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inspiredcreativity β My Partner and I
Published: 2008-09-13 08:37:33 +0000 UTC; Views: 7990; Favourites: 30; Downloads: 34
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This is my partner Greg and I on a boat. My partner is the good looking one on the left.We have been together for 21 YEARS and counting to 22.
AS TIME IS ETERNAL, SO IS OUR LOVE.
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Comments: 250
It is too bad it closed. It was the largest GLBT dance floor west of the Mississippi. Beautiful Hardwood Floors and wood beamed ceilings soaring about 40 feet above. It was built by the Sons Of Norway as their lodge house in Seattle. It changed owners for a fairly short time, but he was insistent on DJs staying with traditional country, when we used to be all about a broader spectrum of music.
I was part of the hard core dance group that used the upstairs mirrored studio for dance lessons, and we gave lessons to everyone for free on the main floor each evening before the main crowd showed up. We were told we were no longer welcome. It was a huge surprise. We scrambled and found a place where we could rent ourselves for cheap. Three months later they asked us to return to the Timberline, but we declined becasue if they changed their minds again we would have lost our new space. Then they came to us again and begged us to return and contractually promised us the use of the space, so we went back. Apparently the place died without us.
It is not bragging, it is just that you need to offer free lessons so that people can join in the fun. Plus people saw us dance and the joy we feltβit was apparently inspiring to watch and people got excited about taking lessons. For someone like me, who had a really hard time learning to dance, we know how to tach and can recognize what they are doing wrong. Naturally good dancers are not alway very good teachers becasue they have no idea how they do what they do so naturally.
To me, dancing a two-step, foxtrot, or waltz could be like souring over the floor. With an excellent partner it could feel like you are almost floating. Imagine spinning with another person, knee to knee as a pivot, shoulder way back, spinning at over 120 revolutions per minute, then swooping out of it in long strides. It could be very slow and elegant, or rapid and full of energy, weaving in patters, high speed spins, lifts, so fun. Each dance was unique to me. I saw patterns in the music and dancing to how it felt. There are songs and dances that capture you and pain goes away, and everything feels right and exhilarating. Then there are song you can barely get through they are so boring. People really like to watch when you are laughing with your partner and having a grand time. Joy is infectious.
What is really funny is that even though I met Greg at dancing, we hardly ever danced. He wanted space away from me, so he preferred me to leave each night and go dancing without him. When we did dance and he stumbled around I didn't care, but he would keep telling me I was doing it all wrong. I thought it hilarious and would laugh and laugh and drag him around until he started smiling (he likes to be in control). I lost 6 best friends in my dancing years. They fell in love with me and asked me to leave Greg. I always said no, and alas, they could no longer be friends, saying it was too painful. I stayed friends with a person who said NO to me. It was really hard, but freindship is worth the effort, don't think? I lost my best friend of all time, of my entire life, and it felt like a death. Greg is the one I committed to, and even if things got really bad a couple of times that has to count for a lot.
Dancing filled a gap in life where I was desperate for human intimacy. Male or female, it feels wonderful to me to share the happiness of a dance, to be holding each other. The West Coast Swing is very sensual and sexy dance, man or woman, we give it our all. In dance class one night we were learning a pelvic sway, where you are glued to each other groin to groin during the sway. The teacher ran up to a guy and his female partner, saying, "NO, NO, like thisβ¦," as he ground them together. The guy practically bounced backwards, exclaiming, for God's sake, she's my MOTHER," LOL. It was a young Gay guy taking lessons with MOM. He was mortified that he had said it, but I told him it was really cute and touching to have a mother help him out, and cute that he was too shy to ask for one of us to be his partner. Who says we are not about Family values, LOL.
The latin dances were hurting me really bad. The cuban moment was like bone grinding on bone. I had partners asking me if I realized that I was trembling. I kept trying to push through the pain, but by the time I got home I would sometimes end up vomiting from the pain (muscles start to stiffen as they cool, inflammation puts pressure on the nerve roots). I could still do Tango, but my favorite latin dance, the Rhumba was a no go, along with the Cha-cha, Mambo, and Samba. Otherwise, ballroom dance hold and posture was actually good for my spine. It hurt less to dance around a floor on my toes, shoulders back, than it was to walk around it.
It drove a lot of people away, then it changed hands again, they got their hard Liquor license, and the place rebounded, but then the long-term lease ran out and the building was purchased by our Art's college. They got into a new building, a shadow of the previous one, then they found roof problems. Repairs took almost 10 months, and by then everyone was going elsewhere.
Ok, I apologize, I got carried away with talking about dancing. It was my passion, even more that rock climbing was in my younger years.
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Love this!
BTW, I haven't finished reading yet the whole note XD
Thanks.
A big hug for you two!
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LOL, you may be reading for another monthβit was rather long. I love him deeply and it is nice that other people can see that love in us. There is a great comfort and sense of safety with Greg, as well as a deep trust and love.
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This is adorable! I love both of your expressions, and the way you're leaning on Greg is soo cute. <3
I think 20 years is amazing, by the way. It's beautiful.
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Thank you for your really kind words. I don't know how we could exist without each other. We have out problems, but we have always been comitted to talking them through and not giving up on each other. We both believe in compassion and forgiveness in a relationship, and allowing each other to grow. I am the romantic one, LOL.
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Haha you're very welcome <3
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How wonderful! This made me smile.
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Thank you. I am really happy that other people are able to see the love we have for each other.
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awww, you two look so sweet together
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Thank you, it is sweet of you to say so. It was great to be able to spend time together on a friend's boat and enjoy the sun, great company (especially each other), and nature.
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awww, what a cute and lovely thing to say 
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Thanks. It is much more difficult now that my arthritis (started at age 12) has made me homebound. Going to a movie, which only happens once a year, is like going on African Safari. It hurts just being hugged. Greg will be helping to care for me all the way to the end, which is surly an incredible statement of love.
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so sorry to hear about the arthritis, I would image that it's difficult.
Greg sounds amazing, you're so lucky having him.
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I am indeed lucky. He is lucky to have me too, LOL. Even though I am dragged him down like a ball and chain, I helped him a lot for many years when I could. He says he will probably die soon after me, which really worries me. I would rather him find love again.
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wow, sounds like you have a really strong relationship 
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This picture is so beautiful! You guys look so amazingly happy in it ^^ I wish you all the best and many more years of happiness!
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Thank you so very much. We have both had really difficult lives, but finding each other has brought some measure of happiness to us. So many men just walk away at the first sign of difficulty, but we are both comitted to working on issues until they are solved. There is a tremendous sense of safety and comfort when I am with him.
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Thank you so much. I practiced on two previous relationships, lol. Once I lost my virginity, I have been in a relationship every years except two (30 years in relationships). I am very loyal and tenacious with the men I love.
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lol...me too kinda...except i haven't been alive for about 60 years
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Hey, I'm not 60 yet, LOL (I'm 54).
I was born with a much higher than normal libido, but that never translated into lots of men, just lots of sex with a small number of men. I very quickly found that I needed to have an emotional connection with a man for sex to be fulfilling and amazing. When Greg and I met, we waited four and a half months before making love. It is a lot easier to get to know a guy without sexual energy to blind you. I should add that I am not judgmental of those who live a different lifestyle.
I was with my first partner Don when we first started hearing rumors of the "Gay Cancer." It kept escalating with more and more Gay men dying. There was a sense of panic in the Gay community because no one knew how it was spread. There was little in the way of official news until the CDC finally announced that it was spread by bodily fluids.
After Don, I met Paul soon after. I am very lucky in the sense that both Don and Paul cheated on me with numerous men, and I never got anything from them. However, the guy Don left me for had AIDS and gave Don HIV. If Don had decided not to leave me, he would have given me HIV. You would think that if they are going to cheat on you that they could at least use safe sex.
I never once cheated on my partners. I went to sea for a living, 2 months at sea, 2 month of paid vacation. Why could they not wait 8 weeks for me to come home? 8 weeks is not that long a time period that they would be dying without sex? Both have said that they pretty much had such with other men every single time I went to sea. Maybe most men are just PIGS!!! LOL.
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yea, im already to the "rest of my life" phase...i messed up getting here, but im glad i finally got here. its only been a little over a year, but i found the one i want to be with. i was a pig, but changed when i got out of high school...but before that *15-19* i was with 58 people, and my first time was with a woman, and now i have a 4 year old daughter in California, but i got lucky, and havent gotten a single STD. but, i digress. im just glad that im happy, and settling down
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I believe that the path we take has purpose, as long as we learn and grow from it. Maybe you were able to recognize Mr. right becasue of your past experiences. Perhaps now you have an appreciation for him that you would not have had if you had met him years earlier. You may not have even recognized him as Mr. Right many years ago.
You may find this paper i wrote on RELATIONSHIPS to be of some interest. I have a lot of experience (about 18 years) in Peer counseling for couples, should you ever want some advice or pointers on how to make relationships work over time. People assume that the love they feel for each other will be all they need, but it is very far from reality. Love is NEVER enough to make a relationship work for decades and a lifetime.
The biggest problem in Gay relationships is how very easy it is for men to just walk away at the first sign of trouble. Greg and I did NOT promise each other until death do us part. We promised each other to never split-up until we had exhausted every means of staying together. We came close to breaking up a few times, but we were both willing to keep talking and keep trying until we got through it. Things like taking care of a dying friend brought us much closer, despite the really high stress and hardly ever seeing each other. We see ourselves as a team, and the two of us are way more than 1 + 1 = 2, we are like 23 = 8. Where I am weak he is strong and vice versa. We are very, very different kinds of guys. This is a big challenge in some ways, but has also vastly expanded our worlds.
Even simple things, like how you two do your finances can have a major impact on the future. I see a lot of gay couple constantly arguing over money. Greg and I never have, not once. We do not CO-MINGLE our money or investments, although we have Wills, Trusts, and Power of Attorney for each other, in the event of death or incapacity. Everything is simply split by His, Mine, Gift and Shared. If he buys himself a new suite and cigarettes, I don't pay for that. If needed, I would support us both, or if I loose everything to medical bills, he will support me. We float each other funds as needed. Co-mingling funds only leads to arguing and fights of money, especially as the years go by.
Remember that Gay couples do not have the protections of married people. If your partner ends up in the hospital, his family could ban you from even seeing him. I have seen gay partners thrown onto the street on the death of a partner, by the family. Even in a State like we live in, Washington, with domestic partnerships, as soon as we cross State lines, it all goes away. So it is important to have Last Wills and testaments, Medical Health Care Power of Attorney and deferred Financial Power of Attorney (goes in effect if you are incapacitated). I also recommend a Living Will which lets doctors and family know what heroic measure you want to extend your life. Greg and i went further with Living Trusts.
Couples may also struggle over perceived power and value. It is really important not to value each other based on salaries, assets, positions of authority, fame or accomplishment. In other words, if you earn 10 times more than your partner, or are rich and he is poor, or if you are a big shot in a company or government, or are a judge or someone famous, it should make NO difference in your position in the relationship. You must both always be seen as mutually equal. If you do not, it often rips relationships apart, especially if one partner loses self-esteem.
Sex becomes the other big thing couples fight over. Lots of things can happen to cause one partner to suddenly or gradually no longer want to make love, or one partner has a much lower or higher libido than his partner. Sexual inflexibility is another point of contention, or sex becomes too routine and boring. There are a number of things you do in these situations.
Anyway, I wish you both the very best of good fortune and luck, and hope you have many decades of happiness with each other.
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It's wonderful that you guys have got such a great relationship ^_^
You've also defeated the stereotype that gay relation ships aren't as strong as straight 
(also forgive my spelling, I think I used the wrong form of 'straight'... sp.?)
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Thank you very much.
We have had some rough patches, almost breaking-up, but the two of were always willing to keep talking and trying, not willing to give-up until we had tried everything. It is the very process of trying so hard to stay together that became the glue to bind us together. We were looking for a specific solution and never really found one. Just trying hard to stay together and work through problems became the solution.
What is so funny is that there are 5 siblings in my family, 3 boys and two girls. My youngest sister and I are homosexuals and we are the only ones who have ever had a long-term relationship.
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that's wonderful ^_^
yesterday was annoying, wasn't it? I freaked out when I logged on and my icon was changed XD
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I am more embarrassed because i sent an inquiry to DA Admin thinking I had been hacked. Later I realized everyone's avatars were screwy. I am SO gullible, LOL.
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lul, I thought I was hacked at first to, but then I saw all my friends and I was thinking, "... what the hell? ... stupid dA..."
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You two are so adorable together...i don't think i've ever seen such a happier couple in my life
I love it
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Thank you, it is really nice to hear that because we really do deeply love each other. My illness makes happiness elusive at times, so I think when we feel happiness it is a really special and appreciated thing for us.
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I believe you are a very sweet man, and you will be with Greg always. He will always be there to support you. And i support you guys 100%
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Thank you again.He has promises to stay with me to the end and to help care for me as I die. It is a true sign of love, knowing it will get messy and willing to go all the way with you.
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I believe you two represent the meaning of true, pure love and commitment. <3 I believe even after death you guys will still be together
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Thank you, I hope we are. I know that when I die, I will definitely be part of who he is, just as he has become part of who I am. When you share all parts of your life with one another, we influence each other, learn from each other, we can complete each other's sentences, and ours souls become shared.
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That's sweet....i can tell you are a very romantic person ^^
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Guilty, LOL.
When I was dating Greg, I sent him roses at work, from a secret admirer. Of course I had to do manly things too like fix his stove and car, LOL. One has to prove himself useful. Last week I was looking for something and found and old piece of paper hand typewritten, from 20 years ago when I met Gregβhow very appropriate to our anniversary. It chronicles out first meeting, getting together for dancing and dinner, when he made me dinner, our first kiss, going hiking, when he first told me he loved, etc. I have the first postcard he sent me from when he had to go out of town, anniversary cards, etc. We can spend a couple hours just hugging and kissing, or at least we used to. Now he has a business that consumes his life, but that will not be forever.
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That was a really cute story <3 it's too bad about his business though
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Thanks. He hopes to sell the business if the economy in America ever gets better. Until then, we get by. Relationships must survive such pumps in the road.
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This picture, description and your comments makes me smile and have a hope, that eventually I will find a person like you, or your boyfriend. Person to whom love and relationship means something more than making oaths but running away or hiding when there's a problem. All the best guys. Also I wish that there were more handsome, wise and devoted people like you.
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Please keep hoping. I was 35 when I met Greg. First was Donald. He never even said anything was wrong. I went to sea on Oil Tankers for 2 months, then came home for 2 months vacation. Every time I went to sea, Donald had sex with other men. One day he found a man he liked more. He emptied the bank accounts and the house and moved in with his new boyfriend, all while I was at sea. I came home to an almost empty house. He broke my heart. He promised to death do us part.
Next was Paul. He promised me until death do us part. He also had sex with even more men, plus drugs and alcohol. When I said I was coming home to stay, he knew no more party-life and sex with other men every time I left. He did the same thing. He emptied out the bank accounts, and three truck load of furniture and belongings. I came home to an empty house, not even a plate to eat on or a pot to cook in. I tried to kill myself.
A year later, I met Greg. I was not attracted to him at all, way too old, LOL. He said I was too young. Anyway, I needed a dance partner for a dance lesson, so I asked him since he was alone. I enjoyed his company so much, I asked for his phone number to see if we could be friends. He reluctantly said yes.
We had dinner together, went dancing a few times, dinner, then a Saturday to together, and when he walked in the room, I got hard and I realized he was beautiful and extremely HOT. Love not only made him beautiful to me, Love has kept him beautiful to me, despite the ravages of time and gravity.
Greg knew that Paul and Donald had used their promises of staying together for life as toil paper to wipe their asses. We promised each other instead to not ever break up until we had tried everything possible to stay together.
Greg and I have had some very difficult times and I wanted to leave a few times. But we talked and talked, went to marriage counseling and we worked it out. The only thing that made it possible is that both of us were not giving up. We believed in our commitment to each other.
Donald and Paul betrayed me most by never even trying to stay together.
You may also like:
What To Look For In A Mate
RELATIONSHIPS
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I would say it's a sad story but no, actually it isn't. Since you ended up as a happy person in a healthy and as it seems wonderful relationship. This story cheers me up and brings hope. Thank you and again, best wishes to you guys!
Btw my most important qualities in a guy are totally the same
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I am really happy that you have hope. One way to look at it that I had to learn how to recognize the best man for me. I loved all three of the men I have shared my life with, and I still love Don and Paul. They will always be part of who I am. They were not ready for me yet because they were not ready to commit to one man. Both of them later asked me to take them back, back it was too late by then.
Greg and I have had some rough patches, almost breaking-up, but the two of us were always willing to keep talking and trying, not willing to give-up until we had tried everything. It is in the very process of trying so hard to stay together that became the glue to bind us together.Β Β We were looking for a specific solution and never really found one. Just trying hard to stay together and work through problems became the solution.
I very much hope you will soon find a guy with those qualities you are looking for. Just remember that generally good men do not fall out of the sky and land in your lap. You have to get out and be social. If you find a man and it ends up failing, please remember there are many, many men who can be Mr. Right for you.
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That's amazing! 20 years--Wow!
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20 and counting. Gay men find it very easy to just walk away when things get difficult. We never promised us "To death do us part." We promised each other to try everything possible to solve problems and try to make it work, before breaking-up. I had two men who promised me until death do us part, and their promise was like so much toilet paper. For them, it was more like "Until someone better looking comes along," LOL.
There will always be difficult times in a relationship. I almost left a couple of times, but we both just kept working on it, we tried different ways to accommodate each other and even went to marriage counseling for a short time. If two men WANT to make it work, they likely can. The bigger problem is when one of the two decides he does not want it anymore.
Temptations will sometimes happen. Guys seem particularly interested in guys who are in a relationship. But I can tell you that the depth of Love, acceptance, comfort and security you get from being with a man for many years, makes the work worth it and makes the staying monogynous worth it.
We both recognized from the beginning that it was stupid to ruin a good relationship over a mistake. So we agreed that if one of us made a mistake and had sex with another man, he was to confess all immediately, and it would be forgiven immediately. We could then practice safe-sex again until passing another STD/HIV testing cycle. It has yet to happen. We did experiment with an open relationship for a short time. Ha, I found I could love more than one man at a time. Alas, the other guy did not want to share me with Greg.
You younger guys want it all or nothing.
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I'm in a relationship of 7 years. He is 16 years my senior and I do love him a lot. We have been in a monogamous relationship and have thought of an open relationship but we felt like it's going to be too awkward if we entertain another person in the relationship. So we haven't done that route.
Yes it can be tempting at times but I don't like the drama. I guess you are right, we want all or nothing, if you can consider a 32 y/o me as young.
I always find men older than me more interesting. For that reason, I've never been with someone my age or younger.
I do let him chat online with other people and do cam2cam but that's about it. I never really like casual sex online so I never do that. It's just not my thing. And meeting other people for casual sex is not allowed.
Was Greg OK about Polygamy?
It was a pleasure exchanging thoughts with you.
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7 years is a good start. I have a paper on Relationships you might like reading RELATIONSHIPS .
I have always been into guys younger than myself, even when I was in Jr. high School (age 12). Greg has always been into older guys. I told him he was the OLDEST guy I had ever dated, and he told me I was the YOUNGEST guy he ever dated, so he is only 3 years younger (but he looks younger, lol).
I have never been able to perform well doing casual sex. I need to personal connection of some kind. I guess that is why I have been married to men for 30 years of my life. I was a virgin until age 22 (there was an interrupted rape at age 21β2 men and a knife in San Francisco). I am 54 now, so that leaves just 2 years of being sexually active and single.
JEALOUSY is what makes having open relationships difficult. If my sexual needs are fully met in my relationship, I have never even been tempted. I am WAY oversexed. No husband could ever keep-up, but once a day on average, plus a lot of jacking-off kept me fine. The problem in when you have a partner who wants none at all. Even when I went to sea for 2 months at a time I was not tempted. Alas, both of ex husbands fucked-around every time I went to sea. They could not even wait 8 weeks. Men are PIGS.
Typical gay "OPEN Relationships" are dependent on one thing, you are personally connected to your husband and all other sex is casual, no strings or emotions. That is impossible for me, so when Greg said lets's try Open, I wanted him that i connect strong with guys.
I really did find that I could love both men. Frankly, Bob, the other guy, is a typical gay man with severe intimacy issues (a lot of that going around) and since he fell for me before we even dated, he could not even be sexual, although we tried. His entire sexual past was in the bushes and public restroom. He needed danger and anonymity. The more he loves a guy, the less he could function. I was willing to be patient and work with him. Dating him, talking for hours, going on picnics was all wonderful. Greg has no play in him. I taught Bob how to dance, and he went on to compete in International Rhumba. The picture of me you liked, with me holding the rose, was while I was at his apartment waiting for him to finish getting dressed, so we could go Tango. He took the shot.
It is a simple equation really. Love is the ingredient that keeps sex with one person interesting for 50 years, and keep other looking good to each other for 50 years, despite the ravages of age. Crud, I just clicked on an emoticon by accident. For some men, tons of anonymous sex, or internet/porn sex, Love becomes disconnected from sex. This is really true of guys who became sexual at young ages, like 13 to 14, and were used by older men or had lots of anonymous sex. For guys like this, they may love you, but have trouble making love to you. This is an all too common affliction with gay men, especially of my generation and older, where sexuality was more underground. My best friend has this with his older partner.
Greg was fine about Bob and I, and we went out together a lot and did things together, but when Bob popped the question, Greg was really upset and jealous, even though i had said no, and greg decided to close it down.
What I want is actually a form of a Polyamorous relationship called PolyFidelity. This means there are like 3 or 4 of you, and you all equally love each other, live together, and make love with each other, BUT there is no sex with anyone else. I might be up for it, but the reality is that I am dying and there will be no gay man who would be involved with that. I may still have 10 or more years, it can go either way. It would be great if it worked because Greg would have someone after I die.
It is delightful talking with you too. All the best,
Matthew
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I think I'll answer this on a note.
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Thank you. I hope you find long-term love too.
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