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inspiredcreativity β My Partner and I
Published: 2008-09-13 08:37:33 +0000 UTC; Views: 7990; Favourites: 30; Downloads: 34
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This is my partner Greg and I on a boat. My partner is the good looking one on the left.We have been together for 21 YEARS and counting to 22.
AS TIME IS ETERNAL, SO IS OUR LOVE.
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Thank you. We had some very difficult times to get through, marriage counseling at one point, almost broke-up more than once, but we made it. Greg and I made vows that are different from most. Greg knew that both of my previous partners had just left with other men, without even trying to make the relationship work. I was going to sea on ships at the time. My first partner never even asked me to stop sailing. He was surprised when I later told him that I would easily have stopped, for him. But he never bothered to ask.
Bottom line, if two people want the relationship to work bad-enough, it will work. There needs to be a determination to make it work, no matter what. It is a guarantee that every couple will hit very hard times. Walking away is the easy solution. what people seem to have lost is the vision of what a long-term relationship can give you, the very deep, deep love and trust, the comfort you feel in each other, the feeling of security and safety.
Love has three main functions in a relationship:
1. Love keeps your partner looking beautiful and hot for a lifetime.
2. Love keep romance, physical intimacy, and sexual intimacy interesting and fulfilling for a lifetime.
3. Love is the binding glue to help hold you together when the going gets rough.
When we Greg and I decided to become partners, we did not promise each other until death do us part, we promised to never break-up until we had both exhausted every reasonable possibility to stay together. We sometimes stayed up all night talking, going in circles sometimes, but never giving-up. We tried many different things to try to improve the relationship, some working and some failing. My point is that we did not give up. both of us were willing to keep working on it.
Greg and I are very, very different kinds of guys. This is very challenging in a relationship, but has great rewards when it works. We each bring very different world-veiws, different approaches, different cultures and outlooks. Where he is weak i am strong and where I am weak he is strong. We make a good team, but we sure had a lot of kinks to work out. Meeting later in life (I was 35 and he was 32), we were both already fairly damaged, scarred.
When we met, I was not attracted to him at all, I just needed a dance partner for the lesson that night. I asked, he said yes, and during the lesson I had a good time with him. I asked him if he was interested in seeing if we could be friends and he said yes. After getting together for various activities over the next month, one day I suddenly saw him in a new way, like he looked beautiful to me, and hot. I figured that only love can do that. I am a very open guy, so i naturally came right out and told him, then asked if we could date romantically. He said yes. We staid celibate for the 5 months we dated.
You might like these deviations of mine:
What Is Love All About? [link]
What To Look For In A Mate [link]
RELATIONSHIPS [link]
THE CHEMISTRY OF LOVE [link]
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I absolutely love how you write out these detailed responses! I honestly love reading them alot! {goes off to check out those deviations}
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It is my pleasure to write them. I know how hard this time of life can be for you, so much is unknown. If you have questions, feel free to ask.
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both of you are so handsome in this picture im glad that Greg and you have been together for so long
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Thank you. I am glad we are together for so long too. It takes some hard work at times, but it is well worth it. So many people walk away from relationships without really trying hard to make it work. The easy path is to walk away, but then you do not get the chance to build a solid foundation, on which you can built a lifetime with someone.
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How sweet. Now that's a model for the younger generation of gays to look up to.
God bless you, guys!
Keep up the good (albeit hard) work.
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Thank you. It is 20 years and counting. I had to fail twice before, 4 years and 6 years, to get there. I went to sea on supertanker ships, which is a bitch on relationships. I was typically out at sea for 2 months, but could be up to 3 or for. Then I was home for the same amount of time.
The hardest work was in the early years. We are like two bulls in the same corral, with no cow. We have almost nothing in common. This as a big advantage that we open new worlds to each other, greatly expanding our lives. But there are big challenges to find common ground. We are also both strong personalities.
We came close to breaking up more than once and went to marriage counseling at one point. In my first 2 relationships, we swore life together no matter what, but those promises meant nothing. With Greg, he suggested a different approach. We did NOT promise until death do us part, we promised to try everything within reason to stay together, before giving up. We have stayed up all night long talking in circles, trying to resolve problems. Greg has always been willing to listen and talk and keep trying, not willing to take the easy way out, and just walk away.
I was doing full-time volunteer work taking care of guys dying of AIDS and working in a soup kitchen. Then we both ended up doing primary care for a dear friend dying of AIDS, taking around-the-clock shifts. Despite barely even seeing each other, it helped draw us closer.
Once we worked out the kinks, there was a lot less work involved. I cannot possibly describe to you what it is like to have the depth of love, security and Trust that comes from sharing your life with another man for 20 years. Too many Gay men simply give-up at the first sign of problems. Too many men Play at a relationship. There are two critical ingredients to success, the willingness to communicate and commitment. Notice that love is not even a necessity. Something that love does is it keep him looking hot, despite the ravages of time, and it keeps sex with the same man for decades from getting boring.
When love is not enough, when relationships fail, it can be devastating, especially if you have been together a long time. I tried the kill myself after the second one. That a foolish thing to do, because there is a lot of love out there. You just have to extend yourself. I remember when I was depressed and trying to find a date, no one wanted to have anything to do with me, which was even more depressing. But when I was feeling better and glowing with happiness as I danced, I was constantly getting asked out and propositioned.
I hope you have a special person to share your life with, and if not now, in the future.
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Oh boy. I can't believe you took your time to actually write such a long answer to my comment, but thank you for sharing the story. Wow, the things you just wrote... it's so mind-blowing.
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Life is an adventure. It has its up and downs. I guess if it were not for the deep downs, how could we properly appreciate the high peaks?
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<3 gorgeous couple you guys.
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Hey Thanks, that is really nice of you to say. I will tell greg about your comment.
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I wish you two the best! 
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Hi, Thank you for this really nice comment. Greg and I have been together for over 20 years now. We have had some really difficult times, almost broke up, went to marriage counseling, but we both had one thing for sure in common. We were not willing to give up without trying everything possible. We both came to the relationship badly damaged by different things, and we are as different as night and day. Despite all of those challenges, and because we are so different, we were able to open a new world for each other, and we grew from it.
I am Autistic and tried to kill myself at age 13 [link] [link]
One of my disorders, Sensory Integration Disfunction is similar to dyslexia. Each of my eyes read independently of the other eye and the brain was not putting them together. I was diagnosed as mentally retarded. A doctor figured it out. I had to pace back and forth on a narrow balance been hours a day. It was raised higher once a week so it hurt more when i fell off. Then I had to reach flash cards being shown at each end with letter on them, and eventually words.
I also had to do speech therapy up through 6th grade. Autism makes you like a prisoner inside yourself, making it really hard to connect to other people. I was about 22 before I could look a person in the eyes. I never felt like I could fit-in anywhere or with anyone.
Despite all of that, and my learning disability and lack of memory ability, I graduate high in my high school class. i went to a Merchant Marine Academy (not military) and studied Engineering. I graduated number one in my class and went to sea, working up to Chief Engineer quickly, then retiring for life at age 34.
I met my first husband Don at age 24, which lasted 4 years, then Paul for 6, then the love of my life Greg, at age 35. i devoted the rest of my life to Volunteer work and art.
What I am trying to tell you is that my disabilities slowed me way down at first, but I was determined and worked hard and succeeded in life.
Socially it was a different story. They knew nothing about autism in the 1960's. I got no other help than what I already told you about. At age 34, when my partner left me and i came out to my shipmates, just to be violently rejected by most of them, I tried to kill myself again. This time I got help, and I learned how to overcome the social barrier of my Autism. I made lots of friends, learned to dance (which I was told would be impossible), and became a Peer-Couselor actually helping others in the GBLTQ community.
Please know that whatever challenges you face, you can overcome much of them, find Happiness, fulfillment and LOVE in your life.
If you ever feel the need to talk to someone, feel free to send me a NOTE, which will make it confidential.
I wish you the best that Life and Love can offer you.
Matthew
PS: Some other deviation you might find helpful:
CELEBRATION of GAY PRIDE [link]
The Science of GAYDAR [link]
The Science of Homosexuality [link]
Are You Straight, Gay, or Bi? [link]
These show the truth about Homosexuality and the Bible, which is that God and Christ never had a problem with homosexuality, but translators did. If you want to fight those who use the bible as a weapon against you, or to help you reconcile your Faith with your sexual identity, then read these:
New Testament + Homosexuality [link]
Old Testament + Homosexuality [link]
What Is Love All About? [link]
What To Look For In A Mate [link]
RELATIONSHIPS [link]
THE CHEMISTRY OF LOVE [link]
HUMAN INTIMACY - 101 [link]
TWO SPIRIT: GBLT INDIAN NATION [link]
Rainbow Crow [link]
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Thanks. It does not feel like over 20 years have passed together. Time flies...
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What are you talking about? You're both handsome!
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Thank you. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. When I met greg, i was not attracted to him at all, I just needed a dance partner for the lesson that night. I enjoyed his company so much that I asked for his phone number, so that we could possibly pursue a friendship. He reluctantly game me his number and we danced in following nights and spent town hanging out on a weekend, then went canoeing the next weekend. I remember when he walked back into the room that night, I was suddenly struck by how beautiful he was. That was when i realized I had fallen in love with him. Even though I was not attracted to him before, Love made him beautiful to me, and over 20 years later, he still is, plus some wrinkles and gray hairs, LOL.
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See this is what I like seeing. Long-term loving relationships out on display for the rest of us to see. Gives me hope that maybe my current relationship will last that long. You both are very handsome and you both are very very lucky to have each other. I wish you two the best!
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Hi, Thank you for the best wishes. I really glad it gives you hope. We have a lot of friends who are in long-term relationships. We met one couple celebrating their 50th anniversary. They met in high School. We met three guys in a Poly-Fidelity relationship, which is a Polyamorous relationship where everyone is faithful within the group. It is something Greg and I would be open to it, but who would have anything to do with someone on his way out. I was in better condition then, but still⦠Anyway, there are far more successful long-term Gay relationships than you might otherwise imagine, but they may not get out much anymore, especially when kids are involved. I was a Foster parent with my ex, a boy 7, and a girl 11, and we were to get a baby, but it ended in tragedy. Greg dis not want kids.
Greg and I did things differently than the typical pattern, starting when we met. We decided on no sex unless or until we each knew it was a love we were willing to Commit too. It actually only took 4.5 months. Then we made a big deal out of it. Greg got tickets to see Phantom of the Opera int Victoria, UBC, Canada, at the Queen Elizabeth Theater, and I got tickets for the ferry ride from Seattle to Victoria. When we got there we got "dressed to the nines," and had a grand time at the theater, then off to dinner, where a String Quartet came over to serenade us. Surely we were not THAT obvious. The waiter claimed they had never done it beforeβ¦not sure I buy that one. They back to the hotel to consummate our relationship.
I had two previous partners who promised, "Until do us part," which they used as toilet paper to wipe their asses. I was going to sea at the time, which was rough, but there was an end in sight. They never even tried, never even said there was a problem, just took all the money and split.
Greg and I decided to do things different. We did not promise to stay together for life. We promised to try everything, within reason, to make it work, before splitting up. We also both agreed that it is stupid to destroy an otherwise perfectly good relationship, just because of one infidelity. We agreed that if one of us "strayed," he would immediately confess it, and it would be immediately forgiven (we both know we are capable of that). Then we would use safe sex for some months, then do another STD/HIV blood screen plus anal and throat cultures. A single straying is not the same as an affair with someone over time.
Greg has always been willing to talk things through for 5 hours if necessary, even if we just went in circles. He agreed to go to marriage counseling at one point. I know with certainty that he will never just give up without trying. Every relationship has rough times. It either breaks you apart or binds you tighter.
I have had to do most of the compromising, the bending if you will, in the early years. However, the arthritis I started developing at around age 12 started catching up to in a big way, with our lives centered more and more on my deteriorating condition and pain management. It has crippled me now. I am homebound now and living on continuous high does of narcotics. I have maybe 10 more years, but that is just a guess. Greg has had an increasing burden with me. I do everything that I can do, but that leaves a lot I can't do.
I know with absolute certainty that Greg will be with me to the point of my death. At one point I planned on killing myself and had updated all of my legal stuff, Trust, Will, Powers of Attorney, etc, and somehow he caught wind of my intent and was really angry. He said it was HIS choice to stay, and not out of obligation, out of desire. For me, it is really hard to how my health adversely affects him, and I want to spare him the worst of it, but he demands every single day with me that I can withstand. This is like the ultimate test of love, not that it needed testing.
_________________________________________
If I might suggest something for you and your partner, even in States like mine, Washington, with Domestic Partner rights, as soon as you cross state lines many of those protections disappear. Within a year of Greg and I committing to each other, I drew up a Living Trust for each of us, Health Care Power's Of Attorneys, Deferred Financial Power of Attorneys, a Last Will & Testament. The Health Care Power of Attorney is critical and will cover you anywhere in the world when you travel (take a signed copy with you when you travel). Hospitals and family can bar you from the hospital room of your lover, and you will have no legal say in his care, and if he is incapacitated, you will even loose custody of him, to care for him.
Dying intestate is very bad and can create a nightmare for your surviving partner, who will get nothing and could end up loosing a lot. I just sent you a NOTE with a Template for drawing up a quick Last Will & Testament. Ideally you would get it witnessed and Notarized, but if you just donβt have the time, at least do the version you just date and sign, which is way better than nothing.
BASIC GAY COUPLE LEGAL PACKAGE:
Last Will & Testament
Health Care Power of Attorney
Financial Power of Attorney - Deferred
Living Will (says what heroic measures you want to extend your lifeβwhen they can pull the plug on you)
IMPORTANT: I forgot to put this in my note to you: If you cannot afford it, there a couple of FREE or inexpensive Options:
Matthew
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Aww this is just heartwarming. 
Congratulations on being together on a whole twenty years!!
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Thank you! I'm glad we help give you hope. There are lots of long-term comitted GBLT couples around. I ran across a couple together for their 50th. They met in High School. It takes the kind of people who are willing to work hard at making it happen, willing to seek balance and compromise, willing to work at understanding each other, and to respect each other, to make it last for decades. My first 2 partners never even tried, even though they promised me, "until death do us part." I went to sea for a living for 13 years, so life was not easy, but we knew it was coming to an end fairly soon. It was supposed to be only 10 years, but husband number 2 went through vast amounts of money in drugs and alcohol.
Greg and I did not promise until death. We decided to instead promise to do everything humanly possible to make it work, before giving up. At one point we even went to Marriage Counseling. Greg was always willing to talk through issues without yelling, cursing, or being mean. Every couple will have problems. Love does NOT solve all problems. Both of us are have problems, like I am Autistic.
There is a very big payoff for working hard to make the relationship work, and for resisting any temptations. There is really no way to describe the depth of love, trust, comfort, and safety you can feel after sharing your life with someone for many years, other than to say it was all worth it and it feels incredible.
I wish you the very best in Life and Love.
Matthew
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Thank you very much. 
And I'm sorry to hear about your Autism.
I was wondering if maybe you could give me some advice. I am a girl and I seem to find myself attracted to them. I don't know if I'm lesbian or bisexual, but I'll figure it out. I've never had a girlfriend, after all, so it's hard to know for sure.
All my friends already know about this, and I've told my lovely Auntie about it, and as I expected, she was completely supportive.
I would like to tell me parents because I love them and they are great people, though they are quite homophobic and seem to be a bit discusted by it. 
Once again, you are SO lucky to have a partner like him.
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I will talk about coming out to you parents or not, and how, further below. You might find my deviation on determining if you are Straight, Gay, or Bi of some help. Here is a link to it and to some other ones that might be helpful to you:
Are You Straight, Gay, or Bi?
The Science of GAYDAR
The Science of Homosexuality
CELEBRATION of GAY PRIDE
These show the truth about Homosexuality and the Bible, which is that God and Christ never had a problem with homosexuality, but translators did. If you want to fight those who use the bible as a weapon against you, or to help you reconcile your Faith with your sexual identity, then read these:
New Testament + Homosexuality
Old Testament + Homosexuality
What Is Love All About?
What To Look For In A Mate
RELATIONSHIPS
HAPPINESS, Fulfillment & Contentment
CHOICE - WHO WE ARE
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COMING-OUT TO YOUR PARENTS - SHOULD I, RISKS & HOW?
This assumes that you are still a juvenile owned by your parents (children are basically treated aw property by the law).
By now, you seem to realize that your parents are homophobic. If you were not sure, you could test the waters by mentioning that there is a girl at school who is really nice, she is a lesbian, and she might become your friend. Your parents response should tell you a lot.
If you parents are homophobic, I recommend that you DO NOT come-out to them. I lived in the closet a long time, and it is really difficult, but if you have other loved ones to support you it is very doable. Your parents may not make a stink of it and just let it ride, but most homophobic parents can make your life a living hell if they want to. It all depends on HOW Homophobic they are. If it is just small or moderate homophobia, their love for you may overcome their homophobia.
My experience in adult coming-out has shown me that many parents overcome their homophobia and become close again, loving, and supporting, also being inclusive of your life-partner. I, and then my sister, went through it with my Mother, while my father did not have a problem with it.
But when you are a juvenile, it gets very, very ugly. This is because your parents have absolute control over you and they can legally subject you to horrors, under the guise of religious freedom. I am not at all saying that your parents will treat you badly or do horrible things to you, but I am saying that the RISK TO YOU of this happening is too hight to take a chance on, unless you feel that they are only a little homophobic.
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WORST POSSIBLE THING THAT CAN HAPPEN
Homophobic parents have been known to do some really awful stuff to their children. The worst of all is throwing you out onto the street. EVERY YEAR in America, about 640,000 GLBT Kids, as young as 12 years old, go onto the street, and most of those were thrown out of their homes, or driven from their homes, after βcoming-outβ or discovery of their homosexuality, because of conflicts with moral and religious values. The vast majority of those parents are Christians. An average of 40% of Homeless Kids living on the street are Gay, Lesbian, or Bisexual.
I personally have worked with Street Kids and worked to get kids back home, the most recent being a 14 year old boy thrown out on the street with nothing but what he was wearing and his phone.
Today, right now in America, Half (50%)of ALL boys who attempt or succeed in killing themselves, are Gay or Bisexual. If you include girls, 29% of ALL CHILDREN who attempt or succeed in killing themselves, are gay, lesbian, or bisexual. 85% of all GLBT kids have thought seriously about committing suicide. GLBT = Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual & Transgender
The next worst thing is when parents send their GLBT child off to brain-washing Christian camps or schools, where they are held against their will and subjected to extreme discipline, aversion therapy, psychiatric drugs, brain washing techniques, etc, to try to convert them back to being heterosexual. In a school in Arkansan, or maybe it was Alabama, they hooked electrodes to the genitals of the boys and gave them electrical shocks while showing them gay pornography. This is a type of aversion therapy to brainwashing them into reacting with fear whenever they got homosexual thoughts or feelingsβall in the name of God. That school got shut-down because evidence was smuggled out. These kinds of camps and schools keep getting cited for child abuse, and some have been closed down, but others remain operational, especially when they have the tacit approval of the police and community who believe that the ends justify the means. There have been a number of suicides as well.
You could be send to a private religious boarding school. Parents do not even have to be religious themselves to do these things. Homophobia can drive them to extreme measures.
There is a mother who has been lecturing at schools and event for some years. After she and her husband drove their Gay son to suicide. It woke her up. They had him on his knees for up to 24 hours at time, fasting for days, praying for God to make him Normal. Then there was the verbal and emotional abuse, the shame and guilt piled on him.
Some parents just act hateful and/or pile on abusive language, denigration, and making life miserable for you.
Finally, some parents will not pay for your college education if you have come-out.
_________________________________________________
EVERYTHING IS DIFFERENT IF YOU ARE AN ADULT
As an adult, your greatest concern is not loosing the love and support of your Parents. My own mother called me a disgusting PERVERT, and a lot more. But I kept visiting her daily and talking about it, even though she kept telling me to stop because it was making her want to vomit. She asked me to see a shrink and get fixed, but I told her I was not broken and loved being this way. Then she asked me to never talk about THAT Queer side of your life, and I refused.
I have found that when you give into parental demands to see a shrink, to pretend you are not gay to them, to not talk about that part of your life, all it does is allow them to never have to deal with their homophobia. Then you will find yourself leaving you life-partner at home on the holidays while you go home to see your family. This is not only a terrible thing to do to your partner, it also deprives your parents of having a Daughter-in-law, your partner.
My mother's love for me overcame her homophobia. This allowed my Sister to come out as a Bisexual, who chose to be a Lesbian as her sexual identity. My sister and I have the longest and most stable relationship of us 5 siblings. The other three, who are straight, are perpetually single.
My parents love Greg and see him as their son, and Greg's Mother sees me as her son. I never gave into my Mother's demands. I told her that she could not just have part of me. UNCONDITIONAL LOVE means that she should love me, no matter her beliefs about my sexuality. This is who I am.
My mother started out calling Don, my first partner that he was a disgusting Pervert and some rather awful things best not repeated, then forbid him to ever enter her home. She slowly got better, showing up at our door with table linens, or other household things for out apartment. Then eventually talking to Don, although not very nicely, then being more decent. It was when Don left me for another guy, while I was still at sea, and I came home to an empty house, and broke down sobbing on her shoulder that she finally saw how real it was, how much pain I felt, and love I felt, just like she did.
When I brought home my second partner, they were immediately gabbing and clipping coupons. My father was not too taken with either Don or Paul (not manly enough), but he was very friendly to them. They both loved Greg from the beginning.
Parents will take the easiest path you give them. If you agree to pretend to be straight, or never talk about that part of your life, they have no reason to change. Some people tell me that they do it to spare their feelings, but then you do not really have love at all. Love is about SHARING your life. I can talk to my mother about anything, including my sex life, and that is a wonderful feeling of acceptance and love. Parents who say they reject, and therefore hate a big part of you, may as well hate you completely, because your relationship with them will only be a shadow of what it should be.
So-called sparing your parents is like saying it is Ok to lie to person, to spare them the truth, but in the end, they get hurt worse than ever. The smaller pain of truth up front is much better that the greater pain later. I know men who have gone their entire lives, until their parents died, never telling them the truth, living a lie, excluding them from most of their life. Parents are not typically idiots, and when they are excluded they know it, and they translate it to losing the love of their son or daughter, and never knowing why. Which path was best for the parents, knowing the truth and coming to terms with it, then getting to share their child's life and partners, or dying feeling unloved by your child?
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COMING OUT TO THE RENTS
We always get into trouble when we think we know what is best for someone else. In this way, only you know what is best for your life.
Your parents are the hardest to come out to, especially if you are young, because the consequences if things going badly can be dire.
Coming out to your parents has the following main components:β’ Initial Approach
β’ Dealing with HomophobiaβEducation
β’ Cultural
β’ Religious
β’ Alleviating Fear & Concerns
β’ No Grandchildren
β’ AIDS & Health
β’ Your sexual activity and possible unhealthy LIFESTYLE
β’ Future career and advancement while being "out"Telling your parents can go a lot easier if you PLAN for it and UNDERSTAND THEIR CONCERNS, which we will cover below.
First, I suggest that if you have an Aunt who will be friendly about your sexual orientation, and you can trust that she will not immediately inform your parents, then you should talk to her about if and how best to tell your parents, since she may know them better in certain ways.
The actual approach depends on what kind of people they are. The most casual approach I have seen was when a boy asked his parents at the supper table if he could bring his date to dinner tomorrow night. His Mother said, "Sure, what's her name?" He said, "His name is Andrew." He then quickly went on to describe how beautiful he had, the color of eyes and hair, what a great kisser he was... I loved it hearing that one. His parents and siblings were fine with it, but the rest insisted on a "talk" after dinner.
Another boy I know came-out when his boyfriend left him and he was totally wrecked, couldn't stop crying for long periods. When his mother pressed him for what was wrong, he told he the truth. She was more concerned with comforting him than making a big deal out of the gay thing.
If you have a girlfriend, you can start bringing her home (as a friend) and allow your parents to get to know her and hopefully like her. Obviously this plan go badly if they hate her instead.
Another started leaving pictures of his boyfriend in his room out in the open where he knew his sneaky spying mother would see them. This is a very passive approach. It has the advantage that if a parent confronts you with obvious anger, you can make-up an excuse for the pictures.
Another approach is to tell only one parent. I only recommend doing this if you believe one parent will be homophobic. Otherwise it puts the one you tell in a situation of lying (by withholding) to his or her spouse.
You can ask for some time alone with both of them and actually schedule it for the next day if necessary. That will prepare them for something important.
You can get a bother, sister, or other close family member or relative to do it for you. I asked my sister to tell my Grandmother for me. She was very old and frail, and I did not want to put her on the spot. Her response was, βOh, he is the nicest man I know,β which was nice to hear. Older people are either much more mellow, or much more bitter.
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WHAT TO DISCUSS
HOMOPHOBIA: Much of homophobia is due to ignorance about homosexuality, or believing it to be evil because they were taught that as kids. There are a number of Christian churches who do not believe that homosexuality is a sin.
My mother's kind of homophobia was trained from young childhood in a very Catholic immigrant family (from Czechoslovakia), with religious crap and cultural hate.
Cultural Homophobia: The kind of latent cultural homophobia you may meet can be typically dealt with education. Remember that your parents view of Gay people may be what they see on news about the wild gay parades, in what they see on TV, in movies, print. Over time, you can give them a vision of what homosexual people are like.
β’ Directly counter what they see in the media and tell them that it is only the face of one aspect of the Gay community, and explain that there are other aspects. They would never even recognize the vast majority of the GLBT community for what they are.
β’ Emphasize that most of us look just like them, live in neighborhoods just like theirs, living in loving relationships for many years, some have kids.
β’ Emphasize that we are also Love-based people, who care about out communities, our country and the world.
β’ Emphasize that we are in every profession, public and private, from highly educated to homemakers.
β’ We are like everyone else, except that we are sexually and romantically attracted to the same sex.Religious Homophobia: I supplied you with two links above (at the top of this) that address Homosexuality and the Bible directly. Although I do not believe in a God you would recognize (that's why I say I do not believe in a God), I wanted to be a Priest as a boy, and I have made an extensive study of Christian Theology, some research into Islam and the Qur'an, and have also studied Buddhism.
Hate-Centric Homophobia: There are people who NEED to have a scapegoat group to HATE, to blame, to feel superior to. It makes them feel better about their pathetic lives, to be able to put others down below their own.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
PARENTAL CONCERNS TO BE ADDRESSED
If they have any hopes for grandchildren, they may be dashed hearing about both you and your being gay. They may be concerned about loosing their bloodline.
To help them cope, point out that both you and your partner can still have children and be GLBT. There are different ways it can happen:
β’ If you want to carry a baby yourself, all you need is a sperm donor to carry on the family bloodline through you.
β’ If your partner wants to carry the child, it is still possible, although many would not want to do it. If you had a brother or cousin, he could be the sperm donor of your partner, and the baby would carry both your parter and your bloodlines.
β’ You can also simply adopt. There is a heart-breaking shortage of adoptive parents for kids 7 and older, because no one wants them. Everyone wants babies or very young kids. A value system is initially set by age 7. I was a Foster Father with my 2nd partner, of a 7 year old boy and an 11 year old girl. We were due to get a baby, but it ended in tragedy. I would love to be a father again, but Greg is like, "Over my dead body."
In my family there are five of us siblings. The two Gay relationships (mine and my sister's) are the only stable relationships of us five, and mine is the longest. There is zero chance of a grandchild, not one from their five children. Having straight kids does not guarantee grandchildren. I am the only one who wanted children LOL.
Next, your parents are going to be VERY afraid for your well-being around AIDS, yes even as a Lesbian.
So, how can you alleviate their fears about AIDS?
β’ If you are still a Virgin, tell them that. If you are sexually active, say so. Try to stick to the truth and you will free much better.
β’ Tell them you have learned all about safe-sex, and that you take it very seriously and you plan on being very responsible.
β’ Tell them you are not engaging in indiscriminate sex (if true).
β’ If you have a dream of finding love and having a long-term relationship, tell them, because this should make them feel your life will be more normalized, as compared to visions of you in sex orgies.They are going to worry about what this means for your future. Tell them that it should have little effect on your career choices and advancement.
Answer their questions as best you can, and if you don't know something, tell them you will research it and get back to them. Somethings we cannot know in advance. The idea is to try to diffuse fear.
_______________________________________
If you have any questions, feel free to ask.
Matthew
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Wow. Thank you sooo much for all that great advice. You really are a wonderful person, actually taking the time to write all that for me. Bless you.
As far as coming out to the 'rents goes, I don't think they would throw me out of the house. (Thank goodness), though they would be dissapointed. 
By the way, I found your article, 'Are You Straight, Gay or Bi' very helpful. 
Thanks again for everything. 
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Why apologize? If I asked you for some advice, I am sure you would give it gladly. Pass it forward sometime.
In the end, you will decide what is best to do. I have seen homophobic seeming parents not be a problem, and parents who look like they would be fine go over the deep end. I assumed my father would be the worst possible, and he turned to be great about it. I thought my brothers would be really bad, and one of them was very helpful to me in overcoming my internalized homophobia (I was raised Catholic). I came out to my shipmates, after I left, and a third of them wished me dead, in hell, suffering, etc. that was an unexpected shock of the worst kind. You never know until you do it.
For me it was different. I was completely isolated by my autism. I did not even know what sex was until I was 19 years old. I felt immensely alone. I tried to kill myself at age 13. At age 24, I could not stand living a lie and being a lone. I had a gun barrel in my mouth when I decided I should at least try coming out to my youngest sister. If she had rejected me, I would do it then, but she was fully accepting of me, and later came-out after I did, as a bisexual.
I wish you the best. Feel free to write again if you need to.
Matthew
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Aww, you two are lovely! β₯ I hope you two are together forever! C:
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Thank you very much. We have been together for more than 20 years and counting, and there does not seem to be any doubt for either of us that it will be until death, which may happen for me in around ten years (arthritis that started when i was around 12). Greg will care for me to the end, of this I am sure.
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Aww. <3 It sounds like true love if you asked me. o w o I'm in love, but she lives in a different country. :c I'm a young bisexual [possibly a lesbian]. I think your love would last over death; you know, when you two are in Heaven.
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Long distance love is difficult. I hope it works out.
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Thank you, but it's too late; she already told me her love for me was a lie.
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The thing to remember is that breaking up should not be taken as personal rejection. For two people to love each other completely, a lot of things have to match up. If a person says, "No" to you, or, "I don't want to see you any more," it is not a rejection of YOU, it is saying that we just are not fully compatible, we are not right for each other. Seldom is it a matter of the person not liking you. You can even love a person dearly, but not be compatible to live together.
Some people are CRUEL about the way they break-up with you, and that is a reflection of their character. Sometimes it is because they feel guilty or ashamed themselves and try to transfer all of the blame on you, and sometimes they are uncaring people. I knew a girl who broke a number of hearts, and bragged about it, then she got dumped by a guy and suddenly she was crying and distraught. She said she had no idea of the pain she had caused the other guys, until she experienced it herself.
It can get confusing between infatuation and love. Love often starts with infatuation, then develops into something deeper, but sometimes it die after infatuation. Infatuation is totally blind to any problems, like distance, personality, etc. Believe, Love is never enough. All three of my relationships required a lot of effort to make them work.
True love is when you each accept and love each other unconditionally, the good, the bad, the beautiful, the ugly.
Check out these links to my deviations on:
What Is Love All About? , where I talk about how to tell if it is Infatuation.
What To Look For In A Mate
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Thank you very much. We are now heading towards 21 years together. It is funny, in my family there are 5 brothers and sisters. One of my sisters is a Lesbian. She and I are the only two relationships in the 5 of us, and we are the only two long-term relationships in the family, ever. So the two Queers one are the only "Family" oriented ones. I was even a foster father with my last partner.
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It's incredible... But your parents did ever accept your choise? Sorry, i'm really curious.. I had with my mum an horrible experience.... Γ§_Γ§
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No need to apologize, I love sharing my stories.
I had not planned on coming out to my mother or father for a long time. I had met my first Boyfriend, Don and we were getting serious. My father left town on business. I invited Don over for dinner with my Mother and I and introduced him as a friend. The next night my Mother asked my if my friend from last night was one of those "PERVERTS." Without a single thought in my head, I blurted out, "YES, and SO AM I."
Then the shit hit the fan and she went into hysterics. When she settle down she demanded I go to a psychiatrist to get "Fixed." I told her I was not Broken, and besides men are way to HOT to walk aways from. She was not amused. She then forbade Don form ever entering her home again and she never ever wanted to see that Pervert gain. She called me some other bad names.
I had it and just left to stay the night with Don and have a cry. I had already come out to my two sisters and my best friend. My mother got on the phone and called my brothers to tell them what a disgusting pervert their brother was.
My father returned the next day, and as we drove to our shared office, I decided I should tell him myself. The car swerved towards the curb, but he regained control quickly. I was terrified of telling him. He was and ex-Marine in World War II, he was ex-CIA, he was a volunteer in charge of Catholic religious instruction for kids in Los Angels, and a towering man. Oddly, he had no problem with me being gay. It turns out his best friend was Gay and I was given my middle name from him. Here is a photo of them Best Friends Going to War This is a Link.
Even more odd was that he did not want me in a relationship with another guy, especially no Don, who he felt to be too effeminate, too immature, and unprofessional looking. He lectured me again and again, say, "Why be saddled with a spouse, with a family, with responsibilities, when you can do anything you want, go anywhere, live FREE, and when you sex, you just go get it." This from a man who never said the word "sex" in my hearing before.
I was seeing my Mother everyday since I was still living there. I would start to tell her about Don and I and she would say, "STOP, you're disgusting me, making me need to vomit, never, ever talk about "that" part of your life again." I told her no, it does not work that way with me. I told her she had to choose, all of me, or none of me. I told her she could not have me in pieces, what kind of love is that when we cannot share our lives, our family with each other. I reminded her that a Mother's love is supposed to be unconditional. I told her that Don was her son-in-law, and did you really want to cut him out of your life, and me too?
I was physically abused for 16 years, neglected around my Autism, and a lot of other really bad stuff and I was DONE with secrets. I had tried to kill myself at age 13.
I eventually asked Don if he wanted to get an apartment with me, and I moved out, but I still saw her a lot and every single time, I filled her in on my life with Don. Then she showed-up one day at the apartment with linens for our kitchen table. I could see the struggle in her, between her love of me and her homophobic hatred. As time went by, she became more civil with Don.
After just under 4 years, Don left me for a bartender while I was out at sea, cleaning out the house and the bank accounts. I remember breaking down sobbing on her shoulder. It really changed after that. I think she finally saw it was not a game, that my love, my feeling were just as real as hers. When I brought Paul home, they were clipping coupons together and chatting away. Paul and I became Foster parents to two children, a boy age 7 and a girl age 11. This seemed to shake her up again in a disapproving way, but when she saw what good parents we were, it was OK.
Then my sister came-out as a Bisexual, but living as a Lesbian, and she got all upset again. She kept saying that my sister COULD be straight, but I told her that she did not WANT to be straight. Then Paul left for a bartender (beware bartenders) after I cabled him that I was retiring and coming home for good, at age 34. He had been leading a double life every time I went to work (I was at sea two months and home two months). MEN ARE PIGS if you have not yet figured that out. I came very close to succeeding in killing myself, but at least I finally got help and found out why I kept connecting with the wrong guys.
A year later, I met Greg, the man I have been with for 20+ years. Both my Mother and Father love Greg like a their own son, and Greg's mum loves me like her son. I can talk to my mother about anything, even my sex life. She has come a very long way.
I have helped many people reconcile with their parents. There are guys who spend many years leaving their partners behind while they go home for holidays and pretend not to be gay. This is terribly unfair to the partner and all it does is allow parents to avoid dealing with their homophobia.
The LOVE that most parents have for their children will eventually overcome their homophobia. However, if parents are given the chance to avoid dealing with their homophobia, they will. Therefore, it is important that they know that there will be a choice, either accepting and loving their Homosexual or Bisexual child, or loose their child completely, never seeing him or her again.
NEVER play their games. If they insist on not talking about "that" part of your life, don't go along with it. Talk about your gay lifestyle, your lover or partner, your friends and so on. Sometimes they simply tell you to go away. Do it. Often, after you are completely out of their life for a while, they will come to realize that having you in their lives is far too important.
Typically, homophobic parents have been filled with LIES all their lives about homosexuality and the lifestyle of homosexuals. Proper education can help. I had one set of parent s ask me once what position their son took in bed, and did that mean he took that gender role the rest of time (it was so Cute to hear them ask that).
Ok, that was probably way more than you wanted. I hope it helps. If you want to talk about your Mum, feel free to send me a NOTE.
Matthew
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So lovely pic ^^ A great shot! ^^
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Thank you for the compliment. The shot was taken on a rocking boat, using a tripod and timed shutter release. Since the camera is rocking together with us, it is not a problem.
We wanted to capture a sense of our love for each other. So many photos are of new love, of people In-Love. We were already many years together and had gone through difficult times, through 4 deaths, and working out our differences. So this is a love that is settled-in, a ver deep love. New love is intense and runs like a shallow river, tumbling and rushing over boulders making white water that is dynamic with bright energy.
Established love of many years together is like a very DEEP River moving along at a more dignified pace, lol. The energy is present in greater quantity, locked in the shear mass of water, in the greater depth and breadth of the river. We are now heading towards 21 years together.
Matthew
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It is so nice to see couples like you. Nowadays when so many homes actually are broken, damaged and this "home" feeling tends to become non-existent. Congratulations on being together for so long. I wish many many years together for you both
Nice to meet you as well.
Lee.
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Hi Lee, Thank you for the kind words.
When I first discovered the GLBT Community in 1977, GLBT long0term relationships were rare. Relationships seemed to hardly last past 6 months. The focus was mostly on indiscriminate sex. I was just not fitting in. I was a virgin until age 22 and wanted to settle down with someone for the rest of my life. Other Gay men told me that I was UNNATURAL, that men wanting to be in relationships were just mimicking Straight life, and that gay men were designed to be sexual machines.
This was really sad, but society drove homosexuals underground. The gay culture developed becasue it was impossible for two men to live together for very long before they were suspected of being QUEER, which would then mean an end to your career and the chance of getting hired elsewhere.
My first relationship was with a guy who was very unfaithful to me. I went to sea on oil tanker ships, gone two months, home two months. Each time I was away, he had from one to three regular sex-mates. It lasted 4 years. My next relationship was for 6 years, and he had so many guys for sex that he cannot even remember how many he was with. They both left me for bartenders. I was never unfaithful to either of them.
Once AIDS got a foothold in our community, everything started to change. But it was not the only reason. Being openly gay or being found-out that you were Gay had gotten more and more acceptable. Long-term relationships started becoming normal in the GLBT community. It is often seen as the safest way to go as a homosexual. Being gay and single again is not a happy state for most, where it is challenging to find a good match, so the incentive is to stay in your relationship.
A fiend of mine at the University of Washington tells me that GLBT relationships are no LONGER-LASTING than heterosexual relationships.
I spend most of my usable time in life counseling GLBT Youth and Young Adults. I have seen a strong trend develop where GLBT Youth and Young Adults are staying virgins past 18 years of age and up to around age 23. They are actually focused on seeking love and a relationship. From my perspective, this is a wondrous thing.
There are so many damaged young gay men and adults out there, with severe intimacy issues. Most of it is due to engaging in a great deal of HOOKING-UP. This is the term kids use for sex with zero attachments and zero emotional connection. This lack of connection can cause a separation of Love from sexuality.
Love has a critical role in intimacy, sexuality and attachment. Love is the element that keeps your partner looking hot for decade after decade. Love is what keeps sex from getting boring with the same person. Men and women who have lost the connection between love and sex, develop severe intimacy issues and many times sexual addiction. The sad part is that when they fall in love with someone, sex quickly becomes boring and they then seek sex elsewhere and eventually are unable to be sexual with their partner at all. They will insist to you that sex is just a fun activity, like playing tennis, and it has nothing to do the with their love for someone. They will declare their love for a person, but are unable to be sexual with that person. Usually they get dumped again and again until they give-up.
I ask kids to try to wait if they can, and if they cannot wait to have sex, then do it only with people you feel an emotional connection with.
Anyway, i have high hopes for the GLBT community of the near future, where indiscriminate and anonymous sex is the exception, not the rule, and in which long-term relationships are normal.
Later,
Matthew
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You know, I've always wondered what it's like.
Do you feel for him exactly how a straight man would feel for a girl? But I guess you wouldn't know?
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Hi, Yes it feels the same. Love is the same and sexual chemistry is the same. The only difference is how the brain is set during gestation to determine what gender or genders a person will be attracted to. One of my sisters and I can sit and compare men as they go by. We have similar likes. She is bisexual with about equal attraction, and both genders can make her sizzle.
The vast majority of human beings are a mix of heterosexuality and homosexuality, but the homosexual influence will be too small to notice in most, making them Heterosexuals. When the homosexual component is large enough to be noticed, then the person is a Bisexual. When the heterosexual component is too small to be noticeable, then the person is a Homosexual.
In human sexuality, the brain, genetics, hormones, pheromones, cultural and life experience control sexual attraction. The physical gender of a body is determined by the XX (female) and XY (male) chromosome pairings. Mammals are attracted to members of both genders, but with a typical heavy bias towards members of the opposite gender. In homosexuality, during the sexing-out phase in the fetus, the fetus is exposed to a different mix of hormones, which sets the brain to be attracted to the same gender, or both genders. The reason why the fetus is exposed to different hormones is explained in my deviations The Science of Homosexuality and The Science of GAYDAR . In Transexuals, the process goes even further, where the body is physically once gender, but the brain is completely sexed-out as the opposite sex. They feel trapped in a body of the wrong gender.
Each of us will be attracted to people who possess a particular set of genes, known as the major histocompatibility complex (MHC), which plays a critical role in the ability to fight pathogens. Mates with dissimilar MHC genes produce healthier offspring with broad immune systems. And the evidence shows that we are inclined to choose people who suit us in this way: couples tend to be less similar in their MHC than if they had been paired randomly.
How do people who differ in their MHC find each other? This isnβt fully understood, but we know that smell (pheromones) is an important cue. People appear to literally sniff out their mates. In studies, people tend to rate the scent of T-shirts worn by others with dissimilar MHC as most attractive. This is what sexual βchemistryβ is all about. The bad news there is that they have looked at couples who have similar MHC, and not only do they have higher levels of infidelity and higher levels of marital discord, but they also have higher infertility issues.
There is a difference between love and chemistry. Take a really good whiff of him without cologne and when he's relatively clean. If that smell turns you on, that's a really good cue of chemistry.
As for attraction to a face and body type, Symmetry is a big factor that determines a face's attractiveness. Kendra Schmid, an assistant professor of biostatistics at the University of Nebraska Medical Center, says there is a formula for the "perfect" face. She uses 29 different measurements to determine someone's appeal on a scale of 1 to 10. Brad Pitt's is the highest that I've ever used the [formula] on," she says. "He was a 9.3 [out of 10]." Brad's partner, Angelina Jolie, didn't fare too badly either. "Angelina was a 7.67, and that's pretty high," Schmid says. "Most people rate about 4 to 6. ... The thing that is probably lowering her score is the thing that she's most famous for -- her full lips." Schmid says that ideally the width of a mouth should be twice the height of the lips. Body symmetry is also a factor.
Another factor that has been found to directly affect attraction is voice pitch. Gordon Gallup, Ph.D., a professor at the State University of New York at Albany, says that women with higher estrogen levels have higher voices, which makes them more desirable to men. "When females are midcycle, when they're the most fertile, the most likely to conceive, their voices are rated as being significantly more attractive," he says.
When women are ovulating, they produce copulins, a scent that attracts men. Researchers believe when a man gets a whiff of copulins, his testosterone levels rise. As a result, he secretes androstenone, an odor that repels women who aren't ovulating.
There are also life experience influences, as far what type of person we are attracted to within the gender. For example, a woman once told me that she was attracted to hairy men becasue her father and all of her brothers were very hairy men. I am attracted to smoother men of slighter build, like a swimmer or dancer, and find bulky, buff, muscular men to be a turn-off, perhaps from seeing such guys abuse other kids so much when I was a kid. If you had a really bad experience with a certain type of man, in the future you may no longer be attracted to his type.
Finally, you have Cultural Influences. A few hundred years ago, plump women were what most men were attracted to. In this day, men are attracted to skinny women. Then there were things like the binding of feet by the Chinese that was found very sexually alluring. This is trained into you during childhood mostly, but can also affect you as an adult.
In a nutshell, heterosexuals and homosexuals of the same gender are the same when it comes to sexual response, sexual excitement, and sexual sensation, with the only main difference being which gender or genders you are attracted to.
Matthew
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Wow, okay I just read pretty much both deviations and all that you wrote up.
Everything is majorly detailed and everything, thank you!
Well I don't have anymore questions.
But thank you so much
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It was my pleasure. It is fulfilling to help those who have curiosity and a thirst to KNOW, people who seek to understand things. I am like that too.
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But yeah, it's also nice to have someone helpful like you
But don't you think you spend too much time on others rather than yourself? But yeah I guess you feel good, helping others.
I used to be nice too. But all of a sudden I found myself being, not-so-nice anymore. People don't seem to value me so much. Like I'm just this quiet, won't-do/say-anything girl.
One of my friends told me that they dominated over me. I didn't really expect that because I don't really believe that someone needs to dominate in any relationship. Sometimes, but in general, it's equal, isn't it?
Anyway, I guess it's kind of a balance. I'm trying to change. Like be nice but be more, assertive and comfortable and funny and loud.
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We all need a purpose to live, a reason for being. For me, it is to help others. Most of my energy goes to those in great need. But as an artist, I feel a sense of duty to help young artists get going. I never got any help, but I know a little can go a long ways.
Healthy relationships are Equal Relationships. By equal, I men that you do not value yourself based on wealth, force of personality, by Gender, by sexual position, by your job (like one stays at home and the other is a Senator), or any other such things. For example, both the leader and the follower are equally valuable, as long as they are EQUALLY PARTICIPATING. Equality is based on the content of your Character.
Unfortunately, there are those who believe themselves to be fundamentally superior to others, or who dominate others for a number of possible reasons. On the other hand, you must not pretend to be a doormat to be walked all over. Ultimately, if someone is dominating, then that person is not willing to value the others in the group or the relationship. Such relationships eventually self-destruct.
Any successful relationship, be it freindship, love, or in the workplace, depends on mutual respect. Studies have shown that in survival situations, in team competitions, and in work teams, those teams who are dominated by a strong personality, do the worse. This is becasue the overbearing person stifles ideas and input. Unless that one person is 1005 right each time, the group will fail.
So the first thing to ask yourself is if the other person is overbearing, or if you do not participate and just blindly follow, or some of both. If you never participate, it is hard for them to respect you, like if you are not going to participate, why are you even there.
Anyone can easily be mean, uncaring, selfish, cruel, self-centered, becasue this is the natural human default. It takes active choice to choose to be a good person, to care about others.
Where people get into the trouble is with EXPECTATIONS. Buddha says that if you have no expectations, then you will have no disappointments. If you are nice to people and/or help other people, and expect something in return, you are bound to be disappointed. Sometimes you help people and then they resent you for it.
I give freely of myself, with no expectation of return. It gives valuable meaning to my life, and often brings me happiness, although sometimes great sorrow or pain. Such is life. My life will be over relatively soon, but I made my decision to devote my life to helping others when I was a teenager. Originally I was going to be a priest, but when the priest said I was an abomination in the eyes of god, that put a crimp in my plans. I later found out that a career at sea would make me a lot of money, and If I lived like a monk, saved my money and invested it, I would be able to retire early and devote the rest of my life to volunteer work.
From when I entered the Academy to retiring for life was less than 17 years. At age 34, I was able to devote all of my time to volunteer work. My point is that it was a free choice, and while you may pick a different path, you can still devote a few hours a week to helping others.
I agree that the greater majority of human beings do not choose to be very helpful to others, but in the end we can only answer for ourselves.
The best of luck in finding your way.
Matthew
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aw! you guys looks cute together!
I personally think you're more handsome, but what do I know! I like women.
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Thank you for the compliment and for taking the time to write. I am about as Gay as you can get, in the sense that women have never turned me on. But I find some women to be gorgeous, some beautiful, some cute. I used to dance a lot, as in ballroom, two-step, and west-coast swing. I never wore my glasses (for seeing far away), and I used to complain the from a distance, the cutest guys kept turning out to be Lesbians.
I think how we perceive human beauty, be it male or female, is independent of sexual orientation. But when we add sexual arousal/interest into it, suddenly someone become a whole lot more than cute or beautiful.
I find many female nudes to be beautiful. The human body is amazing.
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ooh, you used to dance! that's so interesting. I imagine you were good at it
I agree with you on how our perception of beauty. I think sexual appeal plays a big part, so since men to appeal to me that way; my judgment might not be as accurate (if I may use that term) as that of others who are attracted to men physically.
some men have really nice bodies!
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I am Autistic, so dancing took a long time to master. The doctor said I did it so much for so long that I laid new neural tracks in my brain. I became good enough to teach dancing, but I could never be great at it, since my brain is a limiter. The big thing was that dancing allowed me to overcome the isolation of my autism, which had driven me to try to kill myself. I set myself a quota to ask one stranger a night to dance. It took me some time to do the first one. Eventually I went to two a month, and by the time I got to seven, people were waiting to dance with me, even though I was really bad. It was the first time in my life that I enjoyed life on my own. I started making friends and learned how to connect with people better. I met my husband of 20 years dancing. Alas, I am homebound with arthritis and isolated now.
The place is closed now, but it was really remarkable in that it was about equal numbers of gay men and lesbians and most of us danced with each other, which is really unusual in the American GLBT Community.
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that's truly fascinating! it must've been really hard being autistic in that period of time; even now, people have many misconception about autism. I imagine it was fun dancing and making friends. If you feel isolated and alone, you should throw a dinner party at your home, then you won't have to move much.
too bad that placed is closed, I would have liked to go there.
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