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Published: 2018-04-30 04:40:28 +0000 UTC; Views: 7115; Favourites: 50; Downloads: 154
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Spew should have known better. Ellies were known to be highly strung, impatient and lightning quick to anger. So blame Spew's youth and sense of invulnerability for what happened.She and Red were on the way to the medical bay to check on their patients as Ellie joined them. "You two. You both need to pack supplies and get a rifle and pistol. We're out of here, now. Ship'll be here in an hour."
Spew stopped and said "We can't! We have patients up here! We have to-"
"The A.I. has them, and they don't need you. I need the both of you, now, and we're going, now.", said Ellie. "You'll do what I say, when I say it. Now!"
Red opened her mouth, a soothing, diplomatic reply forming in her mind. But Spew was faster. "Fuck that, and fuck you, you janky clone bitch!" she blurted.
Ellie actually seemed to blur as she moved, grabbing Spew's chin and forcing her back to the bulkhead. A thumb pressed into the soft flesh under her jaw and Spew's vision darkened.
"You feel that?" said Ellie. Her face was almost expressionless. "That's your carotid artery. It supplies blood to your brain. I guess you know that." Spew's face reddened. She was seeing stars as her arms, suddenly weak and child-like, scrabbled at Ellie. Ellie's grip tightened. Agony exploded in Spew's throat as her throat felt that awful pressure and she moaned in terror. Red did her best to get between them. "Ellie, no! Please don't hurt her-"
"I could break you, little girl..." Ellie said. But then something in her face changed, and she released Spew, who fell immediately, shuddering and crying. Red caught her fall, supporting her head and lowering her to lie against the wall. She looked up at Ellie, her face twisted with anger, ready to curse this frightening apparition of a girl. But Ellie's bleak, horrified expression stopped her.
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Comments: 37
FFworkshop [2018-05-10 09:02:13 +0000 UTC]
ahhh.. reality can be a harsh mistress and expectations can oft prove to just be a setup for unpleasant realizations. Spew really should have known better! Great interplay and I thought Ellie's expression worked well. Love the back and forth in the discussions too. Great stuff!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
sohighlydubious In reply to FFworkshop [2018-05-10 09:16:02 +0000 UTC]
Thanks so much. I had high hopes for this one, but I'm not sure I really did all that well. As always I learned things which might be useful down the track! Thanks again for all your comments!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
LmAnt [2018-05-04 09:41:54 +0000 UTC]
That's quite a complex relation they have altogether!
Though I admit that I still have to go back in the story to really understand the role of the Ellies better.
I was thinking the clones would rather be commanded than being in command
However, ... a greatly shining render again and I particularly like the foggy atmosphere in the background!
That is adding a nice depth to the scenery!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
sohighlydubious In reply to LmAnt [2018-05-04 10:25:34 +0000 UTC]
I'll be the first to admit that the story is not 100% clear...but in any case you're right- the two younger girls (who are not clones) are not used to being ordered around by a clone, even an Ellie...hence the conflict.
Thanks very much, I was fairly happy with how this turned out!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
LmAnt In reply to sohighlydubious [2018-05-04 11:51:24 +0000 UTC]
So, does this Ellie have a malfunction or something?
Would be an interesting thought, actually
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
sohighlydubious In reply to LmAnt [2018-05-04 13:55:46 +0000 UTC]
They all do to an extent...the conceit is that just as Julies can tend to be a bit slow or oblivious, Ellies are quick tempered and prone to depression...this one definitely is suffering. A super-soldier with PTSD, for sure.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
LmAnt In reply to sohighlydubious [2018-05-04 16:29:01 +0000 UTC]
I think I said it already but the more I learn about them the more interesting I find the Julies and Ellies!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
sohighlydubious In reply to LmAnt [2018-05-04 16:34:59 +0000 UTC]
I'm very glad to hear it! You understand character very well...your Ana being a similar case of a deeply damaged person trying to get on without falling apart. I mean we all understand that, because we live it- to a greater or lesser extent! I very nearly fell apart tonight...as I do on many a day! Now...much better...tomorrow? Who knows?
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
LmAnt In reply to sohighlydubious [2018-05-04 19:09:31 +0000 UTC]
Glad to hear to stayed in one piece
May it be even better tomorrow!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
sohighlydubious In reply to Halstrom [2018-05-01 02:13:31 +0000 UTC]
Thank you! A girl's gotta look good while being terrorised!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
dtyler99 [2018-04-30 23:52:56 +0000 UTC]
My $0.02: I see where you're going with this one. Love the thought, but Ellie's expression is too... maybe apologetic is the word. Not enough out-and-out savage cruelty and callousness as it seems the scene calls for. You've said before Ellie's expression is a bi*** to manipulate, but she's still too lost or childlike to uphold the whole of the scene. I know something in Ellie's face changes at the end, but it just seems a bit out of whack with all that came before.
Red, on the other hand, is spot-on. Anger, fear, and--of she could--a willingness to rip Ellie to pieces. Try this:
Spew and Red were on the way to the medical bay to check on their patients as Ellie joined them.
"You two. You both need to pack supplies and get a rifle and pistol. We're out of here, now. Ship'll be here in an hour."
Red opened her mouth, a soothing, diplomatic reply forming in her mind. But Spew was faster. "Fuck that, and fuck you, you janky clone bitch!" she blurted.
Ellie actually seemed to blur as she moved, took the girl's chin and slammed her back to the bulkhead. A thumb pressed into the soft flesh under her jaw. Spew's vision darkened.
"You feel that?" said Ellie.
Red did her best to get between them. "Ellie, no! Please don't hurt her-"
"I could break you, little girl..." Ellie said, but then something in her face changed and she relaxed her grip, horrified. Is this all I am?
Red could only stare. "God damn it Spew, you know what Ellie's are like! Grow up!"
Is this all I am?
Then you can backfill other details, such as the AI, etc.
I find Ellie's nascent self-awareness to be the most fascinating aspect of this arc. I know there are the shooty, stabby, splodey bits, but it's fascinating, to me, to see a clone understand the difference between her place in the world and herself.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
sohighlydubious In reply to dtyler99 [2018-05-01 01:28:30 +0000 UTC]
Thank you!
Yeah, it's a swing and a miss, this one. I guess I'm trying too hard to cast Ellie as expressionless, almost emotionally neuter (at this point in the tale), at least in terms of what she shows to others. She was raised and conditioned to be a monster, but very early in her career she was nearly destroyed by an even more horrifying character. So yeah, she's now a monster revolted by her role and training.
I think Red's horrified by Spew's outburst (clones essentially have no rights, are seen as tools and not much more) as much as by Ellie's sudden violence. She and Spew are relatively privileged citizens, but Spew's knee-jerk disrespect shocks her.
Anyhow I'm babbling now, thank you very much for your time and attention!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
dtyler99 In reply to sohighlydubious [2018-05-01 01:57:58 +0000 UTC]
You need to find a collaborator to draw the long arcs. I am sure you can find plenty of crazy-ass Oz folk to do so! So who of you, from the southern latitudes, is going to march with SHD?
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
sohighlydubious In reply to dtyler99 [2018-05-01 02:18:40 +0000 UTC]
While in some ways I'd like that...I'm not sure. My friend Phreeep had some insights into that notion of collaboration, in the sense that committee design is sometimes underwhelming. Also that it makes work of something which I'm doing purely for fun. I mean I'd love to knit together a coherent, gripping tale, but this takes enough of my time as it is. It's a conundrum...my meager writing and "art" skills may have to do. I'm not all that afraid to make mistakes and mis-steps along the way.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
dtyler99 In reply to sohighlydubious [2018-05-01 02:35:03 +0000 UTC]
Fear of mistakes is the mind-killer for an artist. You are absolutely on the right track, SHD.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
sohighlydubious In reply to Chemicq [2018-05-01 01:28:57 +0000 UTC]
Agreed, she's still the best!
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AguraNatasDreams [2018-04-30 19:24:33 +0000 UTC]
Meanwhile, I'm looking forward to your stories and the sequel my friend, great work!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
sohighlydubious In reply to AguraNatasDreams [2018-05-01 01:10:52 +0000 UTC]
Thank you very much!!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Phreeep [2018-04-30 17:05:27 +0000 UTC]
How is there even a conversation about anything other than Red and Spews shiny mirror suits?
"Oh there you two are....shiny mirror suits huh."
or
"Get your two shiny mirrored asses over here! We're going now!"
or
...Oh. I bet they don't work on Ellie....
I'm sure that reflective finish protects against coherent light weapons, but certainly not against incoherent space pirate thoughts....
I oughta' know.
Your imagery has moved the conversation past the details of creation into the details of the content.
The goal of all art.
Well done SHD.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
sohighlydubious In reply to Phreeep [2018-05-01 01:10:33 +0000 UTC]
Thanks Phreep! Yeah..Ellie's not at all impressed by the mirror finish on those butts...at least, that's the conclusion we'd draw given the evidence...
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Phreeep In reply to sohighlydubious [2018-05-01 03:14:03 +0000 UTC]
Do you think Red would mind if I shaved off my grizzled space pirate beard in her butt reflection?
THIS
...is the stuff of phahnn-tasyyyy
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
sohighlydubious In reply to Phreeep [2018-05-01 03:56:28 +0000 UTC]
...beep...beep...beep...
"How are his vital signs?"
"Well, they're looking better since we removed that razor from his...his...uhh..."
"Carry on nurse."
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
sohighlydubious In reply to James-Is-James [2018-04-30 13:55:29 +0000 UTC]
Ha ha! Ellie is one shapely 55kg issue, a bundle of neuroses and PTSD with what borders on superpowers.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
sohighlydubious In reply to JollyPops [2018-04-30 13:21:10 +0000 UTC]
Yeah! Eighty years of gene manipulation got nothing on our plucky heroine Red! M-maybe.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
JollyPops In reply to sohighlydubious [2018-05-01 16:10:00 +0000 UTC]
Definitely. Red's a heroine in the making!
Go Red!!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
sohighlydubious In reply to Blades-123 [2018-04-30 06:21:41 +0000 UTC]
Thanks Blades, grippy poses take forever and I'm not certain I got the hands just so, but it's close!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
JollyPops In reply to sohighlydubious [2018-04-30 11:57:45 +0000 UTC]
Sometimes "close enough!" is all you need ^^
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JoePingleton [2018-04-30 04:56:19 +0000 UTC]
Never mess with the Ellies. Great scene, love the characters and the environment with the mist is gorgeous
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