HOME | DD

zephyrus7 — Dromedary Riding In Lanzarote
Published: 2005-04-06 12:26:51 +0000 UTC; Views: 268; Favourites: 1; Downloads: 9
Redirect to original
Description Has gentle Quasimodo struck your back?
And flayed your hide to make his home within,
Then gleefully remarked unto his twin,
"This withered leather tent has yet to crack!"
Lush thickets spread to cover primal black,
Not covetous, O creature without sin,
Just wise, such that you knowingly give in
When master tries to raise you with a smack.
Approach promotes upheaval and distress,
Entreating my increasing love for thee.
Restrained inside a muzzle's harsh caress,
My dromedary, starting to ascend,
Surveys the rugged hills, then turns to me
As if to say, "Escape with me, my friend!"
Related content
Comments: 11

Leaking-roof [2007-03-20 21:50:43 +0000 UTC]

Awww! That's lovely!

Lanzarote ^^

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

TigerEyes04 [2005-06-04 20:53:00 +0000 UTC]

Very good I like it especially the last 3 lines. Very good

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

zephyrus7 In reply to TigerEyes04 [2005-06-04 20:55:46 +0000 UTC]

Hehe, thank you very much!!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

TigerEyes04 In reply to zephyrus7 [2005-06-04 21:24:06 +0000 UTC]

no problem

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

feelinhungry [2005-04-06 19:14:14 +0000 UTC]

I don't know much about sonnets, but that is one of the cutest, happiest things I have ever read. Very old school writing... I like that a lot. You just made my day.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

zephyrus7 In reply to feelinhungry [2005-04-06 19:27:59 +0000 UTC]

excellent! Yea it's sweet, and much as I am not incredibly pleased with it poetically, it had good intentions.

Style-wise, the sonnet form I used is pretty solid. I used a Petrarchan octave (abba abba) followed by a cdcede sestet. cdcede is a rare sestet to use but I read [link] a while ago and liked the rhyme scheme so used it for myself

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

feelinhungry In reply to zephyrus7 [2005-04-06 19:39:58 +0000 UTC]

That is so cool. I'm taking a poetry class next year -- my writing isn't all that great and I hope to improve. It would be nice to know exactly what you're talking about just there....

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

zephyrus7 In reply to feelinhungry [2005-04-06 20:03:05 +0000 UTC]

Hehe well if you want I can write out and note you a little lesson on sonnet form?

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

feelinhungry In reply to zephyrus7 [2005-04-06 22:27:19 +0000 UTC]

Oh man!! I would love that!! But only if you have the time!!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

zephyrus7 In reply to feelinhungry [2005-04-06 23:33:04 +0000 UTC]

Sure, I'll do it right now But it'll mean I'll have to leave my critique of your poem til tomorrow.

Here goes! *begins note*

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

feelinhungry In reply to zephyrus7 [2005-04-07 00:00:08 +0000 UTC]

Oh thanks!! You're the best!!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0