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Okay -deep breath- Firstly, are you okay? I hope so. I don’t know about you, but I’m really getting tired of how repetitive the news has become so far this year. “Prince Harry this, Phillip Schofield that! Something-something Little Mermaid and the Ukraine war!”

Obviously, there is nothing I can do about this without resorting to genocidal practices, but I want this to be the last Snark of the Week to cover a few of these regurgitated topics, because God only knows the last thing I need is another Troy situation.

Prince Harry Vs. The Rag Papers.
The sky is blue, the grass is green and Prince Harry is whining about something. He might as well change his name to "Prince WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAArry!"

Rather than whining about how his family were “so mean to him,” this royal pain in the ass has decided to take the UK tabloids to court for being “so mean to him!” Under normal circumstances, I would champion anyone talking shit about the likes of Piers Morgan and the Daily Mail, but it’s Prince Harry so my sympathy metre is running on empty.

All we ever hear from him these days is “Waaagh!! Feel sorry for me!” It's a little difficult to feel sorry for a spoiled little brat, who's had everything handed to him his entire life, but also the air of hypocrisy around Harry and his boss (Meghan Markle) is almost comical at this point.

“Stop violating our privacy - but please read our exclusive interviews in newspapers and magazines, watch our Netflix specials, come to our live-speaking events and download the podcast - but please, people, give us our privacy!”

Mind you, picking on the rag papers feels like a last ditch effort to stay relevant. After this court case he's going to sue oxygen, God, time and space, the fabric of reality and anyone who’s called him a tosser for being “so mean to him.”

If they want a normal life and to be treated like everybody else, then stop being attention seekers and get a job like the rest of us plebs.

Just a girl with a dream.

Holly Will-you please go away!
With Phillip Noncefield conducting cringey interviews for the BBC, Holly returned to offer a forced message to the nation. A message that was openly mocked by UK celebrities and even our own parliament.

“Okay -deep breath- Firstly, are you okay? I hope so.”

For the three people who still watch This Morning, you have my condolences. The fact this program has gone from normie shite, to literal battle lines over the idiots presenting it is all the more clear ITV's going to pull the plug before it’s too late. This seems to be a reacurring theme across the industry at the moment, as the old guard of news programmes and daytime TV are going the way of the dinosaurs, while the rise of alternative content gives the powers that be a moment of pause. Would explain all those SOPA clones they keep trying to get made into law, but I digress.

Holly is being regarded as “guilty by association” at this point and it’s not difficult to see why. Much like Prince Harry and Disney, outright mockery is becoming all the more common for these once untouchable figures.

Let’s finish this on a joke. What’s the difference between Holly Willoughby and an OnlyFans Thot? One gets their tits out, while the other is a tit that needs to get out!

DDC (Disney Damage Control).
It’s official: The Little Mermaid is a flop. While I await its inevitable arrival on Disney+ (so they can begin fabricating the numbers) the media continues to perform lip service for the Mouse by declaring anyone who didn't like this film to be “racist.” The flaw in this fiendish master plan is that the two places the movie bombed the hardest was China and South Korea. A bit difficult to label them as “straight white males” isn’t it, news outlets?

Even when you read China's response to the film, it actually doesn't sound that unreasonable. To paraphrase: “we respect the original story by Hans Christian Andersen and find the forced diversity to be incredibly unnecessary.” The other issue at hand is that the two most successful US produced films in China this year are Fast X and Guardians of the Galaxy 3, both of which have a highly diverse cast. I’m guessing the issue they have isn’t diversity - just terrible films.

You’ll have to forgive my schadenfreude, but it’s hilarious how Disney marketed all their films to this one box office, but now China wants nothing to do with them. I guess this means the honeymoon is over?

However, I do recognise that Disney isn’t having a groovy time at the moment. With the layoffs to Pixar staff (including the woman who saved Toy Story 2), the legal drama involving Comcast, their continued pissing match with Florida, the rumours of LucasFilm being sold off to cover their debts and the Little Mermaid’s failure could signal the end of ALL Disney live action remakes really paints the tale of a company in free fall.

That Disney/Apple merger is gonna be fucking amazing.

More like "Chucklevision."
And speaking of Apple, Disney's future lord and master (I'm telling you it's going to happen) came out with their latest beeping gadget for all the tech weirdos to have a good wank over. They saw Sony and Google’s VR headsets and said: “this doesn't look stupid enough, so hold my beer!”

Introducing the Apple Vision: A funky pair of scuba goggles that will make you think you’re living in the far future, when in reality you’ll just look like a twat. All for the low low price of $3,500. Well shit, fucking sign me up for three of these bad boys (sarcasm).

I kind of feel bad for this generation, because their whole lives have been defined and nurtured by the internet and gadgets like this. Makes you wonder what they'll do if the Wi-Fi connection goes down for a day. I'll be alright, for I can just go outside or read a book.

This all plays into a general fear or pet peeve I've got with the advancement of technology: “As technology progresses, humanity dwindles. Sure we've got augmented VR, iPhone's, fibre optic broadband and all these other wondrous things, meanwhile the general IQ of the populace keeps getting smaller and smaller. Now for the technocrats this is all part of the plan, but you'll forgive me for being a tad bit concerned.

Not to sound like “an old man yelling at a cloud” but people these days can't seem to go five seconds without looking, holding or being in close proximity of their bloody phones. When you were a kid, you'd walk around with your thumb in your mouth and a security blanket around your arm - these days you walk around with an iPhone in your hand.

I've seen people walking their dogs while texting people, and then getting angry at the dog for getting its lead wrapped around a telegraph pole or tree! Maybe if you put your phones away for five-fucking-seconds, you’d be able to concentrate on what’s going on around you! There are many other examples I could give you, but the point is technology has improved to the detriment of the human condition.

Apple's gimmicky new gadget is a way to say “now you can look both stupid AND ridiculous at the same time!” Set to a laughable price tag that you’d need to sell off your entire house just to have one. Fortunately, this VR craze is on the way out and the response to the Apple Vision hasn’t been positive.

I guess we’ve delayed the Matrix future by a few years at least.

Honarable mentions: Any of the game announcements from Not-E3 this week.

Description
Okay -deep breath- Firstly, are you okay? I hope so. I don’t know about you, but I’m really getting tired of how repetitive the news has become so far this year. “Prince Harry this, Phillip Schofield that! Something-something Little Mermaid and the Ukraine war!”

Obviously, there is nothing I can do about this without resorting to genocidal practices, but I want this to be the last Snark of the Week to cover a few of these regurgitated topics, because God only knows the last thing I need is another Troy situation.

Prince Harry Vs. The Rag Papers.
The sky is blue, the grass is green and Prince Harry is whining about something. He might as well change his name to "Prince WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAArry!"

Rather than whining about how his family were “so mean to him,” this royal pain in the ass has decided to take the UK tabloids to court for being “so mean to him!” Under normal circumstances, I would champion anyone talking shit about the likes of Piers Morgan and the Daily Mail, but it’s Prince Harry so my sympathy metre is running on empty.

All we ever hear from him these days is “Waaagh!! Feel sorry for me!” It's a little difficult to feel sorry for a spoiled little brat, who's had everything handed to him his entire life, but also the air of hypocrisy around Harry and his boss (Meghan Markle) is almost comical at this point.

“Stop violating our privacy - but please read our exclusive interviews in newspapers and magazines, watch our Netflix specials, come to our live-speaking events and download the podcast - but please, people, give us our privacy!”

Mind you, picking on the rag papers feels like a last ditch effort to stay relevant. After this court case he's going to sue oxygen, God, time and space, the fabric of reality and anyone who’s called him a tosser for being “so mean to him.”

If they want a normal life and to be treated like everybody else, then stop being attention seekers and get a job like the rest of us plebs.

Just a girl with a dream.

Holly Will-you please go away!
With Phillip Noncefield conducting cringey interviews for the BBC, Holly returned to offer a forced message to the nation. A message that was openly mocked by UK celebrities and even our own parliament.

“Okay -deep breath- Firstly, are you okay? I hope so.”

For the three people who still watch This Morning, you have my condolences. The fact this program has gone from normie shite, to literal battle lines over the idiots presenting it is all the more clear ITV's going to pull the plug before it’s too late. This seems to be a reacurring theme across the industry at the moment, as the old guard of news programmes and daytime TV are going the way of the dinosaurs, while the rise of alternative content gives the powers that be a moment of pause. Would explain all those SOPA clones they keep trying to get made into law, but I digress.

Holly is being regarded as “guilty by association” at this point and it’s not difficult to see why. Much like Prince Harry and Disney, outright mockery is becoming all the more common for these once untouchable figures.

Let’s finish this on a joke. What’s the difference between Holly Willoughby and an OnlyFans Thot? One gets their tits out, while the other is a tit that needs to get out!

DDC (Disney Damage Control).
It’s official: The Little Mermaid is a flop. While I await its inevitable arrival on Disney+ (so they can begin fabricating the numbers) the media continues to perform lip service for the Mouse by declaring anyone who didn't like this film to be “racist.” The flaw in this fiendish master plan is that the two places the movie bombed the hardest was China and South Korea. A bit difficult to label them as “straight white males” isn’t it, news outlets?

Even when you read China's response to the film, it actually doesn't sound that unreasonable. To paraphrase: “we respect the original story by Hans Christian Andersen and find the forced diversity to be incredibly unnecessary.” The other issue at hand is that the two most successful US produced films in China this year are Fast X and Guardians of the Galaxy 3, both of which have a highly diverse cast. I’m guessing the issue they have isn’t diversity - just terrible films.

You’ll have to forgive my schadenfreude, but it’s hilarious how Disney marketed all their films to this one box office, but now China wants nothing to do with them. I guess this means the honeymoon is over?

However, I do recognise that Disney isn’t having a groovy time at the moment. With the layoffs to Pixar staff (including the woman who saved Toy Story 2), the legal drama involving Comcast, their continued pissing match with Florida, the rumours of LucasFilm being sold off to cover their debts and the Little Mermaid’s failure could signal the end of ALL Disney live action remakes really paints the tale of a company in free fall.

That Disney/Apple merger is gonna be fucking amazing.

More like "Chucklevision."
And speaking of Apple, Disney's future lord and master (I'm telling you it's going to happen) came out with their latest beeping gadget for all the tech weirdos to have a good wank over. They saw Sony and Google’s VR headsets and said: “this doesn't look stupid enough, so hold my beer!”

Introducing the Apple Vision: A funky pair of scuba goggles that will make you think you’re living in the far future, when in reality you’ll just look like a twat. All for the low low price of $3,500. Well shit, fucking sign me up for three of these bad boys (sarcasm).

I kind of feel bad for this generation, because their whole lives have been defined and nurtured by the internet and gadgets like this. Makes you wonder what they'll do if the Wi-Fi connection goes down for a day. I'll be alright, for I can just go outside or read a book.

This all plays into a general fear or pet peeve I've got with the advancement of technology: “As technology progresses, humanity dwindles. Sure we've got augmented VR, iPhone's, fibre optic broadband and all these other wondrous things, meanwhile the general IQ of the populace keeps getting smaller and smaller. Now for the technocrats this is all part of the plan, but you'll forgive me for being a tad bit concerned.

Not to sound like “an old man yelling at a cloud” but people these days can't seem to go five seconds without looking, holding or being in close proximity of their bloody phones. When you were a kid, you'd walk around with your thumb in your mouth and a security blanket around your arm - these days you walk around with an iPhone in your hand.

I've seen people walking their dogs while texting people, and then getting angry at the dog for getting its lead wrapped around a telegraph pole or tree! Maybe if you put your phones away for five-fucking-seconds, you’d be able to concentrate on what’s going on around you! There are many other examples I could give you, but the point is technology has improved to the detriment of the human condition.

Apple's gimmicky new gadget is a way to say “now you can look both stupid AND ridiculous at the same time!” Set to a laughable price tag that you’d need to sell off your entire house just to have one. Fortunately, this VR craze is on the way out and the response to the Apple Vision hasn’t been positive.

I guess we’ve delayed the Matrix future by a few years at least.

Honarable mentions: Any of the game announcements from Not-E3 this week.