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phr3ak000000000 — Forbidden Fruit I

Published: 2005-08-19 18:55:30 +0000 UTC; Views: 791; Favourites: 9; Downloads: 53
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Description thank you to ~obscured-stock for the wonderful image (edited with JASC PSP 9.01)

This turning
Burning in my stomach
I seem to
Want it - for I choose
It.
Sick; I am thick
In your matter.
Batter -
Ingredients left out
I doubt I was
Included ~
Secluded to what
You did, we led
Our heads into
Metal walls - as they
Fall before us.
Adore us, my land
Of no trust and sanctity;
Entity so empty.
I left thee - if you see
Only partially read
What you cannot
Unravel ~
You eat your apple -
Oh Adam, you think
This is your eve?
Could you fathom or
Even grieve after
You left her at sea -
In need of you
What did you do?
Do you even have
A clue of
What she could give you.


"Forbidden Fruit" by Angel Morningstar
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Comments: 45

EdgeFx1 [2005-08-30 02:05:17 +0000 UTC]

ohh the texture an dthe color of this peice is very eye catching, its almos tliek a scrolll

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

phr3ak000000000 In reply to EdgeFx1 [2005-08-30 02:09:52 +0000 UTC]

thank you very muchly

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catscradler [2005-08-29 17:29:45 +0000 UTC]

the internal/external rhyme in this piece is really nice. it certainly helps facillitate the flow to connecet seemingly irrelevant images. i like how you start with a faily innocuous image and very quickly transform it into something else entirely. i don't really understand the use of "~" as punctuation...it seems a tad strange and out of place.

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phr3ak000000000 In reply to catscradler [2005-08-29 18:27:11 +0000 UTC]

sorry my poetry is not all about punctuation. i don't use much leaving it "open" but anyways. don't know how the image is out of place either. you have your opinion, though, which i respect.

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pr0jectz [2005-08-27 13:27:33 +0000 UTC]

a very moving work, well done

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phr3ak000000000 In reply to pr0jectz [2005-08-27 17:29:52 +0000 UTC]

thank you very much! appreciate the comment!!!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

themjj [2005-08-27 08:55:33 +0000 UTC]

you have a beautiful and real way with words, and very nice skill of putting it together in a very perfect way.

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phr3ak000000000 In reply to themjj [2005-08-27 17:17:28 +0000 UTC]

thank you so much appreciate the comment!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

babblebabble [2005-08-27 03:40:13 +0000 UTC]

I wish I know the right word for what I lvoe about this. I love how you have the rhymes right next to each other...like turning, burning. Matter, batter.

It gives it something extra, somethign special. Your work is so beautiful.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

phr3ak000000000 In reply to babblebabble [2005-08-27 05:13:13 +0000 UTC]

thank you so much!! your comment was beautiful, thank you so much

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alphie0216 [2005-08-24 00:12:19 +0000 UTC]

Beautiful composition. great choice of photo and coloring. i like the choice of font also. GGGGGrrrreat poem. very ddep. good analogies of adam and eve. i like it alot!

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phr3ak000000000 In reply to alphie0216 [2005-08-24 03:03:00 +0000 UTC]

hehe thank you so much! thats my way of giving someone a good ing

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obscured-stock [2005-08-23 00:13:13 +0000 UTC]

amazing words chill me once again.. so angry.. oof who may fear my wrath if i read this on an angry morning!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

phr3ak000000000 In reply to obscured-stock [2005-08-23 03:36:24 +0000 UTC]

ya, the person i wrote this to was a little distressed by it. pretty bold and final. glad you like it

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molly-ness [2005-08-22 09:48:38 +0000 UTC]

i love your style it's so unique! keep up the good work sweety

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

phr3ak000000000 In reply to molly-ness [2005-08-22 16:56:08 +0000 UTC]

thank you so much! hehe, i shall try

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

molly-ness In reply to phr3ak000000000 [2005-08-24 09:50:19 +0000 UTC]

trying is good!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

meredithbrooksrulez [2005-08-21 22:19:10 +0000 UTC]

a real piece of artwork, keep it up

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

phr3ak000000000 In reply to meredithbrooksrulez [2005-08-21 22:23:31 +0000 UTC]

thank you for your comments. truly appreciated

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Zellyn-Skyy [2005-08-20 20:17:48 +0000 UTC]

Your natural style is so adept at provoking angst... i dunno how... but it simply does...

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

phr3ak000000000 In reply to Zellyn-Skyy [2005-08-20 21:40:02 +0000 UTC]

lol, yey, life can be "angsty" its how i get all those feelings out, so i can be a happy person in real life

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

FrederickNeeds [2005-08-20 20:13:30 +0000 UTC]

I love it when you only have one word on a line. It makes you think about it so much more.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

phr3ak000000000 In reply to FrederickNeeds [2005-08-20 21:41:41 +0000 UTC]

thank you very much your comment is very appreciated

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rider-on-the-storm [2005-08-20 06:24:23 +0000 UTC]

what a great poem! Amazing imagery, You know i love your rhyming SKILLS!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

phr3ak000000000 In reply to rider-on-the-storm [2005-08-20 15:36:37 +0000 UTC]

lol i love you hehe..

thanks you, you are the bestestest!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

rider-on-the-storm In reply to phr3ak000000000 [2005-08-20 17:12:31 +0000 UTC]

i know babe, i know

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

DigitalBleeder [2005-08-20 00:44:40 +0000 UTC]

hahahaha, That's fucking right!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

NoSkillHero [2005-08-19 23:17:50 +0000 UTC]

Amazing imagery, I love your vocabulary!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

phr3ak000000000 In reply to NoSkillHero [2005-08-19 23:31:11 +0000 UTC]

thank you very muchly!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Hakkyou [2005-08-19 23:13:10 +0000 UTC]

Very nice...one of my first forays into visual poetry, but I definitely was NOT disappointed. You may want to fix a few lines to make them flow better, "Adore us; my land of no trust and sanctity" feels like it would be more synergetic as, "Adore us; my land of mistrust and sanctity"; etc. On the entirety, though, very good work.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

phr3ak000000000 In reply to Hakkyou [2005-08-19 23:29:03 +0000 UTC]

you may be right, but i can't change that because it was a land of "no trust" there was not even the slightest glimpse of trust for it to be "mistrust" you know? he messed up good mistrust = To be wary, suspicious, or doubtful. it wasnt even a wary or suspiciousness about it. just no trust from the get - go. mistrust is an "Lack of trust or confidence arising from suspicion. See Synonyms at uncertainty." it wasnt gray at all. black and white. thanks for that, though, i do appreciate good critique. i just don't know how to say what i mean any better, but i shall keep it in mind.

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Orunitia [2005-08-19 21:43:22 +0000 UTC]


OMG I HAVE THIS ONE!!!!!

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phr3ak000000000 In reply to Orunitia [2005-08-19 23:29:45 +0000 UTC]

yeshhh you do

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Orunitia In reply to phr3ak000000000 [2005-08-20 00:39:30 +0000 UTC]

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inmyroom [2005-08-19 21:37:29 +0000 UTC]

beautiful

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phr3ak000000000 In reply to inmyroom [2005-08-19 23:30:21 +0000 UTC]

thank you m'dear.. you helped me on this one a while back

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EveryNextDream [2005-08-19 19:46:03 +0000 UTC]

Oh wow, that just needs to be read out loud! I flows so well...it just tripped out of my mouth, absolutely amazing.

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phr3ak000000000 In reply to EveryNextDream [2005-08-19 19:52:45 +0000 UTC]

thanks so much!!! i am glad you like! thanks for your yummy comments

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judylee [2005-08-19 19:38:49 +0000 UTC]

Beautiful work!

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phr3ak000000000 In reply to judylee [2005-08-19 19:54:12 +0000 UTC]

thank you so sos sos sossososo much

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judylee In reply to phr3ak000000000 [2005-08-19 20:27:59 +0000 UTC]

you are so soso sos sossososo welcome

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BloodKitsune [2005-08-19 19:27:56 +0000 UTC]

some poem you have there!
and nicely visualised!
a real piece of artwork, keep it up

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

phr3ak000000000 In reply to BloodKitsune [2005-08-19 19:53:29 +0000 UTC]

hehe thank you so so muchly mr. ~ how are you doin things any better?

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

BloodKitsune In reply to phr3ak000000000 [2005-08-19 21:14:08 +0000 UTC]

welcome
mmmh... things are different, but I'll get used to it, I guess
thanks for the supporrt, dear! means a lot

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

phr3ak000000000 In reply to BloodKitsune [2005-08-19 21:24:29 +0000 UTC]

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