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NathalieNova — CH page_03
Published: 2010-08-03 10:13:56 +0000 UTC; Views: 9734; Favourites: 94; Downloads: 32
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Description
Next: [link]Last: [link]
First: [link]
Cover: [link]
Edit: This is a redone version. All pages will go through this process
Look of the old page: [link]
Finally the english translation is there
Enjoy ^^
Clout Heart is completely ©
Dont use in any way!
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Comments: 28
The first two pages were good, but this one has a couple of minor problems:
-"Mastered" in the first bubble should be something like "mustered" or "managed"
-In the fourth bubble, you aren't using "Clout" correctly. You "have" clout. I would change it to something like, "But the Zatharen had too much clout."
-In the fifth bubble, unless because it is a pup and you want him to speak incorrectly, it should say, "Clout? What is that, Uncle Razer?"
-In the last bubble, instead of the first got, it should be "have" and the second "got" should say "had"
I know it sounds like a lot, but it's really not. For English being your second language, you're doing pretty well from what I've seen.
Please let me know if you want me to continue with the corrections XD
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Sure go on with all new ones :3
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okay, I'll check them out as soon as I get out of school
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I'd be willing to make the english more accurate before you publish it, if you wish. :3 I did this for 's comic Sweet Lullaby as well.
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No thanks^^
I usually ask my friends and they check over it after posted^^
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whus no razer is no puppeh XD
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Oh i know 
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ah okay^^
also when he talks from the past he dont got that grey tone around his nose (what shows his age)
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haha yes, i noticed that too!
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The dialouge was somewhat confusing, but nice page
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"But the Zatharen where to clout and so they also hit me to the ground and I laid there for hours, totally out of counciousness."
The sentence didn't flow very well, kind of a run-on, making me confused. I had to read it a couple times to understand it. I understand English isn't your native laungage (I'ts German, right?), so it might've made more sense to you than it did to me (because you did the translating).
I assumed it meant: "But the Zatharen were too clout, and when they hit me I fell to the ground and lay there for hours, uncouncious."
And then: "Clout? What is uncle Razor?"
At first I didn't understand that it was a seperate speaker (because the bubble looked no different), and then I was wondering why the speaker would ask 'what is uncle Razor?'. I assumed that it meant,'What is that, uncle Razor?"
I hoped that helped, I don't mean to seem rude or anything.
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uuh for all translating I ask my friends later
but for the one from the pub I missed a word like what is IT uncle razor
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Okay, that clears things up a bit. Thanks
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why
I can speak english
and if its not 100% like americans would say it its not my problem and I ask my friends
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Nice, nice, you're building up some really good suspense here! I can't wait for page 4!
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I'm looking forward to it, and you're welcome!
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xD eigenlob stinkt
aber was solls wa xD
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ich mach ja nur spass Px xD
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