HOME | DD
Published: 2006-03-04 21:57:59 +0000 UTC; Views: 644; Favourites: 1; Downloads: 8
Redirect to original
Description
It came with our reviling,scowling, surreptitious smiling
and our lust,
veiling shrouded symbols, torturing our trust.
And I thought
that this travesty of love might find us
caught in the act,
my dream of loyalty shrivelled and cracked.
Related content
Comments: 13
feelinhungry [2006-04-19 03:17:42 +0000 UTC]
I dunno, this one just hits me. The consonance/alliteration is worked to perfection. Makes me think of a short excerpt from a song that I have always loved:
"Visions of you on a motorcycle driveby, the cigarette ash it flies in your eyes and you don't mind, you smile, you say the world it doesn't fit with you I don't believe you, you're so serene.. careening through the universe, your axis on a tilt, you're guiltless and free, I hope you take a piece of me with you."
-Third Eye Blind
Just felt like sharing that with you. It's funny how you can fall in love with words sometimes, isn't it?
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
briefrespite [2006-03-27 22:18:10 +0000 UTC]
the first three lines are damn good stuff, the rest is just ok.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
wrenwatcher [2006-03-11 19:52:11 +0000 UTC]
How you manage to stun me every time I read your words, I will never know. Absolutely fabulous piece, my good man.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
zephyrus7 In reply to wrenwatcher [2006-03-11 23:53:11 +0000 UTC]
Hah wow what a compliment thank you very much! Well I'm very glad you like my writing, and cheers for the
too!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
feetpeet [2006-03-09 12:30:09 +0000 UTC]
I think it comes off just as well in text.
Lovely work.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
feetpeet In reply to zephyrus7 [2006-03-10 14:24:10 +0000 UTC]
No problem! You should update more!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
zephyrus7 In reply to feetpeet [2006-03-10 15:42:02 +0000 UTC]
lol I really should. I don't write very often though
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
feetpeet In reply to zephyrus7 [2006-03-13 10:47:55 +0000 UTC]
I understand that, I barely ever draw anymore
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
feetpeet In reply to zephyrus7 [2006-03-18 21:03:10 +0000 UTC]
No motivation I guess, and unis really busy
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
HarpyEmma [2006-03-05 00:13:39 +0000 UTC]
I like it. It's so subversive and... coy.
Enough said, methinks.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1





