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transtastic — Because I Said So
Published: 2012-09-04 06:38:24 +0000 UTC; Views: 3159; Favourites: 19; Downloads: 7
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I've been transitioning actively and openly for about two years now. I've done workshops and seminars and one-on-one training. I've spoken to as little as ten people to as many as 100 people about my trans* experience and identity. So I'm comfortable saying that I've been pretty much asked a wide variety of questions, some more respectful than others.But I still dread being asked: why? Why are you trans*? Why did you decide to take hormones? Why didn't you stay a girl if you're so femme? Why?
And I understand that some people--trans* and cis--simply want to know what made the wheels in my head turn. I get that and I'm happy to answer it most of the time. But this condescending 'why' I just can't tolerate.
So what I want to know is why you feel the need to question my trans* identity? And why you feel like there has to be some big, deep explanation for it? Why there has to be a story, a series of experiences, a big drawn out narrative that I have to repeat every time I meet someone. Why? Why can't you just take it and move on?
So now, I put up with very little. I'm trans*. That's it. If you want to know more, ask a different, more well thought out question.
People are always curious about trans* folks. But they forget that we get asked the same questions over and over again--nicely and not so nicely. So maybe I don't feel like being your walking Google.
Sketcher.
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Comments: 9
One of my friends is Trans at it's really weird for me when my Patents still Fall him a gir becausel. And next time they Fall him a she ill just use this explenation as to why he is a Boy XD
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heh, i didn't think about it like that! but yes! totally agree.
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I know why!
because you were born to be one way, but came out different.
Gender isn't defined by your genitalia, it is defined by your mindset! not the typical "boys do boy things and girls do girl things" but by what makes the person feel right! My bestfriend is going through the official procedure to make her body right, and she does alot of things that wouldn't be considered girly, yet I still know her as female.
pretty much what I am trying to say is:
Because you were made to be a different gender.
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For most people, changing one of the most concrete things about themselves is met with horror and bafflement. Some still believe it to be a perversion, they are so shocked by it.
That most fundamental thing about us is wrong, it's something we know is wrong, and to leave it to fester is to deny enjoyment of life. Everything is a reminder. Though every time I am misgendered (because I still look female, goddamn it all) it's disappointment in myself, not anger with others, that I feel.
Someone wrote a bloody good analogy. Imagine having your two shoes on the wrong feet. You can feel it's wrong, you know it's wrong, but it's not exactly obvious to everyone else. When you change them it feels so fucking right, and so relieving... but you haven't changed as a person. Knowing something is fundamentally wrong trips up your every step, even if you can't place it, though especially if it's agony every step of the way.
Some people never experience their shoes being the wrong way around, and thus wouldn't understand the feeling. They may empathise, or think you're crazy, but they can't walk a mile in your borked shoes. So of course, they're going to ask why you'd bother going to the effort of switching, when they don't know the pain themselves.
Personally, I would never EVER use the 'because I said so' explanation in this day and age, because there are so fucking many transtrending retards out there that undermine the existence of those of us to whom this is nothing but a medical condition, and make us look like idiots in front of Joe Bloggs. It's what we're thinking, when we're asked for the 389457389758934th time 'Why do that'... but it's not helping anyone. Even though it's frustrating. Even though it's invasive. I'm more likely to say "Do you really want to know? Like, right the fuck now? Because it's long and it'll make your head kerplode".
But each to his own.
And I agree, a more thoughtful or intelligent question would yield a less grumpy response for sure. But people ask retarded questions about a lot of things.
Like my love of cars, specifically Subarus. And believe it or not, they're more hostile about that than my gender being in question. Lmao...
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Hi hun! Good to hear from you!
I have often used that analogy in speeches, however, I have started to refrain from it since it implies that something is wrong with you and in order to feel better you have to do something about it. It's not as problematic as other analogies I've heard but it still carries its own disclaimer.
I've started to just shrug and say that I transitioned because I wanted to and that's all that mattered/matters. My opinion is the only one that counts here. Not my family's, not my partner's, not my friends'. Sure, their opinions are important to me but they are not integral to my transition. With or without them I would have done this and it's a whole lot more fun with 'em.
The "because I said so" thing to me is important because in a few words it gives the trans* person an authority in our narrative that isn't based in "I was born in the wrong body" trope. This is something I actively choose and chose. And that's it. That's all. End of story. Everyone else go home. lul.
And as I mentioned, there are people with some fucking honest ass, respectful questions and I can spot those people a mile away. But they are like 5% of my questions and dude bros asking me if I have a penis are the other 90%. So that's it.
It was nice seeing a message from you hun!
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Maybe you should write a biography and just hand it to people whenever they ask? Haha, just a thought.
But yeah, I can totally relate to this. As cute as the friendly, naive cis-gendered people are, it does get really annoying after a while.
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