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inspiredcreativity — My Partner and I
Published: 2008-09-13 08:37:33 +0000 UTC; Views: 7991; Favourites: 30; Downloads: 34
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This is my partner Greg and I on a boat. My partner is the good looking one on the left.We have been together for 21 YEARS and counting to 22.
AS TIME IS ETERNAL, SO IS OUR LOVE.
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Comments: 250
Thank you, we were, and still are relatively. Life has been very difficult as my health has deteriorated rapidly from arthritis (started when I was 12). But we make the best of it and still find ways to enjoy life as best we can. He is going to stay with me to the end, surly a sign of true love. Gay men find it easy to walk away instead of staying and working on things. We have had rough times when we wanted to break up, but we were both willing to keep talking and working through the issues. It made us stronger each time.
Loving a person for 20 years is really special. I highly recommend it.
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Ah that's so cool
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I hope you find happiness, in whatever way you want it. All the best...
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u 2 look good 2gether. i found this story its not percfit but i like its meaning about why people love. youtube.com/watch?v=4pasmqkyxty and their is song based on it called origin of love sad but i think better than the adam and eve thing 
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Thanks for the link to the film. it was great. for those who want to find it, it is called Speech of Aristophanes: [link]
Greg and I have been together 20 years now. There are good times and bad times. It is difficult now, with him working all the time and my health deteriorating. But we make the best of it of course.
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u welcome glad u like
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not at all mushy! happy to hear that you found that special someone in this cruel world
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Thank you. This year we have been together 20 years. It has had its challenges, but the level of trust, love, and security you get after 20 years is really worth the work, the compromises, and accommodating that is necessary for a successful relationship.
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that is such a sweet looking picture
and 19 years wow totally out lasting the straight couples now haha. you guys look so cute together and you guys look like you truely truey love eachother
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Thank you Colton. I forgot to update my comment. Greg and I have been together 20 years now, YEA! Honestly, we have had hard time and almost broke-up, but both of us have the one thing you really need in a long-term relationship, namely the willingness to keep trying and keep talking, to listen and to compromise, to bend and to forgive. Gay men have a bad habit of just walking, or running, at the first sign of trouble.
Greg and I are very different form each other. We were like two bulls in the same coral with cows, LOL. He agrees that I have done the most bending, accommodating, and compromising, which I suppose makes me the cow, LOL. When we made out promises to each one night, with no fanfare, we recognized that the men in our past just walked away without even trying. So we did not say, "Until Death Do Us Part." We agreed to try everything possible before breaking up. We even went to marriage counseling once. Both of us are "damaged men," damaged by what was done to us in childhood, which can add challenges to a relationship.
We work well together. Like where I am weak he is strong, and where he is weak I am strong. Do not ever be afraid to have a boyfriend who is very different from you. I opened and expanded Greg's world by sharing mine with him, and he did the same with me. We come from a different culture really, with me being an engineer, going to sea on supertankers, living a self-dicisplined life, also being an artist. His background is so very different. He drew me out and helped me over come my Autism, while I helped settle the wild beast down. The sum of the two us is far greater than 1 + 1 = 2.
We also agreed that ending a good relationship because of a single mistake was stupid. If one of us were to make the mistake of have sex with another man (without permission) then he is to confess immediately, and it will be forgiven immediately. Then we would use condoms again until going through another 6 month testing cycle. It has never happened yet.
In the early years I sacrificed a lot for us to stay together, and now he is helping to care for me in the dying process. It urns out that I developed arthritis around 12 years old, then really beat my body going to sea. The arthritis and the spinal nerve damage it causes in very progressive and degenerative. We have both lost certain dreams we had both together and as individuals because of my decreasing ability to function, but we have also created a new dream.
A real test of love is when a partner stays with you and cares for you. We have both done it with others, as volunteers, so we know how bad it can be. I have given him a FREE "Get Out Of Jail" card twice, but he says it is his own choice to stay. Out of Tragedy and Suffering there is also great Beauty, if you choose to look, then choose to recognize it.
Finally, I would ask you to take something from me on trust. The hard work, compromising, bending, trying to understand him, etc, is all worth it. The tremendous feelings of Love, Trust, Sharing, Safety and Security, and the depth of those feelings, make it all worth while. Love is never enough, it takes a lot more to build a relationship of a lifetime.
By-the-way, there are 5 of us kids in my family and I am the only one with a long relationship, and my younger sister, who is in a long-term Lesbian relationship, is in the second longest long-term relationship (6 years). My straight siblings have not even been married and they are all single.
My parents see Greg as another son, and Greg's mother sees me as her son. My ex Paul and I were Foster Parents to two children and we almost had a baby, but that ended in tragedy. So being Gay and having Children is very doable. For now, our two cats are our children, lol.
All the best,
Matthew
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Man thats amazing, thats what I'm looking for and i know i have to wait and I know that not everyone sees the dating/marriage world as that but I really really want that for my self. My biological dad and mom split when i was ten and i was taken into a family with two dads and they showed more love than my straight christian parents ever could and then they had the nerve to dis gays frustrating... but yea they showed me a lot about love and other stuff that it takes commitment and working through the crap that comes up and i sooooo long for that... I wish I could find it sooner than later though lol
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Hi Colton,
I love to hear from guys like you who want what I always wanted. When I finally ventured forth intoSan Francisco when i was 20 years old, I was not looking for sex, I was desperately looking for a man to love me, and a man I could love,and I desperately wanted to be touched and to touch, because my family was devoid of that. I came from an ICE CASTLE, with only violence against me.
You are also proof that Gay male parents can give a child a loving and nurturing home. I bet your Dads are immensely proud of you.
It sounds like you have the perfect source for information and role modeling with your Dads. Perhaps these may still be of use to you:
What To Look For In A Mate [link]
RELATIONSHIPS [link]
About finding love, you NEVER know when it will happen. I know a gay couple who met when they were 16 back in the 1950's and they have ben together for about 54 years now are around 70 I think. Young love has huge challenges mostly because both of you are changing so fast. But if you work to stay connected during all of that change, not growing apart, then it can last (but it is challenging).
Your bigger challenge will be in finding another young person who wants what you want, without first spending years playing the field. The Good News is that I have been finding a number of young guys who are looking for the same thing you are. There are more young guys who want what you want, in your generation, than any other pervious generation I know about.
I wish you the very best that life and love can offer you.
Also please know that you are very welcome to Note me any time you wish.
Matthew
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they are immensely proud of me, im in college now finishing up my first year and haven't done anything too stupid lol
and thanks for the links, my friend is trying to ingrain in my head that the relationship that im looking for is something girls are more up for than guys but if im a guy that wants that kind of relationship than i know that there are others
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Please know this, the real gay community is much, much bigger than you think. Most young Gay people see the Gay community as what they see in the Club and bar scene, but the greater community is made up of couples like Greg and I, and we have our own social networks, including singles, get-together, dinners, parties, but most of us are at home a lot of the time. There are WAY MORE GAY COUPLES than I think you are imagining.
Alas, the largest part of the GBLT community is in the closet, coming out only long enough for sex on weekends, etc. It is far bigger than most Gay people realize. My community work as let me see the larger picture. There are a surprising number of men married to women who have sex with men every chance they get. This is very sad for the wives, who are usually feeling horrible about themselves, not knowing what is wrong with them that their husband has no more interest in her sexually, or even intimately. A lot of harm is done by this cowardice.
Anyway, my message was to tell you that long-term homosexual relationships are way more common than you think, you just don't see us very often. There are plenty of couple in their 20's, but the numbers jump even higher for men in their 30's, and even higher in their 40's.
One of the bigger impediments to relationships in the gay community are men with serious intimacy issues. Growing up gay, becoming sexually active at very young ages, with a lot of hooking-up (sex without emotional connection) can have the effect of separating love and sex. This leads to a number of different intimacy issues. Another problem is an alcoholism and drug addiction problem considerably higher than the rest of our peers. This has been slowly normalizing as becoming gay becomes more acceptable and more people are "out."
If a guy is will ing to talk about himself and open up to you about the things that really matter to him, this is a really good sign. If a guys cannot talk about himself, is secretive, this is not a good sign.
If a man is always willing to talk about issues, wiling to bend (be flexible), compromise, this is a really good sign. If a man EVER asks you how big you are, this is a very bad sign, like "looser" bad sign. If a man EVER asks you if you are a top or a bottom, this means run the other way, he is a total looser.
Personally, I have never understood why people like to lock themselves in gender roles and positional roles. You can be on the receiving end and be in control, or not, as you wish, just as in the giving role. We are queer, we do not have to mimic straight relationships, we can make anything we wish that makes us both happy. Relationships that last are founded in mutual respect and sharing responsibilities. Finally, remember to never value your partner or your role in a relationship based on salary, wealth, sexual position, gender role, position of authority (like being a teacher vs. being a corporate president), personal power/personality power, or any other such things. Value your partner for his character and who he is as a person and you will do just great. You would be surprised at how often this does not happen.
All the best...
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Your welcome, any time...
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Can you see it, the bond?
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I just red your comment on the picture of the boys I have kissing in front of a religious statue.
I wanted to let you know that I am happy that you've found love despite the hardships and confusion you faced when you were younger.
It is true when they say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
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Thank you Anne. I appreciate that. Besides making us strong, something even better can happen as well, which it to better understand what i most important in life, and to better appreciate them.
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If someone out there insisted that this should be made into mature content they can go f*** themselves. Love is love and it's shown beautifully in this picture of you two 
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Thank you. We are now heading towards 20 years together. We have had some rough times in the relationship and even went to marriage counseling once. When we made promises to each other, we chose not to promise "Until Death Do Us Part," because two men had already sworn that to me, and then left while I was away at sea. Neither one bothered to sit down with me and ask me to stop sailing, or that there was even a problem.
When Greg and I made our promises to each other, we promised, "To never leave each other until we had tried as hard as we both could to stay together and had exhausted all possible remedies." At time, we have had to work hard to stay together. Other times, like when we were doing full-time care for dying friends, actually brought us closer together, even though we hardly saw each other.
We are very, very different from each other. But as a result, he has brought things to my life, and I have brought things to his life, and as a result, we are each better for it. Together, as a team, we are GREATER than the sum of the two of us.
I can tell you that the phrase, "All you need is Love," is not even close to being true. Couples who loved each other fail all the time. Love is not enough. It takes a willingness to work at it, to commit to each other and the relationship fully, to build trust, to resist temptation, to be willing to compromise, to be willing to keep trying to solve problems, to be open and honest and talk about things, even when it might be terribly embarrassing or shameful.
So, why go to all that effort? Is it worth it? Some gay men feel that being with just one man is unnatural. What I can tell you is this, after decades together, there is a depth of unconditional love, trust, understanding, safety, and comfort that make it all worth while, and then much more. There is always someone there when you need him, and it is very gratifying to be there when he needs you.
We even have an agreement that if one of us makes a mistake is unfaithful, then he must tell the other, and it will be forgiven. It has never happened, but if it does, we recognize that all humans are fallible and capable of making mistakes. Understanding, Compassion, and Forgiveness is part of what love is all about.
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Actually, I said the bit about "Mature Content" as a Pun, you know, because we are "mature" (older) gentlemen, LOL. A play on words.
But you do raise an important issue. There are some Gay/Lesbian or GLBT friendly artists who will post a drawings, for example, two men holding hands or kissing, then mark it as mature content. This upset me because the implication was that children seeing two men kissing or holding hands was somehow BAD or HARMFUL to children. The artists did it, as they all explained, out of fear from ADMIN banning them for improper content.
Of course, ADMIN has no problem with this. Adult Content rules are explained and pretty clear. Kissing and holding hands are not included.
What this showed me was how pervasive fear is for many gay artists. Part of it is internalized homophobia from the culture you are raised in. I was raised in a strict Catholic family, and had a priest tell us boys that, "Guys who are attracted to other guys are ABOMINATIONS in the eyes of God, and will burn for eternity in the burning fires of Gahanna." By the way, Gahanna was the garbage dump for Jerusalem. The biologicals in the garbage breaks down as it rots to form methane gas. So the Garbage dump, Gahanna, was always burning, as the flames were fed by an endless supply of methane.
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Very nice, good to see two guys happy together
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Thank you. Greg is very handsome. When I first met him, I was not attracted to him. But as i got to know him, and started falling in love with him, he became beautiful to me, and a turn-on. That is the power of love.
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It's a lovely photograph of two guys in love, and congratulations on your 19 years together.
It just gets better and better, in October we will begin our 54th year together.
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OMG that's a long time. We should compare notes. I have the parents here (help...) so I am short of time now. I wish I could do 54 years, but my goal now is 25 years. I have an Arthritis/Nerve Degeneration thingy happening (started around age 12). I am pretty much homebound now and loosing more and more function. But hey, I am alive and kicking, I still have some Quality of life, new possible discoveries...
I will check out your gallery in about a week.
Congratulations on your great achievement. I think Envy in one of the seven deadly sins...
Matthew
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Mature content? Bah! Perhaps if there was a warning for content sweet enough to cause diabetes, then maybe.
The picture is very beautiful, but (and this is probably just a personal pet peeve) I like pictures, especially ones with nature, to be taken horizontally. It gives the picture a certain mood to it that I really appreciate. Sorry for the bad explanation, English isn't my first language and I would have a hard time finding the right words even using my native tongue
By the way, you don't look too bad yourself, if i may say so. 
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Hi there, thank you for taking the time to comment. It is great to here from Sweden. Your English is very good. Someone on the boat with us took the picture of us. The vertical shot could be said to focus more on Matthew and Greg, while a horizontal shot would take in more of the romantic setting, and like you said mood. So it is always a choice to be made when framing and composing a shot.
It does not seem like 19 years. The years go by fast. But it is a big deal because it is so easy for people to walk away when things get really difficult. People expect too much of each other, and are then unforgiving when mistakes are made or when times get difficult. We had to learn how to do this as we went along. We made only One really big promise to each other. It was NOT until death do us part. It was that we would never walk away from each other until we had tried to do everything we possibly could do to make it work. It is a promise to TRY HARD to make it work. Now that my body is falling apart from arthritis, he has chosen to stay with me and help me. That is what true love is all about.
Thank you for the compliment. I joke about our looks a lot, but really, we understand how little importance our physical looks are. When I first met Greg, I was not very attracted to him. But when I came to know him as a person and fell in love with him, he became beautiful me.
Many people make a mistake and only look for beautiful people to love, but if you allow love to happen first, the beauty will always come to you. Try not to eliminate guys just because they are not beautiful or hot, because a guy can become beautiful and hot as you fall in love with him.
Some people can be beautiful on the outside and ugly on the inside. Skin beauty fades with time, but the beauty inside a person does not fade with time, and can even get brighter with time.
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The mature content was supposed to be a Pun ( a joke based on a word having more than one meaning ). Greg and I "mature," as in us being Older gentlemen, BUT our being a gay couple is not "mature ADULT content."
I was greatly surprised to see DA artists who created gay drawings, like two guys holding hands, who then marked it as "Mature Adult Content," as if being if just being Gay was offensive and not fit for anyone under the age of 18 seeing it. Young people who are Gay need art that celebrates homosexual love. But giving the art a "Adult Mature Content" blocks young people from seeing it. Obviously, if it is sexual in nature, it should be designated as adult content. But holding hands or kissing is not sexual, it is love.
Many gay artists grew up being told that you should be ashamed of being gay, it was dirty, and you should hide it. I really doubt that DeviantArt Admin would ever see it that way, but the policy sheets can look rather intimidating. I was going to suggest to DA Admin that they could make this clear in their instructions, but was afraid that they might rule the other way.
Sorry for the long response,
Matthew
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"I really doubt that DeviantArt Admin would ever see it that way, but the policy sheets can look rather intimidating. I was going to suggest to DA Admin that they could make this clear in their instructions, but was afraid that they might rule the other way."
deviantART is not homophobic. There are some gay and lesbian admins and staff. So, you don't have to worry about that.
Really, gay or straight, the art should be censored the same. I think the administration and staff sees it that way (or at least, I hope!). But, of course, there's also some immature homophobic people out there, and some artists are not willing to let these people preach to them about "immoral behavior", etc.
The thing is, the policy sheets look scary, but as long as you don't steal art or anything, it is fine.
And, this piece is very mature! (I didn't get it until you explained it to others. d: )
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You can tell how sleepy I was, my comment was full of typing errors.
Sometime I should go ahead and make the suggestion about clarifying the policy, so that new artists will know what is acceptable and what is not.
Yes, I agree that the DA Admin are not likely to be homophobic, but the worry is more about what they might feel legally necessary to avoid law-suits from rabid Christian groups, irate parents, etc. My guess is that the legal precedent is already set that non-sexual Gay content is Ok for minors, but I don't know for sure.
The policy sheets for sexual content leaves a lot of gray area. This is to be expected because you cannot possible describe all cases of what is allowable and not allowed. I am an older guy and policy sheets are something I am used to, but for young artist, especially ones still in school, they can be intimidating. So they mark things as "mature content" just to be on the safe side. That was what two of them told me. Another one told me she did not want to offend homophobes and religious people (me paraphrasing). At my urging, she took a poll of her watchers to see their opinions. They all said to remove the warning.
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Thank you so much. We just celebrated 19 years together.
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Thank you.
I hope you have found love, or will soon.
All the best...
Matthew
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Mature content? HA! LOL! Obviously not, is very cute that photo and i'm proud that gays say ,well that they are gays! Because what else are they? And it's something obviously normal, i can't stand people that thinks that they're like strange or different...
Is like the racism,What the hell does the black people have?? Now i say: !What the hell happens with gays and bisexuals or women that like women?? Duh!! The people that think is strange is because they are ignorants that think that love can only happen between a man and a woman...People doesn't understand!
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Well said. Many people discriminate against others because it makes them full more superior to have a class of people less than they are. There is discrimination within the black community by some over how dark you are, and some gays and lesbians discriminate against each other. If the fast majority of humanity were blue eyed, with a small minority with brown eyes, and a smaller minority with green eyes, the green eyes would be considered exotic, but the brown eyes would be discriminated again. It seems to be innate in mankind.
Other discrimination is either fear based or ignorance based, or both. Muslims in the USA are discriminated against out of fear, but most of that is based in ignorance. The vast majority of Muslims all over this planet are very peaceful. It fact, muslims have historically been more tolerant of other religions, and more peaceful than Christians.
Homophobia is additionally based in Christianity and Islam, although that is really a product of church politics over the ages, rather than actual theology. Just the way women were given a subservient role in the Catholic church, although Christ had an inclusive view, and the early church had Deaconesses. Same-sex sexuality was very prevalent in the Roman Empire, in which Christ was born and raised, yet he never once said a word about it being bad, as witnesses by Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John.
Religions are made up of people, like a club, with rules and regualation, which are often not in line with the underlaying theology, like worshipping idols and the bones of saints. Spirituality is an individual thing, about your own personal spirituality.
Mostly people want an excuse to HATE. Hate is very seductive because it feels good to hate. But hate rots the soul, your spiritual center, who you are, from the inside out.
Even good people, who have had evil steal the life of a child, can easily succumb to hate and the desire for vengeance and retribution. Alas, they can end up little better than the evil that first took their child.
The answer against hate is to seek to understand others, even those who do use wrong, and try to stand in their shoes. That understanding can bring you compassion, which can bring you to forgiveness. Forgiveness is much misunderstood. It is not about condoning whatever bad deed was done. It is about letting go of the hate and anger that consume your soul, casting a shadow over your life, holding some people prisoner for the rest of their lives in prison of bitterness.
Forgiveness sets you free.
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OMG..That's true...But what surprises me is that, you write it in a 'woow' way, you are a very good writer...An excelent one
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Thanks. too bad bad my typing is not as good, lol.
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wonderful capture of the love between you two.
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Thank you. He sure is cute, isn't he.
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certainly is and so are you
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Thanks. I am the older of us. I told him he was the oldest guy I had ever dated (I like younger) and he told me I was the youngest guy he had ever dated (he likes older). We are fairly close in age, me being 3 years older.
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Thank you, it is nice of you to say. We will be together 19 years in June.
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Your very welcome. Awh, I hope one day I can find someone I can stay with for that long.
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I hope so too. It is really about choice, choosing to stay when it is so easy to walk away, or when things are going wrong, or when you are being enticed away. Love is never enough by a long-shot, but it can be the motive and the glue that helps to bind.
I wish you the best that life and love can give.
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