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Lutherniel β June Request 11
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Published: 2017-08-18 13:09:44 +0000 UTC; Views: 18685; Favourites: 439; Downloads: 149
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June Request 11:ΒTechpriest praising a Giant Toaster
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Comments: 36
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In the techpriest codex (7th edition I think) the mechanius fought the necrons over the STC of a cooking tool that was similar to a hot stove. Why the necrons need something like that is beyond me.
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I don't know why I've come across several pieces of apparently Warhammer 40K artwork specifically centered around someone in robes admiring a toaster (admittedly all made by you, and they're all lovely looking by the way!), since I wouldn't even expect a totally normal toaster to exist in a franchise with such an intense aesthetic, but nonetheless I love them.Β
Seriously, though, I need someone to explain this to me even though it is information that will be ultimately useless to me because I know as much about Warhammer 40K as I do about my first born child who does not exist yet.Β
...I should work on writing less run-on sentences.Β
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Super fucking late but, it's a running joke in the Warhammer community that Techpriests want to have sex with toasters.
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Ah, okay. Thank you for the response! That's an... interesting fantasy.Β
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CRAP! They're worshipping my toaster again! Stop it!
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behold this wonderous machines magnifies, the purity of form and function. truly this device is a blessing from the omnissiah to all humanity to show that galaxyΒ that ours is the one true way.
Tell me of omnissiah what thus call this blessed machine so we may honour it and you.
void dragon: fellow c'tan I am increasingly concerned for the mental state of the humans with metal bits, they seem to believe that an oversized toasting device is some galaxy shaping device of unbelievable power.
Night bringer: who cares we are all but minit specks in a galaxy heading towards certain extinction
Outsider: 65million years later and your still as much an emo as you always where night bringer.
Deceiver: I don't know guys seems perfectly reasonable to me, and my sock puppets agree. don't you sock puppets? why are your tormenting me with your silence!
Void dragon: weve told you before Deceiver, your not welcome on spacebook. you know what you did.
Deceiver: your not the boss of me. but fine. ill make my own space book with black jack and hockers
Outsiders: do you even know what those are?
Night bringer: not that this matters as we all fly towards the end of times and the doom of all things, but the humans with metal bits have started slapingΒ the Β
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Techpriest: BY THE OMNISIAH IT'S PERFECTION INCARNATE! NOW WHERE DO I INSERT MY PENIS?!
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Bion: in the top there *subtlety plugs it in to the wall*
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finally the terrible and mightyΒ Omnissiah gifted us thy most priceless gift!!!Β
THE ALL POWERFUL TOASTER!!!
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It took 800 years of searching and the lives of over 4000 techpriests, but by the Omnissiah we found it! No longer will the Imperium have to endure cold bread at breakfast!!!
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I had a similar thought a few years ago about a coven of techpriests worshiping a microwave . They had it on a pedestal and whenever it cooked somebody's dinner they sung hymns until the timer ended. Β Β
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I had a techpriest NPC in a Dark Heresy game that thought the microwave was some sort of a containment field emitter to ward against the warp.
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Had he been an ork, it would have actually worked.Β
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That is one of the best things I've heard from a Dark Heresy game in a long while. Thank you for sharing that.Β
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After rooting around in the hive, the techpriest thought it was archeotech or something and fiddled around with it while the acolytes were doing inquisition stuff. When they appeared later with a xenos artifact, she grabbed it and threw it in the microwave while the acolytes were just confused at what was going on.
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Did the artifact blow up in the microwave?Β
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Unfortunately, no. It wasn't plugged in. Today, the acolytes encounter a cursed soda machine in an Ork pizzeria. Come back in a few hours to see how it goes.
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"Finally, after searching for 800 years and losing countless Techpriests, we've found a great invention of the ancients! This will surely save the Imperium!"
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"I too have a massive fixation with slapping my cyber-dong against the hull of toaster."
- Random Mechanicus Guy
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Techpriest: "Glory to the Omnissiah! Now we don't have to toast our bread with flamers anymore!"
SoB: "B-but what will we do with the flamers now?"
Techpriest: "Burn heretics?"
SoB: "Oh, is that what they're for? I thought since we were called the 'Brides of the Emperor' we were just supposed to make him sammichs and stuff."
Techpriest: "...Wow. The Schola's quality has really fallen recently."
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Calgar: FACK OFF!!!!!!!!!!!
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Tech-priest: Well it is the point ... I suppose.... I cant remember.... I should search in my Memory Data....
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"THEY FINALLY GAVE IT TO US FOR INSTALLING THE TEXT TO SPEECH DEVICE ON THE GOLDEN THRONE 3 YEARS AGO... !"
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