HOME | DD
Springfallendeer — Snakeman-Jack Prologue
[NSFW]
Published: 2014-02-15 06:54:05 +0000 UTC; Views: 1028; Favourites: 15; Downloads: 0
Redirect to original
Description
Snakeman-JackOnce, there was a teenager named Leon- he was nineteen. He was an average height, black haired blue eyed teen, with a slim athletic build and pale skin. All and all, there wasn't anything in particular that stood out about him as far as his body went- but his personality was a different story.
Leon was a very kindhearted person- he never got into fights with anyone, and he was always the first to try and talk people- even random strangers, out of a brawl. Since he was so easy to get along with, he had a lot of friends- and all of his friends new one major thing about him. Leon loved to Role Play. Every night, from 5 pm to midnight, he'd be on his computer, Role Playing with people online. Some of these people were his close friends- others people he called friends despite never meeting them in person.
Well, Leon only ever used one Role Play character when he was online- a snakeman named Jack. The character was simple enough- a man with golden snake eyes, wearing a pair of metal gauntlets, with a tattoo on his left shoulder. The tattoo was that of a snake coiled around a pumpkin. What most people didn't know was that his character was actually named after his pet snake, Jack, an albino Burmese python.
Well, just before Halloween, Leon was told by his parents that he was going take his younger sister Sally out trick-or-treating. So, Leon this as the opportunity to give his Role Play character a real life test run. He went out and bought golden snake-eye contax- he made sure to get them through a doctor so that he wouldn't damage his eyes. He went online and bought a pair of metal gauntlets- real gauntlets, made of copper. He also went online and found a special sight that could be used to create your own temporary tattoos- naturally he had “Jack's” pumpkin tattoo made just for the occasion.
So, come Halloween night, he put on his costume and set out with his sister to go trick-or-treating. They returned hours later to find the lights off in their house, but their front door unlocked. Thinking nothing of it, Leon and his sister walked into the house and called for their parents- they weren't given any reply. Assuming that no one else was home, the pair flicked on the kitchen light and went about their business- Leon went and retrieved his pet snake Jack, and put him around his shoulders. Then he heard a scream.
Rushing in the direction of the scream- the living room, he found his sister being pinned to the ground by a buff looking man. Sadly, that wasn't all he saw. There, on the living-room floor, were his parents. His mother lay dead by the couch, her throat slit. His father, lay on the carpet disemboweled and headless- he screamed in terror. Before he could do anything else, two more men grabbed him by his shoulders and pinned him to the ground. His snake, Jack, lashed out at these men- biting one of them across the face. Leon was forced to watch in terror as the men pried his beloved snake away from him, and ripped in in half with their bare hands. Just like that, his pet was dead- but things were about to get much worse.
The men dragged Leon further into the living-room and pinned his face into the blood of his mothers corpse- then he was forced to watch as the largest of the three men raped his sister. He could only watch and cry as his sister's virginity was forcibly taken- forced to listen as she called out for help. People outside must have heard- but it was Halloween. Everyone mistook the pained cries for some childish Halloween prank. When the man finished with his sister, he slit her throat like the men had done to Leon's mother- then they turned their attention to Leon.
He was dragged to the center of the room- the men forcibly ripped Leon's clothes from his body, but the gauntlets were allowed to stay. For some reason, the men found the sound of Leon's gauntlets tearing away at the carpet beneath his frame erotic. All three of the men raped Leon at the same time. They tore his insides open with their rough behavior- they filled his bleeding hole with their semen to their hearts content. They put his mouth to use and nearly drowned him with their fluids. They beat him and tormented him- the images of his dead family members burned into his mind as they raped him. Then, when they tired of him, the cut his guts out and slit his throat- ending the suffering they had caused him.
Days later, after the bodies of Leon and his family were discovered, the police set out a search and quickly caught the men that had murdered them. All of these men were criminals- criminals released from jail the day before the murders took place. Just like that, the ones responsible for the deaths of four innocent people were put right back in jail- but the story doesn't end there. Shortly after the funerals of Leon and his family took place, the three murderers were found dead in their prison cells. All three of these men died the same way. They were brutally raped to the pint of fatal bleeding- large quantities of semen were found in their stomachs and in their anus's. Their throats had all been slit, and their guts had all been ripped out- ripped out by what as presumed to be human hands. They'd also all suffered from snake bites- their faces and hands were all bitten by what was determined to be a Burmese python. The same kind of snake Leon owned.
On the walls of these three prison cells, written in the blood of the dead criminals, were the words “Jack the Snakeman”- the name of Leon's Role Play character. After that, things continued to happen. All across the country, rapists and criminals were turning up dead. All of these people were found raped, harboring snakebites on their faces and hands, with their throats slit and their insides torn out. Just as with the first three rapists, the words “Jack the Snakeman” were written in blood on the walls surrounding the victims mangled bodies.
At first, everyone believed that the deaths were the result of someone out to make criminals pay for their misdeeds. The killer was deemed a darker version of batman if you will- but then, things took another turn. A turn in the worst direction. More people- normal people without criminal records were being found killed the same way. Only now, there was a difference- pairs of people were turning up dead in the same place. The deaths remained the same for the men- but the women, they were killed a different way. The women were only found raped and with their throats slit- no snakebites, no disemboweling. An investigation was started- the police tried desperately to find one major link between all of the recent killings, and they only found one. All of the people killed were killed in pairs- all of the people killed had all been sexually active couples. In other words, the killer was murdering these people just because they were having sex- because he found them while they were having sex.
Thats when it became apparent that their was a madman on the loose- a complete psychopath out to kill people just for fooling around. This criminal has remained on the loose for years, and has yet to be found- until today...
Related content
Comments: 107
Yes, and those are usual spontaneous on the spot kills where Jack wasn't with him to being with.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Got it! Caaauuuse thats how the story started and im half through and didnt wanna erase it all XD
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
FUCK THIS STORY!! All you did was add rape,necrophilla,child molestation,and gore for no fucking reason but to add shock value and make us feel sorry for your character but this story happens too fast that the rape is treated as nothing When it's FUCKING REAL AND SHOULDN'T BE USED IN THIS WAY,RAPE HAPPENS IT SHOULD BE WRITTEN WITH RESPECT AND SHOULDN'T BE USED LIKE IT'S NO BIG DEAL!? AND NOW OUT "HERO" KILLS AND RAPES HIS VICTIMS DEAD BODIES OR RAPES AND KILLS WHATEVER THE FUCK HE DOES IS FUCKING HORRIBLE!! Making us feel sorry for this guy is one thing but adding rape into this and add ing more rape without writing it with the respect it deserves is fucking horrible! Shit like this shouldn't be written by people that don't treat rape like nothing,rape is traumatizing to victims of it,people who rape others wheatear good or evil are fucking assholes that should die a slow painful death and you write it likes its nothing! I don't care if this is the prologue this is fucking horrible and shit and anyone that likes this hasn't read all of this shit! FUCK THIS STORY AND FUCK YOU!!!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
I KNOW rape his horrible, and the entire reason I've made it an aspect is because its a common fear with me and I know victims of it.
He's NOT intended to be a hero. I never said anywhere that he was. As of current description of him, rape is the last resort torture method used on those he targeted because they raped and/or murdered people or children.
I'm NOT using rape to make you feel sorry for him, I'm using it to show how experiencing it can FUCK YOU UP. His experience made him snap and he uses the tortures he suffered to make others suffer.
He is angry.
He is vengeful.
And since he's got nothing to lose, he shows no mercy.
If he thinks you deserve to have your guts ripped out through your arse, he's going to do just that.
If he thinks you need your eyes ripped out because of your behavior he'll do so without batting an eye.
He's sick in the head.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Bullshit,this doesn't dive into a mind of a psychopath it's rushed just to show what happens to the character and the way you wrote it was like rape was nothing! You wrote it like this"This guys family got raped and he got raped too then they all died and rape rape rape"People who commit crimes should die and suffer for what they've done but rape is never the answer especially the way you wrote it,you never mentioned how this fucked him up you just tell us how he rapes people and hoes on doing it to other people! Rape isn't a torture it's what scum of the earth do! Killing someone is one thing but RAPE IS REAL AND SHOULDN'T BE USED THIS WAY! Rape happens to people from adults to kids and it ruins so many people's lives! And you didn't say anything about him being fucked up he just does it for no reason and you just add this shit to add shock and to feel sorry for him because he was made to watch his sister and dead mother get raped and he gets raped also and just skip to the next scene without telling us how it "fucked up his life" you added rape so we can feel sorry for this guy and you said he was a "darker version of batman"...THAT IS BULLSHIT! THIS WHOLE STORY IS JUST FOR SHOCK AND TO FEEL SORRY FOR SOMEONE WHO DOES IT TO OTHER PEOPLE! You've written probably the most offensive piece of shit story I have ever read! You added absolutely nothing to make me think that this story can't that I can read without being pissed off! This is why I hate people like you! You write rape in your stories for no other reason but to add rape and that is disgusting! YOU ARE DISGUSTING IF YOU EVEN THINK THAT THIS SHIT IS GOOD OR ANY OTHER PERSON WHO THINKS THIS SHOT IS GOOD WHEN IT'S OFFENSIVE AND A SLAP TO THE FACE OF ANYONE WHO WAS RAPED AND YOU JUST WRITE MORE SHIT TO MAKE US FEEL SORRY FOR A PEICE OF SHIT ASSHOLE WHO NOW RAPES HIS VICTIMS DEAD BODIES OR RAPES AND KILLS WHATEVER THE FUCK HE DOES! THIS STORY IS SHIT AND THIS IS THE FUCKING PROLOGUE! You managed to piss me off in the very beginning and I felt sick just reading this that I refuse to read the rest of it because I'll just be pissed off even more and I bet you'll offend even more people! You treat rape as a "it happens" moment without giving it the respect it deserves and you are one of the scum that writes shit like this for attention! FUCK THIS STORY AND FUCK YOU!
👍: 0 ⏩: 2
HEY!,enough it's time for you to just stop.all your doing is repeating yourself,yes Rape is a serious matter but there is no call for you to fly off the handle like this!.
If you don't like this story then stop reading it,there are plenty of other that don't have a problem with this story. I AM RAPE VICTIM and i love her stories so stop actin like your defending Rape victims!.
You really need to just calm down and get on with your life cause there are plenty of rape victims that don't act like you,all your doing now is bashing and being rude.the character is fictional and it's meant to be a horror story,Lots of horrors have rape in them!.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
But those stories(most or some of them)show the characters reaction to rape,I don't care if it's old it's using a serious topic that should be given the respect it deserves and I'm sorry for what happened to you and I hope you're okay but the way this is written it's just"rape rape rape rape rape gore rape"I just don't like how serious topics like this is being written like its nothing,the rape I'm this story is used as shock value with no point to it,the character could have seen this the people killing his mother and sister then kill him then he comes back as a vengeful spirit,I'm sorry if I annoy you but I hate how serious topics like this are treated in stories and believe me I've read a lot of them and they made me sick so sorry that I care but this should be treated with respect not just something that "just happens" and keep writing it without a point to it and even if the character is fictional he's going through real life things that happen to real life people,you have to understand where I'm going with this,I'm sorry I blew up but this is bad in a first impression and an offensive way
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
trust me i understand how you feel, there is nothing wrong with caring or being bothered by something.
but blowing up about it isn't the way to go,if you start yelling and swearing it only pisses others off and starts fights.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Fine then,I apologize for blowing up at you and others but I refuse to apologize and accept the whole "it's fictional let it go" when things like this happen and no one is saying anything,we are letting writers get away with too much that they feel like they can write anything they want and not face any consequences,what's next? Terrorism? We have the right to say whatever we want and I say that some writers are taking this too far to the point that people don't care and just call it fiction or it's just a story when if something bothers you,you have the right to say something and I've noticed the comments on these kinds of stories and they all call it "sad" and "I feel sorry for him" when the topics aren't handled with care,like this one story I read that was about suicide,the moral of that story is"If you're a mary-sue people won't kill themselves or be depressed because the whole world revolves around you"that made me sick also and the comments made it sound like a masterpiece when it's offensive and the whole"don't like don't read"Crap is crap because no one not even a writer should ban someone from telling their opinion and commenting on how they feel about something,If someone were to comment on my stories I ask that they be honest and give me honest criticism whether they swear or not because someone actually took the time to read my story and comment on it then I can improve if they're willing to give advice or tell me what bothers them and what they would have done if they wrote the story and we have a debate on that,I'm not scared of what you or anyone has to say cause I won't lie to any of you and the truth hurts I know but we have to hear it if we ever want to move forward in life and get better,sorry about the speech but it's how I feel and we should say something if it's bothering us we have that right whether we like it or not cause I feel that the more we don't say anything the worse it will become,this story to me is offensive and bad in so many levels that it's insulting that I wasted my time reading it,it's old but that's no excuse the writer wrote a serious topic without giving it the respect it deserves and rushes the topic without giving it a point to the story even the excuse that it's fiction isn't an excuse because it has real issues that happen to real people,I guess this is why I like play with me by Kiki Hyuga it's because this story feels real(despite the whole ghost thing but I digress)it shows real reactions some that are reasonable and some that,piss you off but it's the realism that makes you interested in the story and you want to keep reading and I feel sorry for Sally(Name of creepypasta character In Play with me)because sadly things like this could happen and it's addressed in an adult way and a well written way this story doesn't but you can like anything you want and say whatever you want because you don't have to like my opinion but I don't have to like this story
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
What? Just.. Can you not? Um dude ever hear of "don't like don't read". Plus this is OLD!!! This is from back in February! And hell it isn't as graphic as some shit I've seen. Ever read sweet apple massacre??? Yeah that shit is worse!! This is mild compared to that. And I will repeat again, THIS STORY IS OLD!!!!! She will be remaking this, making it better too. This is her CREEPYPASTA OC!!! Creepypastas are MEANT to be mind raping and fucking brutal. So just for fucks sake, ya don't like don't read and get the fuck out.
If you can reply to me and not spew crap at me for defending my girlfriend, I will reply. If not, you will be blocked and reported. Simple.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
But what is the point of all the rape if we don't know how it effects the character? This person just writes rape like its nothing.first impressions are important and my first impression is that this story writes rape as if it's nothing.I'm sorry that I care about an important issue like this but I see this too much with topics like suicide,molestation and most of all rape without any point to the story but to get attention or for us to feel sorry for the character at least with other well written Creepypastas they treat this well and doesn't just write rape and continues to write rape for no reason,like sally from play with me it tells the story in a realistic way and tells us how the character would react to something like rape(although the parents are idiots because even if a child tells their parent that their uncle touches them weather truth or lie the parent would get to the bottom of it and do something not tell their kid it's just a dream but at least it's a reaction to something like rape but this person wrote rape then writes more rape with no point but to add rape)this is my point,if a writer is going to write something serious like this that happens to amy people they should treat this with respect not like some plot device to drag the story along
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Yes, I understand that rape is a touchy subject. But like I have stated this is OLD. This will be re written. This was back when she first entered the CP fandom. It was rushed and she even hates it. But to be honest with you, this was done tastefully compared to sweet apple massacre. If you would read that, this is NOTHING compared. Seriously. Sweet apple is MUCH worse. I love Gaurdians stories, if you would read others of hers, you will see there is no rape. Maybe hints of forced sex in some CP stories, but again they are OLD! So please, leave it be, don't like don't read. Don't bash my girl for something that was RUSHED and is OLD and will be RE MADE. This is all I'll say on this subject. When the story is re made and done better, it will probably explain Leon's actions and so on. I know more about Leon then anyone. But I won't give anything away until my girlfriend is done with his story and has it re written and posted. Have a nice day.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Fine have a nice day yourself and I'm sorry for blowing up at you that was uncalled for and I apologize but I feel like things like this isn't getting called on and people call stories like this good,things like this is happening too often and it pisses me off then subjects like this is treated this way but if even the author hates this version I guess I can forgive them but like I said this happens too often and no one is saying anything,anyway have a good night,day,noon,afternoon evening,and night again and goodbye
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Yes I do, its really cool!! Poor Sally and Leon
Now, next chapter
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Yeah, poor them T~T
Glad your enjoying it~
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Hmm... this dude is pretty cool. On to the next one.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Glad he peeks your interest~
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
I LOVE this It's SUCH an awesome character. The sadness in his life. I see his murdering as a way to redeem himself for not being able to protect his sister. To protect his family. And this horror is awesome!!!!!
👍: 0 ⏩: 2
Are you fucking kidding me? Did we read the same story? This is shit! Open your eyes this person uses rape for no reason but for us to feel sorry for this person and treats it like its nothing! Read this again and pay attention cause this story is fucking shit
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Listen dude chill the F out. You do know the saying "Art is in the eye of the beholder" well this is how I see this story and believe me stories are and art form. To me when I see this Leon guy, I see him as a guy who lost everything, and will kill and torture anyone who did the things that were done to him. And then goes into a psychopath mentality. Rape is not okay, but if a rapist get raped, I celebrate bc I believe that the punishment should fit the crime. I feel no remorse to the rapist in the story that died. Leon to me as become a vengeful person that wanted to make up for not saving his family. Think of it as you will. But you don't need to piss off everyone by calling it shit or that it's nothing but rape. Maybe that's how it is for you. Well okay, but you don't need to be pisssing every off with your words. Yes freedom of speech but you don't need to be so rude and mean about it. I'm sorry that you don't see this story the way I do but you don't need to be rude to the people that see it a different way. (P.S. please read this in a calm tone bc that is the tone i'm trying to express.)
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
This is my point to this story,the motivation of the character is that he lost his family and he wants revenge I get that I like stories like that but when you use a serious topic like rape you have to write it like an adult instead of adding rape because you want to add rape,rape is one of the worst things you can do to a person and I hope people who do that die a slow painful death but I'm this story it just happens then it keeps going"Mother was killed and raped,sister was raped I'm front of me,I was raped"When I read this all I saw was"Rape rape rape"That's all,good writers can use a topic like this and make it realistic,make have a point to the story instead of adding it then rushing the entire story makes it insulting to anyone(At least me)Hate everything about this story,they say that one thing can ruin a entire story and this prologue is it,the way this was written it treated rape as a shock moment and nothing else,something to get our attention and feel sorry for the character trying very hard to put him in the "woobie" category of Oc Characters and make us say"Aw poor baby"And when I read this the rape was very unnecessary! I mean it,the rape was added for no reason when it could have been something else that made him go insane,These guys killed his entire family and left him half-dead and he swore for revenge,that would be better but no he was raped so he rapes others because....he was raped and I know I'm not suppose to like this guy but his backstory is so insulting,so offensive,and so manipulative to our feelings that I end up hating the author for even thinking this was good or even putting it on paper and it seems I'm alone here when writers write serious topics and don't treat it with respect and everyone thinks it's good! Did we read the same story!? For example,I read a story about suicide and the girl was about to jump off a bridge until a mary-sue pops up and they become lovers...and the moral of that story is"All depressed people just need boyfriends to get over being suicidal"and the comments said it was good! I'm serious when I say that most people on this site is too nice to bullshit like this and let them get away with it and don't give me the whole"don't like don't read"cause that's people who know their story has things that will piss people off and are too scared to hear the truth that their story is offensive crap and"It's old get over it"Shows how Ignorant some people on this site are"It's old"So anything that's old that's serious shouldn't be talked about like racism,war,genocide,9/11 and a long list of things that have happened that have affected many people! We should just get over it Fuck that,it doesn't matter if it's old someone wrote it and kept it there for others to see that means this person thought about it,typed it and posted it on this site and we can comment on this story and say whatever we want and I want to say that this story is shit no matter what anybody says,it's not well written,the plot is crap,and the character is just a woobie that all this story is and this whole story is about one thing:Rape rape rape! That all! This is my opinion and I can say whatever the fuck I want,if I think a story is bad I will tell you it is,if it's good or has potential then I'll tell you that and try to encourage you that you can do better but if your story is an offensive piece of shit I will tell you and if you don't like the truth you should have written it anyway or just turn off the comments but since this author didn't do either of those they hear what I have to say and you all can say whatever you want I don't care! I'm not going to lie because the truth will hurt their feelings,I will tell the truth with no bullshit and everyone who likes this story just like it because they feel sorry for the character should wake up and not be blinded by that bullshit but it's my opinion and you know what you don't have to like my opinion but I will not shut up or piss off just because you and others say so and if you or anyone has a problem with that say whatever you want,Attack me,I don't give a shit and you can read this in any tone you want because I can say this in any tone also:Fuck.This.Story
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
I can now see it from your perspective. I personally still like the story, but that's just my opinion. I can see how you could find it offensive. Me personally I try to think of things in a different matter. Rape is an extremely hard topic to write about because you don't want to offend people but you also don't want to put those ppl who have experienced those things in pain. Writing things like that is like walking on egg shells. You have to be careful, put to much detail and drama and you might bring up bad experiences up with some ppl. Put to little and you make it seem like its not a big deal. And think of the fact that some writers write what they have experience. so they might put little detail and make it seem like it's no big deal to protect themselves from the pain. I understand your opinion. Believe me I do. I understand you God-given rights. Being a writer myself, I like when people tell me how I can improve. but constructive criticism and just being rude are two different things. Going on a full out rant with cusses and swearing and just plain saying it sucks is being rude. But saying that you don't like it bc of A.B and C is constructive, reasonable and makes people not want to automatically go on the defense. There's a reason why people would yell at you for being like that. Your being rude and acting like a jerk, cussing and saying it's all shit. if you would try to be more reasonable and try to see it from all perspective without yelling at everyone who does enjoy this then we would then have respect for your opinion. Not that you would care about it either way, it's just a point. I am trying not to come off rude bc I like to give constructive criticism. Even to people who won't use it. I completely understand your opinion but also try to see things from other's people's perspective before you call everything shit, please. Thank you
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Then tell me how I'm suppose to see this? Am I suppose to see this as a vengeance story? Cause it fails in all accounts! First of all the it could have been anything that sets this character off but no it's just rape without any reason for it to be added to it! Heres a lesson in being a good writer,if you're going to add something serious in your story have a point,if it doesn't then you look like the insensitive one and you deserve to get bashed,I don't know if you and most of the comments I see are too nice but really this needs to change,tell the truth,be honest! Cause if you let writers get away with things like this it'll get worse and it is right to question someone when you read the story twice or more not seeing any redeeming qualities or excuse for it to be written this way oh but I know the reason and here it is! Stories are good when Woobies are in it! That's it! And the whole me being a jerk that's just kiddy talk because I hurt the author's feelings or I'm not giving them a pat on the back and telling them to do better when I read this crap! And rape can be written as an adult instead of just mentioned then rushed to the end like play with me by Kiki Hyuga and Jazzmin's Jess the killer's Origin story both write this as an adult and have a realistic feel to it when you read it but this story is just insulting and a slap to the face to anyone who cares about this subject or has been raped or knows someone who was! How can anyone like this story when they read the prologue!? How can you like this!? Please tell me cause I don't see it and it pisses me off that people say it's good when it's garbage! I refuse to be nice to someone who treats this topic as a joke and a something to drive the plot forward not caring who will read it and is too scared to face the consequences and needs others to fight their battles for them! I don't care that's it's old,I don't care if there's more to this story,I don't care if the author is going to re-write it,and I don't care that you all like this story because you feel sorry for this character instead of opening your eyes and seeing all the bullshit on this post! I'm telling you and anyone who reads this comment that this story is an insensitive,offensive,manipulative,piece of shit! You all can call me an asshole but right now I'm telling you all the truth but obviously you all can't handle the truth because you all keep giving me excuses and bullshit instead of telling me the facts and it has nothing to do with the author not having enough time to add more or there's something I'm not getting NO! This story is shit no matter how you see it because I don't see anything good about it! Let me help you by taking the bullshit glasses off and show you what you're really seeing because all that bullshit isn't covering my eyes and all I see is SHIT!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Sorry you see it that way. I'm done arguing. There's no way I can argue with you bc you will never see things the way others might. I can't convince you and I won't try. Sorry that you can't imagine this story or the different perspectives that other's hold. I will not stop liking this story. I've been an evil manipulative bitch for a long time. That's why I write good comments on things, that's why I try to see things in a better light bc I'm tired of being a bitch to ppl. It's gets old and gets annoying. I damn good at being the most sadistic bitch you will ever meet. But i'm not doing this anymore. Certainly not to someone I can't speak to face-to-face. If I was speaking to you face-to-face I would probably be better at explaining or you'll probably piss me off so much i'd be in your face. Who knows? All I know is that i'm Done bc you refuse to see anything good or even try to see anything good about anything i'm saying. It's your choice how you see the world. I'd look poorly on the world for too long. I don't know your story, your perspective, I don't know you. Maybe if I did, things would be easier. So all i'm going to say is, I'm sorry and I'm done. The End. Have a nice day sir.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
How about this,I will listen to what you find so good about this story that di spite everything it's still good,I've already made my point that this is shit but I haven't heard anything from you and now you're giving up just like that? I have integrity sir and if I see something I hate I will let you know it but this is my point of view so here's a deal,I won't swear I won't attack I will talk to you in a civil way where no one is offended and you tell me why this story is good I seriously want to know,so how about it?
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Thank you, 
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
I see your point but here's where this story fails at:We have no connection to the character at all in the beginning and that is where we are introduced to him and his back story rushed with the addition of rape rape rape rape rape with no context of how he's feeling and how affects him at all,you see a tortured person getting revenge I see the author using the woobie trope to make you all feel sorry for this character that it blinds everyone from the rest of the story,don't believe me? Then think about this:if the rape was taken off this story it wouldn't be offensive but still bad because without the woobie trope he's a mary-sue"He's so good to everyone and he stops people from fighting oh my god he's jesus"*Stops myself from puking*Ugh,I hate mary-sues because they're boring and predictable and this story doesn't give the character an identity but just slaps the word rape victim in front of him and we're suppose to feel sorry for him and because we feel sorry for him that's the only thing we remember about the story is the rape and nothing about him in general no reason to care about this character and yes rape is a traumatic thing that hurts people in different ways and yes him Turning psycho is understandable but we don't what he's feeling how damaged he is because of what happened,look at batman his parents were killed in front of him when he was a kid and we saw how it affected him,he was scared and alone and we saw and felt the emotions that ran through him when this happened and when he grew up and tried to deal with crime as bruce Wayne and all the training he went through he rose up and became batman and we saw what an impact he made in gotham that it made criminals scared of their own shadows but this story just adds rape then skips to him getting revenge that's not a well written story at all if the character isn't feeling anything about what happened then why should we care? Yes,we can feel sorry for a rape victim because we see what they're feeling some of them are angry and some of them are scared it's these emotions that make us feel sorry sorry for the person and we hope the rapist dies the slowest and most painful death imaginable because they care about what happened to them but his story is so rushed that we don't see how he reacts to all this,yes we know how he should feel but the Author rushed this story so much just to add more woobie and shock that they shot themselves in the foot if they think that I will care about someone who doesn't care about what happens,I hate this story not only for the pointless rape but expects the woobie to be the only thing we talk about and hopes they don't pay attention to the rest of the story when you get down to it its just rape and nothing else,you see the crow in this? I think we saw different movies because I care about the crow because we see his emotions and we feel what he's going through and we hope he gets the people who killed their loved ones but the author rushed this story so much that we don't get emotionally invested in this story and its character and we don't know about the mother,is she a good mother? A bad one? What's her personality? What is her name? Is she a single mother? Is the father dead?(I don't really know because I was so pissed off)What about the sister? What is she like? Do her and him fight? Do they have a good relationship? Do they tease each other? What about Jack? He stops people from fighting is a pacifist? What is he like at home? Why did he turn into Snakeman even though many other people have been raped also? How does he feel about his families death? Is he sad? Is he angry? Is he glad they're gone?(Answer these questions by just the prologue because these are the questions you ask yourself when you start the story and no I refuse to read chapter 1,like I said first impressions is dangerous because this part is introducing us to the characters and the feel of the story but no this is so rushed it's insulting)If the author doesn't write what the character is feeling after all this then why should we care? Because we know rape is bad but we don't know how he's affected by it! And don't tell me that his"quest for vengeance is explanation enough"because remember how I said the rape is pointless? It is because it could have been anything that makes him snap,his family was killed and the killers left him for dead? His sister was killed? His mother? His best friend? He gets killed and comes back for revenge(I know this happens to him but did the rape really have point to the story when it could have been anything else and the story wouldn't change at all)I hate the author also for putting rape victim as a character trait of Jack and prays that will blind us from how bad this story is(I'm sorry I'm repeating myself but his is a big issue with writers just adding serious topics for no reason other then to make them a woobie and what I've see most people love the woobie trope even though the rest of the story is bad to the point off offensive I said this was manipulative because the author uses our emotions instead of writing a story,like I said take out the rape but this time put some other event that would make him want revenge I promise that this story wouldn't change other than the whole he rapes criminals)I don't know if this is an ideal thing but I like revenge stories,I like criminals getting what's coming to them,I love Justice seeking characters that kill them instead of just locking them away,and I believe an eye for an eye but I refuse i absolutely refuse to accept that raping the criminal when their dead or rape them then kill them is okay this is maybe an ideal thing but the way I see it it's just so the author can add more rape,I believe he should kill them slowly and make them suffer but raping them?(Which by the way is another shock moment and a manipulative way to make us think"He's raping bad guys is that good or bad? Does the ends justify the means? Is this true justice?"When all these questions could be asked if Jack was just killing the criminals!Why add the rape she he could just kill them!? If he wanted to be known then all he had to do was just kill criminals! I'm sure people would catch on if they were told that the people dead were criminals which would make people ask the questions I just typed above! The rape.was.pointless! Him raping people is pointless! This story is pointless! If there's no point to the story and it has serious topics with no point to them Being added other than to make us feel sorry for him is insulting,offensive and manipulating! I will never like this story and I refuse to read anymore of this and I don't know how else to open yours and everyone's eyes that this is a horrible story! I could wrote this better with no rape in the story because I don't need this manipulative crap to get people to say that my story is good! Read Jess the killer's origin by Jazzmin and I promise you she writes it like an adult,she writes how how Jess feels,she writes with such intensity that you feel like you're there and it shows how it affects her instead of rushing it like a child that said a swear word! Here's a question! If you're going to put rape in a story and rush all the way to the end then why put it!? Like I said I will never like this story but I understand why you all like this story but it's for the wrong reasons,read just the prologue and tell me I'm wrong because all you see is a woobie not how's it's written,I am so sick and tired of people being so blind by the woobie trope that anyone can write any serious topic and not get bashed by it,look beyond the woobie and don't assume how the character should feel but let the author write his feelings how affects him because they don't and expect you to make excuses for them when someone calls them out on it! These are my reasons for hating this horrible...I can't even call this a story it's so bad,horrible,offensive,insensitive
,manipulative,piece of crap!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Thanks~! I'm glad you like it ^^
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Oh cool. NEXT CHAPTER PLEASE! But only when your ready.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
I've got the first 6 chapters out already~
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Oh opps. Then the 7th chapter when your ready.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
It will take some time~
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
if i may ask, how long did it take for you to come up with the idea and put it all together?
it's really good so far! (told you I'd go and read it XD)
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Actually, Leon is based off of a character I designed about 3 years ago. The original character's name was Jock, and he had a snake tail and bat wings- he could turn into a python.
The original story with Jock, well, when I read it to my brother he was like "What is wrong with you?! Why do you do that to him?!"
I don't want to put the whole summery, but I can put quick things. He witness his parents murder a 5. He was taken to a sex-slave facility at 7. At 13 he began having forced sex- usually with men. A 18 he escaped the facility but couldn't go home for fear of leading his "Owners" to his beloved little sister. He had to live out in the wilderness. Eventually he worked up the courage to go see his family (Who had relocated) and when he found them, they were trapped inside a cave basically cooked to death from the heat trapped inside. His sister was still alive, and he took care of her until she passed- she died in his arms while talking to him. Then he borrowed magic from a powerful spirit to hunt down and destroy the people who killed his family- and when he did the curse of the magic killed him. Somehow he became immortal and was forced to live with the agony of not having a family.
So yeah... I took that story and toned it down some to prevent people from getting to sick, and I changed the name and such, along with a few details. Leon is the only one of my OC's that actually comes from a 37 page- extremely graphic and horrid- origin.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
wow....ok...when you said that his family was trapped in a cave, did you actually mean his whole family or just his sister? because if you did....when his sister died where were his parents? already dead or?
also, when's chapter 7 coming out?
I'm starting to get really curious..
it's really good so far and the characters are so...different( in a way)...i can't wait to read more!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Ah, yes- the entire family. Aunts, cousins, uncles, etc. Whole generations of family lives in one place- his family was basically slaves to the people who had his parents killed. Once his parents died he went to live with his aunt- who hated him and his sister.
And I don't know when ch.7 is coming out. I'll start it after I do the next part of Curiosity, which I have already started.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
oh....ok then
well I hope it comes out soon...i think I'll go check out curiosity now then
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Ah, alright~ Hope you enjoy it ^^
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Oh wow. Poor Leon. I love this, it's really cool actually!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Thank you, and fun fact- Leon is actually based off of an OC I called "Jock". They both look alike, except Jock had a serpents tail and a set of reptilian wings.
If you think Leon's story was dark, I took mercy on him- Jock's is much worse (And much longer XP)
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Did you write his? I would love reading it :3
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
I did write his, but there are a LOT of spelling and grammar mistakes. The story is really long (Print and it is 35-37 pages). If I sent it to you to read, I'd be asking you to correct it for meh XD
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Hah I'm bad with grammar XD I wouldn't be able to correct it. So you wrote it on paper then. OwO
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
No, I typed it. But I typed it on a computer with no spell check, and my brother kept distracting me. So the word "The" has a lot of repetitions.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
| Next =>