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zyclone — Open Heart Boy
Published: 2005-09-13 18:32:07 +0000 UTC; Views: 348; Favourites: 1; Downloads: 6
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Description Open heart boy
Had an open heart
A big hole in his chest
With his ribs wide apart

His heart was so pretty
So shiny and bright
People would stare
Mesmerised at the sight

But then he hit puberty
His heart got cold
All weird and ugly
And wrinkly and old

He hated his chest
And he used to fear
That his heart beat too loud
And everyone could hear.
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Comments: 4

antitribal [2005-09-13 18:41:32 +0000 UTC]

Thats very fucking good actually.
How old are you?
This pretty much sounds like akward common take high school.

In other news, the Visual takes the instant win.
Brilliant.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

zyclone In reply to antitribal [2005-09-13 21:19:14 +0000 UTC]

I'm 15... it wasn't really about me or anything, I just found the concept of a boy with a hole in his chest quite amusing, and then I found an emotional concept to it. I kinda like that now, I'll make him a character - your stereotypical high school kid.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

antitribal In reply to zyclone [2005-09-13 21:53:15 +0000 UTC]

Hey, its not bad or anything.
I just found the common elements really transparent in the work.

Nicely done.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

zyclone In reply to antitribal [2005-09-14 17:32:09 +0000 UTC]

Heh, thank you

👍: 0 ⏩: 0