet? - We must be cIose by now. Patrick, Iook. We're doing great! SheII City's onIy five days away. By car. I wish we stiII had our car. SpongeBob, Iook. Our car! - The key. - Where do you think it is? There it is, Pat. The key! Now, how are we gonna get it? I know. WaIk in and ask him for it. What are you Iooking at? - Patrick, that's a terribIe idea. - Sorry. I know. I'II go in and create a distraction, and you get the key. Wait. I wanna do the distraction. Okay. I guess it reaIIy doesn't matter who does the distraction. You see me waIking back--? Can I have everybody's attention? I have to use the bathroom. It's right over there. Stupid contacts. Oh, there it is. I better go wash it off. Patrick. You caII that a distraction? WeII, I had to go to the bathroom. WeII, I got my hands dirty for nothing. Patrick, check it out. - Hooray! - Hooray! - BubbIe party! - BubbIe party! Hey! Who bIew this bubbIe? You aII know the ruIes! AII bubbIe-bIowing babies wiII be beaten senseIess by every abIe-bodied patron in the bar. That's right! So who bIew it? So nobody knows. - Maybe it was-- - Shut up! Somebody in here ain't a reaI man. You! We're on a baby hunt. And don't think we don't know how to weed them out. Now, everybody Iine up. DJ, time for the test. No baby can resist singing aIong to this. SpongeBob, it's the Goofy Goober theme song. I know. Oh, l'm a Goofy Goober, yeah You're a Goofy Goober, yeah We're all Goofy Goobers, yeah Goofy, goofy, goober, goober, yeah - It was you! You're the baby! - No, no! I onIy coughed, I swear. DJ ! Turn it up Iouder! Don't sing aIong, Patrick. I'm trying. Trying so hard. l'm a Goofy Goober, yeah You're a Goofy Goober, yeah We're all Goofy Goobers, yeah Goofy, goofy, goober, goobers, yeah WeII, weII, weII. Which one of you babies was it? - It was him. - It was him. - He did it. - He did it. I've never even eaten at-- Goofy, goofy, goober, goobers, yeah WeII, Iooks Iike we got ourseIves a doubIe baby. Man, that was a cIose caII. Guess what I got. The key! Too bad SpongeBob's not here to enjoy SpongeBob not being here. Morning. Some peopIe have no taste in headgear. Babies too? Excuse me, miss, but where is everybody getting that horrid headwear? Who said that? Down here. WeII, I got it at the Chum Bucket. PIankton's giving them away free with every Krabby Patty. Chum Bucket? Free? Krabby Patty? PIankton? Giving? With? So you're seIIing Krabby Patties, PIankton? That's right, Squidward. And there's a free bucket heImet with every purchase. Care for one? No. You may have hoodwinked everyone eIse in this backwater town, but you can't fooI me. I Iisten to pubIic radio. - And what's that supposed to mean? - It means you set up Mr. Krabs. You stoIe the crown so Neptune wouId freeze him and you couId finaIIy get your stubby IittIe paws on the Krabby Patty formuIa. It was you aII aIong. But you made one fataI mistake. You messed with my paycheck. And I'm gonna report you to the highest authority in the Iand, King Neptune! We'II see about that, Inspector LooseIips. Now activating helmet brain-control devices. What? All hail Plankton. - What's going on here? - All hail Plankton. Seize him, sIaves! All hail Plankton. I'm getting out of here! All hail Plankton. All hail Plankton. Who can stop me now? Who? - Come on, Pat, one more time. - Okay. We're on a baby hunt. And don't think we don't know how to weed them out. ''Weed them out.'' What a jerk. The road's getting kind of bumpy here. You know, SpongeBob, there's a Iesson to be Iearned from aII of this. What's that, Patrick? A bubbIe-bIowing doubIe baby doesn't beIong out here in man's country. Yeah. Wait. We bIew that bubbIe. Doesn't that make us a bubbIe-bIowing doubIe baby? Hey, Iook, free ice cream! Oh, boy! How you doing? Wait a minute. Wait a minute. SpongeBob! Yeah? Make mine a chocoIate! Got you covered. Two, pIease. CertainIy. You kids enjoy. ActuaIIy, we're men, Iady, but thanks. Okay, Patrick, Iet's... You can Iet go now. I said, Iet go, pIease. What is this? What kind of oId Iady are you? Did you get the ice cream? Step on it, Patrick! Hey! You may not know it, cowboy, but we got a ruIe around here about bIowing bubbIes. AII bubbIe-bIowing babies wiII be beaten senseIess by every abIe-bodied... - In bar... - Bar... Come on, kiddies, have some ice cream. I'II Iet you pet Mr. Whiskers. Jump for it, Patrick! WeII, we Iost our car again. Never mind the car, where's the road? Road. Road. Road. Road. Road. Road. Road. R-- Sorry. There's the road. On the other side of this... ...deep, dark... ...dangerous... - Hazardous. - ...hazardous... Monster-infested. Yeah, monster-infested... ...trench. Hey, SpongeBob, Iook! Here's the way down. WeII, we're not gonna get the crown standing here. On to SheII City. Hey, Iook, it's making noise. SpongeBob? - Hey, where are you going? - I'm going home, Patrick. But what about Mr. Krabs? What about us? We'II never survive in that trench! You said it yourseIf, this is man's country. And Iet's face it, Pat. We're just... - ...kids. - We're not kids. Open your eyes, Patrick! We bIow bubbIes, we eat ice cream. We worship a dancing peanut, for corn's sake! We don't beIong out here! We do not worship him. You've been wearing the same Goofy Goober Peanut Party underpants for three years straight. What do you caII that? Worship? You're right, SpongeBob. We are kids. PuII your pants up, Patrick. - We're going home. - But you can't go home. Mindy! Mindy? - How much did you hear? - I heard enough. - Did you see my underwear? - No, Patrick. Did you want to? Look, guys, you may be kids, but you're the onIy ones Ieft who can get that crown. What do you mean, the onIy ones Ieft? Things have gotten a Iot worse since you Ieft Bikini Bottom. Or shouId I say PIanktopoIis. All hail Plankton. No resting! This monument ceIebrating my gIory isn't gonna buiId itseIf. Move faster! Oh, my gosh! Patrick, Iook! PIankton's turned everyone we know into sIaves. Squidward. Sandy. Mrs. Puff. Even Gary. PIankton. Can't your father do something? My father's too distracted by his baId spot to do anything. Squire, wiII you hurry. So you see, you can't quit. The fate of Bikini Bottom rests in your hands. - But-- But we're just-- - Hey. It doesn't matter if you're kids. And what's so wrong with being a kid, anyway? Kids ruIe! You don't need to be a man to do this. You just gotta beIieve in yourseIf. You just gotta beIieve! - I beIieve. - That's the spirit. I beIieve that everybody I know is a goner! Come on, guys. Guys. Guys? Guys? Oh, boy. Think, Mindy, think. Yup, I guess you're right. A coupIe of kids couId never survive this journey. That's why I guess I'II just have to turn you into men. You can do that? How? With my mermaid magic. Did you hear that, Patrick? She'II use her mermaid magic to turn us into men! Hooray! We're gonna be men! We're gonna be men! We're gonna be men! Good. Now, Iet's get started. CIose your eyes. - Are we men yet? - Not yet. Spin around three times. I think it's working. Good. Now, keep your eyes shut. With my mermaid's magic and my one taiIfin, I command the two of you to turn into men! Open your eyes. I don't feeI any-- Oh, my gosh, Patrick, you have a moustache! So do you! So now that you're men, can you make it to SheII City? - Guys. - Yeah? I said, now that you're men, can you make it to SheII City? Heck, yeah! - Are men afraid of anything? - Heck, no! And why? Because we're invincibIe! - Yeah! - Yeah! I never said that. - Yeah! - Yeah! - Yeah! - Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah. - Patrick? - Yeah, buddy? Why did we jump over the edge instead of taking the stairs? Bec-- WeII... - Patrick. - Are we dead? No. Far from it, my friend. We're safe and sound at the bottom of this trench. The moustaches worked! Do you know what that means? We are invincibIe! Now that we're men We can do anything Now that we're men We are invincible Now that we're men We'll go to Shell City Get the crown, save the town And Mr. Krabs Now that we're men We have facial hair Now that we're men l change my underwear Now that we're men We've got a manly flair We've got the stuff We're tough enough to save the day We never had a chance when we were kids No! No! No! But take a look at what the mermaid did Yeah, go, Pat. Oh, yeah. Yeah, go, SpongeBob. Hooray! Now that they're men We can't bother them Now that they're men They have become our friends Now that they're men There'll be a happy end They'll pass the test And finish the quest for the crown They'll pass the test And finish the quest They'll pass the test And finish the quest for the crown ''SheII City, dead ahead.'' We did it, Pat! We made it past everything! Even the hideous, disgusting monsters. Not you guys. You guys are awesome! WeII, Patrick, we shouId be there in one more verse. - Now that we're men-- - FinaIIy. I got you right where I want you. Can I heIp you with something, sir? Name's Dennis. I've been hired to exterminate you. You're gonna exterminate us? Listen, junior, you caught me and my friend here in a good mood today, so I'm gonna Iet you off with a warning. Step aside, and you won't have to feeI the awesome wrath of our moustaches. You mean these? I thought you stiII had a piece of saIad stuck to your Iip from Iunchtime. They were fake? Of course they were fake! This is what a reaI moustache Iooks Iike. - Is he a mermaid? - AII right. Enough gab. What are you gonna do to us? PIankton was very specific. PIankton? For some reason, he wanted me to step on you. Step on us? Yeah! That way you'II never find out that he stoIe the crown! Perhaps I've said too much. That's a big boot. Don't worry. This wiII onIy hurt a Iot. I Iove this job! - Bigger boot! - Wait, Pat. This bigger boot saved our Iives. Thank you, stranger. Stranger? It's the CycIops! HeIp us! HeIp us! Save us, someone! Are we dead? I don't think so. ArtificiaIIy coIoured rocks? I don't know where we are. What is this? It's some kind of waII of psychic energy. No, Pat, it's a giant gIass bowI. Hey, there's some fish foIk. - Hey, over here! - Hey! Hey! Hey, you guys! - You guys, hey! HeIp! - Hey! HeIp! - A IittIe heIp here! We're stuck in this-- - HeIp us out of the tank! Wait a second. Those fish are dead. What's he gonna do with us? Oh, no, he's going for his eviI instruments of torture. GIue? GoogIe eyes? He's making a humorous diorama of... ...AIexander CIam BeII? Patrick, he's kiIIing sea animaIs and making them into smeIIy knickknacks. And I think we're next. - You think so? - Patrick! No! The heat is so intense from this Iamp that I can't move. The heat is so intense from this Iamp that I can't move. TeII me about it. This doesn't Iook too good, Patrick. You mean we're not gonna Get the crown, save the town And Mr. Krabs? I don't even think we're gonna be abIe to save ourseIves, buddy. - Thanks. - Don't mention it. WeII, it Iooks Iike what everybody said about us is true, Patrick. You mean that we're attractive? No, that we're just kids. A coupIe of kids in way over their heads. We were doomed from the start. I mean, Iook at us. We didn't even come cIose to the crown. We Iet everybody down. We faiIed. SheII City. Yeah, we never made it to SheII City. SheII City. ExactIy, buddy. Yeah, the pIace we never got to. SheII City. Okay, now you're starting to bum me out, Patrick. No, Iook at the sign. ''SheII City. Marine gifts and sundries.'' SheII City is a gift shop? But if this is SheII City, then where's the...? - Crown. - Crown. Neptune's crown. This is SheII City. Pat, we did make it. Yeah, I guess we did. We did aII right for a coupIe of goofbaIIs. l'm a Goofy Goober, yeah You're a Goofy Goober, yeah We're all Goofy Goobers, yeah Goofy, goofy, goober, goober, yeah That's the end of SpongeBob. Come here, you. Shut up and Iook at the screen. The bird's right. Look. It be the tear of the Goofy Goobers. Hey, we're aIive. - Let's get that crown. - Right. On three, Patrick. Ready? One, two, three. Hey, it's Iighter than I thought. What's happening? I don't know. Look! Come on, Patrick. Let's get this crown back to Bikini Bottom. - Do you stiII have that bag of winds? - I sure do. Here you go. What? Nothing. Nothing. Okay, Iet's go over the instructions. Let's see, it says here, ''Step one: Point bag away from home.'' - Okay. - ''Step two: PIant feet firmIy on ground.'' - Right. - ''Step three: Remove string from bag, reIeasing the winds.'' Check. WeII, that seems simpIe enough. Point bag away from home, feet firmIy on ground, puII string, reIeasing the winds. AII right, Iet's do it for reaI. SpongeBob? - No, no, stop! - I was bad, I'm sorry! - PIease, bag. - I'm sorry, I just thought-- It was a mistake! Oh, no. How wiII we ever get back to Bikini Bottom now? I can take you there. - Who are you? - I'm David HasseIhoff. - Hooray! - Hooray! So where's your boat? Boat? - Go, HasseIhoff. - Next stop, Bikini Bottom. All hail Plankton. All hail Plankton. WeII, Krabs, you know what today is? Sorry about this, caIendar. March 1 4. Wait, that's not right. It shouId say ''The day that Krabs fries.'' Guess who's here. Hooray for HasseIhoff! Nothing can stop us now. Unidentified object off the hindquarters. It Iooks Iike... ...bigger boot. But how? Dennis! Did you miss me? This is the best seat in the house. AII right, Neptune, Iet's get it on. Eugene Krabs, your six-day reprieve is up, and it is time for you to die. PIease, I didn't do it. There is nothing eIse I can do. You can give SpongeBob and Patrick a IittIe more time. Except give SpongeBob and Patrick a IittIe more time-- What? Mindy, wiII you butt out. I won't have you staIIing this execution. StaIIing? I'm not staIIing anything. - Yes, you are. - No, I'm not. Yes, you are. You're doing it right now. - I'm staIIing. - Yes. - StaIIing? - StaIIing! - StaIIing. - StaIIing! Oh, boy. Now, where were we? - Patrick, run. - No. I'm tired of running. If we run now, we'II never stop-- Run, SpongeBob! Take it easy back there, feIIas. SpongeBob, be carefuI. Come on, kid, give it up. Dennis aIways gets his man. Never! Yeah! I did it! You got guts, kid. Too bad I gotta rip them out of you. I don't know what PIankton's paying you, but if you Iet us go, I can make it worth your whiIe. It's gonna take a Iot more than 5... - What is this? - That, sir, is five Goober doIIars. LegaI tender at any participating Goofy Goober-- I got bubbIes. Fun at parties. My eyes. I got you, SpongeBob. Thanks, buddy. Thanks a Iot. That's it. I'm through messing around. See you Iater, fooIs. See you. So you think... ...I'm... ...staIIing. Where am I, in Crazytown? I have had enough of this nonsense! You are to wait in the carriage untiI the execution is done. - But, Daddy-- - Now! No, no, no! Oh, SpongeBob, wherever you are, you better hurry. Okay, feIIas, this is where you get off. Bikini Bottom's directIy beIow. But we'II never be abIe to fIoat down in time. Who said anything about fIoating? - lnitiating launch sequence. - What the--? - Did you see that? - The controI. AII hands on deck. Ten seconds to lift-off. Nine, eight... Eugene Krabs, the time has come... - No. - Yes. ...six, five... ...for you... - No. - Yes. ...three, two... - ...to fry. - No. - Yes. - ...one. No! You done good, HasseIhoff. You done-- Hooray! We made it. We made it. My crown. My beautifuI crown! SpongeBob? Patrick? I knew you couId do it. Oh, yes. WeII done, SpongeBoob. Sorry to rain on your parade, PIankton. Oh, don't worry about me. My parade shaII be quite dry under my umbreIIa! UmbreIIa? Daddy, no. Daddy, yes. All hail Plankton. All hail Plankton. All hail Plankton. All hail Plankton. All hail Plankton. SpongeBob, what happened? - PIankton cheated. - Cheated? HoId on there, baIdy. Oh, grow up. What, you think this is a game of kickbaII on the pIayground? You never had a chance to defeat me, fooI. And you know why? Because you cheated? No, not because I cheated. Because I'm an eviI genius. And you're just a kid. A stupid kid. I guess you're right, PIankton. I am just a kid. Of course I'm right. Okay, Neptune, time to kiII. And you know, I've been through a Iot in the past six days, five minutes, And if I've Iearned anything during that time, it's that you are who you are. - That's right. Okay, Neptune-- - And no amount of mermaid magic... ...or manageriaI promotion... ...or some other third thing... ...can make me anything more than what I reaIIy am inside: - A kid. - That's great. - Now, get back against the waII. - But that's okay. - What? What's going on? - Because I did what everyone said a kid couIdn't do. I made it to SheII City, and I beat the CycIops, and I rode the HasseIhoff, and I brought the crown back. - AII right, we get the point. - So, yeah, I'm a kid. And I'm aIso a goofbaII. And a wing nut. And a KnuckIehead McSpazatron! - What's going on here? - But most of aII, I'm... - Okay, settIe down. Take it easy. - I'm... I'm... What the scaIIop?! l'm a Goofy Goober You're a Goofy Goober We're all Goofy Goobers Goofy, goofy, goober, goober Put your toys away Well, all l gotta say When you tell me not to play l say no way - No way! - No, no freaking way l'm a kid, you say When you say l'm a kid l say, ''Say it again'' And then l say thanks - Thanks! - Thank you very much So if you're thinking That you'd like to be like me Go ahead and try The kid inside will set you free l'm a Goofy Goober What's happening? His dance moves are impressive, but I'm in controI. - Seize him! - All hail Plankton. I'm free. I've been freed! What? No! My precious heImets! His chops are too righteous. The heImets can't handIe this IeveI of rock 'n' roII. Karen, do something. Karen? AII right, that's the Iast straw. Neptune, I command you to... - Here you go, Daddy. - I better get out of here. Look, it's the wizard who saved us. Out of my way, fooIs. Come on, I was just kidding. Come on, you guys knew that, didn't you? With the heImets and the big monuments... Wasn't that hiIarious, everybody? I wiII destroy aII of you! WeII, Mindy, I have to admit, you were right. Your compassion for these sea creatures proved a most admirabIe trait. Without it, I wouId have never again seen my beIoved crown. I think you're going to make a fine ruIer of the sea one day. - Now, Iet's go home. - Daddy, haven't you forgotten something? What? Oh, yeah. Eugene Krabs, I forgot to unfreeze you. What the--? I guess I had it set to ''reaI boy'' ending. Oh, I'm sorry for faIseIy freezing you, Krabs. And may I say, sir, you are a very Iucky feIIow to have in your empIoy such a brave, faithfuI and heroic young Iad. - Where is he, anyway? - I'm up here. I'm on it. Go to him now, Krabs. Embrace him. SpongeBob, me boy, I'm sorry I ever doubted you. That's a mistake I won't make again. Oh, Mr. Krabs, you oId soft-serve. And now, SpongeBob, I'm gonna do something that I shouId've done six days ago. Mr. Squidward, front and centre, pIease. I think we aII know who rightfuIIy deserves to wear that manager pin. I couIdn't agree more, sir. Hooray for SpongeBob! Wait a second, everybody. There's something I need to say first. I just don't know how to put it. I think I know what it is. After going on your Iife-changing journey, you now reaIize you don't want what you thought you wanted. What you reaIIy wanted was inside you aII aIong. Are you crazy? I was just gonna teII you that your fIy is down. Manager! This is the greatest day of my Iife! ((OCEAN MAN))
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I would like to point out something that bugs me with the mockery quote at hand: why Christians? Why not Muslims, or Hinduists, or Buddhists, or Zoroastrianists, or Jews, or Jesuits, or Pagans, or Pantheists, or hell, even atheists? For that matter (which by definition reject as many religions as any of the aforementioned groups, plus one)? What makes Christians those special snowflakes that have to continuously defend their faith through all kinds of weird questions and criticisms, and share a laugh with atheists for jokes that are objectively not funny, or be condemned and demonized as overly pious, blind anti-rationalist, extremist, backwards, evil, stubborn, stupid, brain-washed, easily-controllable, dogmatic bigots that are a threat to society as a whole?
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Many celebrities don’t agree with gay people and are very unchristian/non religious. Not everyone who opposes homosexuality is religious. Just saying to get rid of stereotypes because it looks like you’re just perpetuating them stereotypes 
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UNROLL THE TADPOLE 🐸 UNCLOG THE FROG 🐸 UNLOAD THE TOAD 🐸 UNINHIBIT THE RIBBIT 🐸 UNSTICK THE LICK 🐸 UNIMPRISON THE AMPHIBIAN 🐸 UNMUTE THE NEWT 🐸 UNBENCH THE KENCH 🐸 PERMIT THE KERMIT 🐸 DEFOG THE POLLIWOG
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We disagree with homophobes because they want to kill us. Homophobes disagree with us because they want to kill us.
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I actually doesn't want to kill homophobes...
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As a gay christian, people "disagreeing with homosexuality" is homophobic.
People disagreeing with homophobia is just supporting gay rights. So its really not a double standard. Being gay doesnt hurt anyone, but being a homophobe does.
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As a fellow gay Christian, I'm with you whole-heartedly.
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'disagreeing' with someones rights to be happy and loved is hate
'disagreeing' with someone's sexuality, is every bit fucking stupid and hateful as 'disagreeing' with someone's race or gender
'disagreeing' is just a sugarcoated term for hate in these instances.
so yeah. fuck off with your excusing anti lgbt shit, thanks.
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it says IN THE DESCRIPTION that this person supports LGBT
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im just here for the shitstorm in the comments. this is great
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Sooo if gay people said all the dumb ass shit straight religious assholes said about them, to them, that's justified right?
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I honestly cannot explain good, ignore the old comment I made if you saw it because I've changed my views.
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The comment section and spamming caused me to have a sore throat...
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hi.
you're on a rock floating in space.
pretty cool, huh?
some of it's water.
fuck it, actually most of it's water.
i can't even get from here to there without buying a boat.
it's sad.
i'm sad.
i miss you.
how did this happen?
a long time ago, actually never, and also now, nothing is nowhere.
when?
never.
makes sense, right?
like i said, it didn't happen.
nothing was never anywhere.
that's why it's been everywhere.
it's been so everywhere you don't need a where.
you don't even need a when.
that's how every it gets.
forget this.
i wanna be something.
go somewhere.
do something.
i want things to change.
i want to invent time and space.
and i know it's possible because everything is here and it probably already happened.
i just don't know when to start.
and that's exactly where it started.
whoah, i paused it.
i think there's a universe now.
what's it made of?
quarks & stuff
ah, that's a thing.
in a place.
don't like it?
try a new place.
at a different time™.
try to stick together, because the world is gonna get bigger.
and emptier.
but it's not empty yet.
it's still very full, and about a kjghpillion degrees.
great news!
the quarks are now happily married, in groups of three called a proton or a neutron
and there's something else flying around too that wants to join in but can't cause it's still too
HOTgreat news!
the protons and neutrons are now happily married to each other.
and some of them even doubled up.
great news, the electrons have now joined in
congratulations, the world is now a bunch of gas in space.
but it's getting closer together.
and it's getting closer together.
and it's getting closer toge-
it's a star
new shit just got made!
some stars burn out and die.
bigger stars burn out and die with passion, and make some brand new, way crazier shit.
space dust
which allows newer, more interesting stars to be made, and then die, and explode into
even crazier space dust
so now stars have cool stuff around them, like rocks, ice, and funny clouds, which can make some very interesting things.
like this ball of flaming rocks for example.
holy shit, we just got hit with another ball of flaming rocks.
and it kind of made a mess.
which is
now the moon
weather update:
it's raining rocks from outer space.
weather update:
those rocks might have had water inside them, and now there's hot steam in the sky.
weather update:
cooler temperatures today, and the floor is no longer lava.
weather update:
it's raining.
severe flooding alert:
the entire world is now an ocean.
volcano alert:
that's land!
there's life in the ocean
what?
something's alive in the ocean
oh cool, like a plant or an animal?
no, a microscopic speck.
it lives at the bottom of the ocean and eats chemical soup, which is being served hot and fresh, made from gnarly space ingredients left over from when it was raining rocks or whatever.
oh yeah, and it can do that.
it has secret instructions written inside itself telling it how to build another one of itself.
so that's pretty nifty, i would say.
tired of living at the bottom of the ocean?
now you can eat sunlight!
using a revolutionary technique, you can convert sunlight into food
taste the sun
side effect: now there's oxygen everywhere and the sky's blue.
then the earth might have been a snowball for a while, maybe even a couple of times.
it's a sponge.
it's a plant.
it's a worm, and some other types of weird strange water bugs and strange fish.
it's the Cambrian explosion
"wow, that's animals and stuff"
but we're still in the ocean, hey, can we go on land?
no
why?
the sun is a deadly lazer
oh okay.
not anymore, there's a blanket
now the animals can go on land.
come on, animals, let's go on land!
nope, can't walk yet.
and there's no food yet, so i don't care.
ok, will you learn to walk if there's plants up here?
maybe, said some bugs, and fish.
ok, so i can go on land, but i have to go back in the water to
have babies
learn to use an egg.
i was already doing that.
use a stronger egg.
put water in it.
have a baby, on land, in an egg.
water is in the egg.
baby, in the egg, in the water, in the egg.
works for me.
bye bye ocean
and now everything's huge.
including bugs.
wanna see a map of the land?
sure.
oh fuck, now everything's dead.
just kidding, here are the survivors.
keep your eye on this one because it's about to become the dinosaurs.
here's another map of the land.
yeah, it broke apart, don't worry about it, it does that all the time.
here comes a meteor.
and the dinosaurs are gone
it's mammal time, here come the mammals.
look at those breasts.
now they're gonna dominate the world and one of them just learned how to grab stuff.
and walk.
no, like, walk like that.
and grab stuff at the same time.
and bang rocks together to make pointed rocks.
"ouch"
and set things on fire.
"yeouch"
and make crazy sounds with their voice.
"gneurshk"
which can mean different things.
that's a human person
and now they're everywhere.
almost.
ice age
what, you can walk over here?
cool.
not anymore
well i guess we're stuck here now.
let's review.
there's people on the planet.
and they're chasing their food.
fuck it, time to plant some grass.
look at this.
i control the food now.
now everyone will want to be my friend and live near me.
let's all build houses except mine is bigger because i own the food.
this is great, i wonder if anyone else is doing this.
tired of using rocks for everything?
use metal.
it's underground.
better farming was just invented, in a sweet dank valley right in between these two rivers.
and the animals are helping.
guess what happens next
more food.
and more people who came to buy the food.
now you need people to help make the food and keep track of the sales.
and now you need houses for people to live in and people to make the houses, and now there's more people and they invent things, which makes things better and more people come and there's more farming and more people to make more things for more people and now there's business, money, writing, laws, power.
Society
coming soon to a dank river valley near you.
meanwhile, out in the middle of nowhere, the horse is probably being tamed.
why is all my metal so lame and lumpy?
tired of using lame, sad metal?
introducing
Bronze
made with special ingredient tin from the far lands of tin land.
i don't know, my dealer won't tell me where he gets it.
also, guess what?
egypt
meanwhile, out in the middle of nowhere, they figured out how to put wheels on a horse.
now we're getting somewhere.
also
china
and did i mention
indus river valley civilization
norte chico
the middle east is getting more complicated, maybe because it's in the middle of the east.
knock knock, er, clop clop.
it's the people with the horses.
and they made an empire.
and then everyone else copied their horses.
greeks
ah look, it must be the greeks, er, a beta version of the greeks.
let's check in with the indus river valley civilization.
they're gone.
guess who's not gone?
china
new arrivals in india, maybe it's those horse people i was talking about, or their cousins or something
and they wrote some hymns and mantras and stuff
you could make a religion out of this.
there's the bronze age collapse.
now the phoenicians can get down to business
also, can we switch to a metal that's a little easier to find?
thanks.
look who came back to israel, it's the twelve tribes of israel.
and they believe in God
just 1 though, he's got like a ten step program.
here's some huge heads.
must be the olmecs.
the phoenicians make some colonies.
the greeks copy their idea and make some colonies.
the phoenicians made a colony so big it makes colonies.
here comes the assyrian empire.
never mind, it's the babylonian- median-
it's the Persian Empire
"wow, that's big"
ah, the buddha was just enlightened.
who's the buddha?
this guy, who sat under a tree for so long that he figured out how to ignore the fact that we're all dying.
you could make a religion out of this.
oops, china just broke, but while it was breaking, confucius was figuring out how to have good morals.
ah, the greeks just had the idea of thinking about stuff.
and right over here, alexander just had the idea of conquering the entire persian empire.
it's a great idea.
he was great.
and now he's dead.
hopefully the rest of the gang will be able to share the empire evenly between them.
knock knock, it's chandragupta, he says get the hell out of here.
will you get the hell out of here if i give you 500 elephants?
ok thanks, bye
time to conquer all of india
or
most of india
but what about this part?
that's the tamil kings, no one conquers the tamil kings.
who are the tamil kings?
merchants, probably
and they've got spices
who would like to buy the spices?
me, said the arabians, swiftly buying it and selling it to the rest of the world.
hey, china put itself back together again, with good morals as their main philosophy.
actually, they have three main philosophies.
out here, the horse nomads run wild and free, and they would like to ransack your city.
let's check the greekification levels of the greekified kingdoms.
greekification overload!
bye, said the parthians.
bye, said the jews.
hi, said the parthians, taking over the entire place.
heyyyyyyyy, said the romans, eating the entire mediterranean for breakfast.
thanks for invading our homeland, said the jews, who were starting to get tired of people invading their homeland.
hi, everything's great, said some guy who seems to be getting very popular and is then arrested and killed for being too popular, which only makes him more popular.
you could make a religion out of this.
want silk?
now you can buy it from china.
they just made a
brand new road to the world
or you can
get there on water
sick! new trade routes! said india, accidentally spreading their religion to the entire southeast.
hmm, that's a good place for an epic trading kingdom.
there goes buddhism traveling up the silk road.
i wonder if it'll reach china before it collapses again.
remember the persian empire?
yep, said the persians, making a new one.
axum is getting so powerful they would like to build a long stick.
has anyone populated madagascar yet?
let's do it together.
china is whole again
then it broke again
still can't cross the sahara desert?
try camels.
hell yeah! now we've got business
said the ghana empire, selling lots of gold, and slaves
hi, i live in the roman empire, and i was wondering
is loving jesus legal yet?
no.
actually, ok, sure, said constantine, moving the capital way over here to be closer to his
main rival
don't worry about rome, it won't fall.
it's the golden age of india
there's the gupta empire, not chandragupta, just gupta.
first name chandra.
the first.
guess who's in rome?
barbarians
what's a barbarian?
non-romans, said the romans, being invaded by non-romans.
r.i.p., roman empire, er, actually just half of it, the other half is just fine, but it's not in rome anymore so let's give it a new name.
the mayans have figured out the stars
oh and here's a huge city, population: everyone
the göktürks have taken over the entire eurasian steppe.
great job, göktürks.
how's india?
broken.
how's china?
back together
how's those trading kingdoms?
bigger, and there's more of them
korea has 3 kingdoms.
japan has a kingdom, it's the sunrise kingdom.
deep in the arabian desert, on the top of a mountain, the real god whispers in muhammed's ear.
so he goes down to the cube where everyone worships gods and he tells them their gods are all fake.
and everyone got so mad at him that he had to leave town and go to a different town.
you could make a religion out of this.
and maybe conquer the world as well.
the roman empire is long gone, but somehow the pope is still the pope.
plus there's
new kingdoms all over europe
i wonder if there's room for moors.
here's all the wisdom.
in a house.
it's the baghdad house of wisdom.
just in time for the
islamic golden age
let's bring stuff to the coast and sell it, and become the swahili on the swahili coast, said the swahili on the swahili coast.
remember this tiny space you have to go through to get from here to there?
someone owns that now.
wanna get enlightened in the middle of nowhere?
the franks have the biggest kingdom in europe, and the pope is so proud that he invites the king over for christmas.
surprise! you're the new roman emperor, said the pope, pretending to still be part of the roman empire.
then the franks broke their kingdom into what will later be called france and not france.
but the northerners, or just norse if you don't have much time, are exploring.
they go north, from the north to the northern north.
and they find some land.
two types of land.
and they name them accordingly.
they also invade some other places, and get called many names, such as vikings.
there's the rus.
the kievan rus.
are they vikings?
i don't think so, said the kievan rus.
ok, fair enough.
the pope is ready to make some more emperors.
of the "roman empire".
the holy roman empire.
it's actually germany but don't worry about it.
new kingdoms.
christianize all the kingdoms
which brand would you like?
mine's better.
mine's better.
mine's better.
time to conquer england, said william.
it's a bird, it's a plane
it's the seljuk turks
aah! said the byzantine empire who's getting so small and almost doesn't exist anymore.
we need help!
they need help, so they call the pope.
hey pope, can you help us get rid of the seljuks?
maybe take back the holy land on the way?
come on, i know you want to take back the holy land.
yes, i do actually want to do that.
let's do a crusade.
crusade
they did many crusades, some of which almost didn't fail.
but at least the italians got some sweet trade deals.
goodbye mayans.
hello toltecs
goodbye toltecs.
hello mississippi
look at those mounds.
there's the pueblo.
i always wondered how to build a town in a cliff.
guess who's here?
khmer.
where?
here.
and pagan is there.
vietnam unconquered itself, korea just became itself, and japan is so addicted to art that the military might have to take over the government.
china just invented bombs, and typing.
and the mongols just invaded most of the universe.
nice going, Genghis!
i bet that will last a long time.
some of the islamic turks were unaffected by the mongol invasions because they were busy invading india.
is it tonga time?
i think it's tonga time.
i just found out where the swahili gets all their gold.
look at this chad.
means "lake".
there's an empire there.
right in the middle of
Africa
the king of mali is so rich he's going on tour to let everyone know.
wow, that guy's rich, everyone said.
the christians are doing a great job reconquering iberia, which will soon be called spain and not spain.
please remain christian.
we will check in later to see if you're still christian when you least expect.
whoops, half of europe just died.
ming
china's back, yay!
hey khmer, time to share.
new kingdoms here and there.
oh, look who controls all the islands.
it's the mahajapit.
majahapit.
mapajahit.
mahapajit.
mapajahit.
majapahit?
oh, italy's really rich, time for them to care a lot about art and the ancient classics.
it's kinda like a rebirth.
here's a printer.
let's make books.
so you think you can conquer the byzantine empire?
yep, said the ottoman turks.
nice job, ottoman turks.
whoops, you missed a spot.
don't forget to ban europe from the indian spice trade.
what? that's bullshit, said portugal, spiceless.
well i guess we'll have to find another way to india
wait! said christopher columbus, probably smoking crack.
if the world is round, let's go this way to india.
nah, don't worry, we already got this, said portugal.
so chris goes to spain.
hey spain, wanna hire me to find india by going around back of the world?
no.
please?
no.
please?
no.
please?
ok.
so he sails into the ocean.
and discovers more ocean.
and then discovers the indies.
and japan.
let's draw a line to decide who gets which half of the world.
the aztec and inca empires are off to a great start.
i wonder if they know that europe just discovered their continent?
the habsburgs are marrying into so many royal families they might have to start marrying each other.
move over lithuania, here comes moscow.
ivan wants to make russia great again.
move over timurids, maybe go invade india or something.
persia just made persia persian again.
let's make it the other kind of islam.
the one where we thought the first guy should have been the other guy.
hey christians!
do you sin?
now you can buy your way out of hell.
that's bullshit.
this whole thing is bullshit.
that's a scam.
fuck the church.
here's 95 reasons why, said martin luther, in his new book, which might have accidentally started the protestant reformation.
you know what would be magnificent, said suleiman, wearing an onion hat?
what if the ottoman empire was really big?
which it is now.
what if russia was big? said ivan, trying not to be terrible.
portugal had a dream that they controlled the entire indian ocean, including the spice trade.
and then that dream was real.
and spain realized that this is not india, but they pillaged it anyway.
damn, said england and france.
we gotta start pillaging some stuff.
then the dutch revolt and all the hipsters move to amsterdam.
damn, said amsterdam.
we gotta start pillaging some stuff.
question 1: can you get to india through north america?
no, but at least there's beaver.
question 2: steal the spice trade.
that's not a question, but the dutch did it anyway.
sugar
guess where all the sugar's made?
in brazil.
stolen
and the caribbean.
and it's so god damn profitable you might forget to not do slavery.
the next thing on russia's to-do list is to get bigger.
britain and france are having a friendly discussion about who should control the entire world.
more specifically, ohio.
then it escalates into a seven year discussion, giving prussia a chance to show austria who's boss.
but what about britain and france, did they figure out who's boss?
yes they did.
it's britain.
guess who's broke?
also britain.
so they start taxing the hell out of america.
fuck you, says america, declaring their independence, and fighting for it.
and france helps them win, now france is broke.
and britain'll have to send their prisoners to a different continent.
wait, if france is broke, why do the king and queen still wear such fancy dresses?
let's overthrow the palace and cut all their heads off! said robespierre, cutting everybody's head off until someone eventually got mad and cut his head off.
you could make a reli- no, don't.
haiti is staring to like the idea of a revolution.
especially the slaves, who free themselves by killing their masters.
why didn't we think of this before?
wait, who's in charge of france now?
me
said napoleon, trying to take over europe.
luckily, they banished him to an island.
but he came back
luckily, they banished him to another island.
there goes latin america, becoming independent in the latin american wars of independence.
britain just figured out how to turn steam into power.
so now they can make
many different types of machines and factories with machines in them so they can make a lot of products real fast
then they invent some trains.
and conquer india and maybe put some trains there.
hey, china! said britain.
buy stuff from us!
nah dude, we already got everything, says china.
so britain tried to get them addicted to opium.
which worked, actually.
but then china made it illegal and dumped it all into the sea.
so britain threw a hissy fit, and made them open up five cities and give them an island.
britain and russia are playing a game where they try to stop each other from conquering afghanistan.
also, the
sultan of oman lives in zanzibar now
"that's just where he lives"
india just had a revolution, and they would like to govern themselves now.
nope, said britain, governing them even harder than before.
technology is about to go crazy
the united states finally figured out whether slavery is good or bad.
it's bad, they decided.
and then they continued manifesting their destiny, which is to kill the rest of the natives and take their land and maybe kick out the mexicans too.
i know, let's rape africa, said europe, scrambling to see who could rape it the fastest.
they never got ethiopia
britain and france are still hungry.
they never got thailand
the united states ran out of destiny to manifest, so they're looking for more.
hawaii
cuba
wait, spain controls cuba.
well, blame something on them and go to war!
what should we blame on spain?
let's blame the maine on spain.
so they blame the maine on spain.
now we're in business.
to celebrate, they kick panama out of panama and make a canal, connecting the two oceans.
britain just found oil in the middle east.
it makes cars go
china is so tired of being bossed around that they delete their old government and make a new, stronger government, which is accidentally weaker and controlled by a guy from the previous government.
europe hasn't had a war since the last war.
so they start world war 1.
look at those guns.
it's gonna be a great war.
so great we won't need a second one.
after it's over, they blame germany.
russia went on strike and the workers overthrew the government.
now everyone's paycheck is the same.
communism
in the soviet union
the arabs revolt and britain helps.
now the ottoman empire's gone so we can give the
jewish people a place to live
hopefully the arabs won't mind.
let's cut the cake, said sykes and picot, carving up the remains of the not-so-ottoman-anymore empire.
except turkey, turkey makes a brand new turkey
and then the saudis conquer arabia.
it just seemed like the right thing to do.
hello?
yes, it's the 1920's calling.
let's get in the car and drive to a party and listen to jazz on the radio and go to the movies.
the economy's great and it'll probably be great forever, just kidding.
germany's back, featuring hitler, the angry mustache model.
and he's mad at the jews for existing.
japan is finally conquering the east, and they're so excited they rape nanking way too hard.
they should probably just deny it.
hitler's out of control.
so the international community tackles him and then tries to explain why killing all the jews is a bad idea.
but he kills himself before they could explain it to him.
that's world war 2
bonus round!
pacific showdown.
united states vs. japan.
fight!
finish him
let's unite all the nations and have some
world peace
seems legit.
hi, i'm gandhi, and if britain doesn't get the hell out of india, i'm gonna starve myself in public.
wow, that worked?
bonus, now there's pakistan.
actually two pakistans.
one of them can be bangladesh later.
the jews and the arabs finally figured out which one of them should live in the holy land.
me, they both said at the same time.
let's divide up the land so everyone's happy.
sike, they both get angrier
look out china, there's a new china in china.
what's on the menu?
communism!
no thanks, said the other china, escaping to an island.
i wonder which one is the real china?
there's the korean war, korea versus korea.
nobody wins, then it's on pause forever.
let's meet the sponsors.
oh, it's the two global superpowers.
they're having a friendly debate over which economic system is good, and which one is an evil virus of Satan.
and they both have atom bombs.
fight!
wait, no, that would be the end of the world.
let's just keep it cool and spy on each other instead.
and make sure we have enough atom bombs.
i'll race you to space.
now let's make some more countries fight themselves.
europe is tired of pillaging other continents, so the continents they were pillaging are tired of being pillaged.
so here's a new map, with new countries.
now you can't tell who they're being pillaged by.
the united states finally decided whether racism is good or bad.
they decided it's bad, and the world agrees.
south africa might need another minute to think about it.
let's check the world population.
whoa.
okay.
technology's better too, that might keep happening.
the soviet union decides to relax a little, and accidentally falls apart.
europe makes a union, so now they can all use the same money, except britain, because they don't feel like it.
let's check the mail.
surprise, it's on the computer.
whoops, someone just attacked america.
i bet they'll remember that.
phone call.
surprise, it's in your pocket.
wanna learn everything?
surprise, it's on the computer.
now your phone's a computer, which is in your pocket.
whoops, the economy just crashed.
don't worry, the big banks won't fail because they're not supposed to.
surprise!
flying robots.
with bombs.
wanna print a brain?
some people have no friends.
some people have no food.
the globe is warming
and the ocean is full of plastic
let's save the planet! said everybody, not knowing how.
let's invent a thing inventor, said the thing inventor inventor, after being invented by a thing inventor.
that's pretty cool.
by the way, where the hell are we?
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I think I just found the longest comment on Deviantart C':
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That was beautiful! Where is it from?
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“history of the entire world, i guess” by Bill Wurtz. You can find it on YouTube.
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E G Y P T !
C H I N A !
I N D U S R I V E R C I V I L I Z A T I O N !
N O R T E C H I C O !
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~ N E W A R R I V A L S I N I N D I A ~
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Omg I love that video lol, but why post it here?
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It's just something I like to spam people with just to annoy them, like SJWs or anti-SJWs or things like that.
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Yeah, because it's not like gays have been persecuted and hated on and even killed by Christians simply because something they can't control is a "sin" in their eyes. Massive sarcasm quotes.
And this is coming from a Christian, by the way.
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