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Description
Women love guys who are willing to stick up for them. There is something reassuring about having a guy who knows Kung Fu around, and for this reason my lady friends keep me around. What they don't know, however, is that I am in fact the only cowardly monk to have graduated from the Yip Man school of martial arts.

Kung fu always advocates pacifism over confrontation - in this regard, I like to think of myself as a kind of zen master of avoiding confrontation. They used to call me "Ji Jiao", or "Chicken Legs", because my signature move was running away from battle while screaming and crying, sometimes urinating down my left pant leg. Though cowardice is not a trait that is looked highly upon in modern day society, I feel that Kung Fu, with its strong emphasis on natural forms (monkey, crane, snake), would appreciate the natural cowardice of "Squirrel Style Kung Fu". I pioneered it. The Squirrel Style is a powerful tool when used properly - it involves a quick appraisal of your opponent, followed by an immediate dash for safety. Like the squirrel, the master of Squirrel Style knows exactly when to run away, nuts in mouth.

Allow me to put to rest any notions my female friends may have of my defending them in the event of an emergency. Far from it! The human body is one of the best obstacles one can use for fending off muggers, rapists, and other unsavory characters. One of the first thing you learn in Squirrel Style martial arts is the Squirrel-Ducks-Behind-Tree technique. At the first sign of danger, the master of Squirrel Style instinctively throws the most beautiful (and often weakest) lady in the group into the clutches of said unsavory character. In the absence of attractive women, young children and even the elderly/terminally ill can be used. This buys precious time, allowing the Squirrel master to flee to safety - later recounting to the proper authorities just how fast those evil bastards moved, and that Deborah didn't stand a chance.

I'm worried that one day Oanh will challenge me to a battle to the death. She is a master of kickboxing and also wrestling pitbulls to the ground with her bare hands, afterwards drinking their blood (I think it's gross too, but you settle with what you can get, right?). Though I have had my fair share of fights, I do worry about the inevitable confrontation against her. I can visualize it now... the blind, sweaty groping for the throw, Oanh moaning in pain as I exercise the most potent of Squirrel attacks upon her (Squirrel-Buries-The-Nuts), and finally the climax of the fight - both competitors slumping over in fatigue, literally falling asleep from the sheer exertion of the struggle. A worthy competitor, but ultimately no match for my skills.

WAT - TAH!

- Chui

Description
Women love guys who are willing to stick up for them. There is something reassuring about having a guy who knows Kung Fu around, and for this reason my lady friends keep me around. What they don't know, however, is that I am in fact the only cowardly monk to have graduated from the Yip Man school of martial arts.

Kung fu always advocates pacifism over confrontation - in this regard, I like to think of myself as a kind of zen master of avoiding confrontation. They used to call me "Ji Jiao", or "Chicken Legs", because my signature move was running away from battle while screaming and crying, sometimes urinating down my left pant leg. Though cowardice is not a trait that is looked highly upon in modern day society, I feel that Kung Fu, with its strong emphasis on natural forms (monkey, crane, snake), would appreciate the natural cowardice of "Squirrel Style Kung Fu". I pioneered it. The Squirrel Style is a powerful tool when used properly - it involves a quick appraisal of your opponent, followed by an immediate dash for safety. Like the squirrel, the master of Squirrel Style knows exactly when to run away, nuts in mouth.

Allow me to put to rest any notions my female friends may have of my defending them in the event of an emergency. Far from it! The human body is one of the best obstacles one can use for fending off muggers, rapists, and other unsavory characters. One of the first thing you learn in Squirrel Style martial arts is the Squirrel-Ducks-Behind-Tree technique. At the first sign of danger, the master of Squirrel Style instinctively throws the most beautiful (and often weakest) lady in the group into the clutches of said unsavory character. In the absence of attractive women, young children and even the elderly/terminally ill can be used. This buys precious time, allowing the Squirrel master to flee to safety - later recounting to the proper authorities just how fast those evil bastards moved, and that Deborah didn't stand a chance.

I'm worried that one day Oanh will challenge me to a battle to the death. She is a master of kickboxing and also wrestling pitbulls to the ground with her bare hands, afterwards drinking their blood (I think it's gross too, but you settle with what you can get, right?). Though I have had my fair share of fights, I do worry about the inevitable confrontation against her. I can visualize it now... the blind, sweaty groping for the throw, Oanh moaning in pain as I exercise the most potent of Squirrel attacks upon her (Squirrel-Buries-The-Nuts), and finally the climax of the fight - both competitors slumping over in fatigue, literally falling asleep from the sheer exertion of the struggle. A worthy competitor, but ultimately no match for my skills.

WAT - TAH!

- Chui