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Published: 2008-10-17 04:42:01 +0000 UTC; Views: 2285; Favourites: 44; Downloads: 45
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Description
OvercomeIt is a moment without metaphor,
without the elegance of ambiguity.
What happens does not signify anything,
does not borrow the body of what it is
to create the soul of what it is;
it does not lend itself out to betoken
other things. These are seconds
without such generosity.
It is not a moment of young onions
grown tender for the harvest, or persimmons
frosted over by the sugars of age. There are
no solemn rail cars rusting into poignancy.
There is only a young black man
who is only a young black man
bullied by the sting of insult and indignity
too great, his proud mouth burnt by wrath
as he careens down the sidewalk
toward bedlam.
There is only a loose-tongued white man
who is only a loose-tongued white man,
older and leaning heavily on a cane as he turns,
a bag of something in his free hand, fretfully
silent now as he looks into the face
his epithets have spoken to life –
one ugliness begets another.
Cups of coffee leave the parking lot
behind me, where presumably all this began
in ways I don’t know, and my breath catches,
because there is also me,
green light in my eyes,
already turning left toward home
when I see the first hand flash out
and I reach for my phone –
there is also me, trying to tell the operator
about two men grown bitter as the dirty tang
of onions, aging under the sugars of spite,
each rusting on the rails of what's begun.
Related content
Comments: 110
b1gfan In reply to ??? [2008-10-18 20:07:40 +0000 UTC]
Oh yea, I'm good Cindy. I've worked it outta my system now. Rotten stuff to watch happen though.
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Blueskye27 In reply to b1gfan [2008-10-18 20:55:01 +0000 UTC]
I'm glad you're okay. I saw something similar when I worked in D.C. - two homeless guys, one with a cane and one with a knife - but they circled around a little and decided it wasn't worth it. Still, it's a hard thing - very scary. I'm glad you're all right.
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Amynnah49 In reply to ??? [2008-10-18 16:13:24 +0000 UTC]
"one ugliness begets another."
wow. this is probably my favorite thing you've written. im seriously left in awe.
amazing work, dave.
"because there is also me,
green light in my eyes,
already turning left toward home
when I see the first hand flash out
and I reach for my phone –
there is also me, trying to tell the operator
about two men grown bitter as the dirty tang
of onions, aging under the sugars of spite,
each rusting on the rails of what he’s begun. "
great ending
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b1gfan In reply to Amynnah49 [2008-10-18 20:06:03 +0000 UTC]
Awww, thank you Becky That's very complimentary (and good to know
)
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Angel2kiss [2008-10-18 05:45:15 +0000 UTC]
We cant deny that for sure,
Nice work ....as if hat were a surpise
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KneelingGlory [2008-10-18 03:43:03 +0000 UTC]
Yes! Someone writing about what matters without making it uglier or prettier than it is. Thank you!
Also, I hope you're alright.
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b1gfan In reply to KneelingGlory [2008-10-18 05:40:23 +0000 UTC]
I am quite alright Lili thanks
And thank you for the honest and thoughtful response
I really appreciate the time you gave the poem. (and, of ocurse, a
is always cool too
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pseudometry In reply to ??? [2008-10-18 01:44:32 +0000 UTC]
Great beginning to the piece. The elegance of ambiguity. Yes. The racial tension is anything but elegant or ambiguous, and you capture the genuine and believable humanity of the subjects perfectly (grown bitter/ rusting on the rails of what he's begun), with some wonderful description too (espec. the third stanza).
I like this muchly.
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b1gfan In reply to pseudometry [2008-10-18 02:07:01 +0000 UTC]
Thank you Jamie
You are wonderful to give your time to the piece
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pseudometry In reply to b1gfan [2008-10-18 03:11:21 +0000 UTC]
The piece was wonderfully deserving of my time and more Dave
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ottersandsky In reply to ??? [2008-10-17 21:52:50 +0000 UTC]
I agree with r-mitchell, that opening is just amazing, and then the rest of it is so beautifully crafted to follow... hard to pinpoint lines that I liked best...
rusting into poignancy is a really awesome idea. And the sugars of age on the persimmons, too. Really nice...
And there is only a young black man
who is only a young black man and the same repetition-type-thing for the loose-tongued white man. That's really effective.
Just awesome.
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b1gfan In reply to ottersandsky [2008-10-17 23:56:33 +0000 UTC]
Thank you Katie. That is an amazing response and a very sweet How could I not blush with joy at every word
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princesszyrtec In reply to ??? [2008-10-17 17:10:20 +0000 UTC]
your turns of phrase "the sugars of time", etc. are quite breathtaking. I wish I could be more analytical, but I found myself truly enjoying the poem, taking my time, and anticipating the unfolding. I'm a tad envious of your word craft.
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b1gfan In reply to princesszyrtec [2008-10-17 23:59:26 +0000 UTC]
Please allow me to say that half of every poem's quality is in its audience
If you like what you see here I'd argue that it's because you bring so much great stuff to the poem when you read!
I appreciate the time you gave it!
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b1gfan In reply to Tworoads [2008-10-18 00:08:29 +0000 UTC]
Thank you Noah - I appreciate that. I built around some images used by the poet Li-Young Lee in this poem - I was reading a couple of his poems after I saw all this to calm down and all
And thanks for the too
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Tworoads In reply to b1gfan [2008-10-18 01:09:34 +0000 UTC]
Strangely enough, you sparked an idea from myself through this...though I'd like to see how your talent would run with it sometime. Very welcome, Dave.
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b1gfan In reply to oldest-boy [2008-10-18 00:14:49 +0000 UTC]
The expletive makes it all the more forceful Thank you my buddy my boy
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oldest-boy In reply to b1gfan [2008-10-18 00:53:09 +0000 UTC]
i agree,
but it was
totally necessary.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
SephirothThePure In reply to ??? [2008-10-17 14:10:30 +0000 UTC]
An excellent piece. I had a little trouble following it at first, but once I got used to the writing style it went just fine. Gives one a lot to think about, ne? , and I belive I'll watch you to see what other pieces you come up with!
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b1gfan In reply to SephirothThePure [2008-10-18 00:04:51 +0000 UTC]
Thank you Steven - I appreciate that and will do my best to live up to the honor I am thankful for the time you put into reading and responding so carefully (and of course the
and
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SephirothThePure In reply to b1gfan [2008-10-18 02:51:48 +0000 UTC]
lol, but of course. I meant to try and raid your gallery at that time, but was bogged down by work - damn you salary...damn you I say!
I will do so either later tonight (I have an appointment to keep at the moment, and am just checking messages really quick), or I will do so tomorrow.
I look forward to more poetry! Or art, if you feel so inclined.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
b1gfan In reply to SephirothThePure [2008-10-18 20:16:12 +0000 UTC]
I promise to be patient Until then please accept my thanks for the time and good will
(now go earn that salary...
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SephirothThePure In reply to b1gfan [2008-10-18 23:53:15 +0000 UTC]
Yeah, as annoying as it can be to earn it, earn it we must.
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r-mitchell In reply to ??? [2008-10-17 12:28:12 +0000 UTC]
"It is a moment without metaphor,
without the elegance of ambiguity."
that is a fantastic opening.
i love the honesty and eloquence of this piece, and your ability to simultaneously tell a story and cast a spell.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
b1gfan In reply to r-mitchell [2008-10-18 00:17:23 +0000 UTC]
I appreciate the extraordinarily thoughtful comment my friend - to be told I can cast a spell with words is really something special
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r-mitchell In reply to b1gfan [2008-10-18 00:19:21 +0000 UTC]
it is something special, indeed
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b1gfan In reply to chugglepuff [2008-10-18 00:09:35 +0000 UTC]
thank you very much - a double really is awesome! and the
is a joy as well.
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Hobbit-San [2008-10-17 09:10:10 +0000 UTC]
wonderfully crafted! it all fits together with a great finish that packs that punch I look for
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b1gfan In reply to Hobbit-San [2008-10-18 00:10:24 +0000 UTC]
Thanks Danny - that is high praise and I appreciate it a lot
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LEeLoO12 In reply to ??? [2008-10-17 08:15:37 +0000 UTC]
wow, this is just amazing...
-is speechless-
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b1gfan In reply to LEeLoO12 [2008-10-18 00:11:11 +0000 UTC]
You are wonderfully kind Alana. Thank you for that and the
. You are so supportive
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LEeLoO12 In reply to b1gfan [2008-10-18 04:13:53 +0000 UTC]
aaaw you're welcome love
and i do what i can!
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JohnPrisk [2008-10-17 07:17:52 +0000 UTC]
when did this happen?
you never call anymore...
we should talk more!
(all said in George Costanzas mothers voice)
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b1gfan In reply to JohnPrisk [2008-10-18 00:13:30 +0000 UTC]
I know, I know, .... What's this world coming to when two brothers have to catch up in posted comments
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JohnPrisk In reply to b1gfan [2008-10-18 03:10:44 +0000 UTC]
I know, I mean - what - are there no PHONES where you are?!
(please ignore how that comment could be turned back on me...)
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JohnPrisk In reply to b1gfan [2008-10-19 08:41:06 +0000 UTC]
thanks you for taking all the guilt onto yourself - naturally i will continue to blame you whilst simultaneously pining for some face-time with my brother...
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YouInventedMe [2008-10-17 07:10:25 +0000 UTC]
It is not a moment of young onions
grown tender for the harvest, or persimmons
frosted over by the sugars of age. There are
no solemn rail cars rusting into poignancy.
There is only a young black man
who is only a young black man
just splendid, dave
xo!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
b1gfan In reply to YouInventedMe [2008-10-18 00:16:24 +0000 UTC]
Thank you Shane I appreciate that.
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fllnthblnk [2008-10-17 05:47:41 +0000 UTC]
Another good'un. Absolutely loved the 3rd stanza... and the repetition at the beginning of the 4th and 5th. Good, good.
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