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inspiredcreativity — Understanding AUTISM
Published: 2011-09-19 10:13:41 +0000 UTC; Views: 20536; Favourites: 112; Downloads: 15
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UNDERSTANDING AUTISM SPECTRUM DISORDERSClick on Symptoms of Autism Spectrum Disorders to get more information about some of the Autism Spectrum Disorders.
The following is a simplified explanation of autism, followed by more detail. Near the end, I talk about HOW TO OVERCOME AUTISM. I will also talk about my own personal story of growing up Gay and overcoming much of my Autism. Just know that I finally got there— I learned how to connect with people and make many friends, to find real love, not just people using me, and to find a measure of joy and happiness in life.
AUTISM SPECTRUM DISORDERS
It used to be that people were diagnosed with a specific Syndrome, like:□ Asperger Syndrome
□ High-Functioning Autism
□ Sensory Processing Disorder (Sensory Integration Dysfunction)
□ Developmental Coordination Disorder (Developmental Dyspraxia)
□ Dysgraphia
□ Dyscalculia
□ Etc.However, the check-off list for each Syndrome greatly overlapped with all the others. So, doctors simply picked the one with the most check marks. This is why they have all now been combined together as Autism Spectrum Syndromes. I will explain some of the Autism Spectrum Syndromes in another paper.
The reality is that we are all a mix of Autism Syndromes, with one or two dominant ones, but with other ones also present. If a doctor tells you that have ASPERGER SYNDROME, this is NOT really correct. Asperger may be your dominant Syndrome, but never the only one. I can use myself as an example:
My Autism Spectrum Disorders are in the following list by degree, strongest to weakest:
WHAT EXACTLY IS AUTISM?
Your brain is made up of GRAY MATTER and WHITE MATTER.
AUTISM happens when there are problems with the WHITE MATTER of the brain.
The Gray Matter in your brain is basically like computer chips, hard drives and memory cards. Your frontal Cortex is like the Mother Board with the Master Chip, and everything feeds into it, like the video camera, display, microphone, etc, and. The Gray Matter is where your thinking, language, motor skills, memory, and all other brain activities take place.
The White Matter in your brain is like all of the Cables & Wires in your Computer, connecting everything together, and connecting it all to your Frontal Cortex, where all of the executive functions take place.
In Autism many of those Cables & Wires are disconnected, or connected to the wrong place. In areas that are well connected, the brain tries to compensate and use those areas more, which is how Autistic people can get better than others at certain things. Socializing uses every part of your brain at the same time, using more brain power than anything else you ever will do. This is why Autistics have so much trouble socializing, connecting to people and understanding people.
OFFICE BUILDING ANALOGY
Think of the normal brain as a big corporate office building. All the different departments such as legal, accounting, advertising, sales, and management offices, are all scattered across different floors of building and different areas of each floor. All of the offices are connected together by Cables & Wires, allowing communication systems such as e-mail, texting, telephones, and fax machines to function. You can have a conference call with people from every floor of the building, easily.
Now let's look at an Autistic brain. In an Autistic person's brain, some of Cables & Wires are not connected or care connected the wrong way. Some of the phone lines do not work, email and texting is limited to only a couple of sentences at a time, and faxes are hazy and not clear, and no, there is no wireless service available in the brain. People on the west-end of the 3rd floor can simply quickly get together and talk. But communicating with the people on the North end takes much more time. For a meeting, trying to get people together from all the floors would takes hours. Sending a message to someone on the top floor or the lobby takes a long time. Worse, the messenger might go to the bathroom and accidentally drop the message in the toilet.
HOW FUNCTIONAL IS YOUR BRAIN
How High Functioning or Low Functioning an Autistic person is depends on how many Cables & Wires are disconnected and misconnected. The great variability in Autistic symptoms depends on which Cables & Wires are disconnected and misconnected. Poor communication between areas of the brain is the cause of uneven skills. People on the Autism spectrum are often very good at one thing and bad at something else. To use the computer cable analogy, the limited number of good Cables & Wires may connect up one area of the brain and leave the other areas with poor connections.
The further away the areas of the brain are, the worse the communication. the Front Lobes of your brain may not do well talking with the Rear Lobes of your brain, and the Right Hemisphere of your brain may not talk well with your Left Hemisphere. Long distances tend to be problematic.
In Autism, your brain can become very well specialized in certain things, and be very weak in other things. I am excellent at Problem Solving and have solved problems that no other engineer had been able to solve in a decade. I graduated number one in my class from the Academy, with a degree in Engineering, but I failed First Grade and was declared Mentally Retarded. In 10th grade, my IQ test put me in the bottom end of intelligence. I got a 4 year Engineering Degree in 3 years.
PLEASE NOTE: You will learn that grades in school and test results have nothing to do with how intelligent you really are. All my life I was called idiot, stupid, retard and moron, yet I did so well that I was able to retire for life at age 34. It took me until around age 22 to finally recognize what my real talent was. Don't ever believe people who tell you that you are stupid, even Teachers, High School Counselors, or Doctors. It only shows their stupidity. Believe in yourself. I proved every single one of those people wrong.
If certain areas of your brain become specialized, you might be better at things like number crunching, spatial reasoning, problem solving, music, art, etc. Typically the lower functioning your Autism is, the higher your specialized ability, although this is not always true. This is because the brain is forced to specialize more in its best areas, when it is unable to connect to other areas of the brain.
Whatever MIX of Autism you have will result in you being BETTER at certain things and WORSE at other things.
SOCIAL INTERACTION
Unfortunately, social skills require more parts of your brain, at the same time, than any other function you can do. Social interaction needs most of the parts of your brain. Socializing requires the most inter-brain communication of all functions possible.
Imagine yourself talking to just one person. A neurotypical person (someone with a typical brain) is processing a great deal during a simple conversation, such as:□ Listening to the other person,
□ Observing that person's facial and body language, the subtle tone and inflection changes in the speech,
□ Then translate it all,
□ Then interpret it all,
□ Then process and analyze what it all means, implications, innuendo, double-meanings, subtle hints, conversational undercurrents, possible joke, humor, sarcasm, pun, etc,
□ Then project current and future consequences and possibilities,
□ Then factor-in how this relates to you, your knowledge and your experiences about what is being said, cross-referencing everything being said with all of your memories,
□ Then factor-in your previous history with person, your relationship with that person, and what you know of that person's personality and their typical conversational patterns and quarks,
□ Then process possible ways you want to respond,
□ Then consider the possible consequences of each (Filtering), like will I hurt his feeling, will this just generate anger in him and close him down...
□ Then choosing a response,
□ Then translating your thoughts into verbal speech, facial and body language.Autistic people have trouble doing some of these steps and trouble doing them rapidly enough. Now imagine doing all of that with four people or ten people in a Group-Conversation. Not only do you have to process all of those steps with one person, you now have to do it with multiple people, multiple personalities, and consider how everyone is reacting with each other, and the connections between various people in the group, like friendships, ex-friendships, lovers and ex-lovers, animosities, resentments, allies, enemies, etc. It is something that no super-computer has ever been able to do, even to the 1st level.
It takes almost every part of your brain, working together, to be able to socialize like this. This is why those of us with Autism Spectrum Disorders have such a hard time learning to socialize, while other people do it naturally at young ages.
LINEAR THINKING vs INTUITIVE THINKING
VERBAL LOGIC THINKERS, MUSIC & MATH THINKERS, & VISUAL THINKERS
Most people are LINEAR THINKERS, where A leads to B, which leads to C, which leads to D… Linear people have the pieces of the puzzle all carefully lined up, but because of that, they often are not able to see how the entire puzzle can come together, and ultimately may not be able to solve the puzzle. They are better at dealing with more linear processes. Naturally, society tests for that in IQ tests and Multiple Choice tests.
INTUITIVE THINKERS, like me, struggle to grasp A and B, then in a flash, jump to D, then to G… We can feel confused a lot, because our thoughts are not as ordered as other people. We have pieces of puzzles floating around, then, suddenly, all of the pieces will come together. Other people may think you are stupid, especially if they never give you the chance to make your Intuitive Jump. At the same time, this has helped me solve problems that no one else could solve, problems of great complexity.
Most people think in a combination of ways, but with one way typically predominates. Autistic people tend to be more extreme in one way of thinking, to varying degrees.
Brains can be further be specialized in how they think, and this is AMPLIFIED IN AUTISM:
VERBAL LOGIC THINKERS think in word details. They often love history, foreign languages, weather statistics, and stock market reports. As children they often have a vast knowledge of sports scores. They are not visual thinkers and they are often poor at drawing. Children with speech delays are more likely to become visual or music and math thinkers. Many of these individuals had no speech delays, and they became word specialists. These individuals have found successful careers in language translation, journalism, accounting, speech therapy, special education, library work, or financial analysis.
MUSIC & MATH THINKERS think in patterns. These people often excel at math, chess, and computer programming. Some of these individuals see patterns and relationships between patterns and numbers, instead of photographic images. As children, they may play music by ear and be interested in music. Music and math minds often have careers in computer programming, chemistry, statistics, engineering, music, and physics. Written language is not required for pattern thinking. The pre-literate Incas used complex bundles of knotted cords to keep track of taxes, labor, and trading among a thousand people.
[ I tend to be a Pattern oriented person, but not good in music.]
VISUAL THINKERS think in photographically specific images. There are degrees of specificity of visual thinking. They might be able to test-run a machine in their head, with full motion. Non-Autistic visual thinkers can typically only visualize still images. These images may range in specificity from images of specific places to more vague conceptual images. Learning algebra might be extremely difficult, as well as learning a foreign language.
Highly specific visual thinkers may struggle over algebra, but do much better studying more visual forms of math, such as trigonometry or geometry. Children who are visual thinkers will often be good at drawing, other arts, and building things with toy-construction-sets, such as Lego. Many children who are visual thinkers enjoy maps, flags, and photographs. Visual thinkers are well suited to jobs in drafting, graphic design, training animals, auto mechanics, jewelry making, construction, and factory automation.
If you are a visual person, you will probably enjoy this link:
Lord Of The Rings Character Timeline & Star Wars Trilogy simplecomplexity.net/wp-conten…
[ I am more of a visual thinker, allowing me to see mathematical equations into shapes, like a parabola, rotated about an x-axis, then rotated about a y-axis, to produce a donut. Algebra was my most difficult math course, with Trigonometry and Calculus my easiest Math by far. I have a degree in Engineering and had my own Graphic Design Company, and I love building things and crafting things, especially from metal. ]
CONCEPT FORMATION - AUTISTIC CHALLENGE
Autistic People often learn much better when they can see something, or better yet, touch it. Reading about things is more conceptual, which can be problematic for Autistics. Instead of reading about how a clock works, we would rather take the clock apart and see how it works.
All individuals on the Autism Spectrum have difficulties with forming concepts. Example: x = speed of the car, z = unknown. This is why Algebra was so difficult for me. Once I grasped that concept, I went from F's & D's, to A's on tests, finishing at a C+, my lowest grade ever in school. A little help would have had me doing well rapidly.
Conceptual Thinking occurs in the Frontal Cortex of your brain, where 'Executive Functions' take place. Executive Functions cover reasoning, cognitive thought, planning and decision making, projecting future consequences, troubleshooting, impulse control, resisting temptations, overriding automatic responses, error correction, situations requiring sequences of action and non-rehearsed responses, etc.
In normal brains, Computer Cables, from all parts of the brain, converge on the frontal cortex, which is like the Mother Chip of the computer. The frontal cortex integrates information from thinking, emotional, and sensory parts of the brain. For Autistic people, the degree of difficulty in forming concepts is related to the number and type of Computer Cables that are NOT hooked-up.
Categories are the beginning of concept formation. Children with Autism can easily sort objects into categories, such as red or blue, but they have difficulty thinking up new categories for groups of common objects. If you put a variety of common things on a table, such as staplers, pencils, books, an envelope, a clock, hats, golf balls, and a tennis racquet, and asked an individual with autism to pick out objects containing paper, they could do it. However, they often have difficulty when asked to make up new categories. Teachers should work on teaching flexibility of thinking by playing a game where the autistic individual is asked to make up new categories for the objects, like objects containing metal, or objects used in sports. Then the teacher should get the person to explain the reason for putting an object in a specific category.
For those of you with a burning need for the confusing definition of a CONCEPT:
A Concept is a cognitive unit of meaning—an abstract idea or a mental symbol sometimes defined as a "unit of knowledge," built from other units which act as a concept's characteristics. A concept is typically associated with a corresponding representation in a language or symbology such as a single meaning of a term.
READING PROBLEMS IN AUTISM
I used to have trouble studying in school. I would carefully read sentences, but have trouble understanding the meaning. Normal brains tend to ignore the details, while people on the Autism Spectrum tend to FOCUS ON THE DETAILS instead of LARGER CONCEPTS, like focusing on the words more than the meaning of the entire sentence and paragraph. In High School, I took a special class in Power Reading, which is about improving comprehending what you read, as well as reading faster. It really helped me.
Speed & Power reading involves reading blocks of words at one time and comprehending the meaning of the word group. Think of viewing a digital image. There are millions of pixels that only make sense when they are seen together. In the same way, our brain can comprehend ideas better when it takes in a group of words at one time, rather than one word at a time.
Practice expanding the number of words that you read at a time. You may also find that you can increase the number of words read by holding the text a little further from your eyes. The more words you can read in each block, the faster you will read and more you will comprehend and remember!
With my Autism, I find reading large paragraphs of text extremely difficult. I have trouble tracking the lines, and keep getting lost, which makes it harder for me comprehend, so I have to break it into manageable chunks. When some young people write to me, it is often in one massive block of text, which I then have to copy-out and then break-up. When I write, I break up my paragraphs frequently, which makes reading easier for everyone. Many people write without thinking of the reader.
If you have difficulty reading, I can send you some hints.
INNOCENCE & NAIVETY IN AUTISM
Most Autistic Kids and Young Adults are much more Innocent and Naive than other people their age. I was 19 before I even understood what sex was, although I had figured out that I was attracted to boys the way I am supposed to be attracted to girls at ages 11 and 12, and confessed it at age 13. Even after being raped, I was still was pretty darn innocent and naive, mostly because I did not really fully understand what was happening. I was beaten for 16 years and just assumed it was my fault.
Autistic people can find it hard to understand other people, and often assume others are like them and think as they do. I assumed everyone else was like me and thought like me. I would never dream of stealing from someone or lying to someone, and could not understand it when someone did it to me. As a young man, a shipmate accused me of trying to sabotage him, and I could not understand how another person could think such a thing of me, because the thought to do something like that would never occur to me.
I got used and taken advantage of a great deal, but at around age 23, I became determined to understand other people, a journey I am still on. It started to help me in a big way. But the greater challenge was in understand myself and how Autism was affecting my life, and that it was nothing to be ashamed of. I hid my Autism for some 40 years of my life. Things are different now.
If you are Autistic, I hope you know there is nothing to feel ashamed of. We might be challenged in some areas, but we are gifted in other ways. Further, YOU CAN OVERCOME MUCH OF THE NEGATIVE ASPECTS OF YOUR AURISM, as I have.
OVERCOMING AUTISM - NEUROPLASTICITY
The Human Brain has an amazing ability to re-wire itself, as needed. It is called NEUROPLASTICITY. Basically, if you PUSH your brain again and again to do something, your brain will figure out how to re-wire itself to make it possible. This is used when a person has had a brain injury. The brain will form new Neural Pathways and new Neural Connections with repetitive exercise of that function in the brain.
After failing First Grade, the state of Maryland classified me as Mentally Retarded (the term they used then) and I was to be placed in a school for that. My mother pulled me from the Public School system and had me checked-out by a specialist, who found my Sensory Integration Disorder, which means that my brain is unable to integrate and process my senses. I have trouble telling cold from wet, my skin is too sensitive, my body is very uncoordinated, and each of my eyes was reading ok, but my brain was no putting them together, so I saw double.
Everyday I had to pace back and forth for hours , on a narrow balance beam. Once a week it was raised higher above the ground, so it would hurt more when I fell off (incentive). Then I had to start reading letters on flash cards being held at each end, and then eventually words on flash cards. I was put in a private school for one year, then moved to the west coast, where they skipped me ahead a grade.
I could not talk right, so I was in speech therapy up through 6th grade. I especially had trouble with the letter R. Go ahead, say it out-loud, and notice what your tongue has to do. I spent countless hours in front of a mirror practicing.
Up to around age 18, I was socially very far behind everyone else, and I was not understanding the behavior of others, I felt afraid, confused and very lonely. I pushed myself incredibly hard, starting around 5th grade. Every class was difficult. I had to study so much more than everyone else that I had no other life. I also have memory problems. I now know that it is from being abused. Long-term abuse causes high levels of Cortisol (Stress hormone) in the blood, which suppresses your Hippocampus, your brain's Memory center. Worse, in kids, it can prevent the Hippocampus from developing, causing permanent brain damage to the Hippocampus. Interestingly, it made me more creative, because I had to work around my lack of memory. I could not remember the formula for the volume of a sphere ( 4/3 πr3), so I used calculus to solve for it each time I needed it.
The more people called me a Retard and Spas, the harder I worked, to the point I was obsessive about it. I was about age 18 before I started to really explode in development, catching up quickly in many areas. Everything I was bad at, I pushed myself hard to overcome. When I graduated from the Academy, my family was shocked at the change in me. I had grown so much as a person that I seemed to be a different person.
But I still had really big challenges. I could not look a person in the eyes. It was extremely hard for me to introduce myself to others. I avoided parties like the plague, places full of strangers. When one of my partners left me, I tried to kill myself. It was not so much him as how alone I was, even with him, and I had been living through him and his friends. My world was at sea. My shipmates were like family. I could lead them through emergencies, and even socialize with them, but at home it was very different.
I decided to try to overcome what Autism was doing to me, or die.
I found a GLBTQ Ballroom and C&W dance place where everyone looked like they were having a blast, and I wanted that. But one of my Spectrum disorders is Sensory Integration Disorder which made dancing pretty much impossible. I tell my left foot to move forward and my right foot will go backward, lol. I could not evener the beat in the music, and how was I going to ask a person to dance?
First, I made a quota for myself to introduce myself to one stranger a night. It took almost a month to do the first one. Then I just kept pushing myself to do it. I started making friends within weeks. It was really hard at first, but I made a deal with myself to be completely open and honest with people, and people responded to it. A year later I was part of a very large social group. 5 years later, in a University of Washington survey of the Seattle Gay male community, I was nominated by over 50 men as their community leader and most trusted person, which was shocking to me.
I made another quota for myself at the beginning, to ask one complete stranger to dance each night. This was the most difficult thing ever, because I sucked at dancing. But I did it. The incredible part is that soon people were waiting to dance with me, even though I totally sucked at dancing.
I started taking dance lessons 4 nights a week and went 6 nights a week. It was UGLY, LOL. I just kept at it, and the other people dancing with me were incredibly patient and forgiving. Then it all started working out and I got better and better. I then decided to learn Leading and Following, both positions, since I like to be flexible and I like the challenge. Eventually I became a dance teacher.
My NEUROLOGIST said that it was amazing how my brain had literally rewired itself to allow me to dance. I could not even run fast without my legs getting tangled up. I was doing exhibition dances now. He is the one who first explained Neuroplasticity to me.
USE IT OR LOSE IT
The very best time to PUSH your body and brain to do the things you have the most difficulty doing, is when your brain is developing. Your brain does not finish developing until around age 25. Also, all through your Teen years and early 20s, the Gray Matter in your brain is being PRUNED, discarded. It is how your brain tries to increase efficiency. If you do not use it, it is punned out. Basically, You Use It Or Lose It.
Recent research has found that the greatest development of the brain's Frontal Cortex actually takes place from around age 18 to age 25. This is important because it means that final development of all of your higher executive functions finish developing after age 18. Sleep deprivation is seen as a major detriment to this final development, and it is recommended that you get at least 9 hours of sleep per day during this period, as well as during your teen years. Large amounts of Alcohol inhibits brain development.
Also, the Cerebellum, in the back of the brain, is also finishing development at around age 25. One analogy that computer people use is that the cerebellum is like a math co-processor. The more complicated the activity, the more we call upon the Cerebellum to help us solve the problem. And so almost anything that one can think of as higher thought—mathematics, music, philosophy, decision making, social skills—seems to draw upon the Cerebellum.
CONCLUSION
Being Aggressive and Pushing Yourself Hard, combined with Patience, can OVERCOME much of Autism's Limitations to your life.
If you want something badly in your life, then GO FOR IT. If you are lonely and want friends, or want to find a partner in life, then push yourself to do it. I know exactly how hard it can be to go up to a stranger and introduce yourself, especially if he or she is cute. It is a matter of building your courage, getting determined to do it, then persist at it until you succeed.
Autism can be a Disability, or a GIFT—it is what You make of it. Autism has thrown a lot of challenges my way, but I am glad of it, because I am a much better man for it. Just like I am proud of being Gay, I am also proud to be Autistic, because it is part of who I am, and like being Gay, it has its challenges and its rewards. Being Gay and being Autistic have helped form me into who I am, and I happen to like who I am. I hope you like who you are too.
Matthew
©Matthew Barry 2011, 2014, 2017
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Comments: 207
Hi, I am happy to hear that you found this deviation helpful. Are you on the Autism spectrum? If so, please know that you can overcome many of your autism challenges. it is just a matter of what you want. I had problems with physical coordination, fine motor skills, multi-step tasks, speech, making eye contact, making friends, socializing and learning things. Today, I still tend to be a bit OCD (obsessive compulsive). I find it difficult to walk away from unfinished tasks. This actually made me better at my careers. I have overcome most of my autistic challenges.
In other words, if you really want something, then go for it and don't give up. It may take months of seeing little to no improvement before you see positive change, which then might be rapid. For me, this was true of learning algebra to learning Westcoast Swing. I started out failing algebra, then suddenly started doing much better. Each math class got easier. Calculus and advanced math analysis (mathematically working with creating 3-D objects). I was officially diagnosed as "Mentally Retarded" (the term they used then), but got a 4-year engineering degree in 3 years and graduated number one.
Please never let anyone tell you what you are no good at. You will become excellent in whatever you have a passion for, given the time and effort you put into it.
Eye contact with people is important. Ii observed how other people did it, how often and how long they did it while conversing. I found that this can vary depending on how well they know each other and feel comfortable with each other. Then I just started forcing myself to do it, which was really difficult at first, but then got easier and easier with time. I find proper 'eye contact' to be an excellent tool when working and conversing with people. Since I am so consciously aware of it, I can use it more effectively.
When I was 34, I made a big effort to make friends. I told them I was autistic and to please tell me if or when I was being inappropriate. this feedback helped me to improve how I interacted socially. Interestingly, most people did not seem to mind if shared too much (being too open), asked very personal questions, and other quarks I had and my lack of social etiquette at times.
As long as you are coming from a friendly, accepting and non-judgemental mindset, people will tolerate a great deal.
It is still difficult for me to be in a party full of strangers and force myself to go up to groups of people and try to join in the conversation. I do a little pep-talk to myself and the force myself to do it.
If you have any quests, feel free to ask.
Matthew
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Autism:
A mental disorder SJWs and 3rd wave feminists have
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Hi, I don't really understand what you are saying.
I can tell you that Autism is a brain disorder, not a mental disorder (physical vs thinking). Autism is due to faults in the white matter of the brain, which is like the wires and connectors of a computer. The Gray matter, the thinking stuff, works just fine, but communicating between parts of the brain may have faults. Symptoms vary so widely because these faults could be anywhere in the white matter, the faults might be big or small, or few or many. Once common thing we all tend to share on the spectrum is social challenges. I could explain why, if you have an interest.
Many autism challenges can be overcome with the use of NEUROPLASTICITY, the brain's ability to form new neural pathways, such as around faulty areas of the brain, if the person pushes their brain appropriately. As an adult, no one has ever guessed that I am autistic, but in Grade school and Jr. High I was not socially functioning at a very high level, but I was able to overcome all of those challenges, plus certain physical ones, by my early twenties. I was able to retire for life at age 34, from my profession and investing in multiple markets.
In school, two IQ tests in 1st and 9th grade said I was mentally retarded (their phrase), yet I got a 4-year degree in engineering in 3 years, graduating number 1. How many young people believe the idiots giving IQ tests, and become convinced they are stupid, when they are far from it?
Anytime anyone in a school is telling you you lack intelligence for college, or talent for a trade, the chances are very hight that they are clueless and lacking intelligence themselves.
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OK, thanks. I don't get jokes easily. It's an Autism thing.
I once got asked, if a stork brings white babies, and a blackbird brings blacks babies, what brings no babies at all? Even after being given the answer, I still did not get it until it was explained. The answer was a "a swallow."
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my sensory actually makes me advanced but i cant tolerate the slightest noises with it and smells and colors and i cant process certain textures so like normal cotten wool sorta burns.
its also why i dont use pillows :,)
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Some anoying Autistic traits will fade as you get older, but sme don't. My sensitvities are much less than when I was a yboy and young man. Nise for me is not bad if it stays the same, but changing noise levels and sounds bther me. I also did not use pillow until I wasin my 30's, and then only one thin pillow. We survive.
The thing that was slowly killing me was my social problems, like making freinds. When my partner left me for another guy, while I was away at sea, I ended up more and more isolated, which made me very depressed. Ihad to force myself to go out to a Gay dance club and force myself to introduce myself to strangers and try to talk to them. Dancing was also supposed to be impossible for me, but I decided I wanted to have fun the way others were, which meant learning to dance. I practiced hard and took lessons 4 days a week. Nothing happened for a bit over 3 months, but in that time, NEUROPLASTICITY was working, my brain was rewiring itself around some problem areas. Suddenly I started improving and did well dancing. I started working on other autism challenges I had. I still have challenges, like being a bit compulsive or obsesive, like not being able to stop working on a problem until it is solved.
My Autism helped me do well in my career.
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wow... im jyst reliving your story almost :0
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I hope you have more fun in your life than I did. I was 35 before I started to actually enjoy life more and feel better about myself. This is after I started making freinds, learned to dance and had a social life. I am told that my general look of happiness is what made me so attractive to other men. When I was depressed, I seldom got asked for dates. It was amazing to see the difference. Once I started ejoying life, I was getting asked out on dates many times a week. I said no for a year, becasue I promised myself a year to get my life back together, bore dating again. At age 34, I tried to kill myself after my husband left me and I came home to an emty house and empty bank account. I decided to give life one more change and to do whatever was needed to get better from depression and overcome some of my autism challenges.
After my year was up, I started dating again. When I met Greg, I just needed a dance-partner for the lesson that night. I was not even attracted to him at all. I enjoyed his company. I was trying to make new freinds, so I asked him if he had an interest in seeing if we could be freinds. I guess people don't just ask that way, but I didn't know. I usually come right to the point. We got together a number times to go hiking, dance, lunch a few dinners, chatted a lot, etc.
Then one day we went canoing on a lake. We got back to his house late afternoon. We were unloading his car when the sun broke through the clouds and a beam of light hit him. I had this sudden thought, "Hmmm, he's kind of cute in this light." I also noticed I was hard, aroused by him. I had never been atracted to him before. I knew this could only mean one thing, I had fallen in love with him. When you love someone, he or she because beautiful to you. So naturally I explained to him what just happened, then asked him if would like to date me romantically. It took him three days to answer yes. We agreed on no sex until or unless we decided to commit to each other. It took about 5 months and then we committed to each other with our own personal vows & promises. We did not prmise to stay together until death. We promised that we would not break up until we had both made every effort possible to stay together. So many couples give-up without really tryng to fix what is wrong, or rekindle the romance.
We live in Seattle, in Washington State, so we took a ferry boat to Victoria, British Columbia, Canada, for a week, and had tickets to Phantom of the Opera at the Queen Elizabeth Theature. It was all very romantic. After the play, we had dinner at a romantic restaurant. A string quartet came over to our table and seranaded us. Somehow they new this was a special romantic night. British Columbia, Canada, is very Gay freindly. That was all about 27.5 years ago. We have had some difficult times and almost broke up once, but both of us were always willing to keep talking, even if only going in circles. We negotiated and compramised, finding a way to stay together.
As a boy and young man, I felt that I would be alone all my life. I could see no positive future, only despair. But I was totally wrong. Time proved it. I found romantic love 3 times, spending 4 years of my life with Don, 6 years with Paul, and now 27.5 with Greg. The first two relationships failed mostly becasue I spent half the year away at sea. When the cat is away, the mice will play...
Please remember, if things get very difficult and depressing for you, have faith that it will eventually get better. Knowing it will get better is half the battle, becasue then you have hope, and that can give you the strength to do whatever you need to do to get out of the dark pit.
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FYI, people with Average-Functioning Autism to Asperger Syndrome can have good intelligence.
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Yes, both average and High functiong autistic typically have higher than normal intelligence, but to measure this, a special test must be used. I was tested twice. The fist time was when I was in 1'st grade and they said I was "Mentally Retarded" (term they used back then). When I was in 9th grade, I was given an Intelligence test. they called my parents and I to a meeting with a couselor. He showed us where I tested on the national bell-curve of ntelligence, and I was on the bottom. He said that college would be a waste of time and money. I protested that I was on the Dean's List of the top 10% grades in the schoolof some 4,000 students. He answered that "Test don't lie, so you must have easy teachers." My father told me that If I beleived those people, then yes I was an idiot. He told me to ignore them, snce they obviously did not lok at any other evidence to make such conclusions that could radically change my life.
Please rmember that Intelligence test are only looking at one narrow type of intelligence, namely the ability to memeorize and use formulas. It turned out that may talent was solving very complex problems in multiple fields. An artist can be a genius in her work. They ways you can be very intelligenct are fast. But schools only ever look at one type of intelligence.
Despite what they said about me not having any ntelligence, I got a 4-year engineering Degree in 3 years, and graduatied number one in my class. My kind of college work involved a lot more hands-on work, having to use creativity, inovation and problem solving, which I did better at.
It is best to fompletely ignore the concept of intelligence and find what you are passionate about. Chellenge yourself and push yourself hard and you will succeed.
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This is amazing. Absolutely amazing. I am mostly a high-functioning, autistic female (15), and this is all very helpful to read. It really gives people like me hope and a thirst to prove non-autistics wrong when they call me stupid or retarded.
I personally am not naive at all, rather cynical, in fact. Though I feel it just all depends on how you are brought up and what you've experienced. I have PTSD from being verbally abused as well as witnessing those around me get physically abused by my dad, so I never really thought it worth it to trust people. In a way, you could say my response is opposite yours. My dad also died when I was 13, but thankfully through therapy I have gotten better (though we mistook the PTSD coming from my dad's death since most of the abuse became repressed memories so we need to work on it again).
Also, I'm glad I'm not the only one who'd see in double all the time when I was younger! I never knew that could have been a symptom of autism. Maybe that's why I always felt like someone was holding my hand when I was younger as well.
By this point I might be rambling, but I had to be in a speech therapy class 3rd-5th grade. I also got released from it first. I was in it because I stalled and stuttered a lot, and, like most autistics, couldn't look people in the eyes. By the end of it though, all they'd managed to do was make me obsessed with staring people right in the eyes 100% of the time. But the stalling is gone, and the stuttering was temporarily, but I don't particularly mind that it came back. It doesn't impede me much, and as long as I understand what I want to say, it won't show through all that heavily.
Either way, once more, thank you for writing this out, it is amazing, and I must share it with everyone I know.
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You are most welcome.
With eye contact, observe those around you as they talk and socialize. Notice how long eye contact is held. Notice how eye contact is releases and reconnected during conversation. Then mimic it.
People automatically notice who there is too much eye contact or too little. People like therapists and funeral directors tend to hold eye contact a bit longer, to show more sympathy.
Eye contact is critical in communication. A lot of communications happens with eye contact. A slightly lingering eye contact can be a subtle way of saying you are romantically or sexually interested, depending on the circumstances. The eyes can help transit emotion.
My hope was to transit to autistic people that all autistic challenges can be overcome. The best time to do it is before the age of 25, when your brain finishes development. Neuroplasticity, the ability of the brain to form new neural pathways, will happen all your life, but it happens much faster in your youth. If you push yourself to socialize more, then you will start learning those skills much faster than if you wait until adulthood. If you have physical coordination issues, speech issues, being very shy, etc, you can overcome those challenges.
I realize that it can be really hard to do. I took a lot to force myself to go out and meet strangers, introduce myself to them and try to socialize with them. I had to force myself to accept party invitations. Going to a party full of strangers was a nightmare when I first started, but I do fine now. I used to feel like I could not fit-on anywhere, but I do far better now.
My innocence and naivety came from isolation. I was physically abused, daily, for 16 years, starting in infancy. My overthrusting nature partially stemmed from my inability to understand why anyone would want to steal from me, dislike me or hate me, or chose to do bad things. It defied logic. A man once accused me of trying to sabotage him, and I was totally baffled. The thought would never ever occur to me, so how could he think that? A friend then explained that the man was well-know for sabotaging others, so he assumed others would do it to him. It took me a long time to understand that other people did not think like I did. It took me even longer to understand the base nature of humanity, such as greed, the desire to dominate, control and subjugate others, jealousy, winning at any cost, etc. I was about 28 before I finally started figuring it all out.
The environment that you grew up in formed you along a differs path. In the end, we both ended up badly damaged. Being damaged by my youth did not stop me from finding love. Happiness was a bigger challenge, since I suffered a lot from depression. In my day, people did not get counseling unless they were 'crazy,' which meant most people who needed it did not get it. I was 34 before I got help for depression, after trying to kill myself for the second time.
Therefore, it is very nice to see that you have been receiving help and are overcoming your issues.
I do not see autism as any kind of disability. I became a stranger and better person from having to deal with my autistic challenges. I had to study harder to gain good grades, but I also learned things at greater depth and understanding. Even my struggling to learn to dance allowed me to be a good teacher of dance. Autism allowed me to solve problems others could not solve.
On conclusion, I think it is a mistake for any autistic person to think of their autism as a burden or think of it in a negative way. Every human faces challenges in their lifetime, and autism happens to be one of our challenges. When you have to work harder than others to gain something, you also end up appreciating it far more.
All the best, Matthew
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Thank you very much.
I have never really looked at my autism as a burden, the only burden coming from people who didn't care to understand, and I know that is not my fault nor the fault of my autism. The only part I'd find burdensome is my inability to process when I'm hungry, but I've been working on that, and I've made quite the progress.
I'm also very glad that you did eventually get help for your depression. You are amazing evidence that anything can be overcome, coped with. I thank you for your bravery in telling your story.
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It sounds like you are doing well. Think in terms of Autism as some faulty wiring in your brain. When you work to overcome challenges, your brain is simply rewiring around the faulty stuff. Just like learning to play the piano or another language, the more you do it and practice it, then better you get.
You have a very good attitude, which is good to see. I think you will do very well in life.
I wish you all the best that life and love has to offer…
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I want to say thankyou. I was diagnosed at a young age and am the only one in my family who has autism. I spent the last seven years lying to myself and trying to pretend that I was like everyone else despite so many major differences. I'm only really coming to terms with things now and what you wrote is a real help. To be honest the whole thing scares me because I'm different and all I ever wanted was to be like my sisters. But now I'm starting to understand how this can be a gift and its thanks to my art. Thankyou for having the courage to put this together.
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Hi, You are most welcome. Yes, things like art can show us how gifted we are on other ways. Later in life, I believe you will be finding other gifts. I was 24 before I started to release my special give for solving complex problems. I was 35 when I found out I have a gift to help people with mental health problems. Remember that being different is a wonderful thing. It does not feel that way when you are young and wanting to fit in. Those of us who are different in the world, are a gift to the world. Diversity breeds progress, innovation and creativity. This is why Universities try to build as diverse and student body and environment they can. The world would be so dull if we were all the same. I loved walking in London and being surrounded by a wide diversity of cultures, from different ethnic backgrounds to your people with pink and green hair. There is NOTHING WRONG with being different.
The important thing to remember is that you are NOT LESS, you are DIFFERENT. Intelligence manifests in many different ways, but society measures it in only one narrow way, namely the speed of acquiring data and remembering data. The company I worked for, Exxon, used to hire from only the top 10% of university classes. but this turned out to be a problem, because many of these people could not solve problems in their work, and were not team players. Getting good grades and memorizing well does not men the person can complete tasks and solve programs. It does not mean they have common sense or actual job skills.
In autism, the symptoms we show varies a great deal, due to where your faulty wring is, how faulty it is and how much faulty wring you have. But most of us share social challenges. Neuroplasticity is your bran's ability to form new neural networks and pathways. When kids play video games every single day, neuroplasticity is at work in adding more pathways for hand-to-eye coordination and spatial awareness. this happens when you learn to play the piano. For autism, it can be used not only to improve skills, but to build new neural pathways around your faulty pathways.
Neuroplasticity happens when you consistently, and over time, challenge your brain in a given task. It was supposed to be impossible for me to dance. I could not even run without my legs tangling up. I took nightly dance lessons and practiced for over 3 months with almost no improvement, then suddenly I started getting better and better, then learning to both lead and follow, learning multiple dances, then teaching dance. this was relatively easy once I started seeing improvement, because it was so much fun to do. Pushing myself to make proper eye-intact, to introduce myself to strangers, etc, was not exactly fun.
Please remember my main message, which is that you can overcome any of your autism challenges that interfere with you having a happy life. I went from being rather low functioning to nobody ever guessing that I am autistic. The biggest thing for me was to end my isolation and be able to have fun on my own, make friends and have at least some social life. I first tired to kill myself at age 13, then at 18 and again at age 34, before I finally got some help. At age 34 is when I I took on my social problems, my isolation and lack of friends.
I did this by PUSHING myself to do the things that made me uncomfortable. For example, with eye contact. I carefully observed people talking and watched how long eye contact was made and how they broke it off and how long to establish eye contact again. Then I started pushing myself to do this with other people. It eventually became habit. I am still thrown off some when people tend to hold eye contact longer. people like ministers, priests, funeral directors and counselors might then to hold contact longer.
I also pushed myself to accept invitations to parties, which I normally avoided like the plague. I forced myself out of my house many nights a week to go to a dance club (where I forced myself to learn how to do ballroom dances). I gave myself a quota to introduce myself to at least one stranger a night, and try to hold a conversation. I did not know what to say. I just don't do small talk well. I also miss many social cues, innuendoes, indirect stuff, hints, etc. I knew I could not play the social games neuro-normal people do, so I decided to be open and honest, even if it turned out to be inappropriate. I found that people were very accommodating. If I was inappropriate, they could tell that my intent was good. I even asked some people, who I trusted, to give me feedback about things I should not have said or done, or how to do things better or say it better, etc. I learned as i went. I also gained a lot of acquaintances and five very good friends. Then I was able to meet someone I fell in love with and have been with for over 25 years.
I got good grades in school, but I had to work very hard for them. My parents kept me very isolated and restricted TV (no movies), so all my time went into studying. I have terrible memory for data, but am very good at remembering concepts and methods. I grew up being told I was stupid and mentally retarded, and then I started to believe it, despite the evidence to the contrary. I admit to being a bit slower and more pondering in my thinking, but at the same time, I became known for my ability to solve very complex problems, very fast, problems in electronic control systems, in accounting, engineering, design, and even people. Just because I think slower, more carefully and deliberately, does not make me stupid. I also think and learn differently compared to most. I am an intuitive thinker, compared to most linear thinkers. I have a harder time learning and understanding new things at the beginning, then accelerate rapidly. This can also make me look stupid to some, especially when there are the limits involved. For example, I struggled with Algebra 1, but after a month, it all came together in a flash and I was doing great with it. Calculus and advanced math were my easiest math classes.
My point to you is that other people will be quick to judge you and try to limit you. Please never buy into that or believe it. Challenges are what make us better. Autism brings both challenges and gifts. Some challenges are not worth your time and effort to overcome, while some challenges may be critical to you future happiness. I put my vitamins and pills in patterns before taking them , which makes it easier to spot if smoothing is amiss. I see no point is bothering dealing with that compulsion. I have had a couple other compulsions I did deal with. The voice is obviously ours. It is your life.
Creativity is a key to human happiness, but so is love and friendship, and socializing with those we care about. I wish you the very best that live and love can offer you, Matthew
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I've always hated how people assume doing well in school means that you're smart. :/ The tests are mostly memory based, so if you blank out or can't remember answers, then you'll likely fail. And if you get a detention for that (in most cases), that's basically punishment for having a bad memory.
Schools are interesting in terms of what can be learned, but really they teach nothing useful about dealing with life other than basic mathematics and english skills (and possibly Home Ec. is useful, but it's usually optional so I can't apply that to all schools). School can teach children much more harmful lessons than beneficial ones. I think I have a fear of authority figures as a result of school. I had a nervous breakdown in my LC years as a result of exam stress, because they pretty much push that those exams are the be all and end all to how your future will turn out. Schools really could do with major reform.
Since coming to college, I've learned so much more about life and the world that I could ever have hoped to learn in school.
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Schools try to homogenize all kids, putting all kids through the same meat grinding and effectively punishing anyone who is different. This crushes the creative and diverse nature of many kids. The message is to conform or be crushed. Where you live it is even worse, where tests at relatively young ages can limit your future potential, such as going to college. Many kids could do better if they were properly motivated. Some become motivated later than others, and sone kids, like I was, need more time to catch up. Tests and a school system said I was stupid and they told me that. Yet, once in college, I excelled.
You are right about what schools teach. There is usually no preparation for how to live on your own in the real world, how to do banking, budgeting, insurance, saving investing, avoiding debt and managing it, how to fill out forms, how to rent an apartment, how to feed yourself and on and on.
Exxon used to hire only from the top 10% (in grades) of any graduating class, be it for geologist, accountants or whatever. But they soon discovered that this was not working. Many of the top graduates may know how to get excellent grades, but did not know how to solve problems, be given a project and get it done, work in a team environment, be a leader, and basically work in the real world. Getting good grades and having a high IQ does not equal someone who can get the job done, solve real-world challenges and work with others. Exxon had to change how they selected candidates.
Schools are a very artificial environment, with a brutal social structure that can be very exclusive to diversity. It encourages conformity and is largely structured like a pecking order in chickens, with a lot of low to high level bullying and intimidation, with peer pressure thrown in.
When you escape to a college environment, it can be life changing for many of us, like having freedom to be yourself. This in turn can help you excel in your studies, or at least be happier. For me, leaving home and school was like getting out of a prison where I was very surpassed. Being more on your own is a challenge, but it can also feel very freeing and liberating, and you finally feel better about who you are because you are responsible for your own life and making your own choices. You are also typically surrounded by more supported people, people interested in the same things you are (like art). There tends to be less judgment.
I arrived at the Academy very depressed. Childhood had seemed an unending nightmare, including 16 years of daily physical abuse. I entered the Academy as a Deck officer cadet, mostly to please my father, who put a lot of pressure on me to go there. The first day, we were given a tour of the ship's engine room, with massive equipment, miles of pipes and cables, steam leaking, oil dripping, and I knew immediately that this was for me. I immediately switched to Engineering, which was in defiance of my father.
Socially, I had always been isolate, the outsider looking in, never feeling like I fit in. In the first week there, before school started, you were subjected to a week of solid hazing, sleep deprivation and right discipline. The shock of trying to fit in, being autistic, living with 50 other guys, with no privacy (even the toilets were in the open with no partitions), was such a shock that I had decided to kill myself with a flare gun on Sunday, which is when I would have access to it. I think it was Wednesday morning when we found ourselves collapsed on some grass after being run for an hour. The guys started talking and I was asked some questions. I then started realizing that I was actually being drawn into the conversation. Later that day, I realized that these guys were not only accepting me, they also seemed to like me. I had never experienced anything like it before. Months before, in High School, these same guys would have completely rejected me.
We had a good diversity of people, but you had to fit-in in certain ways, or be forced out, sometimes violently. I could not march in formation. By the time my brain heard an order like, "Left flank," I was turning too late. They guys figured out a way to signal me by nudging my legs. Months later, I asked a mate my I was not forced out, because overtime I messed up, the entire division was punished. He said it was because I was obviously trying very hard to fit-in, and the moment I was done with a test I was jumping in to help others, plus I volunteered for all of the worse things no one else wanted to do, lol.
The point of my story is how very differently I was treated in a college setting, compared to how they would have treated me months earlier in High School. I was forced to learn a lot very quickly. My isolation meant that I was clueless about a lot of things. I had not been allowed to even see movies and little TV. Some of the guys took on a role of 'big brother' with me, instead of making fun of me.
Therefore, YES, school needs major reforming, but I don't see it happening any time soon.
In the USA, schools are all coed, unless you are very wealthy and in certain private schools. Boys learn very differently from girls. USA schools conformed to a system for teaching girls about 40 years ago, and test scores for boys have declined ever since. We learn in more visual and hands-on ways, and need more frequency breaks and changes in subject. I tutored a lot of guys in the Academy. They would be stuck and rapidly falling behind. All I would do is explain it in a way they could understand, and suddenly it was easy for them. I had to do this for myself and found it easy to do for others. Another example would be Diesel Engine class. i would not know an engine if I tripped over it. The instructor told us to read the first three chapters of the book, and it was like reading greek to me. In desperation, I went to the instructor who took me to the lab and showed me an engine that was cut in half longitudinally, and he showed me the parts and how they worked. It instantly made full sense and I became number one in the class.
In some private schools, boys get taught in ways geared specifically for boys, and test scores show a huge improvement, even against other private schools. This is just one example of how teaching can be improved. The other problem that has to be solved is the pervasive nature of bullying defining the social structure of schools, at least in the USA. In a study done two years ago, even the worse bullies said they felt bullied. Parents are the worse problem of all. Attempts to improve school hot a parental brick wall. In the USA, in places like the state of Texas, Tennessee and Kentucky, history has been rewritten with outright lies and biology books take about biblical accounts of creation, and call evolution a questionable theory. No school books are trustworthy anymore, since the publishers must cater to demands of parents and school boards.
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I've always had a weird feeling in school that boys were treated as defective girls.
I've always thought that girls were quicker at thinking and smarter than boys in a lot of ways in school, but I think that's probably just taught to me by the school environment then. 
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It is true that girls are better at some things, like multi-tasking, while boys are better at some other things. This is due to strudel differences in the brain. Example: When girls enter puberty, the processing of emotions shift more from the Amygdala to the Frontal Cortex, where there are far more connects for processing and verbalizing. Ask an 11-year-old boy or girl how they are feeling and you do not get much of an answer. Ask an 18-year-old girl how she feels and she can talk about it for an hour. This never happens in boys and men. Most of their emotional process comes from the Amygdala, which is one of the most ancient parts of our brain, where fundamental survival emotions like fear response, fight or flight, grief and anger come from. Therefore, it tends to be more difficult for men to understand, process and verbalize their emotions. For example, a guy may suddenly decide he needs to break-up with his girlfriend because things no longer feel comfortable or right. But he is probably feeling a fear of commitment or a fear of emotional intimacy. Boys and men especially have difficulty if there is more than one emotion going on, and trying to sort them out. Men tend to be able to do more focused work. Just remember that nothing is set in concrete here, and statistically, you have when who have typical male abilities and vice versa. Interestingly, it has now been shown that homosexual brains share some structural similarities to the opposite gender, in places like the Amygdala and other areas, and that this is seen in fetuses.
When it comes to being 'Smarter,' remember that the word is not only subjective but also very relative. Even in people who are considered to be mentally challenged with learning disabilities, they can still usually get there too, only they take far longer.
I admit that I tend to be slower to respond or work through things. If you ask me a question, there may be a noticeable delay. Most of this is from having a more meticulous thought process. My mind looks for other possibilities, other options, weighs consequences, etc. It is interesting when compared to the story of the tortoise or the hare racing. I first made a name for myself by solving a problem in GE automation systems that eluded engineers around the world for ten years. Even as they updated and modernized the systems, the intermittent problem persisted. In some 60,000 screw terminals, I identified than one wire was out of place, and I did in my spare time over about 4 days, maybe about 10 hours. I studied reams of blueprints of circuit diagrams and electronics. The blue prints were wrong. The problem was very intermittent and often catastrophic, causing blackouts from power plants supplying cities, to groundings and collisions of ships at sea. There did not seem to be any pattern that anyone could see in common. In other words, I can be slower than normal and look stupid in the eyes of some, yet rapidly solve complex problems that astound other people.
In conclusion, I like to say that the vast majority of humans are geniuses on some ways and stupid in others. We should celebrate our own uniqueness. The problem in our society is people putting a VALUE JUDGMENT on other people for their traits.
In the Gay community we have a motto: We do not tolerate diversity, we celebrate it. I love to be around diversity, to walk down a street and see wild hair cuts, piercings, tattoos, purple hair, skinny and large, tall and short, different races and even different languages. It is surprising how many Americans resent it when they hear people speaking in other languages.
In a relationship, you and your girlfriend each have talents. Some talents will overlap, and some will be different. Never compete in a relationship, instead see yourselves as a TEAM. My husband is better than I am at negotiating and working with people. I am better at handling finances and fixing things. We share skills in investing, but from different directions. We split tasks and share others. Together, we make a really good team. We have never once had a fight with shouting or saying regretful things, not in close to 26 years. Instead we negotiate. This is not just a word game. In fighting and arguing, someone wants and needs to WIN, but in the end the relationship loses even if you win the battle. In Negotiating, the intent is to seek common ground, seek options and solutions. Anger can be expressed in destructive and hurtful ways, or in constructive ways. If you start by RESPECTING each other in all ways, you should do fine.
Problems creep in if you feel either inferior or superior to your mate. It is critical to value each other equally. What if one of you is making most of the money, or gains fame, or is much better looking in the eyes of others, or has a position of power and authority? None of those means anything in how you should value each other. Our real value is in the content of our character, our values and personalities. These are the things we are loved for. The rest is meaningless. If you do not contribute much financially, you are contributing in other ways.
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Yes, everything is relative and different with different points of views.
And all people can have intelligent aspects and moments of stupidity.
The relationship advice makes perfect sense too.
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I threw in the advice because in my first relationship it was like the blind leading the blind and we had communication problems and he had problems valuing himself too low. If you come from an excellent family upbringing, you at least have a model to start with. Our family systems were examples of how 'not' to be in a relationship. Being autistic did not help. I would not be surprised if your girlfriend is doing a bit of extra relationship work. Just remember to keep pushing yourself to 'share' what is going on inside of you and in your life. Active listening is a great tool too.
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Okay!
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I like this work very much, I'm glad I found something about Autism here.
My doctor told me that considered me mostly a High-Functioning Autist, but noted me as Asperger, because she thought there are more offers for Aspergers than HFAs in Berlin (which is true, unfortunately).
But I pretty much fit into both and also have many points at SID. Many people consider me Asperger anyway (when I tell them I'm Autist). I also had it very often that people were surprised when I told them ("What, you're an autist? But you don't look like it!"), which tells me, that only few people know, what Autism actually is.
The story of your life interests me also very much, since I can very much identify with it.
I am exactly twenty and a half year old and my life wasn't easy either, but compared to yours it was paradise, if I may be so bold.
My story was similar, though not quite as extreme as yours.
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Thank you. I wrote these papers on Autism to offer hope to who are like me, who are autistic.
I was low functioning as a boy. I needed speech therapy up through 6th grade. My tongue had trouble forming letters. For example, my hardest letter was 'R'.' Say 'R' out-loud and notice exactly what your tongue must do, and compare it to 'L.' Notice how your tongue must cup and touch the back end of the roof of your mouth, compared to 'L' where the tip of your tongue touched the front end of the roof of your mouth. I had Sensory Integration Disorder so bad that my eyes were not working together. Each eye was independent, so I saw double-vision and could not read. My balance was bad and I lacked physical coordination. Today there are many programs you can get into to help you overcome your autism challenges, but when i was a boy and young man, there was nothing.
HOW TO OVERCOME AUTISM CHALLENGES:
First, the best time to work on your autism challenges is as a child and teenager. The sooner you start the better, while your brain is still forming billions of new neural connection per day. See if you can get into a program for autistics that uses the neuroplasticity therapy. They have fun ways to improve now, like through game playing.
You may have read about this in my article about understanding autism. It is simple, you challenge yourself. NEUROPLASTICITY is the human brain's ability to form new neural pathways in your brain. If you are learning to play video games, each time you play a game, your brain must use its visual centers and hand-to-eye coordination to rapidly analyst what you see, decide action, and then execute those actions. Each time you respond to something in the game, electrical pulses travel from neuron to neon in your brain, like an electric wire. Each time you use the same pathway in your brain, that pathway gets coated with a protein called myelin, which increases the efficiency of the signal. When you play video games for years, these pathways get better and better.
In the case of autism, if you have faulty wiring indoor brain's white matter, and you keep pushing yourself to play video games, even though you are terrible at it, your brain will find a new pathway AROUND the bad areas. This is how you overcome challenges in autism. If you are bad at something, because of your autism, if you push yourself to keep trying, constantly, for months, your brain will start to respond by forming new pathways. However, this can take some time. I was told that dancing would be impossible for me to do. but everyone seemed to be having a lot of fun, so i wanted to dance too. I started taking the free lessons 5 nights a week, plus practicing at home. I made almost no progress for over 3 months, then suddenly I started getting better and better. Then I decided to push even harder and learn how to both lead and follow in all of the ballroom dances and swing dances. Eventually I started teaching dance to individuals and did exhibition dances. I was never going to be a graceful excellent dancer, but I did not care. I wanted to have fun. I rewired my brain to be able to dance.
I have done the same thing for many of my challenges. Sometimes you have to get creative. As my body failed, I needed to move the people I was helping onto the internet, because I was stuck at home. When I first started, some of them complained that I sounded arrogant and unemotional over the internet, due to my Dyspraxia. I knew I was able to talk with them in persona and do well, but not when typing to them. My solution to this problem was to pretend I am talking to you in person, as I type on the keyboard, and this made a big difference.
Autism makes me a perfectionist and sometimes obsessive and compulsive. For example, I put all of my many pills into a pattern before taking them. With a pattern, I can immediately tell if I am missing a pill or have two of the same pill. I have a need to organize things. I don't let go of problems until I solve them. It is hard for me to walk away from anything until I am finished, even it means not sleeping or eating.
This can be a good thing, but it can also be a problem at times. When I got promoted and was in charge of engine rooms on big tanker ships, I could not afford to obsess at solving a problem, because I needed to deal with all of the workers, all of the time. I would have to use willpower to tear myself away from my projects and to mange my crew. It was very hard at first, but got easier the more I did it.
I had no social life at home and became very depressed and tried to kill myself at age 34. I started to force myself out of my house and out to Gay clubs to try to socialize. Meeting new people was terrifying to me, and then I did not know what to say. I did not know how to do small talk or social talk. I do not get jokes and I do not hear the innuendo and secondary meaning when people talk to each other. I forced myself to follow a quota. Each night I must meet at least one new stranger, and try to hold a conversation. I did not know what to say, so I started with an introduction, "Hi, my name is Matthew, how are you tonight?" But then what do i say? I decided to LET GO of worrying about it and trying to plan for it. I knew I could not play social games and I knew I did not know most social rules, so I decided to simply be open and honest, and if some people do not like it, they could not be my freinds anyway. This worked wonderfully.
My husband is very aware of social rules, and he used to get upset with me because I would say and do things he felt were inappropriate. My argument is that most people seem to find me refreshing, because I do not play games. They quickly learn that I have good intent and would never intentionally try to hurt them or embarrass them.
In my first attempt at socializing by myself, at age 34, a woman asked me how I was doing, and I was honest and said I was still feeling down and I was recovering from trying to kill myself. Usually people would never talk about something like that with a new person. But she was receptive and we talked about it. She hinted that she had a secret she wanted to tell, but couldn't. I had a guess what it was about, so I took a chance. I told her about how I had been raped by two men with a sharp knife. This opened the door for her to tell her secret, about her father who raped her for 3 years. It was the first time she ever said anything about it to anyone. I decided to keep using the open and honest way of talking to people. Yes, this can make it easier for bad people to hurt you or take advantage of you, but this is life and will happen anyway. If I have good results with 30 people and get hurt by one, I can easily life with this.
I have a horrible memory and cannot even remember a phone number long enough to dial it. I think slower than most people and I am a slow learner. But what I learn stays with me. I have to understand how and why things work. I had to work very hard to get good grades, and this gave me a good work ethic. My brain did better and better the older I got. After graduating from High School, I went into a Merchant marine academy to get a degree in engineering. I completed a 4-year degree in 3 years and graduated number one in my class. I did this by working very hard and constantly pushing myself. I also fond out that I had an Autistic gift for solving very complex problems in electronics, engineering and even in people.
When I teach myself things, like learning Adobe photoshop in 1990, I challenge myself to a project I know is far above my abilities. By the time I am done, I have learned a great deal more than if I had read instructions from a manual. I learn best by doing it, then looking things up as I need to. You can learn by memorizing stuff, or by learning how and why it is done that way, which allows you to apply those principle to many other things. I have a terrible memory, so I learn to work around that and make it an advantage. I could not remember that the volume of a share is 4/3πr3, but I could remember how to use calculus to solve for the equation.
Sorry this got so long. I hope you see that Autism does NOT ever have to be a negative thing in your life. In some ways it will make you better at whatever your passion is in life, and in those areas where Autism is hurting you or holding you back, you can overcome those things.
Being autistic is NOT a bad thing. I am happy to have been born autistic. Yes, it did make life difficult for me at time, but those challenges made me a better person. Adversity and challenge can either make you a better and more compassionate person, or it can make you a worse person who is full of bitterness. The choice is yours.
I wish you the very best that life and love can bring you,
Matthew
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Thank you. I don't have so much problems nowadays, but I'm glad, my troubles are in the past. I leave it behind easily, knowing I will forget it eventually.
In my darkest hours I am more indifferent than bitter, but that fades away. I do my best to be reasonable and let sense rule my head. I can't understand why so many people are angry about something I consider pointless (not something in particular) and I hardly understand their feelings (but honestly, most times, when I see how the "Neurotypes" behave, I don't really want to). It annoys me if people talk about themselves as "normal", since I don't really believe in normal. There are just standards and if the majority of the world would be autistic, they would be the weird ones, not us. But they hardly consider this. Just because we have a different view of the world, doesn't mean we're retarded or something like that.
I am proud to be autistic and the word "freak" is a compliment to me. The world would be fairly boring and poor without crazyness.
The only times when my autism annoys me, are, when I need a longer attention span, than I have, or if I can't remember something (I'm very forgetful).
But mostly I enjoy my autism, to me it's a gift.
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The challenges I felt needed to be over come were ones the limited me, like not being able to dance, and not having freinds, which made me depressed, isolated, and suicidal. Overcoming an autistic challenge is like any other person learning a skill, only we have to work at it harder.
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Awww! D:
I'm glad you're over this!
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they said I had asperger but not any loud.
I just don't fit in ur descrptions
I am as well a visual thinker than I interrelationate so well than I think in everytthing verbally, and I have no problems with abstraction.
What am i?
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It sounds like you are under the umbrella of "Autism Spectrum Disorders." Visual thinkers are not common. I am an Intuitive thinker, which is also not common. Most people are linear Thinkers.
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I can't understand what did I say which makes me sound autistic.
Why should I be anything autistic tho?
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You said you were once diagnosed with Asperger syndrome at some time. This is one of the Autism Spectrum Disorders.
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They just said it was possible. They didn't say I truly had it.
I don't believe I have it. It makes me angry to think about.
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Sorry, I must have misunderstood. However, there is nothing wrong with having Autism spectrum Disorders. I have it and I am Ok.
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Aww sorry I did not meant it's anything bad! You're a wonderfull person and you were born with autism.
It's just in my case it was a waepon used against me and I felt bad about it.
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Gave me an insight into my nephews. Each has autism each to a differing degree.
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I am happy it was of some use. Please know that I was rather low functioning as a boy and I over overcame all of the major challenges of my autism, event the lack of physical coordination, social challenges, etc. I arched rank of Lieutenant Commander USNR, Chief Engineer USMMm retired for life at age 34, became a counselor, graphic artist, business man. I am just saying that autism can be a gift, if you can overcome its challenges.
The biggest mistake made today with autistic kids is this idea of encouraging them to do what they are good at and avoiding what they are bad at. When you challenge the brain aggressively and constantly over time, the brain responds by forming new and stronger neural pathways around problem areas int he brain. This is called NEUROPLASTICITY. For example, I challenged myself to introduce myself to at least one stranger per day (incredibly difficult to do then) and attempt to hold a conversation. It was awkward and embarrassing at first, but I found people to be very understanding and helpful, and I got better and better until known would have guessed I was autistic.
The biggest reason why so many autistic people do not overcome their challenges is because those around them often have low expectations and limited expectation. Instead, have an attitude that nothing is outside their reach in life.
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the doctors though i was autistic when i was like, two and then threw me in the place which was like hell on school if you have problems. i either did not or did have autism but they eventually gave up on me because i was way to stubborn with the hell teachers and then i got better. XD
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We all love happy endings. I'm glad to hear that you got better. If it was autism and they caught it that young, the school and teachers may have been hell but the experience may have rewired your brain around the problem areas. One way to the other, it is good you can have a normal social life and enjoy life. XD
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(Well, i'm not lesbian or bisexual but i found out this deviation pretty interesting (i know, is not about exclusively about the sexual orientation, but that information was nice too ) , i've reading it this and other deviations of yours) ... well... Mr.Matthew , i was diagnosticated with ADHD when i ws a child. And i remember al those days of my childhood and my adolescence (well, i'm 18, i don't know if in your country i'm still considered a teen, but in mine, we're called "young adults" ) i remember that the teachers of the elementary and middle school telling to my parents that i was going to need an "especial high school" were they treat "special people" ... Yep...I remember those teachers used to do an stupid question after giving a lesson, turning to me and asking "Did you understand? i can explain you in a slowly way after classes if it was too difficult to understand" (that was on elementary school) and my parents used to take me to neurologists since i was 6, making studios, trying every type of medicines, even ritalin or experimental ones, i've seen a lot of types of pills, forms, shapes and even colors...Fortunately on middle school, i was already tired and i started to search a method to study and a searching method too, studying by my own or if i wasn't good i tried and tried, putting all my effort to achieve that goal, my parents didn't heard those stupid comments, they saw that i was capable of being a good student, and i went to a private middle school, studying the technical career as a graphic designer, being one of the best students, and graduating with one of the best grades of my generation...Now i just entered to the university, in the Animation, digital art and cinematography licenciature... Being again, one of the best students, i only have to study one more level of english to start to study french, and actually making paintings and realism drawings (on this gallery i'm only submiting on an anthro style, but in real life i draw and study anatomy one example is this wip over here Wip ) ... Yeah, sometimes is hard to put attention or to stay quiet but, we can see things that someone with a "normal brain" don't notice, we see the small details...I want to consider that the ADHD that i have is a gift, because without it... well, i don't wanna think about it... Maybe some of the people would see people with autism as idiots, but... to be honest, i have friends with different types of disorders, even a guy with asperger's syndome (out of my university , some of them actually studying architecture or something else) and they're pretty interesting people because they give me really nice points of view about some topics (I don't mean that i can't have those types of conversation with "normal people"(Let's face it out, what is the definition of normal nowadays? xD) but they give me an special argument)...is not the disorder, is the way we lead our disorders in a proper way and use them on the best way possible if we are able to do that or being able to fight against it ... or at least, that's my point of view....Also thank you very much for sharing this information 
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Hi, Thank you for your comment. I agree with you that Autism and ADHD give us challenges in life, but they also give us gifts. I suffered and I overcame most of my challenges. This made me a better person and I learned a great deal. I also found out I am very good at solving complex problems.
Something that might help your Focus and Concentration: When you are studying, every 45 minutes stop and do something very physical, like run up and down stairs, do some pushups, or run around the block. This burns energy and is pushed more oxygen into your brain. This helps you focus more, think more clearly, and you remember better.
What is so difficult for many autistic and those with ADHD is that there is very little help and guidance. Many with ADHD get pills. Pills may or may not help but they also come with side effects on your body. You and I found our own way out of the forest. We started pushing ourselves hard to do better in school, to achieve our dreams, and this pushed our brains to improve and find ways around out Autism/ADHD. We can change our brains through Neuroplasticity. This means that if you push your brain hard to do something, and keep doing that for months, your brain will form new neural pathways. As children play hours of video games, their brains are adding extra pathways to make them better and better at spatial reasoning and hand-to-eye coordination.
When you made a choice to put all of your effort to do better in school, and pushed yourself each day, your brain started to change and you improved with time.
If a child has autism and never gets help, it can lead to suicide, because autism can isolate you, and this leads to Depression. This can happen with kids who have ADHD too. I am sad that so many kids are still missed and not helped.
We are born into this world with a body and brain that is now ours. What we do with this is up to us. Some people are born with almost prefect bodies and brains, then many do nothing with it. They take it all for granted. You and I can appreciate what we have because we work so hard for it. I was told that I could never dance. I pushed myself hours every day. I got almost no improvement for 3 months, and then suddenly I started improving. Then I learned to both lead and follow in many dances and then started to teach dancing
As you know, I was diagnosed as Mentally Retarded, twice, (1st grade & 9th grade). I was low functioning and very isolated and alone. I had to overcome everything on my own. Nobody would even think I am Autistic now, but it is still there in small ways. I can socialize and I can make eye contact (but I have to do it consciously), I have freinds, I have been doing volunteer Peer Counseling for almost 26 years. I went to sea on ships and worked up to Chief engineer. I became a Graphic Artist and founded my own Graphic Design company.
Other people will always be willing to tell you what you cannot do, what you are incapable of doing, you are not good enough, you are too stupid—I hear all of them and I refused to believe them. I hope you do too. You can accomplish pretty much anything you desire to.
My message is that that every human being will face challenges during their lives. We are all equal in this way. For you it is ADHD. You pushing yourself through your challenges has made you stronger and you appreciate things more. How can we appreciate love until we have lost it? How can we appreciate warmth if we have never been freezing cold? Suffering helps us to appreciate life and what we have.
I wish you the very best in college, in your career and in whatever ways life and love can offer you,
Matthew
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ummm, you don't overcome autism. it's permanent.
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Hi, Actually, Autism is not permanent. The brain can rewire itself through Neuroplasticity (more on this bellow). There are even now young children believed to be almost completely cured. This happens when the Autism is caught very early (ideally before age 3) and given autism therapies that push the brain to rewire itself around problem areas. If you Google it, you can find specific cases. A study published in the Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry suggests that children can overcome Autism in childhood, although they want to see more data before drawing a final conclusion.
Autism is a disorder of the white matter of brain, which is basically like the wiring and connectors of a computer. The gay matter of your brain is the cognitive stuff, like the processing chips in a computer. Autism is basically like having faulty wiring. Autistic symptoms depend on where the wiring is faulty, how widespread it is, and how faulty it is. This is why symptoms can vary so widely. Tasks requiring the brain to rapidly access multiple parts of the brain is where autism symptoms show the most. There is no task your brain will ever do that requires more from your brain than socializing.
Neuroplasticity is the ability of the brain to form new neural pathways in the brain. This happens when you challenge your brain persistently over time. This can be used to form new neural pathways around faulty areas in an autistic brain. It can also help stoke victims to regain speech and motor control after paralysis. Neuroplasticity also naturally happens to both improve efficiency and skill in specific areas of the brain, and to form new pathways around problems areas. Neuroplasticity can also be utilized to improve skills and brain function. An example of this is when young people play hours of video games each day, pushing the brain to add additional neural pathways to improve efficiency and skill in hand-to-eye coordination, spatial reasoning, etc.
I am living proof how well a person can overcome and repair/cure Autism. I did this mostly as an adult, but is far easier to overcome Autism as a child while the brain is still forming, which continues until around age 25. I did so well that I retired for life at age 34, then started over in two new careers, and have a very wide social circle. I started out as a relatively low-functioning boy who was diagnosed as Mentally Retarded (their term) in 1st grade, and then again in 9th grade after taking an IQ test. I could not talk right, walk right or run. I was pretty much trapped inside of myself. I was very isolated by this. As an example of my development, I did not even know what sex was until age 19.
Beside High Functioning Autism, I also had Sensory Processing Disorder, Dyspraxia, Dysgraphia, Dyscalculia, etc. I could not read or write until 2nd grade. I was in speech therapy up through 6th grade. I graduated in the top 15% of my High School class, then went to a Merchant Marine Academy and earned a 4-year degree in Engineering in 3 years, and graduated number one. Socially, after age 34, I became a community leader and a Peer Counselor, as well as having a very active social life and a large social circle of freinds. I was told that dancing would be impossible for me, and I learned to both lead and follow in almost all Ballroom dances, West Coast Swing and other dances, and then taught dance.
Yes, it was incredibly challenging at times and I had to keep pushing myself forward with all I had. I a Chief Engineer on supertanker ships, designer of control systems and automation (electronic, hydraulic, pneumatic, mechanical), Electrician, Accounting, founder of four companies, Lieutenant Commander USNR, I became a firefighter, I was an apprentice machinist, a certified welder and plumber, Graphic Design artist, and I don't want to bore you any longer, but the list goes on. I have been in a relationship for almost 25 years. In short, I have overcome every Autistic challenge in my life. Yes, there are still some minor autistic traits that I never bothered dealing with. I worked on things like eye-contact to the point where it is habit. I still do miss some things in conversations, like innuendo, double-meanings, subtext, etc, but over the years I have become pretty good at this and everything else around social conversation.
CONCLUSION: I have helped and seen many autistic youth overcome their autism challenges over the years. If you are Autistic, we can discuss how you can make this happen. If I, as an adult, can overcome the huge challenges of my autism, then the vast majority of autistic people, no matter their age. it is just so much easier to do the younger you are, when you brain is rapidly forming millions of new neural connections every single day. Neuroplasticity, you can literally repair problem areas of the brain, thereby overcoming your Autism challenges.
If you want to talk to me for any reason, feel free to send me a DA Note, which will be private and confidential for you.
i wish you the very best, Matthew
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Well, technically speaking autism is permanent, but its negative effects and challenges can be overcome.
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Actually, through Neuroplasticity, you can rewire your brain around autistic faulty areas. If you could do this with every autistic area of the brain is would be a complete cure, but in practicality, working hard, we only rewire part of the problems areas. However, the areas you do rewire are permanent. For example, I could barely walk as a young boy and could not run even as a teenager, but I can do all of that very well and even do things requiring physical coordination. I even learned how to both lead and follow in many different ballroom dances and latin dances. All of this is permanent now.
I could not talk right as a boy, but now I am articulate and have done public speaking. I was unable socialize and now do it well, except for missing some innuendo and hints kind of thing. I was unable to write with any emotion (Dysgraphia) and overcame that completely. I had both dyspraxia and Sensory Integration disorder. All of the things I did overcome, are permanent.
There has been some success with identifying Autism in infants and toddlers, starting therapy immediately, and seeing a person seemingly clear of autistic symptoms by late teens. But I think this is highly dependent on how high or low function that child is to start with. I was pretty low functioning as a very young boy.
Conclusion: I suppose it comes down to semantics. I would say a happy compromise is to say that autism is only partially permanent, and some can be permanently overcome/repaired.
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But what I mean is that the rewiring doesn't cure or remove the autism, it just removes some of the more obvious traits and the challenges associated with them.
Neuroplasticity removes the symptoms and causes permanent changes that are beneficial, but it doesn't mean that you're neurotypical now either. It just means that you are better able to function and cope with it. You've managed to permanently remove the autistic traits enough to function excellently, yes, but really you still have autism and it doesn't change that fact.
I think that it's more a treatment of symptoms, and that you are cured of the symptoms, but it's not a full cure for autism.
Still I think you may be onto something, and I wonder if combined with other types of treatment, neuroplasticity could be key in finding a cure in the future.
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I suppose this would be true in practicality, unless those two cases I mentioned turned out to be real cures. Autism is basically faulty wiring of the white matter of the brain. If you can rewire around all of the faulty areas, or the vast majority of them, then you would no longer be autistic, you would be neurotypical. The old problem areas would then probably get pruned. But the practicality of ever getting to the point where all of the faults were fixed for someone like me, is hard to image. However, some people are only a little autistic (few faults in their white matter) and they would be more likely to be able to be essentially cured of Autism. It all depends on how many problem areas there are in the brain, how bad those areas are, and where they are located. Combine all of those things and you get a wide range of symptoms and intensities. This is why every autistic person is different.
I should point out that I don't actually like the idea of a cure of autism, in that autism can have benefits and it adds to the general diversity of the human race. If we can do much better at spotting autism early, doing therapies early that help with eye-contact, socializing, physical coordination and other systems that are detrimental to us, then I think that is sufficient. Facing challenges can make us better people. I did suffer a lot from being autistic, but I was born in the 1950s when they did not even know what autism was, so I was treated rather badly and got very little help. Now, each year sees some improvement in how people with autism are understood treated by others, and getting better therapies.
For the near future, the vast majority of those wth autism are likely never to completely overcome their autism.
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I guess until we learn more about medicine and neuroscience, then it would be hard to tell if it is cured or just replaced with another kind of white matter that acts in a similar way. In fact I guess it does raise interesting questions as to what 'being cured' actually is...
I don't like the idea of a cure either. I think that people who want the option of a cure should be allowed it, but I fear that such a cure may try to be pushed on all autistic individuals, which wouldn't be good. Autism, while problematic in a standardised society, is a part of neurological diversity and to cure all autism would be to sip out a part of the collective human experience, a part of society that we still need.
Personally, I would opt to stay as I am rather than receive a cure. But I could understand why others may not wish to stay autistic too.
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