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TCPolecat7 — A New Breed: Book 2: Chapter 11
Published: 2012-10-09 11:14:24 +0000 UTC; Views: 2075; Favourites: 6; Downloads: 222
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MLP (c) HasbroAnd here we are at Chapter 11. The aftermath of the big Zilch arc, and the introduction of the next series of arcs, in part. There's still one more thing that needs to happen, but that's revealed at the end of the chapter... so stay tuned next chapter for the fallout!
That said, unfortunately, there may be a delay in posting chapter 12. Nothing bad this time, but I'm moving to a new apartment. Slightly more money for more room and updated facilities. It'll be a nice change form this old old old OLD building my roommate and I have been living in.
As always, comments, critiques, suggestions, and other type stuff are encouraged.
- Polecat
G-doc link: [link]
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Comments: 27
I have to admit, I'm not sure what to make of this new antagonist group. At first, when they recruited Prof. Burner, I thought it would solely be a battle of the sexes, but that was soon proven false as each of it's members have their own unique motives and one is even (sort of) a mare. Secondly from the first time he spoke, I have pictured their elusive leader as Discord, but he is still in his statue (though I still think he is somehow communicating with Kaos from his prison, possibly through the power Celestia is siphoning into the planet). Third, are they evil? Kaos has shone genuine sympathy and concern for Zilch and her plight, Junkyard was concerned that he might have hurt several members of the Upstarts (Titans Go!) and the "Prince" has stated that the safety of his team comes first, even above the mission (though that could just be wanting to preserve his perfectly selected cat's paws) which is not a supervision's normal method of operation. Lastly, I can't see what their overall goal is. Each seems to have their own reason for being their, but what is the "Prince" planning? I this all a plan by Discord to escape or is Discord truly not in the picture?
I still think Filigree should have taken Verdigris back to Canterlot. Even with all the Alto crap going on, she would have a better chance of a normal childhood there than with the rest of her family, even before you take the Nightmare into consideration.
I like how you have portrayed Scootaloo as having an extensive family that cares for her, as the usual consensus in the fandom seems to be that she is an orphan who's only friends are the CMCs. It's just a little thing but, it is nice to see something that includes Scootaloo where the sole purpose isn't to illicit sympathy.
Assuming Equestrain laws aren't that unique, I don't see how Clockwork could be prosecuted. She may have gone a bit overboard in the fight, but they struck first and were, admittedly, hired to harm and possibly kill Clockwork and Applebloom. Seems like self defense to me.
I guess if Bottlerocket is going to try to commit suicide, now is the best time as the Nightmare's group is busy raising dragons, the Princes group is busy training and the Griffins are still making threats so none are likely to attack while this is going on, but still, in a letter? Couldn't he have at least waited to say goodbye in person?
The problem I see with the griffins is patriotism. Their Specials are treated like crap but few, if any, will defect because, even cursed they are part of the Great Griffin Empire and to betray their nation is virtually unthinkable. Then, add to that the fact that they have been indoctrinated all their lives that they are basically vermin yet the great Emperor has graciously, in his mercy, aloud the best of them to not only serve their nation, but His Highness personally. Unless they can incite a civil war within the griffin ranks, the griffins seem to hold most of the cards.
As always, I can't wait for your next chapter. New Breed is, in my opinion, the best fic out there. You may not have as many followers as you deserve, but we are here.
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I have to stay relatively silent about that first paragraph. Opening my mouth would reveal future plot elements...
Filigree comes to regret that in future chapters herself. But, like everyone else, she can make a bad decision...
I thought it ironic really to flip the usual expectation. Give Scootaloo a massive family, and Apple Bloom a really small one with just a mate and no kids flips the expectation from the usual. Since I'd already noted that Sweetie Belle had a small family herself places her squarely in the middle.
Clockwork wouldn't be prosecuted, you are correct, however that doesn't mean the Sister Princesses will view her as being in the right either. There's an ethical boundary she crossed, and Flourish obvious believes strongly that she went over the line of self protection to aggravated assault.
No comment on Bottle Rocket. There's more to come in the upcoming chapters about it.
That's one way to look at it. Another might be a little more open an interpretation in that they believe their CULTURE is superior. That's more the tact I'm trying to take...
Thank you. I wish it had a stronger following, but I just keep writing and hoping more readers will find it.
- Polecat
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How come all the best fanfic authors have a history in furry bdsm/bondage art and how do you make the jump? I mean, yours is artistic and portrays bondage play more than anything else, but another author, who shall remain nameless as I am fairly certain most people don't know about her history, has some of the most extreme furry torture imaginable, so much so that she was banned from deviant art for life. I know this isn't relevant to New Breed, but the things I found while looking her pen name up scared me. I mean, I still admire her, but I just can't look at her work the same anymore. So, my rant aside, what inspired you to start writing pony fics?
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I actually know the exact author you're speaking of, mostly because I knew and corresponded with them a few times when they ran a weekly comic. Amusingly they told me about that "little" fic they were working on at the same time they told me they liked the "Flip-Flop" fic I did.
As for what inspired me, that's hard to answer. I've always fallen back on art as my main creative release, so it was a surprise when the bug bit me and sent me along that route. I literally just started writing. I mean, I did a few fics in the past, mostly BDSM oriented (as you can see from the "Journal of Scarlet Sparrow" and "The Need for Sleep"), but for the most part, the descriptors were secondary. This is a case where it hit a relatively unused aspect of my creativity and drove me forward into something new. I'm glad I listened to it and went along, tho it has been challenging. I get a lot less response for my writing than I do for my drawing.
- Polecat
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I feel better now, you can ignore my comment, I just needed to rant.
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>“But that’s… blackmail!” Trixie cried, smacking her hoof on the desk.
-She seems to overreact a bit there.. I mean, the way it's formulated and what she does ; it seems like more ''important''/horrible than it really is..
>Celestia launched herself at the statue, knocking it from the pedestal
>Did you take an apprentice? Did you let them capture a simulacrum? Are you just playing possum?”
>“What did you do?!” Celestia shrieked at the statue, slamming her hooves down on it
-This is weirdly crazy... even for her... or the story... or something, I'm not sure ?
It seems a bit (a lot) too extreme (if not exaggerated) of a reaction for Celestia, honestly... more than it should be, really.
>It is as if he were trying to get our attention
-''was'', not ''were'', no ?
>“Wait… according to the laws of magic/energy conservation, magic cannot simply be destroyed, it has to go somewhere
>“The solution was to feed it into the planet itself,” Luna added
-...they are giving a ''poop ton'' of magic to the ''planet'', and they are wondering where or why ''Special'' are suddenly appearing ?
I mean, even if it was ''technically'' induced *initially* by the Elements of Harmony, it would be very easy to theorize that it's this 'new and abnormally high amount of magic' that is making the ''Specials'' continue appearing.
>dispersed harmlessly over the entirety of Equestria, and beyond.
>to date they have been minor in all ways
-'Harmlessly' ? 'Minor' ? The Princesses are really NOT very observant, aren't they ?
They essentially plugged a fusion reactor on the magic grid... and they think it did little to nothing (despite the Elements being *suddenly* able to grant super-abilities to anyone, all over the world, when a threat appeared) ? Huh ?
>Celestia shook her head. “What you call ‘stagnation’ I call ‘idyllic’. The world was as it should have been; why should it have sought to change?”
-A slab of mold is also technically ''idyllic''... for bacteria -_- ...not for more complex and social beings.
>“but is it possible that this Kaos might be inspired by Discord instead of actually being of or from Discord?”
>Both sisters looked at the cyan unicorn with mildly confused and thoughtful expressions. “Please elaborate, my pupil,” Celestia prompted.
-*FACEPALM!* Good gods... It's really not the Princesses brightest day, isn't it ? -_-
Kaos... Chaos... *Simple similarity in name*... Just inspired from Discord name and etc-whatever !
>“And the Princesses don’t have the pony-power to cover the colonies,” Clockwork added.
-Celestia could promise them their independence, in exchange for assisting the Nation against a common threat... no ?
It's pretty much that, or simply losing this ''colony'' as an ally and potentially having it turned against Equestria anyway.
>“Don’t think you’re off the hook,” Flourish stated darkly, pointing a hoof at Clockwork.
>You overstepped your bounds, Clockwork, and you’re going to have to take responsibility for that. We can deal with it when we get home, however.”
-Hummm..? Nopony told Flourish about the ''post-traumatic war disorder-thingy'' (moments) of Key ?
>“What in th’ hay does ‘Tonight’s the night. All of Canterlot will see my fireworks’ mean?”
-I'm starting to wonder where this ''sub-plot'' point is supposed to go... -_-
I mean... it ''seems'' this pony is going to kill himself, and that he will be saved or not, but what else ?
If he's alive, is he going to be a ''surprise card'' to be played in a later big fight, or just a 'morale +bonus' for Key ? ...If he dies, it's just gonna be another nail in Key's coffin, which wouldn't be exactly a big use of this sub-plot ?
Sooo... a bonus or minus for her morale/depression, or something more than that ?
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A good chapter. I wonder what will happen to poor Verdigris...
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>they're simply spread too thing to cover the colonies too. It's a case of "sending help when they can", but they're just too close to the Gryphon territories and too poorly protected to be able to help properly.
-Huh... what I said was and is essentially an answer to that already ?
'This' colony is technically a part of Equestria, if I remember correctly (even if its population refuse to acknowledge it) ?
So... since the Equestrian state itself can't protect 'this' distant colony(that doesn't want to be under Equestrian rule)... Celestia could offer them the official 'Independence' of Equestira (that they want), in exchange for siding with them (especially since the Griffin kingdom wouldn't likely keep their promise of not hurting them (for long), if they went on 'their' side).
Politics. *shrug*
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Nova,
Every fic I have read, you have written an extensive comment for every chapter, assuming that you are all the same Nova despite differences in the number after your name. I have to ask, do we just have very similar tastes or do you just read everything?
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I can't exactly say about the ''having similar taste(s)'' part, but I read a lot of stories... collect a lot of various bits of information, average statistics of what I say here and there... So, probably, for the second part.
But, I don't always comment, often, but not always.
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I'll admit that it might be an overreaction, but Trixie wasn't in the best of moods herself, after finding out she'd been screwed with.
This was more to show Celestia's relationship with Discord. In my opinion it's a bit more "personal" than has been shown in the show. I plan to reveal more in time, but I think Celestia was very strongly effected by the events of the show, especially when he started mucking about with her prized pupil. In short, there's a method to my madness here, and part of it is revealed in the conversation that comes afterwards....
Hrm. You can blame the corrector in Word for that one, it didn't like "was".
I wouldn't say a fusion reactor, Discord was powerful, but not THAT powerful. 
This is more of Celestia building and why she reacted so strongly to the thought Discord might be loose.
This is a case of the Princesses thinking so strictly along one line of thought that they completely missed an alternative.
The problem is, in general, the Ponylands were just in a generations long battle with the Imps. They'd finally been able to stand down from it, only to suddenly be ramped up again. The forces were already depleted, and now there's a new threat... they're simply spread too thing to cover the colonies too. It's a case of "sending help when they can", but they're just too close to the Gryphon territories and too poorly protected to be able to help properly.
Flourish has some knowledge, but different ponies will have different expectations of what that means.
Hrm. You probably won't like where the sub-plot is going then...
Verdi gets more screen time in the future, but yeah. She's adorable, I hate having to be mean to her....
- Polecat
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Aaah god dam... sigh... I swear, the DA comment thingy doesn't like me...
---
>they're simply spread too thing to cover the colonies too. It's a case of "sending help when they can", but they're just too close to the Gryphon territories and too poorly protected to be able to help properly.
-Huh... what I said was and is essentially an answer to that already ?
'This' colony is technically a part of Equestria, if I remember correctly (even if its population refuse to acknowledge it) ?
So... since the Equestrian state itself can't protect 'this' distant colony(that doesn't want to be under Equestrian rule)... Celestia could offer them the official 'Independence' of Equestira (that they want), in exchange for siding with them (especially since the Griffin kingdom wouldn't likely keep their promise of not hurting them (for long), if they went on 'their' side).
Politics. *shrug*
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It's never been a question if Celestia would want them back, but if they want to GO back. Way back in Chapter 1, Clockwork went over the 2 competing factions. There's those that want to remain completely independant of the Princesses, and those that wish to rejoin the Ponylands....
- Polecat
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Firstly, I was confused for a bit because my brain refuses to pronounce Kaos as "Chaos." In my mind, it's "cowse," for the same reason I pronounce Galaxi as "gaLAXy." It just seems corny any other way. That and I play far too much Galaxian.
Secondly, accents. I try not to criticize, on account of I'm scared to submit any of my own work (which makes you a better writer by default), but accents are something of a specialty of mine. Bunsen Burner only sounds German about half the time, and the other half he sounds like cliche villain, a la Albert Wiley in the Megaman movie. You're a little inconsistent with your th-z replacements, and Germans typically pronounce S very sharply, not as Z. You're also overplaying Applebloom's accent to the point of being stereotypical redneck. AB, AJ, and Granny Smith speak with Texan accents, and as such would never refer to one person as "y'all." Skillet appears to speak with no accent, which is great, but many of his lines are finished with "ja." Being that he is form Stalliongrad, which is based on Russia, he should be saying "da." Ja is German, short for Jawohl. Da is Russian.
Lastly, this is the first time I've ever posted a wall of text. This story, I swear.
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This isn't so bad compared to a few walls I've gotten.
When it comes to Burner, I write him fairly simple. All the "S"s are replaced with Zs. I will occasionally throw in other bits, but I keep his voice consistant in my head, and it will also fluctuate slightly with how angry he is (the angrier he is, the less control he has, less control he has, the worse his accent gets).
Yeah, maybe. I live in the south, and in the show Bloom's accent seems a bit heavier that AJ's to me, so I played on that.
Skillet has a mild accent with some affections he just kept. It's non-specific to russian or german, but somewhere in that made-up middle ground that doesn't truly exist.
As for Pronunciations, Kaos I picked up from an old friend, who used to have a comic character named "K-os"... And I suppose, Galaxi I always felt sounded the same as Galaxy to me. The letter change is just a basic affection again.
- Polecat
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I suppose the accent fits Burner's character, if you're going for Wiley-esque evil genius. Still, it's just a tad hard to read sometimes.
Bloom is young in the show, and obviously would care less about grammar. But again, overplayed, it gets distracting.
As for Skillet, I believe you're thinking of the Ukraine. Russian accent with German Ws, among other things.
Fair enough.
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Yay! Polecat updated! Now to read it!
Polecat: 
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*LOL* Personally I'm just thrilled people are still reading it.
- Polecat
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Mmm, Kaos and his link to Discord if indeed there is one is mysterious indeed...
Crosswind really is a douche to... are he and Junkyard inspired in part by Jay and Silent Bob? I just noticed that, though I'll admit to not knowing much about those characters so I could be wrong.
Hmm, and this prince fellow certainly seems to be a curious one, a pony so he can't be tied to the gryphon invasion plan, and I doubt it's Eclipse given what he's been up to... I have a far-fetched theory but it would seem to be dispelled by Zilch's presence on the team.
Anyway, here's hoping Verdegris can escape...
Huh, it is indeed unexpected to see Flourish taking that serious role in fixing up the fallout of Clockwork's meltdown there.
Oh, and closing on a suicide note...
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Crosswind is, oddly, inspired by the Scout in Team Fortress 2. I literally hear his voice in my head when I write the bugger. I figure he's annoying, but he has his redeeming qualities, few tho they might be. That said, Silent Bob is a good comparison for Junkyard, tho I hadn't thought of it.
I won't say anything about the Prince, that will be fodder for future chapters... eventually. There is a method to his madness, however, but it might not be what you expect.
Yeah, it killed me to write like that for Verdi, she really is too cute a character for all the crap I'm throwing at her.
Flourish was a guard, so that serious side is in there somewhere.
And it's nice to know people are recognizing that note. My editor worried it wouldn't be recognized...
- Polecat
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Well yeah, you mentioned the crosswind/scout thing before, but just the nature of their relationship, from what little I know of the character of Jay he's a pretty reprehensible one and silent bob keeps him in check.
Hmm...
Filigree really should have adopted her...
So I see.
Well if you're paying attention, "my fireworks" plus PTSD suffering explosion-power guy pretty obviously equals...
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Aye, a bit. Tho admittedly Jay & Silent Bob also contained a lot of heavy drug references too...
I agree. So will Filigree (in coming chapters).
Aye, tho he hasn't appeared for a number of chapters, so there was some concern...
- Polecat
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Well, that's a creative way to write a suicide note.
I'm actually starting to like Professor Bunsen, which isn't all that surprising now that I think about it. I mean he wasn't really all that bad a guy until Clockwork's mother completely trashed his reputation. He's taking the "mad" part of mad scientist pretty seriously.
So despite being referred to as female, Zilch is actually androgenous?
Oh, and hey, the Prince imp is back. (I think? I can't seem to remember what happened to Blueblood and we already have one new shadowy villain from last book's epilogue).
And Snakeskin's jaw wired shut? Totally been there. Stuff really sucks. Pureed diet for 5 weeks. Painkillers 3 times a day for the first week and constant nosebleeds. I'm surprising he's sauntering around, too.
I suppose that if the elements of Harmony were of a predominantly female nature and commanded by a law-bound Princess, it makes sense that the male (androgenous in Zilch's case) squad is lead by Discord's heir. Gotta get both order and chaos balanced out, eh?
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Heh, and my primary editor/pre-reader was worried it wasn't clear enough...
He's gaining more depth as I write him. I actually have far more character to him, and some realizations about who he is. His "off the deep end" moments were last book tho, he's moderated from then...
No comment about the nature of the Prince.
Aye, it was pretty rough. But then, Clockwork really kicked the hell out of that group.
There's more going on there than you realize, but that's an interesting angle of approach. You're more right than you know, but possibly in ways you don't expect (and I'm not going to reveal).
- Polecat
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We should all remember ole'explody, he's been a significant source of angst and character development for Clockwork. Seeing as he's both suicidally depressed and in Canterlot, I really can't think of many other ways that it could be interpreted (especially with "Tonight's the night" underscoring that it is not just A thing that he's been thinking of, but THE thing).
There's always more going on in the shadows.
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And, of course, Clockwork said the "No Fireworks?" line way back before she headed to the Northern Reaches... but the editor pointed out (rightly so) that it's been multiple chapters since he's made an appearance...
Of course there is.
- Polecat
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Well that was a nice resolve to the gang situation, also it’s true that they would lose because they used super powers on someone who necessarily can’t use them in combat and was thus in the right to defend herself.
Speaking of which, how does Marmalade think she could solve everything by the cowardly way out, you can’t avoid war when it comes specifically to you. They avoided fighting the imps and now they can’t exactly avoid the griffons can they? Either they defend themselves or let the griffons walk all over them.
Last thoughts: Verdigris can resist mind control, also just because she can’t fly doesn’t mean she can’t glide. Nice to know Discords probability drive is powering the world, not that it was a bad thing for a thousand years to be a bit stagnant. Also I don’t think the elements just purify, if they did that then Luna wouldn’t have been sealed away in the moon.
Next up: Rockets Red Glare!
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Thank you. But yes, legally Clockwork was in the right. That doesn't mean it was ethically correct, thus is why she'll get some static over it. After all, she's one of the 6 most powerful mares in Equestria, and she completely lost it.
Marmalade is a politician. We have real world politicians that do this sort of thing, so it's not hard to imagine it happening in the MLP-verse too. She just took it to a ludicrous extreme.
Verdigris is less about "resisting" than more about "snapping out of it faster". She can't really glide either. If you've ever seen what happens to a pet bird with certain feathers "clipped", they literally flail about, unable to fly or even glide. It ruins their ability to do so. Admittedly, much of that could be instinct, and I could be wrong, but I always understood that was how it worked. Yep, Discord's still around, and apparently stoned. And it was even longer than a thousand years, hence the nature of a millenia old discussion/arguement between the sisters.
And someone got the reference. My editor was worried that ending might be a bit too subtle.
- Polecat
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