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NaterRang — Core of the Apple Part 3
Published: 2013-07-13 08:17:09 +0000 UTC; Views: 193131; Favourites: 1984; Downloads: 1578
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Part 1: naterrang.deviantart.com/art/C…Part 2: naterrang.deviantart.com/art/C…
Part 4: naterrang.deviantart.com/art/C…
Okay, it's finally here! The next part of the Core of the Apple comic, and the saddest chapter of this story. For those that might be feeling down, the mood will lighten with the next chapter. Also the next chapter will be MUCH shorter, so it shouldn't take as long to get out if life doesn't get in the way. First and foremost I would like to thank who's brilliant dramatic readings of the other two parts of this story rekindled my motivation to complete this story. And I would also like to thank for his composition advice for this chapter. Anyway, hope you guys enjoy and look forward to the next chapter! Let me know what you think in the comments!
EDIT: has once again graciously provided a comic dub for this chapter of the story! (In record time I might add!)
Check it out: www.youtube.com/watch?v=gz0H5Z…
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Comments: 749
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
I have to say that this piece of art is amazing you do not only make a good art also a sad story showing a lot of effects i think this should be like a mini serie or video animated of course the rest is pretty good and you show a cool back story of applejack parents i wonder why rarity is grey well the rest is fine continue the great work, i hope you dedicated to this because you will made thousand of people happy .
now lets talk about the art the art, is cute it remembers like a drawing with pencil technique is impressive thats all i have to say goodbye!
CONGRATS
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Wow, just...wow...i have no words to describe how deep and emotional this comic is.
It truely is a one of a kind piece, therefore I respect your work 100%.
Now, this is my very first critique, so I'm sorry for any mistakes that I've made.
Vision: No idea what it means, but I think it has something to do with how awesome it looks. So in this case, it looks amazing! You did the facial expressions pretty much bang-on, and the shape of the ponies were just excellent. You sir, deserve 5 stars for this section! Keep up the good work bro!
Originality: Again, no idea what it means, but I say it means how unique this comic is. I have never seen anypony else do a comic like this, EVER! And it surprised me how you managed to draw Applejack's parents in there as well! They looked like they really and truely were AJ's parents! Although, it kinda confused me why Rarity was the one in trouble instead of somepony else, like Rainbow Dash or something. Especially since in one of the MLP: FIM episodes, Rarity and AJ had a really big arguement. But none the less, I really enjoyed it. This is, like I said before, a one of a kind piece. 5 stars for this one!
Technique: You did a stunning job with the outlines and the colours! I saw no spelling errors as far as I can tell, and no drawing mistakes either. Very nicely done! This too deserves 5 stars!
Impact: Oh boy....the impact on this comic...was just....really, REALLY sad and tearful. I honestly started to tear up when I reached the end of the strip. It was such a plot twister, I was completely shocked when Applejack's parents died trying to save Rarity. I never, EVER, expected that to happen, I just never saw it coming. Therefore, this defiantly gets a 5 star rating from me, I love you bro, keep being awesome!
👍: 1 ⏩: 0
Vision - I see the drawings are quickly done, so... It's not really... you see what. The coloring is not very detailed, but it's not really important.
Originality - Really, I'd never think about this. This is so cute. I love it. I almost cried... It's a precious piece of art...
Technique - Again, the drawings not detailed enough, but I'm not the one to say this. But this is still great, eve, if I was never fan of the vertical comics.
Impact - I almost cried, but it's mostly the dub that made me cry. Not really the comic. But I guess it's because I watched the dub first. It's still so sad...
I hope you think this is fair and ... um, have a nice day.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
The emotions, and subsequent actions and dialogue of this part by far exceeded my expectations based on the previous strips. I'm not too fond of the decision of both parents dying as heroes though; it seemed superfluous. It already felt tragic that two lives were ended early, especially leaving children behind, without any kind of self-sacrifice. As far as needing to characterize them, does anyone truly suspect the Apples were anything but decent folks? This is trying too hard to elevate them into heroes.
I also don't buy into Rarity being the child they saved. AJ and Rarity just don't demonstrate as deep a connection in the show, in terms of the quality of their interactions, or frequency. I could have believed that Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash were connected through an early childhood event, given the sisterly relationship that can be observed, but not these two. A number of background or secondary characters could have been substituted.
Nevertheless, I am impressed with the originality displayed during that moment. In all the scenarios of AJ's parents' deaths, I haven't run across an instance where one of them actually had the chance to survive, at the expense of deliberately letting the other die. Key word being deliberately. On one hoof, more could have been done to illustrate that potential conflict; as it is, it could be interpreted that she never actually made that decision, and events were happening to quickly. Still, I’ll take an understated message as opposed to one shoved in our faces any day.
Although adjusting that scene risks lessening the impact by making the emotions too come off too strong, some mechanics of it might still be worth revisiting. How exactly does Papa Apple (or should I say Papa Orange?) fall off of the bridge? The mother was pulled off with the very edge of the rope, and it stands to reason she would have opened her mouth in shock. But the father was hooked on the middle, and the rope bridge was still attached at the other end. It stands to reason he could have swung onto the other side, and shimmied up. If smashing into the other side of the ravine knocked him off, it should have been illustrated. If BOTH of the posts on the other end suddenly weakened, it needs to be set up. Of course it’s still likely any of those could have done him in, but it’s very unlikely both ponies started falling at the same time, as the panel of them in Applejack’s eyes seems to be implying.
I’ve spent this entire time honing in on the flashback, with no comment on the first section of panels. This is because I have nothing to object to or loose ends to elaborate on. I enjoy all aspects of that section. It isn’t difficult for anyone reading this to guess why, and I detest restating what’s already clear.
AJ’s rant at baby Applebloom is now head canon.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
While I can agree on your opinions of their deaths, what I don't see is your thought that "there isn't enough interaction between Applejack and Rarity for this to work". When I heard this comic done (which was where I first saw it), I made the connection that this is why they don't speak to each other that often. Applejack is hesitant because seeing Rarity might trigger memories. Rarity thinks it was her fault (with her saying "I'm sorry" a lot after it happened). With that event taking its toll on both of them, I would say that is a factor in why they don't get along all that well.
Still, a fair critique in my mind. /)
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Overall, I really enjoyed the comic.
I like the overarching story you tell with the previous two chapters and I enjoyed the theme connecting them all. As it stands the tale isn't terribly original, however I do feel that it's a nice take on the story. It certainly didn't feel like the same old same old. You kept it feeling fresh and new even if it wasn't.
I loved the art style, which felt true to the show to some degree, and yet it also felt distinct in its own way. I also was glad with the amount of words that you used. Too often I find that artists don't let their pictures do the talking. Thankfully you don't fall into that trap.
Unfortunately there was one point of contention which I felt that really lessoned the Impact. When I saw that AJ's parents died saving Rarity my 1st reaction was that of confusion, and I began thinking of how AJ and Rarity had acted towards each other during the beginning of Season 1. They knew each other, but they weren't close or even very friendly. However, if AJ's parents died saving Rarity then the two of them would likely have either have been much closer at the start of Season 1 or much more distant and cold to each other.
I think choosing a pony that has such a clearly defined relationship with Applejack is a dangerous step to take unless you're certain that you can connect the relationship that we see and the event that happens. Having Rarity be the pony saved pulled me out of the moment and lessoned the impact on me.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Glad to hear that you are enjoying it so far!
I knew including Rarity in such a manner would be controversial. I'm sorry that feel this inclusion lessened the impact for you. I have received a few comments that fall along similar lines, but also a number that think this is an interesting development. I understand that you can only rate what you've seen, but I honestly have a hard time believing that Rarity basically ruined the impact of the scene for you, which is what you're saying when you rate Impact at 2/5. It's basically saying that my comic failed, that I failed. I'm not saying you're wrong, just that I find it hard to accept.
Knowing how the story is going to end gives me somewhat of a unique perspective on events. So while it might seem like I just pulled Rarity out of thin air and that this completely wrecks cannon. I assure you that I do have a plan. We are going to see this thread explored before the end. Then if you still feel like it was a mistake, feel free to chastise me.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Just to clarify why I only gave a 2 on impact was because having Rarity being rescued was such a, "wait... what?" moment that it took me out of the scene, and I ended up reading the rest of the comic in a detached and passive manner rather than being actively engaged. My brain wasn't fully focused on what was going on, so when the moment of truth fell I found myself unaffected by the death of AJ's parents. I gave a 2/5 because I felt like the emotional impact that you sought failed to reach it's mark due to Rarity.
Sorry that the 2 wasn't clear and I hope I was able to clarify why I didn't rate the impact any higher.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
I understand, it was too much of a shock to your headcannon. I've had moments in stories like that too.
Well now that the major shock is out of the way, I hope by the time I finish this project and these plotlines are resolved that you will be able to look back at this comic and say; "Well... maybe it wasn't THAT implausible..."
Either way I'm not mad, offended, or upset. I was just offering a rebuttal.
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Alright, and I just wish I'd been clearer in my description.
Personally I don't like having the starts. It makes it too easy for my brain to focus on the stats rather than getting the important part right... which is of course my thoughts and "review" rather than numbers.
So I'm going to blame the starts for my poor explanation xD
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first off, if you think about it, the way that they sort of passively hate each other makes seance when you think "how would I react to this" I don't know if it were, me I don't think it would matter if we were the closest of friends, I think I would hold a grudge, no matter how subconcience it was.
PS:I suck at spelling, and if you think you're such an uber badass how about you try taking on the pokemon hell?
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Oh my Celestia, of course!
This totally explains why Rarity and AJ are so close, and yet so antagonistic to each other in season 1!
On the one hand, Rarity would feel guilty, but she would not fully understand, since her bond with her parents is not like AJ's was with hers.
In turn, AJ would forgive Rarity, but there would always be this tension, even though the experience brought them closer together, it also highlighted why they were so different.
Although I agree that this puts a strain on the relationship, and colors the exchanges between them, it does make sense; at least to me.
Hopefully, the relation will be cleaned up a bit, to better match the emotions in the show. However, I really like this idea, and if you don't pull it off, I may just steal it for myself. Here's Hoping! *crosses fingers*
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
I would call this incredibly sad and a decent take on the issue...
...but using Rarity as the subject of this tragic rescue burdens the whole thing in distracting and unnecessary baggage. Baggage, that clearly does not exist in the series.
Making Rarity the one being rescued nags at the brain of any reader, because it would completely and utterly change the way the two characters interact. Rarity would feel indebted to Applejack and the parents that gave their lives to save her, which would color every word they said to each other.
Rarity might be ashamed to so much as TALK to Applejack given the potential guilt, and if Applejack is behaving this way in regard to Apple Bloom, I wouldn't be surprised if she couldn't as much as LOOK at Rarity. She might even blame her.
It's possible they worked past this by the time Twilight came to Ponyville, but if that were the case they'd be much closer for it, far too close for the events of "Look Before You Sleep" to make sense in this context. Rarity would never treat Applejack the way she did in that episode —the episode that defined their essential relationship by the end— if this tragedy was in the back of their minds.
It could EASILY have been ANY pony we've never seen, just some drifter, or maybe even Mac or Applejack themselves instead of a third party. That alone would have cleaned this up nice, and I don't think it would take a serious edit to accomplish.
This in mind, my impact rate is two stars. You've got a great and emotional scene, but the implications of Rarity being your damsel weigh it down by bringing distracting questions into the forefront. It kills the sadness dead if you have a critical mind.
For vision, this sucker is big, and pretty well drawn for how much is here. Four stars for gettings so much across without too many glaring issues.
Two and a half stars for originality, because while this is a nice telling, it's a pretty stock story. A million of these exist in some form or another, and whatever you do, it's just going to make it a-million-and-one. Probably the best comic-version I've seen, but —while this is probably unfair comparison— better versions of this story have been realized in written fanfiction.
Four stars for technique, again for being well drawn, but also for being well-planned. The expressions, the angles, the reflections in Applejack's eyes. It's done with textbook effectiveness, even if one could argue the use of certain cliches. Sometimes a thing just works, why reinvent the wheel?
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
You make some excellent points.
I knew including Rarity in such a manner would be controversial. I'm sorry that feel this inclusion lessened the impact for you. I have received a few comments that fall along similar lines, but also a number that think this is an interesting development. I understand that you can only rate what you've seen, but I honestly have a hard time believing that Rarity basically ruined the impact of the scene for you, which is what you're saying when you rate Impact at 2/5. It's basically saying that my comic failed. I'm not saying you're wrong, just that I find it hard to accept.
Knowing how the story is going to end gives me somewhat of a unique perspective on events. So while it might seem like I just pulled Rarity out of thin air and that this completely wrecks cannon. I assure you that I do have a plan. We are going to see this thread explored before the end.
Also I think it IS rather unfair to give two and a half stars on originality based on the story, because it's not finished yet. The basic concept HAS been done before and you said that it might be the best comic-version you've read. -But you then rate the originality low because you say better versions of this story have been realized in written fan-fiction? I feel that is irrelevant. We're talking about different forms of artistic media. It's like saying the book is better than the movie. Well of course! The book is going to have the luxury of time and in depth descriptions. It might take 90 minutes to watch a movie, but 30 hours to read the book. -And how do I know these stories are better? You didn't mention any specifically. Maybe I might like a story that you don't, and vise- versa. It's a very subjective opinion. -And I have to go back to the fact that this story isn't finished yet. I'm cool if you feel that way after seeing the completed version, but don't tell me someone else's fanfiction is better than my comic if you've read less than half of my comic's story. XP
Don't get me wrong, I'm not angry or upset, just offering some counter-points.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Wow...just wow. I see that there's alot of passion and heart put into this. I have never felt so emotionally drawn to a comic like I have here. This comic has a perfect mixture of a fan's point of view, and what could actually be cannon some day.
First off, I find it awesome how you made AJ's dad with an orange cutie mark. Really smart. Second, the art work is amazing! Really fantastic work my friend.
This is just perfect, I loved every minute of it when I was reading and cannot wait to see more of your future works. /)
👍: 0 ⏩: 2
Okay, thanks for the advice guys. Won't be nice again.
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This is a comment, not a critique.
👍: 0 ⏩: 2
Well, it's my thoughts on the art work. If you want to disagree, you can. But thank you for your advice.
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Agreed. Critique is where you tell the artist what they did wrong, not what they did right(Well, you include that too, but the focus is on mistakes, so the artist can improve), and you explain your perspective. You don't say things like 'this is perfect', because nothing will ever be perfect, so buckle up and find those problems, they'll help the artist much more than hollow praise ever will.
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Okay, and thank you for your advice. But if I thought it was great and decided to make my critique like this I think I can. Again, thank you.
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Well, frs i have to say, you are a really good artist and a comic writer, you are truly showing us Applejacks and the others feels. You also invited Rarity to the story without destroying anything, and not everyone can do that. The colours are correct and bright, thats really good. You also actually tell us one of the reasons Applejack unlikes Rarity. I would like to see some more effort put in to the tears, the lineart and i also see small dots of paint (Panel 4# When Applejack is exploding, a blue dot of paint in Appleblooms mane. It dosnt ruin the pic that much but when you once do it, it may happen again). And the shadows could be much more improved, but since i know almost every Pony artist keeps their comics simple, so i can Honestly say that this is a really good artwork, And i clearly give it my approval.
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Even Hasbro shown the official looking on Applejack's parents (Bright Mac & Pear Butter), still I accept this headcanon hardly.
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I could see this happening on the show. Well done
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the sad part about this story. is that this will happen to everyone. maybe tomorrow you will die for some reason. a car crash? a accident? you never know when death comes around the corner. you are never safe.
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I couldn't agree more with you on this 😢😿
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FAH, I will design my own headcanon. I have everything I need...
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Gets me everytime
I am officially dubbing you a Lyra
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......... This made me cry so much. I wanted to punch applejack in the face for yelling at her sister, but I can't help but feel sad for her and the family. That was the most devastating lose I have ever seen. She should be proud of them though. They risk their lives and saved Rarity and they should always be remembered for that. I just wish..... I just wish Applejack wasn't so stubborn
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Her parents sacrificed themselves to save Rarity.
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WHat, im not crying y would i be crying?!?!?!?!
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Aye! i remember seeing comic dubs of this, probably a few years back
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SANS! STOP PLAGUING MY LIFE WITH INCIDENTAL FEELS!
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Well, this definitely explains the tension that still exists between Applejack and Rarity. I'm no artist, so I won't try to critique you from that perspective, but as a writer, I will say that the story is definitely very well thought out and well written. With a minimum of words, you tell a wrenching, heartbreaking story. Very well done! (as a personal note... I think they should have let worst pony fall)
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I just saw this because an MLP page shared it on Facebook. Really hit me in the heart. Well done.
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This..........its' heart breaking........I got through part 1 and 2 okay but....this is heart wrenching as all get out. And that's coming from a brony who identifies themselves as a changeling. I'd be lyin if I said this didn't make me cry looking at it.
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how soon till you are able to complete this very well written art work?
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Rarity: *crying* This is all my fault! Applejack's parents died because of me! *cries even harder*
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What is wrong with me? I'm listening to Gone Forever by Three Days Grace.
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curls into a ball
tries not to cry
cries anyway
oH GOD THE FEELZ
THEY STRIKE AGAIN
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
This comic always tears out and shreds my heart..
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