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Published: 2009-01-26 17:42:00 +0000 UTC; Views: 3230; Favourites: 11; Downloads: 12
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OasisLove does not fall on an untouched heart
Or seed in a garden chaste.
Until it once has been plowed apart
The heart is a desert waste.
So raze and trample the virgin turf.
To every blade and blow
Offer the rich but unmixed earth
So love will grow.
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Comments: 66
Well, duality, or Dualism is not something really fundamental to universe, it is a function of human observation. The Universe is simply the universe. It is what it is. But we human look at things and make a contrast between them. Temperature is what it is, like 1,000Β°C. To us humans, some call this extremely hot, in comparison to the human body temperature. To an astrophysicist, this is cool in comparison the heat of a star's surface. Therefore, the concept of hot, cold, warm and cool is a construct of the human mind and not part of the reality of the universe itself.
I live with very high levels of pain and if you felt what I feel, you would be curling in a fetal position screaming and moaning. But pain became part of my reality, my norm. To you, the contrast between no pain and high pain seems enormous and your brain reacts accordingly. I react that way too, but at even higher pain values. I don't remember what having no pain feels like.
I saw a teen girl displaying emotional agony, like her world was ending, because she broke one of her pretty fingernails. At firs, I am shocked a disgusted, because compared to what I suffer each day, her breaking a nail is meaningless. But then I realized that in her life experience, this was a huge thing to her. He actual cause of suffering is tiny, but her perception of suffering is equal to mine.
At your age, time seems to move slowly. For me, a week goes by and I hardly even notice, a year flies by. For a 1 year old child, 1 year is the entirety of his or her life. At 10 years old, one year is one-tenth of his or her life. At 100 years old, 1 year is only one-hundredth of his or her life. Therefore, our perception of the movement of time seems to accelerate as we get older, when in reality, time is time and unchanging.
When you heart is shattered by the loss of love, that heart can either be too afraid to ever feel love again, or open itself up again even more, and when new love is found, it is cherished all the more for its previous loss.
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So human is a measure of all thing.
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I am not sure about my translation of your statement. If I translate it literally, then no, humans are not the measure of all things. Animal brains and insect brains measure things too. We humans thought that time itself was a constant, but now we now this not to be true in a number of cases, such as e=mc2. Time and space work together as variables, but to our human observation, time appears fixed. We now know that a particle can be in two places at the same time. The problem is that the science of the big does not match the science of the subatomic. this has been the holy grail of science for a very long time, to find that which can unify the two sciences, because they CONTRADICT each other. The reality is the science of the big and the science of the small are probably both wrong.
e=mc2 says that you can never exceed the speed of light, but it would be arrogant to believe that. This equation currently matches our observations, but we really can't see that much. HUMAN OBSERVES, MEASURE, MAKE CONCLUSIONS, & THEN ARE PROVED WRONG. This seems a guaranteed pattern.
Let us say that the universe is real, the stars are real, planets, are real. Humans observe the Universe and life and give contrasting measurements. We say that the moon is about 363,104 km at its nearest point, and 405,696 km at its farthest from earth. This is a measurement taken in 3 dimensional space only and is probably fairly accurate to reality (within 3D space), but who can say for sure since we know so little. After all, the Christian church fought tooth and nail to hang onto a flat earth and the sun as the center of the Universe, even though the ancient Greeks and Chinese had already figured out that the earth was round and not the center of the universe.
We deduce there are more than 3 dimensions, using mathematics and scientific observations, 11 in one model and many more in others. But these observations may not be accurate at all in the real Universe, since we don't see most of the Universe and we are limiting our measurements to a very confined space-time reality. We know on a tiny, tiny fraction of what can be known. We humans do not understand the laws that govern the universe and life. We have a big bang theory for the creation of this one Universe and of other universes, so people said this is proof of a God since someone had to make the big bang. Now we have a new model that can be shown as a possibility through mathematics of a cycling big bang > expansion, contraction, back to a singularity, and a new big bang. It is a fancy guess work. We can also show a possible model using 'brains' (as in membranes), and when these 'brains touch, the result is a big bang and the creation of a new universe, each universe eventually dying. We have lots of theories.
We cannot see Dark Energy or Dark Matter, but our observations and mathematics say they need to exist, to explain why the universe in not just expanding from the big bang center, every star and galaxy is expanding from each other. In other words, we are grasping in the dark. Each time we learn or observe something new, it only raises even more questions. Humans want to make order from Chaos, the universe itself is a balance between Order and Entropy. Whatever human build, creating order, will decay and degenerate back to chaos. Stars are born (order) and stars die chaos). It is only when stars die in super novas that the other element of the periodic chart are made, like Carbon, Nitrogen and Oxogen, the elements of life. You are made of the stuff from dying stars. Order and chaos in balance...
if humans are wiped off the face of the earth, or the earth destroyed by a giant comet or meteor, the Universe continues on, even if there is no one to observe it.
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"Man is the measure of all things: of things which are, that they are, and of things which are not, that they are not" - Protagoras. Better now?
Non of these theories explain where the universe(s) came from and why do they exist at all. But it doesn't make the universe less amazing.
About science:
Nature and nature's laws lay hid in night;
God said "Let Newton be" and all was light.
It did not last; the devil howling
"Ho! Let Einstein be!" restored the status quo.
And i think it's not even the end.
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The idea here is that science can explain why God does not need to be any part of creation. Science can and will continue to explain creation. HOWEVER, at the same time, science cannot disprove God.
There is no way to either prove or disprove god. But this is a moot point. Religion is referred to as a FAITH, be it Christianity, or Buddhism, or any of the others, because by definition, the belief of God REQUIRES FAITH that God exists, WITHOUT PROOF. That is the entire idea of religion and believes in Gods, reincarnation, life after death, etc. There is no proof and never will be, but you accept God in faith.
I lost my Faith in a great Betrayal by my church and religion, but before that they had me hook, line and sinker, ready to be a Priest of the Catholic faith. What they did was prove to me that what they taught about God was a lie. Once lost and you see truth, it is very unlikely one ever gets suckered back into blind faith. It works when you take babies and young children and entoctrinate and brain-wash them into believing and FEARING. If I question any of this, I will be damned and burn in hell for eternity. This is what I was taught and believed at one time, just as they taught us that only Catholic can go to heaven. You burn in hell if you marry a non-catholic.
If you are married in a non-catholic church it is not a true marriage and therefore you live in sin (since your spouse is not your spouse in the eyes of god) and you will burn in hell. If you marry a non-catholic, it can only be done in a Catholic church, to this day, if the other person coverts to Catholicism and both parents swear an oath to raise all children in the Catholic Faith.
You should see the fear put on Mormons and the rules they have to follow, including special underwear that is especially hard to get in and out of, to discourage sex.
Believe, have faith in god, or burn in hell.
My own mother says prayers heal people, but she has been praying for my healing, along with my aunt the Nun and her convent, and other relatives, for the past 25 years. Yet I just get worse. I even used special baptized water and water from some place Mary supposedly appeared. Yet each any ever instance can be explained. Christians exclaim and rejoice when prayers work, and when they don't work, it must be because they did something wrong, God was busy, this, or that. There is a tunnel vision of delusion.
It is mazing that once you break the brain washing, you see ever so much clearer...
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Well, i don't know about God in this meaning because i'm not and never was a Christian of whatever variety.
Lol, if to take them seriously, we may conclude that: 1) most of people gonna burn in hell anyway so why to worry about it 2) hell may not actually be a bad place since there are a lot of good people.
I may believe in gods, but i hold position that we were given brains so that we could solve our problems by ourselves and don't bother gods much.
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When I write about God or Gods, it is not to refute what people believe, it is to challenge such things.
You are right about it being amusing, but alas, the greater majority of human beings buy-into that crap, in one form or another. In Christian theology of the oldest kind, heaven is being in the presence of God and Hell is being banished from the presence of God. This does not make hell sound bad enough, so it had to be spiced-up. According to Christ, the main criteria for Heaven is to love God and to love your fellow mankind.
A God or Gods can imply a lot of things. It almost always involves creation and usually involves a continuing interaction/interference the God or Gods with the course of nature and human beings. This means that Fate and Destiny are connected to Gods or Gods. I personally reject the notions of Fate and Destiny as ways of making ourselves feel better about lives and the choices we make. Life itself, the ongoing workings of the universe, of nature itself, will at times give us not no choice, but within what life gives us, we have a great deal of choice.
Should you bother your Gods if something really bad is happening? If we go into another Little Ice Age (as happened in 1300-1850 AD) and plunge your country into the freezer, causing crop failures, starvation and disease again, will your Gods stop it? If your Mother is dying, will your Gods stop it? The big question is what can your Gods do or what will your Gods do, and do that have something similar to human consciousness and choice, emotions like anger and hate and love? Otherwise, you could say that the universe itself and the laws that govern it is God.
The idea of Fate and destiny, life after death, a god personally helping in your time of need, are all things designed help people cope. But unfortunately it often also acts a way of humans to escape responsibility and necessary choices. In Islam & Christianity, as an example, a key phrase you keep hearing is to surrender you life and choices to God and God will be your steering wheel, which usually means following the orders of some religious cleric, priest, minister, etc. The message is that you do not need to make choices and you do not have to accept responsibility.
When you go into a 12 Step treatment program for Alcoholism or drug addiction, one of the first steps is to say that you are powerless against your addiction and must surrender to and rely on a God or 'Higher Power' to keep you from drinking or drugging. This is ridiculous. They are not powerless against alcohol or drugsβit is a clear choice on their part to stop drinking and drugging and to keep resisting temptations to drink and drug. When they fail and start drinking again, they do not blame God, they and others blame the person, but if they stay sober, they credit a God for it. I say to take responsibility for yourself and your actions and stop blaming others or giving others credit. When people thank me for helping them overcome addiction, I tell that while I might have helped, all the credit really goes to you, because you are the only one who can overcome depression, addiction, anger, etc.
The foundation of Human Dignity and the thing that empowers us the most in life, is our POWER OF CHOICE. We get to choose our path, within the parameters given to us by life, and get to choose between what we know to be right or wrong. I had no choice in being born Autistic or Gay, but I embrace these things with pride, because they are part of who I am. I had no choice about a man dying in a tank, but I did have a choice about going in after him. You have no choice being in an earthquake, but you have a great deal of choice in what you do afterwards. Most people give-up much of their power of choice and live on autopilot.
The voices in our head look for justifications to give-into the temptations of our human nature. We can justify any horrific evil known to mankind, if we want to. Goodness therefore requires active choice.
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There is one proverb from my country that sums it up in one sentence, not sure if my translation will be exactly correct: "trust in god but those who help themselves".
Basically, you can believe in god(s) and ask them for help, but it's you who should make effort in doing something and you are the one who make choices.
I think Fate and Destiny exist to a certain degree but we are ones who forge them.
12 Step treatment program for Alcoholism
-> That's this?
Well, "don't be afraid of your enemies - the worst thing they can do is to kill you, don't be afraid of your friends since the worst thing they can do is to betray you, but be afraid of indifferent people, because from their silent agreement the worst crime in this world happen."
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Yes, I have heard this said by many people, and it is a good saying. But asking for help still implies that God could decide to intervene on you behalf. Some people do believe in God, but believe God is totally hands off in human affairs. The 'Universal Consciousness' faith believe that all of us humans and nature are God, you are a piece of God, all are part of God, and when we are born we exit the God (Universal Consciousness) to live life, but are still tethered to God, until we die and return to the same melting pot.
If we form or forge fate and destiny, then they are no longer fate or destiny:
FATE & DESTINY:1. The universal principle or ultimate agency (God) by which the order of things is presumably prescribed.
2. The development of events beyond a person's control, regarded as determined by a supernatural power (God or Gods).
3. A predetermined course of events often held to be an irresistible power or agency (supernatural power, or god or Gods).
4. The predetermined or inevitable course of events.Traditionally, Fate and Destiny mean that your entire life is preordained before you were even born, and that the course of human events and natural events (like storms and earthquakes) are also preordained, typically by a God or Gods, as if woven into a majestic tapestry, with us being but a thread in the tapestry. But the words can also be used to describe specific events.
FATE & DESTINY mean that personal choice makes no difference in life, because fate has already determined your entire life. You may think it is your choice to go to eat that night, but it was Fate that made you choose that way, and why you got hit by a truck because you went out to eat that night.
. . . . . . .
I like your quote, where does it come from? [about indifference leading the west crimes]
. . . . . . .
Alcoholics Anonymous, found all over the world, along with Drugs Anonymous, Sex Addiction Anonymous, Gambling Anonymous, Codependents Anonymous, etc, have meeting held where any addict is welcome to come to try to overcome their addiction. I went to meetings for a short while of CODA (Codependents Anonymous). If you keep going, you can ask for a Sponsor, someone who has been clean and sober a long time (or addiction free), to help you. You are expected to work the 12 steps in order, which is supposed to help you stay away from what you are addicted to.
The Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous:1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
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Well, i guess we will never know how it actually is until we die.
Ah, i see what you mean under fate and destiny.
"I like your quote, where does it come from? [about indifference leading the worst crimes]"
-> I heard this from my mom, but original is from "GΕΓ³wny winowajca" ("The main culprit") or "Conspiracy of the indifferent" by Bruno JasieΕski. Contrary to a popular belief this quote has nothing to do with Richard Eberhart.
-> Well, i wonder what atheists should do about all points which contain God?
I think that God here should be optional, like for example:
1. Admit that you have a problem with alcohol.
2. Come to believe that you need help/Admit that you need help/something along the lines.
3. Make a decision to turn your will and your live into another direction
4. Make a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. <- what does this one means?
5. Admit to yourself, to another human being and a high power, if you believe in such, the exact nature of your wrongs.
6. Be entirely ready to work hard on yourself to remove these defects of character.
7. Made a list of all persons you have harmed, and become willing to make amends to them all.
8. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
9. Continued to take personal inventory and when you were wrong promptly admit it.
10. Improve contacts with family and friends, ask them to support you in your decision to be sober/ or something like that.
11. As the result of these steps, try to carry this message to alcoholics.
Better now?)
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You miss the main point of what I had said before about this program. They believe in surrendering themselves to God, who will keep them from giving into their addiction. They believe they cannot be restored to sanity without God, and they then agree to surrender their lives to GOD. They like to say, "LET GOD TAKE THE WHEEL (as in steering wheel)." This is actually a way to escape responsibility and turn responsibility for their lives over to God instead. If they start drinking again, it is their fault, but if they stay sober, God gets the Credit.
It is not just a matter of words. They need god as a crutch because they have decided that they cannot solve this problem on their own. While treatment facilities can do wonders, or Alcoholics Anonymous, it is still the will of each individual which keeps them sober, although some believe it is only God who is keeping them from drinking.
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AH! I got it now!
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Too true. Duality seems to be a common theme throughout life. How can one know good without knowing bad? From even the saddest experience can come the greatest of strengths.
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Good observation. DUALITY and RELATIVITY describe most things in life. One time on a ship, we heard that one of the few women we had was coming aboard, Cactus Kate is what she was as. Naturally one of the guys asked how hot looking she was, and one of the guys answered, "That depend on how long you have been at sea." Anything requiring an observational judgment is relative, be it a human sense, feeling or emotion.
I have been so deep in the pit of despair that it allows me to appreciate even the tiniest things in life. I have suffered so much in life that it has taught me that suffering can be a good thing and that there is a positive side to suffering.
When I met my current partner of 21 years, I did not find him attractive at all, all I needed was a dance partner for the dance lesson that night. I asked, he said yes, and I enjoyed his company. Since I was working to overcome my autism and make new friends, I asked him if he had an interest in seeing if we could be friends (yes, I am that blunt). We got together a number of times to chat, dine, movies, a fair, and canoeing. We got back from canoeing one day and the sun fell across his face, and I was struck suddenly by how handsome he was, and I was hard. I knew then that it must be love. Naturally i told him exactly what happened, and asked if we could date romantically. Such is the power of love.
Beauty itself is very relative. i see beauty where many do not, such as the naked body of a 90 year old woman, or a puddle of muddy water. In fact, if I look for beauty in just about anything, I can usually find it. Beauty and WONDER are closely tied together, and both are very relative.
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That was a lovely poem, I really like it's flow.
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Thank you. It for when you loose your first love, for the first time your heart is broken.
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Thank You. My comments under the poem are almost more important that the poem itself. I was so shattered by my second partner leaving me, coupled with the mass rejection when I came-out to 40 shipmates, I tried to kill myself. But If I had succeeded, I never would have met Greg or my friends, or learn to dance and have years of fun. With Greg I found the things missing in my past relationships.
No matter how badly we are shattered by lost love, there will be something better for us ahead, because we will cherish it even more.
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Beautiful little nugget found in the midst of it all.
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I can never sit down and write poetry. When it comes, it comes all at once with little editing after. Sometimes it is good, sometimes bad.
The parts I write in comments are more important to me than the poems themselves.
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Poetry is hit and miss for me. I am more of a lyricist. I've been writing them since high school (almost 30 years ago).
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Frankly the writing is very similar if you write poetry in an open and free style like I do. There area a large number of formal types of poetry, which all have scads of rules, which I throw out the window. What I look for in poetry that I like: Does if flow smoothly (no speed bumps); does it take me and carry me along; can i understand it; does it have some sense of rhythm or cadence (but not slaved to it): and does it visually or emotionally move me.
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Absolutely. Rhythm (or Iambic pentameter) is imperative. Without cadence it's merely staccatic prose.
I tend to have some speed bumps, but that perhaps might have more to do with synapses misfiring than anything.
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Hard to say. A speed bump for one person might be nothing to another. I tell neophyte writers to read what they write out-loud. This holds true of any writing. Can you say it without running out of breath, does you tongue get tied in knots, etc?
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I sort-of disagree with this poem now that I really think about it... well actually I'm really referring to your author's notes in reality...
When you feel a deep sadness it tends to seep into your every emotion and every action with such an intensity that it marks you. Every smile, every happy moment may be more subdued than a time when you were innocent and everything was wonderful.
I for one have a hard time trusting and letting people into my life... of laughing and meaning it because I have been back-stabbed one to many times by so-called friends.... I know that this is a different topic but my point is that that betrayal seeped into my actions and now it taints all of my interactions with people and the same can be said with sadness and depression.
Why is it that we always hold our first love deeply in our hearts, cherish its memory more than others? My opinion is that this first love is an innocent type of love, a love that you give yourself completely to... and I can only really speak for myself on this point but because my first love ended badly, now I do not give myself fully, I keep myself reserved... afraid to be hurt again.
I do not think I will be so fully in love, so happy as I was once with my first love... Everything was wonderful, I glowed, everything I did carried that love and happiness... now i carry that slight taint of betrayal and depression everywhere I go.
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What you speak of, being harder to trust people, holding back, afraid of the hurt again, these are all about being SCARRED, and scar tissue, like a scar left from a knife cut.
What I spoke of in my Comment area was the HOPE of how it should be and can be. The normal response it be burned and not want to go back to the stove. I have been betrayed in horrendous ways. All of us will be. It is human nature. Even those we share our lives with will betray us in some ways, but some betrayals are too great to ever trust that person again.
Trust is integral to Love, and becomes the foundation of loving relationships. It is crucial. So anything that harms trust, or betrays trust, is a great blow to a relationship, and makes us question our ability to know who to Trust. For me, it was like having the floor yanked out under me, and falling in free fall into a a bottomless chasm. In a huge betrayal, it can hurt you SO bad that you fear to love again, or to TRUST again.
My partner was like this. He had been betrayed in ways I cannot speak of here, then his father died when he was 16, and then his last partner dropped dead of a heart attack. Every time he started to feel like it was real LOVE he felt for me, it brought up great fear and he pushed me away. He equated loving a man with abandonment and betrayal. When I would eventually give up and start to leave, he would pull me back in because he did love me, but could not admit it. It is called "Come Here Go Away Syndrome". It caused a few years of trauma, let me tell you. I used to say that kissing him was like tossing kisses over a 30 foot high brick wall.
WHAT THIS SCARRING DOES IS VICTIMIZE YOU TWICE, FIRST THE BETRAYAL, THEN THE DAMAGE TO YOUR HEART.
BUT, I CHOSE NOT TO LET THAT HAPPEN ME. After the first betrayal, I put myself out there fully, openly, and trusting. I got hurt sometimes when dating. Husband #2 betrayed me worse that the first one. Eventually, they both begged to come back, but even I realized that they had gone far beyond where Trust could be rebuilt. However, I worked hard to forgive both of them quickly, and tried to keep them in my life in some way (they still are). Hate and ANGER have no place in my life. Whenever they have been present they have been very destructive to me, not he wrongdoers.
LOVE REQUIRES COURAGE. LOVE AND PAIN GO TOGETHER, AND ALWAYS WILL. Anything so intensely important to us is bound to create equal intensity in loss or hurt. It is part of the Love equation. It is part of what the POEM is about.
If you allow the betrayers to win and drive you from Love, it will be a great TRAGEDY.
Instead of carrying a taint of betrayal, instead of holding back, throw yourself back out their. The intensity of Love is RENEWING and HEALING and is very much worth the pain.
If you question how much I have suffered form love, consider that I tried to kill myself after husband #2 left me. It devastated me. He had been screwing around on me, had a double-life, used me, stole from, extorted money from me (to get his name of the deed of the house), he was even being blackmailed himself. It goes on and on.
But I recovered and went right back out and learned to dance, started socializing and making friends, and looking for love again. Went through some dates from hell...beware blind dates. lol
My friends and family have said again and again "YOU ARE TOO TRUSTING" and I do not agree. I make friends really quickly, people feel very comfortable sharing with me because I am so open and trusting. Sometimes I get burned, but much more often I do very well.
Look how open I am here. It might come back and bite me in the ass, but I would rather make friends here and maybe help others, than be isolated in my home. I enlarge my life circle by being open, honest and trusting, and sometimes I get hurt. I used to be on a message board and got set on by a group of three men, after writing for some 4 years. I took a week off and went right back in. I reminded myself I had a lot of friends there.
It is easy to walk away, to isolate, to hold back, to lug around baggage and "taints". Love takes courage, a willingness to take risks, forgiveness, trust, and stamina. Have you got it in you? How bad do you want Love? How bad do you want someone to share you life with? Anything worth having is worth fighting for. "Taints" and bold baggage are like PINS IN THE BALLOONS OF LOVE.
Something that might help you to move on it to Forgive the one who betrayed you. This does not mean to condone what this person did to you. Forgiveness is really about letting go of all the pain, suffering and scar tissue created by the one of hurt you. The other person does not even need to know anything about it, because Forgiveness is all about YOU, no the other person. Forgiveness is about stopping to be a victim of the person who hurts you, by letting go of all the negative crap.
A good place to start is to try to understand the other person, his or her frailties, and how very sad it is that they are the way they are, for you will achieve something they cannot. Find compassion for them, because you are not like those kind of people. You are a man of honor and honesty, a man trustworthy and compassionate.
The traditional definition of masculinity was having the qualities or appearance of strength and aggressiveness, and many men used to try to emulate this. But if you observe the responses and behaviors of women and men to define masculinity, as I have done, you get something different.
I found that the foundation of male masculinity is in having a HEALTHY balance of self-confidence, self-acceptance, self-reliance, self-worth, self-assuredness, and a dash of pride; and in carrying yourself with all of those thingsβshoulders back, standing tall (timid is not considered masculine). These things give you personal power and masculinity.
One does not want to be excessive in these things as that is seen as hubris and your presence is too overpowering.
If you combine a healthy balance of those masculine qualities, with COMPASSION and Human Decency, you will then become the ideal wet dream of many a man and woman.
DARE TO LOVE. Yes you are hurt, but don't let that keep you from the most wondrous and fulfilling of all human conditions and emotions.
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Back to the Poem and my comments. If you allow yourself to be healed, and choose to cut-away the scar tissue, then the pain you feel now will serve you well, when next you find Love, IF you allow yourself to experience that love fully, without taints and baggage. It is a choice.
You will want to say, "It is not so easy to leave the scars behind," or "it is too hard to that" or "easier said than done." It can be done, it is done all the time, and no it is not easy. It is your choice. Making a firm choice in your head, again and again if necessary, is more powerful that you suspect.
It is 100% your choice. We can choose not be scarred, as I have done again and again. I will admit that I am more jaded now that when I was first a virgin to love, but compared to the amount of pain and betrayal, it is minimal.
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You said, "I do not think I will be so fully in love, so happy as I was once with my first love... Everything was wonderful, I glowed, everything I did carried that love and happiness... now i carry that slight taint of betrayal and depression everywhere I go."
My friend, it is way to soon to conclude such a thing. Wait until You love again. If you carry the taint of betrayal, you do so by your own choice. You can leave it behind and try again, and then again, until you find one who will hold your trust. But if you carry that taint with you, how likely is it you will EVER find the one who will hold your trust?
And when you find new love, and feel trust again, it will mean so much more, you will appreciate it so much more, in comparisons to what was. I ask you take my word in TRUST On This, "You can experience a Love far greater than your first love, far greater." Your first love will have had the element of Innocence, freshness, and discovery. But the Love you will have ahead of you will be far deeper and meaningful to you. Please take my word on that. Your capacity for Love is Far, Far greater than you can envision now.
Please feel free to note me if you want to trust me a bit and talk more, assuming you feel a need.
Take care my friend.
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Why am I unable to fav this?!
Beautiful
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Perhaps a transient DA thing.
It is the thought that counts. Thanks for reading it.
I have travelled a lot in my live, especially while I went to sea. I have seen great poverty, the kind of poverty that wrenches at my heart when I see it. Some of it so bad that there is starvation. But in all of that poverty, I saw something amazing. I saw people enjoying themselves, having fun, socializing, kids playing. They enjoy life with what they have. They do not miss having a television if they have never even seen one.
We use television and movies to be entertained, but in the absence of such things, people connect with each other more, tell stories, and otherwise entertain themselves.
In our society, we tend to MEAURE things against fixed standards. Love being measured by expected behavior and gifts. We tend to measure ourselves against standards fixed by our society, and this can cause great problems in self-identity and self-esteem.
I call these standards "Rulers," which are used to measure ourselves by. For example, we take special note of those who score high on an intelligence test, which is used to measure memory retention and speed of learning. There are many other types of geniuses and intelligence, which are not only not recognized, but typically suppressed.
We also measure ourselves based on the amount of money we make, fame, power, influence, beauty, etc.
The traditional definition of masculinity was having the qualities or appearance of strength and aggressiveness, and many men used to try to emulate this. But if you observe the responses and behaviors of women and men to define masculinity, as I have done, you get something different.
I found that the foundation of male masculinity is in having a HEALTHY balance of self-confidence, self-acceptance, self-reliance, self-worth, self-assuredness, and a dash of pride; and in carrying yourself with all of those thingsβshoulders back, standing tall (timid is not considered masculine). These things give you personal power and masculinity.
One does not want to be excessive in these things as that is seen as hubris and your presence is too overpowering.
If you combine a healthy balance of those masculine qualities, with COMPASSION and Human Decency, you will then become the ideal wet dream of many a man and woman.
My point is that we get in trouble when we insist on measuring ourselves based on the many "Rulers" found in our society. You will continually find yourself coming up short. If you happen to have all the things on a rural, you find that it does not mean what you thought it would.
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Do you mind if I take notes?
Imagine the worlds we could rule if you had my body or if I had your insight. lol
We would certainly be a force to be reckoned with, in the art community or any other for that matter. haha ^^
Know that I will miss you when you are forced to leave. It has been a great pleasure talking with you. If there is anything I can do to repay your kindness, please let me know.
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What kind of body have you got? LOL Just kidding. Just about any body would be better than the one I have. Of course, some are worse. Come to think of it, I don't think I have seen a picture of you. I should go back to your gallery and see if there is one there.
If I did a brain dump on you, we would definitely want to leave the baggage behind and all the negative stuff. When children are abused for long periods, it literally changes the structures in their brains. For example, long periods of stress produce large quantities of the hormone Cortisol, which has a very negative effect on the Hippocampus, the memory processing center of the brain. In children, prolonged stress can cause permanent damage to the Hippocampus, as in my case.
Abuse can basically hard-wire depressive cognitive patterns in the brains of children, causing lifetimes of depression or mental health issues, like in me.
So you would want to filter all that out. It would be great if you could acquire the wisdom gleaned from suffering, without actually suffering. The trouble is that you might not believe some of it without first suffering it yourself. Kind of like burning yourself on a stove to prove it will burn you.
Then I assume you would not want the gay part, although if you took that you would be bisexual and have twice the fun (a fallacy of course).
Then there are the brain disorders. They make me think in unique ways (untypical of normal brains). So my insight might require them. Something to ponder.
This is always the case you know. By the time we figure things out, our bodies are wrecks. Knowing what I know now, I could have enjoyed life so much more if I had known these things when I had a youthful body. Human have too short a lifespan. Two Hundred years ago most people died before 40 years old. In the 1200's people often did not survive to 40. Marriage was at 14 to 16 because there was so little time. You were apprenticed at very young ages. 12 year old kids sailed on ships as cabin boys, the start of their career.
Life may now be extended until you are 100, but that does not mean you are good for anything during those extra years in the rest home. The saving grace is that you are in LA-La land and have no idea of the passage of time.
Relative Times accelerates you know. When you are 10 years old, 1 year is one-tenth (10%) of your entire life. Times appears to be slower. When you are 20 years old, one year is 5% of your life. When you are 50 years old, 1 year is 2% of your life, and life appears to be passing by much faster. At age 100 years old, 1 year is only 1% of your life, and time passes so fast, you do not even notice it.
All I can say is do not squander you time now. If you want to do things like traveling, don't put it off. LIVE NOW. You will not build wealth as fast, but you will enjoy life more. Unless you can do that thing where you become filthy rich by age 25. Even then, those people typically cannot stop pushing themselves hard and working to break the next challenge or make another billion.
I am going to publish my "Rules for Wealth Building: soon. I keep forgetting.
I can tell you where to start, but you won't do it.
Start a Saving's account and save at least $12.50 dollars a week. If that is all you ever did, at 4% interest (GE Interest Plus account), you would have $25,556 in 25 years.
But if you invest that in a Mutual Fund (using an 8% annual return), with automatic reinvestment of dividends and capital gains, you would have $47,184 in 25 years.
In reality, I have been realizing average returns ranging from 12 to 18%, averaged over a 22 year period, including past recessions (but not this one, not figured in yet). Over the long run, the bad times average out with the good times.
Eventually, if you could save $100 a month, at 8%, it would be $94,246 in 25 years. $200 per month at 8% would give you $188,493 in 25 years. If you push the years until retirement date, the number are amazingly high.
It is a steep curve but it is totally driven by how early you start. Almost everything I have is from my first 5 years of employment, AT MY LOWEST WAGE EVER. I saved every penny I could and lived like a monk for 5 years. I retired at age 34, but could have been sooner if not for boyfriends with VERY expensive tastes. LOL
As for what you can do, stay in touch.
Later.
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Lol, I may never become rich. I have a terrible habbit of perchasing things impulsively. A curse of my generation, perhaps. That's why I need an education so badly. With any luck I'll be in a field that pays well and I can actually start investing.
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I actually never thought in terms of becoming rich. Growing up, we were on food stamps and getting a bit hungry. In High School, we had to stand in a special line to get our scoop of free rice with gravy, so we could be razzed by others. I was in a High School where the parking lot was full of Porches and Corvettes.
What I wanted and needed was security. I planned for that, and actually quite before I became rich. I owned my home outright. I would never NEED to work again, although I did. But it is a huge relieve not to HAVE to work to survive. Guys I worked with were making $120,000 in 1970's dollars (84,665 pounds sterling) and going paycheck to paycheck to pay the bills. The graduated from school, immediately boat Corvettes (a bid deal then), expensive girlfriends, new apartments with the best furniture, stereo equipment and toys. Then came marriage, big houses, kids, more toys, ALWAYS living almost beyond their means. If they lost their jobs, they would have been up shit creek without a paddle.
RULE 1: Never buy on credit. Always pay off your credit card in full every month. If you can't do that, don't buy it.
NOTE: It is Ok to do a few big purchases (for which you already have the money) on credit to build you line of credit for mortgage approval purposes, and for emergencies.
Best of luck in going to school and find the right career. In my family, all five of us kids put ourselves through University. There was not a penny from the parents.
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I'm opperating on a loan right now. I really don't like the idea of being in debt, but hopefully I won't be that way for long.
As far as my job, I should probably be looking for something that pays more than min. Not much around here, though.
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Did you see my detailed rules for Wealth Building? Come to think of it, maybe you did already [link]
I am not one that believe everything begins and ends with a University degree. Were you thinking in terms of University or of a trade school, like an art school kind of thing.
Working and going to school at the same time is tough, but certainly doable, if that is the plan.
The concept of wealth building always starts from wherever you are currently, financially. Do the rents charge you rent? I assume it will be too expensive to move to a place with more job opportunities. Kind of like being trapped. Sounds like you are in a tough place.
You really sound like the kind of guy who will get it worked out in your own way just fine. I have faith in you.
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Thanks Matt.
I'm doin my best.
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Oh right, because I was given a link to a page without a fav option and therefore forced to ask foolish questions as a result. X]
I await my next mistake with great furvor.
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Well your story behind is so true..
I did think recently about that.
And also discuss it with people around me.
You can not feel happy without knowing what it is to be unhappy.
Cold you can discover since you know also what is warmth. I love these thoughts. It gives another vision on life. Then you are able to also say 'welcome' to (as most people say) 'unnice' experiences. Cause you know that you need them, to discover the opposite, you need them also to bring you to higher levels of experience. And they are part of the way you travel. It makes every step beautiful, even it didn't look like that at first sight!
I did favorite for sure!
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In life, sometimes we suffer during our lives. Sometimes the suffering is from financial loss, the death of a loved one, the loss of love, physical pain or mental anguish. This suffering is good for us, as it place the rest of life in better perspective. The worse your heart has been shattered, the ever more you will appreciate your new love. Depression however is an illness and must be treated as any illness.
When we love others and share our lives with them, they become part of who we are. We cary them with us for all our lives, even as we touch others and are carried in their lives. When someone we love dies and grieving completes, we can hold their memories and we can choose to see them with us, not gone forever, just in a different phase. But people tend to see things in black and white, they are alive, or they are dead.
Love and happiness are entwined with connections to people and to nature, the sharing of ourselves with others and how we exist in harmony with nature. When these rupture, we are cast adrift.
If your life is defined by suffering and pain, then suffering and pain becomes relative tooβless suffering verses more suffering. My life is so full of suffering that if I get 1 minute of feeling good, I appreciate it fully and am grateful for it, like finding a diamond in the muck.
To improve life, first we must "see and recognize" before we can make "choices." When I started working a great deal with color, I started seeing the world in more color, then in terms of light and shadows. We can also choose to see life in proper "perspective," and to appreciate all of its aspects accordingly. This way it is easier to CHOOSE to be happy, to choose to forgive and to be compassionate, or to recognize that while life has become very difficult, it is still Ok.
Beauty is the same way. If you look for it, AND you are willing to recognize it, you will find it in the most amazing places. Happiness is the same way. Job fulfillment is the same way.
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Thanks. Not all see it. But I very much hope you see what it means for you when Love bites you in the ass next time. It will mean more than it ever has. You will appreciate it more and work harder to keep it, and be more willing to bend. All the best...
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very nice; short and sweet and full of pretty sentiment, and I love how it's more of a traditional poem in regard to rhyme. Not many people can write in traditional these days and come off as sounding natural, but this sounds so effortless and lovely.
great job
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Thank you. It means a lot coming form a poet like you. I am afraid that I did not set out to write in traditionalβthe words just tumble out. Is it not interesting that the more befuddle and confused my mind gets from the narcotics, the better the poetry that is produced? I think maybe the conscious mind works against the freedom of the sub-conscience mind, which is more driven by the heart and spirit.
I have loved reading poetry starting at about age 13, when I discovered Emily Dickinson and Edgar Allen Poe (I was of dark depressive disposition then), then later Robert Frost. They got me going.
One of my favorite poems of all time is a mystery, because I don't know who wrote it. It sounds too good for me to have written it (many years of my early life are blacked-out). The poem is hand written or copied, and in the margin, I wrote Benita Garcia (along with other scribbled notes), but I cannot find any reference to this poet on the internet. If you have heard of a poet by that name, please let me know.
Here is the Poem. It speaks so much about me and my life:
In moments of deep doubt or intense pain,
When I am overpowered by my life,
I search around me everywhere I can
For kindred souls who know what I know not,
For those who have the strength to mitigate
What makes me tremble, weep, and often brood.
They tell me that I cannot live my way
Where all my feelings rule my conscious mind.
I must control myself before the act,
Or else accept what I have long endured,
The brutal days of feeling lost and blind.
There have been times, not many but a few,
When someone has possessed the soothing balm,
Providing surcease for my angst or pain.
But age has taught me now one simple rule.
Inside myself I must the screams contain,
Whatever devils must be wrestled there,
The lessons learned will not be lost again.
We walk alone upon our final trip.
No hand can help us on that day of death.
It's best we learn, while time is still our friend,
To trust ourselves, and save our precious breath.
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Thanks. When it works, it is without effort.
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Ooops! I said Mikey because I have a friend here whose screen name is like yours. Sorry, Matthew! 
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For your Friend:
It is very difficult to open new doors in life, until you close the old ones. What "was" is now gone in the physical world, but not gone from your heart or memory. The time you spent with your girlfriend is now part of you. She influenced your life and you are now who you are, partly because of her.
There is a clear choice here. You can choose to experience every memory of her, every reminder of her, every dream of her, as a positive warm experience of remembered love and intimacy. Or you can choose to have every memory of her, every reminder of her, every dream of her, trigger agony, pain, loss, and missing her so much you ache all over from it.
You can choose to hold what you have of her close to your heart in a positive way, and move on with your life. She will NEVER be replaced. So never compare another woman to her. Every love we experience is unique to that person. You will never find a woman like your lost love again. A new love can be just as intense, or even more intense, as hard as that is to believe right now.
There is a door wide open, the door of unrealistic hope that she will return to you. It might be possible, but you would spend the rest of your life waiting for something very unlikely to happen. There is a denial in you saying that it is not truly OVER. It is time to accept that it is over. Close that door and take what you have of her with you. Then see the open door of "possibilities," which has just opened.
Whoever said you have only one true love in your life was an IDIOT. The world abounds with possible true loves. I was not even physically attracted to my true love, at first. Love does not have to happen like a thunderclap, with fireworks. It can happen by choice.
I can tell you this, love cannot happen unless you are open to letting it happen. Imagineer yourself in love again. Actively imagine yourself dating and having fun being out with a woman you are crazy about. Try to remember what it feels like to be loved unconditionally by another, and to love another that way. Let that help you through the grief you are still feeling.
Till the soil of your heart and prepare it for the seed of love, for when the opportunity arrives. Convince yourself you are ready to love again, and to be loved. It is the most important thing for you to do. Please believe me in this, most women can sense your willingness and readiness for love, just as they can sense you unwillingness and not being ready to be loved and to love.
Then relax, put yourself in social circles, go dancing, go about life, and love WILL come your way.
A few thoughts on Masculinity:
The foundation of male masculinity is in having a HEALTHY balance of self-confidence, self-acceptance, self-reliance, self-worth, self-assuredness, and a dash of pride; and in carrying yourself with all of those thingsβshoulders back, standing tall (timid is not considered masculine). These things give you personal power and masculinity.
Please note that one does not want to be excessive in these things as that is seen as hubris and your presence is too overpowering.
If you combine a healthy balance of those masculine qualities, with COMPASSION and Human Decency, you will then become the ideal wet dream of many a man and woman.
The traditional definition of masculinity was having the qualities or appearance of strength and aggressiveness, but this is no longer the case in much of the modern Western world.
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Thanks, Matthew. I will give him the link. It is all RIGHT ON. But, particularly the last four paragraphs are so important. There can be no TRUE success without those qualities. Anyway, everything you said is really beautiful.
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Thanks. Actually I wrote it in great haste and with little sleep, so I am not so happy with the beginning part. Sounds way too sappy. Sorry to Sandy's friend. I still have not gone to bed, so it is getting close to 48 hours up. Later...
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He sent me a note and is appreciative. What you wrote is helpful to me as well. I can't remember the first part seeming sappy, but I'll be re-reading it. (I plan on reading it several times.) I only mentioned the last part because you made important points that most people don't think about.
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