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Description
Just right away before we begin with this, I feel something just needs to be stated upfront considering my recent output of stuff has been fairly negative and what I'm likely to release next I'm almost certain is going to be controversial and depressing.

I hate being that guy. I really, sincerely hate being the dude whose opinions contrast so hard with others when they're negative. I am not someone who tries to be a cynical curmudgeon or shits on parades. In fact, I truly love singing the praises of things that I feel deserve praise, defending content from hate that I feel goes way, WAY too far (Lookin' at a certain DC Comics animated comedy.) and honestly just squeeing about what I love and I was really hoping to continue doing so here.

Now for the fullest of disclosures, I've gotta come clean and say that as a fan of TMNT? I am at best a casual one. In my experience, I've watched the first few episodes of the original cartoon, some random episodes of season 10 AKA that weird season where everyone started mutating further and the sky was blood red, I've seen a good chunk of the 2003 series and the first three live-action films, the 2007 CG film, random episodes of the 2012 series, that Power Rangers crossover thing, the Bay-produced live-action films, read the first issue of the Mirage series and watched Batman vs. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and... my opinions have fluctuated on all of them. Personally I'd say I only got real interested in the series when I watched the Bay-produced films which while I recognize today they are not the best are still damn fun watches, especially Out of the Shadows which gave me one of my favorite hits of nostalgia with that kickass cover of the original cartoon theme that played at the credits which I proudly sang along to. It's not that I hate the Turtles or that I'm indifferent to them, it was just one of those series that for one reason or another I didn't end up following that much. I've certainly tried my best these days to get reacquainted with them but a combination of having so much on my plate I need to check out anyway plus series I'm loads more interested in has led to me just kind of not bothering with TMNT stuff.

Mutant Mayhem though was something I was VERY curious about. I remember hearing rumblings about this film back in 2022 and how it was going to be an animated TMNT film produced by Seth Rogan of all people which... I was totally down for actually and when I saw the trailer I was also really enamored with just how the film looked. The fact it was going for a similar animation style to Spider-Verse mixed with an aesthetic that they said was inspired by notebook sketches really caught my interest, especially as the trailers showed some real fun action and great character animation for the various comedy bits and of course, the Turtles themselves really sold me, especially when reading that this would be the first time the Turtles would be played by actual teenagers for the sake of authenticity and that they even were cast based on their chemistry together. This was a film I was genuinely looking forward to experiencing and with the fact it was showered in praise upon release? I was thinking I was in for a fun ride.

Which is why it genuinely brings me no joy to say that I found Mutant Mayhem... just not very good. Now before some of you who love the movie come at my throat? Let me just address all your possible retorts right away. I'm not a purist for the 80s cartoon, the original live-action films or anything like that. I'm not here to poopoo on your parade. If you love this film? Shout that shit from the rooftops, let it be known you thought this film kicked ass and then some, never ever let some dingus's review bring you down, your love is genuine damn it. And let me say right now, there's plenty I like about this film too.

For one thing, this movie's LOADED with style and more often than not it looks choice. The fact characters look like they've been filled in with marker, how lighting effects are presented with what looks like pencil strokes and so on looks so cool and makes for some really fun visuals for action scenes and physical comedy. It also has in general possibly my favorite looks for the Turtles or at least it sits nice and comfortable with the OG cartoon, first live-action film, 2003 series and 2012. I love how they've really simplified the designs but also incorporated what we've been seeing recently with the variances in the appearance like Raph being wider and having the mask that covers the top portion of his head, Donnie's glasses and more, it all feels like they took elements from various incarnations and blended them together. Also one of my favorite looks for April and while we're at it? Suck it racists, she's a black sweet teen who works for her school paper. She's not the supermodel hot reporter from the OG cartoon nor is she the teen some of y'all just jacked it to from the 2012 series, deal with that and the fact this film's already close to making back its budget and choke on it.

Ahem, anyway, April's design is real cool. I also like how this film doesn't immediately jump into Shredder and instead true to its title focuses on mutants with some true classic characters making their way to the big screen along with ones I didn't expect. For instance, I know he's been given some love thanks to the 2012 series but... be honest, I don't think anyone predicted that at some point in the TMNT's film career we'd see a big screen appearance of Mondo Gecko.

While on the subject of the characters, I really enjoy the voicework from the actors involved. In case what has been going on hasn't hammered the point home? Actors time and time again show that they along with writers truly make the magic happen and here it's no exception at least on the former's front. Every second it sounded like everyone involved was having a great time recording for their characters and in the case of the team themselves? This is the first time in a good while at least for the movies that these guys feel like brothers. One criticism I do have for the Bay-produced films is that while they felt like a band of friends and certainly compatriots, I really didn't feel they did a good job conveying specifically that they were brothers and so to see that fixed here made me so happy. The soundtrack was also nice and loaded with a nice mix of original compositions and some classic hip hop and rap and the fact it did so much different from past incarnations while trying to stick to the spirit of the series was more than welcome. If anything, I can easily see that come that Paramount+ series and the sequel that there will be a lot that once refined could make me into a full-blown fan of this universe. There is so much to like about this film... but for every moment I like it, there's something that acts as a hard counter. Yeah, people we're into the negatives now and I warn you, I'm not about to hold back.

Now while I did say the style is nice, unique and certainly lends itself well to action and that for the most part it looks choice? Everyone that's not the TMNT, Splinter, April and the villainous mutants are buttfuckingly ugly. Oh my God, I've heard some people say that Ruby Gillman film had some awkward looking human designs but you ask me? You can never get as hideous as this unless we include Foodfight in the equation just so it can win by default. Look, I get what they were going for here, I really do and there are many points where the aesthetic works really well! But there are also so many points where genuinely I could barely look at the humans because the lumpy, intentionally asymmetrical look was surprisingly making them look all like hideous mutants like the subtitle didn't just mean that this was just gonna be all about the mutants but rather every son of a Splinter was a mutant. It just does not make for an appealing film to view at quite a few points.

Next up, while I said the voicework is well done and that it sounds like everyone had fun? It hardly matters when... well before I get into this, I'm going to take a detour that I swear will make sense when I connect it back to the main point. To jump to another Paramount movie, you guys might know by now that I really do not like Jim Carrey's Eggman from the live-action Sonic films and my reasons for it are mainly that he's just annoying as he will consistently take over scenes with what feels like several minutes of unnecessary prattling and improv for jokes that aren't even funny. Note that in that I mentioned the improv.

Here's the thing about improv and letting your actors just go off or throwing in conversations based on how they interacted off-camera. At times? That can work incredibly well and can lead to dialogue and interactions feeling more natural than if it was just scripted and of course can lead to comedy that is way more funny than even the scripted stuff and for the record? This film can be pretty funny, especially when it comes to the physical humor. However, improv I would equate to being like a spice. Used in moderation and with precision? It can add so much to what it's in and make for a fun experience that you genuinely might consider rewatching since you'll find more and more things to enjoy and pick out. Add too much then you run the risk of someone being utterly repulsed or in the case of this film? You end up incredibly annoyed. Folks, I'm not gonna mince words here, this voicework being as solid as it is means nothing when if you ask me, this take on the team is genuinely one of the most annoying to sit through. Oh my god there are so many scenes where these guys just talk on and on, throw out pop-culture reference after pop-culture reference and... even considering the fact these are actual teens voicing these characters it screams "How do ya do, fellow kids?" and quite frankly there were so many points where I just wanted nothing more than for the turtles to shut the fuck up and guys that brings me no pleasure to say, especially because again this is such a good idea. To me, the idea of having turtles that acted like teens was a great shake-up to the formula and from what the trailers showed? I felt like I was in for a real treat. But in the film proper? Even when it got to the scenes I knew were from the trailers I was already feeling my last nerves twitching with irritation. Not only that but it also suffers from the problem early Rise of the TMNT had as in the REAL early stuff where I genuinely can't tell which turtle is which with the only benefit this has being at least Leo. As for the others? Mikey I genuinely feel gets off the worst because everyone has basically taken his thing of being the wacky party dude, Raph they keep saying has anger issues but honestly he just kind of comes off like more a fight-happy dude by way of Goku and not say... Vegeta? Donnie has some fun moments showing that he is a colossal dork which fits with the guy being the brains but all it has done is reduced him to dropping anime references which considering that so many other characters drop pop culture nods officially means that the only way I can tell who's who is by their appearance and bandana color and it's even worse when paired with a story that while unique has the problem of feeling overstuffed and rushed for this runtime.

This film only clocks in at an hour and thirty-nine minutes and while I do appreciate the idea of having a Turtles film that's nice and breezy and certainly my ass and bladder thanks them a ton for that? To me, this film suffers the ROTB problem and feels way too short. No joke, when it got to basically the final battle? I was caught off-guard we were there already in the worst way. It felt like the film was just starting to get going but decided like a teenager who has smoked way too much weed to just crash out way before everyone's even sufficiently buzzed at that party. It was so bizarre to see and makes me wonder now if just Age of Extinction has just scared Paramount to the point of them just never being able to think about making a film that's as long as it needs to be... meanwhile The Last Knight has not scared the company out of trying desperately to plant seeds for a franchise that it so hopes will get them a multi-million dollar success like Marvel because while this film's plot feels rushed? It still feels like it has enough time to throw in villains whose sole purpose is to be present for the upcoming TV series and tease the villain for the sequel that they ALREADY GREENLIT before the film came out because hey, Sonic 2 made an assload of money despite us doing that and personally I'm just so very tired of that style of filmmaking, especially from Paramount who are second to WB I feel in terms of this nonsense. If you have cool ideas for follow-ups? Awesome, I however really would like you to focus on the now instead of the hypothetical future. I perked up at the mention of the name "Utrom" but only briefly and afterwards I went back to not caring until the film's end where it delivered a fun action scene.

I am so sorry for how negative I've been but this film genuinely disappointed me. But look, if you enjoy it then props to you. Keep fucking loving this film, adore it and cherish it because if anything I'm legit happy it's reaching an audience. I recognize that with my ROTB review I didn't really hammer in this point enough so I'm gonna do so here, I'm not here to poop on your parade and I genuinely look at the fact that a film I didn't like could potentially be someone's favorite as a really cool thing. Hell at the very least, it feels like Mutant Mayhem to me was not a by-the-numbers project but rather one with heart and soul put into it that I can totally see why it would not only be someone's favorite but also how it can bring more fans into the fold and to me? That's what ultimately matters and it's why I say I'm genuinely sorry I just could not vibe with this one because let me tell you, this is never a good feeling for me. Disliking things, especially when they are resonating with others is not fun because it feels like I'm the weirdo with the stick shoved so far up his ass you see it coming out the mouth who can't have fun and when it comes to revivals or new entries in nostalgic properties? Oh that feeling is TRIPLED because that inevitably means I might end up lumped in with the same batch of 50 or 60 somethings who continuously whine and cry about how much kids today don't know what they had. You know, the same kinds of people who refuse to accept that material made for kids is not going to cater to them because if it did it'd be stuck in a nostalgic circle-jerk that ensures it will never ever evolve and will just exist purely as a shell of its former self?

Yeah let me be clear right now, I ain't one of those guys and to put it bluntly, fuck that way of thinking, it deserves to burn in the deepest darkest pits of Hell. So y'all, here's what I genuinely hope, if you loved this movie and read this entire negative screed? Keep on loving it. Hell if you have the income to do so, let it motivate you to see this movie multiple times and anyone who tells you you're enjoying the wrong TMNT can fuck all the way off and know in spirit I'm giving them the finger with you while also proudly giving the finger to racists.

With all that said, thank you all for reading and I hope your day is the kind that allows you to proudly shout "Cowabunga!".

Description
Just right away before we begin with this, I feel something just needs to be stated upfront considering my recent output of stuff has been fairly negative and what I'm likely to release next I'm almost certain is going to be controversial and depressing.

I hate being that guy. I really, sincerely hate being the dude whose opinions contrast so hard with others when they're negative. I am not someone who tries to be a cynical curmudgeon or shits on parades. In fact, I truly love singing the praises of things that I feel deserve praise, defending content from hate that I feel goes way, WAY too far (Lookin' at a certain DC Comics animated comedy.) and honestly just squeeing about what I love and I was really hoping to continue doing so here.

Now for the fullest of disclosures, I've gotta come clean and say that as a fan of TMNT? I am at best a casual one. In my experience, I've watched the first few episodes of the original cartoon, some random episodes of season 10 AKA that weird season where everyone started mutating further and the sky was blood red, I've seen a good chunk of the 2003 series and the first three live-action films, the 2007 CG film, random episodes of the 2012 series, that Power Rangers crossover thing, the Bay-produced live-action films, read the first issue of the Mirage series and watched Batman vs. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and... my opinions have fluctuated on all of them. Personally I'd say I only got real interested in the series when I watched the Bay-produced films which while I recognize today they are not the best are still damn fun watches, especially Out of the Shadows which gave me one of my favorite hits of nostalgia with that kickass cover of the original cartoon theme that played at the credits which I proudly sang along to. It's not that I hate the Turtles or that I'm indifferent to them, it was just one of those series that for one reason or another I didn't end up following that much. I've certainly tried my best these days to get reacquainted with them but a combination of having so much on my plate I need to check out anyway plus series I'm loads more interested in has led to me just kind of not bothering with TMNT stuff.

Mutant Mayhem though was something I was VERY curious about. I remember hearing rumblings about this film back in 2022 and how it was going to be an animated TMNT film produced by Seth Rogan of all people which... I was totally down for actually and when I saw the trailer I was also really enamored with just how the film looked. The fact it was going for a similar animation style to Spider-Verse mixed with an aesthetic that they said was inspired by notebook sketches really caught my interest, especially as the trailers showed some real fun action and great character animation for the various comedy bits and of course, the Turtles themselves really sold me, especially when reading that this would be the first time the Turtles would be played by actual teenagers for the sake of authenticity and that they even were cast based on their chemistry together. This was a film I was genuinely looking forward to experiencing and with the fact it was showered in praise upon release? I was thinking I was in for a fun ride.

Which is why it genuinely brings me no joy to say that I found Mutant Mayhem... just not very good. Now before some of you who love the movie come at my throat? Let me just address all your possible retorts right away. I'm not a purist for the 80s cartoon, the original live-action films or anything like that. I'm not here to poopoo on your parade. If you love this film? Shout that shit from the rooftops, let it be known you thought this film kicked ass and then some, never ever let some dingus's review bring you down, your love is genuine damn it. And let me say right now, there's plenty I like about this film too.

For one thing, this movie's LOADED with style and more often than not it looks choice. The fact characters look like they've been filled in with marker, how lighting effects are presented with what looks like pencil strokes and so on looks so cool and makes for some really fun visuals for action scenes and physical comedy. It also has in general possibly my favorite looks for the Turtles or at least it sits nice and comfortable with the OG cartoon, first live-action film, 2003 series and 2012. I love how they've really simplified the designs but also incorporated what we've been seeing recently with the variances in the appearance like Raph being wider and having the mask that covers the top portion of his head, Donnie's glasses and more, it all feels like they took elements from various incarnations and blended them together. Also one of my favorite looks for April and while we're at it? Suck it racists, she's a black sweet teen who works for her school paper. She's not the supermodel hot reporter from the OG cartoon nor is she the teen some of y'all just jacked it to from the 2012 series, deal with that and the fact this film's already close to making back its budget and choke on it.

Ahem, anyway, April's design is real cool. I also like how this film doesn't immediately jump into Shredder and instead true to its title focuses on mutants with some true classic characters making their way to the big screen along with ones I didn't expect. For instance, I know he's been given some love thanks to the 2012 series but... be honest, I don't think anyone predicted that at some point in the TMNT's film career we'd see a big screen appearance of Mondo Gecko.

While on the subject of the characters, I really enjoy the voicework from the actors involved. In case what has been going on hasn't hammered the point home? Actors time and time again show that they along with writers truly make the magic happen and here it's no exception at least on the former's front. Every second it sounded like everyone involved was having a great time recording for their characters and in the case of the team themselves? This is the first time in a good while at least for the movies that these guys feel like brothers. One criticism I do have for the Bay-produced films is that while they felt like a band of friends and certainly compatriots, I really didn't feel they did a good job conveying specifically that they were brothers and so to see that fixed here made me so happy. The soundtrack was also nice and loaded with a nice mix of original compositions and some classic hip hop and rap and the fact it did so much different from past incarnations while trying to stick to the spirit of the series was more than welcome. If anything, I can easily see that come that Paramount+ series and the sequel that there will be a lot that once refined could make me into a full-blown fan of this universe. There is so much to like about this film... but for every moment I like it, there's something that acts as a hard counter. Yeah, people we're into the negatives now and I warn you, I'm not about to hold back.

Now while I did say the style is nice, unique and certainly lends itself well to action and that for the most part it looks choice? Everyone that's not the TMNT, Splinter, April and the villainous mutants are buttfuckingly ugly. Oh my God, I've heard some people say that Ruby Gillman film had some awkward looking human designs but you ask me? You can never get as hideous as this unless we include Foodfight in the equation just so it can win by default. Look, I get what they were going for here, I really do and there are many points where the aesthetic works really well! But there are also so many points where genuinely I could barely look at the humans because the lumpy, intentionally asymmetrical look was surprisingly making them look all like hideous mutants like the subtitle didn't just mean that this was just gonna be all about the mutants but rather every son of a Splinter was a mutant. It just does not make for an appealing film to view at quite a few points.

Next up, while I said the voicework is well done and that it sounds like everyone had fun? It hardly matters when... well before I get into this, I'm going to take a detour that I swear will make sense when I connect it back to the main point. To jump to another Paramount movie, you guys might know by now that I really do not like Jim Carrey's Eggman from the live-action Sonic films and my reasons for it are mainly that he's just annoying as he will consistently take over scenes with what feels like several minutes of unnecessary prattling and improv for jokes that aren't even funny. Note that in that I mentioned the improv.

Here's the thing about improv and letting your actors just go off or throwing in conversations based on how they interacted off-camera. At times? That can work incredibly well and can lead to dialogue and interactions feeling more natural than if it was just scripted and of course can lead to comedy that is way more funny than even the scripted stuff and for the record? This film can be pretty funny, especially when it comes to the physical humor. However, improv I would equate to being like a spice. Used in moderation and with precision? It can add so much to what it's in and make for a fun experience that you genuinely might consider rewatching since you'll find more and more things to enjoy and pick out. Add too much then you run the risk of someone being utterly repulsed or in the case of this film? You end up incredibly annoyed. Folks, I'm not gonna mince words here, this voicework being as solid as it is means nothing when if you ask me, this take on the team is genuinely one of the most annoying to sit through. Oh my god there are so many scenes where these guys just talk on and on, throw out pop-culture reference after pop-culture reference and... even considering the fact these are actual teens voicing these characters it screams "How do ya do, fellow kids?" and quite frankly there were so many points where I just wanted nothing more than for the turtles to shut the fuck up and guys that brings me no pleasure to say, especially because again this is such a good idea. To me, the idea of having turtles that acted like teens was a great shake-up to the formula and from what the trailers showed? I felt like I was in for a real treat. But in the film proper? Even when it got to the scenes I knew were from the trailers I was already feeling my last nerves twitching with irritation. Not only that but it also suffers from the problem early Rise of the TMNT had as in the REAL early stuff where I genuinely can't tell which turtle is which with the only benefit this has being at least Leo. As for the others? Mikey I genuinely feel gets off the worst because everyone has basically taken his thing of being the wacky party dude, Raph they keep saying has anger issues but honestly he just kind of comes off like more a fight-happy dude by way of Goku and not say... Vegeta? Donnie has some fun moments showing that he is a colossal dork which fits with the guy being the brains but all it has done is reduced him to dropping anime references which considering that so many other characters drop pop culture nods officially means that the only way I can tell who's who is by their appearance and bandana color and it's even worse when paired with a story that while unique has the problem of feeling overstuffed and rushed for this runtime.

This film only clocks in at an hour and thirty-nine minutes and while I do appreciate the idea of having a Turtles film that's nice and breezy and certainly my ass and bladder thanks them a ton for that? To me, this film suffers the ROTB problem and feels way too short. No joke, when it got to basically the final battle? I was caught off-guard we were there already in the worst way. It felt like the film was just starting to get going but decided like a teenager who has smoked way too much weed to just crash out way before everyone's even sufficiently buzzed at that party. It was so bizarre to see and makes me wonder now if just Age of Extinction has just scared Paramount to the point of them just never being able to think about making a film that's as long as it needs to be... meanwhile The Last Knight has not scared the company out of trying desperately to plant seeds for a franchise that it so hopes will get them a multi-million dollar success like Marvel because while this film's plot feels rushed? It still feels like it has enough time to throw in villains whose sole purpose is to be present for the upcoming TV series and tease the villain for the sequel that they ALREADY GREENLIT before the film came out because hey, Sonic 2 made an assload of money despite us doing that and personally I'm just so very tired of that style of filmmaking, especially from Paramount who are second to WB I feel in terms of this nonsense. If you have cool ideas for follow-ups? Awesome, I however really would like you to focus on the now instead of the hypothetical future. I perked up at the mention of the name "Utrom" but only briefly and afterwards I went back to not caring until the film's end where it delivered a fun action scene.

I am so sorry for how negative I've been but this film genuinely disappointed me. But look, if you enjoy it then props to you. Keep fucking loving this film, adore it and cherish it because if anything I'm legit happy it's reaching an audience. I recognize that with my ROTB review I didn't really hammer in this point enough so I'm gonna do so here, I'm not here to poop on your parade and I genuinely look at the fact that a film I didn't like could potentially be someone's favorite as a really cool thing. Hell at the very least, it feels like Mutant Mayhem to me was not a by-the-numbers project but rather one with heart and soul put into it that I can totally see why it would not only be someone's favorite but also how it can bring more fans into the fold and to me? That's what ultimately matters and it's why I say I'm genuinely sorry I just could not vibe with this one because let me tell you, this is never a good feeling for me. Disliking things, especially when they are resonating with others is not fun because it feels like I'm the weirdo with the stick shoved so far up his ass you see it coming out the mouth who can't have fun and when it comes to revivals or new entries in nostalgic properties? Oh that feeling is TRIPLED because that inevitably means I might end up lumped in with the same batch of 50 or 60 somethings who continuously whine and cry about how much kids today don't know what they had. You know, the same kinds of people who refuse to accept that material made for kids is not going to cater to them because if it did it'd be stuck in a nostalgic circle-jerk that ensures it will never ever evolve and will just exist purely as a shell of its former self?

Yeah let me be clear right now, I ain't one of those guys and to put it bluntly, fuck that way of thinking, it deserves to burn in the deepest darkest pits of Hell. So y'all, here's what I genuinely hope, if you loved this movie and read this entire negative screed? Keep on loving it. Hell if you have the income to do so, let it motivate you to see this movie multiple times and anyone who tells you you're enjoying the wrong TMNT can fuck all the way off and know in spirit I'm giving them the finger with you while also proudly giving the finger to racists.

With all that said, thank you all for reading and I hope your day is the kind that allows you to proudly shout "Cowabunga!".