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salshep — Cthulhu Cthucks

Published: 2007-03-26 17:16:37 +0000 UTC; Views: 20397; Favourites: 531; Downloads: 3
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Description Gunshymartyr: Why do they speak Welsh now?

Me: Well, it all started with that drunken birthday bash for Yog-Sothoth that Vertigo88 was talking about.

Anyways, it was a crazy party, and when they got tired of Shub Niggurath's gin-induced poledancing and Bugg-shash's eye-roll-inducing baby jokes ("Hey, how many human babies does it take to make an Old One explode?" " Are you STILL telling these things, Bugg-shash? *sigh* Alright, how many then..?" "NOMNOMNOM *burp* BANG!" ) they all shambled out of their various voids and palaces and dimensions and off they went to Las Vegas, where Tom Jones was playing that casino that looks like the Sphinx.

There they all were, soused as a pickled shoggoth and having a Great Old time, and Hastur starts throwing underpants at the stage. Now, the underpants of an Old One (even Hastur's cthexy cthong) aren't small, so Tom Jones disappears in this welter of ominous darkness and black lace. What they DIDN'T know was that Jones himself was an Old One, expunged from the Necronomicon by the Welsh government in an attempt to fool the world into believing Wales is full of normal, attractive people, before adopting him as a national icon (in place of wee fat ponies and beef-thieves named Taffy).

So, you can imagine their shock when, to the fading lyrics of "It's Not Unusual" they were abruptly sucked into a dimensional rift and wound up in Ystradgynlais. What transpired there, what horrors, we may never know.

But the upshot is, they all speak Welsh now.

Hastur has taken to wearing thick, elasticated girdle-waisted panties. In beige.

Bugg-shash was stitched back together and forced to wear The Great Seal of K'dath, which prevented him from going within 100 metres of maternity hospitals and telling appalling jokes at parties.

Tom Jones went on to revive his career by becoming a "retro" sensation. Shub-Niggurath slapped him with A Thousand Paternity Suits, and we're just waiting on the blood tests.


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Comments: 287

salshep In reply to ??? [2008-07-23 22:15:18 +0000 UTC]

Not at all : ) Thankyou.

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Wayfairingman [2008-07-15 17:07:32 +0000 UTC]

That has to be one of the best things i have seen in a while. Not only does this need to be on my shirt. my car,my mug, my house, and probably my arm. But I think this should go as either a float at the thanksgiving parade/ Or on the good year blimp!

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Alex-Stein In reply to ??? [2008-06-20 22:10:35 +0000 UTC]

I actually laughed when I saw this. Really struck a struck a comedy nerve with me.
It translates as:
"In his house on R'lyeh, dead Cthulhu waits dreaming."

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salshep In reply to Alex-Stein [2008-07-23 07:01:43 +0000 UTC]

I was hoping folks'd get the ahrony of that.

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Alex-Stein In reply to salshep [2008-07-23 09:02:37 +0000 UTC]

You have succeeded!

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nadir-mythos In reply to ??? [2008-06-17 19:46:56 +0000 UTC]

god this is awesome

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SoulLostAtSea In reply to ??? [2008-05-26 15:29:00 +0000 UTC]

AWESOME!!!!

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Jarona [2008-05-05 16:13:50 +0000 UTC]

haha! kickass!

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Mizusaka [2008-05-01 22:30:35 +0000 UTC]

you seem like you had more fun with the description than the picture

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ArtOfTheMystic In reply to ??? [2008-03-27 17:36:48 +0000 UTC]

This is priceless, not to mention the great artwork!
Cheers
Otto

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salshep In reply to ArtOfTheMystic [2008-03-29 06:20:27 +0000 UTC]

Thankyou so much for saying so, glad you got a chuckle from it.

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MrGegner In reply to ??? [2008-03-21 01:30:37 +0000 UTC]

Hah! That really was the cheese on my cracker. Great laugh.

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salshep In reply to MrGegner [2008-03-23 05:15:04 +0000 UTC]

It makes my day when people get a laugh out of this. Much appreciated!

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krimsonflux [2008-03-08 03:28:31 +0000 UTC]

Nice! I like it.

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salshep In reply to krimsonflux [2008-03-08 04:57:39 +0000 UTC]

Thankyou very much!

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geijutsusakuhin In reply to ??? [2008-03-05 04:16:32 +0000 UTC]

HaHa Ia Ia Yog Sothoth!!! This is delicious!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

salshep In reply to geijutsusakuhin [2008-03-05 05:03:50 +0000 UTC]

Lol! Why, thankyou!

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geijutsusakuhin In reply to salshep [2008-03-05 18:11:17 +0000 UTC]

You're Welcome. I also enjoyed your poetry, but this was wonderful.

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salshep In reply to geijutsusakuhin [2008-03-05 22:43:06 +0000 UTC]

Thanks again!

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cycoze [2008-03-01 14:43:12 +0000 UTC]

Love it.

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salshep In reply to cycoze [2008-03-02 08:55:45 +0000 UTC]

Thankyou.

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cycoze In reply to salshep [2008-03-02 09:43:44 +0000 UTC]

Very welcome.

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SahTheDreamer [2008-03-01 13:02:56 +0000 UTC]

Hahahaha!!! Ooooh lovely

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salshep In reply to SahTheDreamer [2008-03-02 08:55:58 +0000 UTC]

Thankyou!!!!!

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SahTheDreamer In reply to salshep [2008-03-02 13:52:36 +0000 UTC]

Most welcome

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DarlingDante [2008-02-25 22:30:51 +0000 UTC]

Thats hilarious, instant fav.
Nice knowledge of the Lovecraftian Cthulu mythos.

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salshep In reply to DarlingDante [2008-02-28 14:44:07 +0000 UTC]

Thankyou very much. And lol, I think the mythos is sort of perfect for satire, it is so horribly serious for the most part ( tho brilliant, of course). Much appreciated.

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briannechughes In reply to ??? [2008-02-17 09:07:10 +0000 UTC]

I don't have a clue as to what you are talking about ... but it's awesome and it's welsh.

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salshep In reply to briannechughes [2008-02-22 12:54:32 +0000 UTC]

Lmao! Thanks!

It references H.P. Lovecraft's writing-- you should check him out!

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briannechughes In reply to salshep [2008-02-23 00:17:43 +0000 UTC]

ah! I thought so... I hear so much about Lovecraft that I am bound to check him out sooner rather than later. Thanks for the suggestion!

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Pesto-Posta [2008-01-30 15:39:33 +0000 UTC]

ha ha ha
Yeah..

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Pesto-Posta In reply to Pesto-Posta [2008-01-30 16:18:47 +0000 UTC]

[link]
Love

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Pesto-Posta In reply to Pesto-Posta [2008-02-07 20:45:28 +0000 UTC]

Got me i think the link got screwed up

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salshep In reply to Pesto-Posta [2008-02-07 18:18:38 +0000 UTC]

....sorry....but what's that link about? o.O

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salshep In reply to Pesto-Posta [2008-01-30 15:51:58 +0000 UTC]

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BlueDannyLew In reply to ??? [2007-12-12 15:07:31 +0000 UTC]

Heheh, cool

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megamern [2007-12-11 03:38:08 +0000 UTC]

the best deviation is one with a side story.
Not that I can boast a complete understanding of the goings-on in this particular tale, but...
Aw, whatever. I liked it (a lot) anyway.

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salshep In reply to megamern [2007-12-11 14:10:31 +0000 UTC]

Well, thankyou! And yes, I always like to discover little side-stories and interesting things in the comments.

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carpenocturne In reply to ??? [2007-12-08 23:05:40 +0000 UTC]

O_O OMG! and I thought I made this up! anywayz... awesome Cthulhu at the top!

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salshep In reply to carpenocturne [2007-12-11 22:56:47 +0000 UTC]

Haha. I had thought so too, but apparently not. Glad you like the pic!

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BlueSpade In reply to ??? [2007-12-06 08:57:21 +0000 UTC]

Much Lolz. Woot for Lovecraft.

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salshep In reply to BlueSpade [2007-12-06 14:44:54 +0000 UTC]

Yes! Woot for him! Glad you liked it.

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RevolutionnaireRouge In reply to ??? [2007-12-03 02:47:51 +0000 UTC]

Amazing.


Why?


Because of Cthulu*


*My standard answer for anything I can't answer.

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salshep In reply to RevolutionnaireRouge [2007-12-03 10:06:50 +0000 UTC]

Haha! Good answer!

Thanks.

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OneEasyKill In reply to ??? [2007-11-28 20:12:00 +0000 UTC]

I had that in my msn name, i got eight people saying "is it welsh", eventually you just say it is and they leave you alone

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salshep In reply to OneEasyKill [2007-11-29 08:41:24 +0000 UTC]

ROFL. Serious?

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OneEasyKill In reply to salshep [2007-11-29 18:09:04 +0000 UTC]

Yep, to my friends and family, Lovecraft is a porno writer

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salshep In reply to OneEasyKill [2007-12-01 13:45:25 +0000 UTC]



Cthulhu cthucks, indeed?

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OneEasyKill In reply to salshep [2007-12-01 16:01:00 +0000 UTC]

So how many of the books have you read?

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salshep In reply to OneEasyKill [2007-12-01 17:22:53 +0000 UTC]

Lovecraft? All of them. And a good deal of the off-shoots and derivatives, too, Derleth, Bloch, etc. It's a bit of a hobby, really. Brian Lumley did some marvellous anthologies of Mythos-related stories, I was just reading back over those the other day. Really worth a look, if you're a fan.

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