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Steve-C2 — Dragon Mage: Chapter 1 by-nc-nd
Published: 2012-11-30 14:16:00 +0000 UTC; Views: 2743; Favourites: 28; Downloads: 0
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Eric ran down the hall in a panic.  In honesty, he probably should have taken up running.  He had an exercise regimen that kept him in good shape, and also rewarded him with a toned muscular structure, which permitted him to achieve feats of strength not common to his classmates.  However, his ability to arrive at the particular class to which he ran was, in the words of his professor, “not exactly spectacular.”

The arrangement, however, was not entirely fair.  He ended one class on one side, in the upstairs observatory of the academy, and had not more than five minutes to arrive at the next class, located on the first floor, and opposite corner of the outer building.  From there, the professor would sometimes hold class outside.

Wherever it was didn't matter, it was a bit far for Eric to even think of walking.  Unfortunately, the first part of his journey was usually through students, professors, and assistants using the halls in between classes.  The first precious minute of time covered such a small amount of distance that it tormented Eric.  For a moment, he did not think of the abilities he did not possess, that the other students did; he simply tried to find the straightest, fastest path downstairs and across the building.  In spite of the campus ban since the accidentally dropped student, Eric would have levitated down if he could have done so.

Eric could run, however.  He left a breeze in his wake once he got a good pace.

The academy building itself was a gray stone structure, having an inner “castle” and outer “wall” structure.  Moss and ivy, traditional stonework greenery, grew up the walls, giving a decorative effect.  The inner building was not much more than a four story square, approximately one hundred yards on each side, and had a pointed slate roof.  At the front and rear of the building were large oak double doors; the wood was braced in brass.  The sides had smaller wooden doors.  Rows of windows lined each level of the building.  The primary function was to house administrative offices and meeting halls (the halls were in the basement), as well as the students.  There were no classrooms, since the real estate here was premium for student housing.

The outer building was three stories high, but twice as long on each of its sides, as the sides of the inner building; this allowed for a large interior court.  A pointed slate roof traveled along the top of the building as it circled the campus.  At the front of the building, a large metal drop gate formed the first barrier to entry into the court, and provided a decorative effect for the entrance.  A second large oak double door closed the court completely to the outside.  Each corner of the outer building had a tower that rose three stories above the building itself.  The outer building housed classrooms and student meeting rooms.  The building was mostly empty, even when school was in session, so some instructors had apartments there, either as a part time or full time basis.

Three enclosed bridges connected the buildings to each other at the sides and rear of the administrative building.  They arched above the courtyard at the middle of the two buildings and the courtyard, joining the third stories of each of the buildings.  Each bridge had stone flooring, wooden sides, and a thatched roof.  They provided shelter in inclement weather, for students to travel between their housing and classes.

The outer court consisted essentially of grass, with trees planted in strategic rows for aesthetic appeal.  Concrete walkways led around the main building, and around the inside of the outer building.  On each side of the building, another path crossed perpendicularly between the inner and outer paths, linking them.  The path at the front of the buildings was three times as wide as the other paths.

Facing the front of the outer building, the tower that housed the observatory from which Eric frantically ran, was on the rear left corner of the building.  The class following this, was located in the front right hand corner.

Eric had discovered a while back that he could cut his time substantially if he crossed through the courtyard in between buildings.  His challenge remained the first set of spiral steps leading from the top of the observatory, to the top floor of the outer building.  After that, the staircases were wider to accommodate more students.  Nevertheless, he never seemed to get to them in time.

Reaching the ground floor, Eric found the inner exit leading to the courtyard at the corner below the observatory and burst through the door into the open courtyard.  No time to lose, Eric bolted at full speed through the yard, around the building, and aimed for the door at the inner corner of the building, opposite of where he had emerged.  Once again, he barreled through the opening at the corner of the building, and sprinted to the open door of his classroom.  The bell signaling students to class began to ring, and Eric dove, flying through the door as the bell rang.  He landed with a harsh thump, and the sixteen year old grunted as his body connected to the cold stones of the floor, and the bell stopped.

He was on time.

Eric's instructor saw the landing, and regarded him impassively, raising an eyebrow.  “Take your seat, Mr. Nuleben.”

Eric went to his seat, to the tittering of his classmates, as the instructor closed the door.  A woman sat in the front corner of the room, opposite of the door.  She seemed young, had blond hair, almost white, and was wearing a very light blue dress.  She, too, looked at Eric, following him to his seat, with a look that seemed as though she were trying to read him.

Eric sat down and rubbed his rib.  He had not landed well.  Nonetheless, he noticed nothing broken, which was somewhat surprising given that he had come to an abrupt halt against the floor.  When Eric landed, he did not even slide.  Eric looked at the woman in the corner.  Her hair was tied back in a ponytail, and she had turned her attention back to the instructor.

The classroom itself was about thirty feet on each side.  The classroom door was at the front of the room, on the left hand side.  Twenty feet of the front wall was occupied by a three foot high blackboard, hung so the lower part was raised about three feet off the floor.  At the center of the room, five feet away from the wall, stood a dark wooden lectern.  At the right hand side of the room, the instructor's desk sat a short distance away from the wall, angled so he could easily see the class at a glance from the desk.  An empty chair was at the side of the desk, and the woman sat in a chair in front of the desk.  On the right hand side of the classroom were several tall windows, allowing light into the room.

The instructor closed the classroom door and approached the lectern.  The top of his head fell about four inches short of the top of the blackboard, and he was slightly, but noticeably, round figured.  The top of his head was bald, and short hair grew around the sides.  He grasped the sides of the lectern.  “Yesterday, if you remember, we were discussing the different abilities, properties, and tendencies of different mages.  To that end, I have invited someone here to demonstrate a few things.

Eric's attention was diverted as one of his neighbors surreptitiously passed a note to him.  He took it, folded his arms, and waited a few moments.  He had learned not to be too eager to open these notes; fortunately, the lessons were at the expense of those classmates that were not too careful and too eager to read notes passed around.  Careless, he thought.  He turned his attention back to the instructor.

“... and since I have an interest in each of your abilities, I have asked her to stop by and let me know what talents she perceives you have, and in what direction you're headed.  To do that, she will pass by, simply read your energies.  She will then let me know if everyone is on the right path.  Miss Winters, please proceed.”

Eric stifled a shout, but his sharp intake of breath, and open mouth, were noticed by the instructor.

“Is there something wrong, Mr. Nuleben,” he asked dryly.

“Sorry, professor, no professor, I must have bruised something when I landed and just noticed.”

“I see.”  The instructor looked at Eric a few moments, nodded, looked at the room, and moved back to his desk.  The way he moved sometimes unnerved the class.  He would work his way backward, then turn sideways toward his desk, and angle his head, so that he always had an eye on the class while he walked towards the desk.  On reaching it, he would sit, eyes still on the class, not looking down until he was satisfied that he was seated and the class was not preparing to commit heinous academic crimes.  The man simply applied the advice of not turning your back on the enemy, to the classroom.

As the woman went through the class, she walked gracefully between the students and their desks, occasionally stopping.  Eric watched her move through the class, and noticed that a sheer white gown accented the pale blue dress.  She was relatively petite, and though not too thin, seemed both soft and fragile.

Before Eric realized, she was at his desk.  Eric looked at her, and she looked at him with piercing hazel eyes, again trying to read him.  She seemed to concentrate more strongly, then finally closed her eyes and moved to the next student.

The class remained silent while she went around, and finally she came back to the instructor's desk, took some papers, held them against her mouth so the class could not hear or make out her words, and spoke with the instructor.  He looked at Eric's friends, then at Eric, and nodded.

From his desk, the instructor announced, “As I had expected, this has taken up our usable class time.  We will dismiss for today.”  The bell sounding class end rang.  As everyone rose, the instructor called out, “There are three people I need to see.  Mr. Nuleben, Mr. Olaston, and Mr. Merdeton.  Please see me after class briefly.”

While the class filed out, Eric and his friends Lucius and Decius approached the desk.  The instructor rose.

“Gentlemen, while Ms. Winters was going around the class, she had an interesting read on you.  It is her judgment to not go into any further detail as to what you are doing.  However, she has asked me to advise you, as your instructor, that you are meddling in something which you ought not.  I am certain that you know the behavior or practice of which she speaks.  For my part, at this point, it is my own judgment that I do not care to know.  You know what you are doing, and you know you ought not.  At this point, I should hope that you gentlemen would practice some sound judgment yourselves, and take the advice of myself and Ms. Winters, and not engage any further.  That is all.  You may go.”

Eric and his friends started out.

“Except for Mr. Nuleben.  Mr. Nuleben, I need to have some further words with you.  I would be happy if you had some time right now.

Eric nodded at his friends.  “I'll see you later.”  Turning to the instructor and trying to hide his nerves, he responded.  “Yes, professor, I do have some time right now.

Related content
Comments: 36

Jessica-Rae-3 [2014-04-07 04:07:10 +0000 UTC]

But they SHALL engage further! Good start.

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Steve-C2 In reply to Jessica-Rae-3 [2014-04-07 04:13:07 +0000 UTC]

You have no idea ...

Thanks!

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Jessica-Rae-3 In reply to Steve-C2 [2014-04-07 04:19:01 +0000 UTC]

No problem. I'm going to read 2 to 3 chapters of your story each day. Sound good? >w>

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Steve-C2 In reply to Jessica-Rae-3 [2014-04-07 04:22:47 +0000 UTC]

That's cool!

Feel free to share your thoughts.

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Jessica-Rae-3 In reply to Steve-C2 [2014-04-07 04:34:49 +0000 UTC]

Ah, alright.  

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Little-Red-Hat [2014-03-25 19:38:18 +0000 UTC]

An intriguing start!

I agree with a previous commenter that the heavy detail, although good for setting the scene, slows down the "rushing" pace at the beginning. The action would work well enough on its own. The setting description could have been saved for later - a more casual walk through the grounds, perhaps. 

That said, this opening chapter has raised my interest in the story, and has made me want to read on. I want to know what forbidden art Eric and his friends are practising, and why the professor needs to see him.

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Steve-C2 In reply to Little-Red-Hat [2014-03-26 01:09:20 +0000 UTC]

Good good.

I do agree that the heavy detail describing the campus does take away a bit from the rush.  I wanted to convey that the poor character was in quite the hurry - why?  He has to run 200+ yards to his class in about 3 minutes, through throngs of people.  It may be better to start with the description; perhaps "One would not want to go from one corner of this campus to another while under tight time constraints." or something along those lines.

One of the biggest things I wanted to do with this is capture interest.  I sometimes fear that after this, that people might get a different impression of events than what actually happen.  Frankly, sometimes I was kind of surprised by what happened.  If you read through this, you might actually see, quite evidently, cases of "author improvement during writing the story."  I think I catch a few points on that, myself.

Thank you again!

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Little-Red-Hat In reply to Steve-C2 [2014-03-26 11:35:00 +0000 UTC]

You're welcome. It's always good to revise things as your skills improve - I'm sure you can see the same sort of development in my scripts.

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914four [2013-12-16 20:07:32 +0000 UTC]

So I've read the first four chapters, and I suspect I going to keep reading for a while. We discussed feedback, and I am willing to share my opinions, with the disclaimer that they are merely my opinions and I could be totally wrong. I will comment here, and ask if you would prefer critique to be in PMs rather than on the individual pages? I tend not to edit myself when I critique, so while I try to be fair, I just want to be clear that I am also at times brutally honest. In what I've read so far, your writing seems to be quite good (probably better than my own), but there are a few things "that bug me" that are not necessarily unique to you. So I would also ask, would you like me to share those thoughts with you as well? One more disclaimer, I am not a fan of Harry Potter; I am much more aligned with Harry Dresden than Mister Potter, and in my world, HP makes computers. But I did play D&D for many years, and am a Tolkien fan.
Notes on the first chapter. Many people will read the first page of a book and decide based on that if they will buy or read the book. In this light, it is usually good for the first "hook" to be in the first paragraph. I would suggest having Eric fall in class, and then perhaps have him think back to how unfair the classroom assignments are while the teacher begins his lesson. I found that your description of him "landing" is vague, you do such a wonderful job of describing everything else yet at this point I found myself wondering if he had begun to fly. If he fell flat on his face, then by all means, say so!
Last nit to pick, I didn't sense the time passing as Ms Winters passed through the class. She is walking down the aisles and then suddenly class is over; I think you can do better here.
 Aside from that, I'm impressed. I will comment on the next chapters when I get back to Ottawa.

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Steve-C2 In reply to 914four [2013-12-16 20:35:33 +0000 UTC]

You can feel free to leave your comments under the individual chapters; it might make it easier for my purposes.  Fair is great; if/when I critique I aim for the same.  And while I do try to be gentle, I know it can be very ... direct (which may come across as "brutal").  So, if it's anything like things I've sent to others, then I'll probably understand what you're saying/doing.  And I understand that individual nuances can vary; on that, I welcome the opinions.  Fanhood aside, I aim to write something that is decent, good quality, good story.  Any resemblance to anything you mentioned is incidental and a pure coincidence.  I barely read fantasy, never Tolkein, Dresden, and only 4 of the HP books.

Did I ever mention I'm awful at writing beginnings, sometimes?  I've had so many people comment on the beginning of this, recommending some form of change, I should probably just smile, and even chuckle a little.  I don't take it anyway other than to acknowledge that I need to work on openings.    I was trying to introduce a character, and the campus, all at once, and I seriously couldn't find another way to do so.  Side note - no, he wasn't flying; he's just trying desperately to get through the door before the bell rings. 

I see what you're saying about the passage of time, and I have to agree.  I'm working on editing this in hopes to publish, so that will probably be addressed in a future re-edit.

Thank  you.

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914four In reply to Steve-C2 [2013-12-21 04:18:35 +0000 UTC]

"Every human being is entitled to courtesy and consideration. Constructive criticism is not only to be expected but sought." - Margaret Chase Smith 

I'd highly recommend Jim Butcher, the Harry Dresden books are an amazing series, and not at all what you'd expect. The best way to improve your writing is to read other authors, and Butcher's style is certainly worth investigating. 

"If you want to be a writer, you must do two things above all others: read a lot and write a lot. There's no way around these two things that I'm aware of, no shortcut." - Stephen King

I quote others a lot, mostly because I'm incapable of original thought

I'll try to find time this weekend to comment the next chapter.

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PoesDaughter [2013-10-08 04:06:08 +0000 UTC]

I think the cool thing about this chapter is that you caught me off guard with this being a school for mages. The way you set it up, I initially thought this was like a mixture of Percy Jackson and Harry Potter where Eric starts out in a regular school (I was picturing an Ivy League university like Harvard), but discovers he has powers of some sort, so a secret society of mages comes to recruit him. It was cool to see that he's already a student, so in that respect it's a more original beginning.

And him falling (landing?) in the classroom was funny :giggles:

As for revision suggestions, I have to say that I would cross out 99% of Eric's mad dash to class. For one, I don't think that's where the story really starts; I think it starts with him face-planting in the classroom. But more importantly, I'm not completely sure what's at stake if he's late, and so I'm not convinced I should care. Will he be flogged, or will he be punished in some equally insidious way? I think the details you focused on were good for describing the setting, but they weren't the details you should've focused on. I wanted to see more of what was going on inside of Eric's mind so that I could relate to him and begin to care about him. You could have him reflect about he ran like hell as he's sitting in his chair, panting, sweating, and trying to catch his breath.

You could also have fun and draw out Miss Winters' evaluation of the class. What's going on in Eric's head when he sees her? Is he sweating bullets because he's so nervous about her scrutinizing eye? Is she attractive, and does he do something stupid to make her look at him with disdain? Or is she repulsive in a way that makes his testicles ascend so high he can practically taste them in his throat? What about his buddies? Are they shooting spit wads or something at her? The sky's the limit for this scene, but I do think it needs to be fleshed out more because again, I want to be able to relate to him.

Lastly, I noticed a few lower-order concerns. I noticed some grammar and punctuation errors, mostly the latter, as well as a tendency to fall back on the passive voice. Also, when the professor is talking to Eric and his friends, he repeated himself a few times. Unless redundancy is going to be a hallmark trait of his character (and that could be kind of an interesting characterization, actually), I'd pare that down. These are easy fixes, though, so please don't hate me for pointing them out, LOL

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Steve-C2 In reply to PoesDaughter [2013-10-08 04:29:10 +0000 UTC]

This was unexpected!  Thank you!

I wrote this while listening to TSO's Wizards in Winter . I may have looked at this a few times without it being in my head.  I was trying to start a story, that would lead up to a scene that happens in chapter 23 - 25.

And, there were so many things I was trying to do with this story!  I outlined them here.

I got the Harry Potter line ... this is kind of the opposite, though.  In the wizarding world, everyone likes Harry Potter.  Poor Eric.

You're absolutely right, though, about the story start being more or less where he face-plants in the classroom.  I was practicing my descriptive imagery in that first part.  I'd hesitate to lose it, because it does give a feel for the size of the campus, which does play a small role later.  Now, the fact you found Eric's face-plant to be amusing? 

The penalty for being late?  It comes up later that this particular instructor is well-versed in mind games.  You just really don't want to get on his bad side.

Now, Ms Winters?  She is absolutely beautiful, in a wholesome, charming, and ethereal way.  It comes across so much better, as time goes on.  She also has a mysterious air about her, and in this particular scene, I envisioned her looking at him with a kind, but rather interested expression, like she already knows him.  (Yes, she was one of my favorite characters to create.)

I don't mind if someone finds flaws, or otherwise room for improvement.  I'm usually good with grammar, so when anyone spots something, you'll see me do but otherwise, I'll usually fix it here and on the file.

(Being edited so that if I can get it off to a publisher .... )

Thank you!

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PoesDaughter In reply to Steve-C2 [2013-10-08 06:09:52 +0000 UTC]

You're welcome

I realized that a lot of my questions would probably be answered in future chapters, but I knew I probably wouldn't have the chance to read anymore tonight, so I gave you everything that was going through my head. That's usually my method anyway. Word vomiting, LOL

I'm glad you're okay with me pointing out the minor technical difficulties...You wouldn't believe how pissy people will get with me for that (hence my rants). Yeah, your grammar was pretty decent. I noticed a lot more in the way of punctuation. Mostly, you'd have the quotation marks at the beginning of the sentence, but didn't have them afterwards. No biggies.

I don't know that everyone likes Harry Potter, though, LOL I can think of quite a few haters in that universe: Voldemort, Snape, Malfoy, the rest of Slytherin House...

Your Captain Picard graphics crack me up, btw.

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Woden-Byers [2013-04-12 01:16:32 +0000 UTC]

Very well done the dialogue and details about setting blend extremely well

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Steve-C2 In reply to Woden-Byers [2013-04-12 01:27:06 +0000 UTC]

Thank you.

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Woden-Byers In reply to Steve-C2 [2013-04-12 01:33:05 +0000 UTC]

Your welcome mind if I make a story based in the same world as yours but in a different place, just as practice for me.

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Steve-C2 In reply to Woden-Byers [2013-04-12 01:42:30 +0000 UTC]

Certainly; feel free.

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Woden-Byers In reply to Steve-C2 [2013-04-12 01:45:22 +0000 UTC]

Awesome thanks a lot

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Donyxz [2012-12-05 07:22:15 +0000 UTC]

There was too much detail put in to depict a real rush. Bear in mind that while describing the background IS important, you must capture the spirit of the moment. Think, if I were doing this, would I take into notice these things? Would I consider them? Or am I perhaps, only concerned with the path ahead of me? You should detail the scenery during his walk back. Perhaps he will have things to think about? If he is at a slower pace, and in no rush, he is free to observe all that is aground him. You have my attention with this story. I would like to see where this goes. Please do continue.

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Steve-C2 In reply to Donyxz [2012-12-05 13:37:35 +0000 UTC]

Thank you for your input.

I hope you don't mind me asking how you came across this piece. I'm curious.

I understand what you're saying about how I described the background in the middle of Eric's rush, and thinking on it, I see what you're saying. The reason I chose to put the description where I did, was more to show why he was in such a hurry - big campus.

I'm happy to see it got your attention; thank you for taking the time to comment.

Cheers.

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Donyxz In reply to Steve-C2 [2012-12-05 14:44:27 +0000 UTC]

I did a search on Mage and went by newest. Yours was the only story caught my eye, so I checked it out. Hmm... Perhaps, considering the effect you seem to want to get out of the explanation, maybe you should explain it before he starts going? Either way, the description of the area was interesting. The size was well portrayed.
And any time. I like seeing original fantasy at work.

Life is not a race, but a marathon. It isn't about who finishes fastest, that's not the goal. It's who goes farthest and finishes strongest. He is the victor.-sorry, had to jot this somewhere before I forgot it.

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Jestloo [2012-11-30 16:27:31 +0000 UTC]

I just noticed, you haven't put this in any groups yet. You should!

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Steve-C2 In reply to Jestloo [2012-12-01 06:49:02 +0000 UTC]

Fixing.

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Jestloo [2012-11-30 16:23:12 +0000 UTC]

"On reaching it, he would sit, eyes still on the class, and would sit down, not looking down until he was satisfied that he was seated and the class was not preparing to commit heinous academic crimes." <---- he's sitting twice.
(by the way, I found this segment about the teacher funny)

"Once again, he barreled through the door and sprinted to the open door of his classroom." <---- the word "door" shouldn't be used twice in one sentence.


Wow! I have to say, this was a very nice introduction. With what you are describing, I seem to imagine that the school is like an old castle. The stones have been weathered with much rain, and have hence darkened to a near blackish color. Eric seem like the typical student for now. (I completely understand having 2 classes at the furthest points to get too) I liked how you started with him, described the surrounding, and then returned to him. It flowed well. I did notice that you used the word building a lot. I'm not sure what other word you could interchange on a few of those, but it felt like I was seeing that word too often.

I had to read that part with him diving into the room again. On the second time, I could somewhat "feel" it, but not too well. (It could just be me. I tend to miss things a lot,and need to look over them a second time) Because of that, his thought of not breaking any bones sounded a little, umm..., extreme-ish? But it could be his personality that would cause him to think that.

Yes, the ending does leave me with a spark of interest. (Although now I believe it's coming to the tidbit that you showed me)

Over all, I consider this a job well done.
Good job, Stevie!

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Steve-C2 In reply to Jestloo [2012-12-01 02:40:37 +0000 UTC]

He's a mage, he can sit down however many times he feels like. Fresh eyes make all the difference; I'll have to fix it.

I didn't think anything of it at the time since I'm referring to 2 different doors. I can try to think of something else though.

Thank you! I did that on purpose. I thought it would work - here you have this kid in a desperate hurry, may be wondering why, so you see the campus, and he's got a cross a diagonal between two arms that are 200 yards long, and there's this huge 100 yard building in the way. So after that, you're thinking, "oh, that stinks." He can't go through the building because of traffic, so yeah, he's in a hurry, even if he is athletic (I hope I conveyed that). You're right about using the word "building" a lot and I was tempted to use the word castle but that seemed a bit off since it's a school. I might reconsider.

I wouldn't say that Eric's personality made him think he broke something. You're right, it may be a little extreme, but then again, he might be thinking in hyperbolic terms. The floor he landed on wasn't nice linoleum or wood; that was harsh, cold, flagstone.

I forgot to ask, could you picture the characters - and what was your impression of Ms. Winters? Re-reading, I'm realizing I have to describe her look as she was looking at Eric. She's one of those people with a face that's hard to read, but it's not mean. Just has a great poker face.

Good good! That tells me I wrote a good "hook" I'm thinking of doing this once a week. I just hope you (or anyone else for that matter) doesn't lose interest in that time.

If you think of anything else, let me know. Thank you.

I'm glad you're saying it's a job well done. I have to say, I worked pretty hard on this, and I hope it's showing plainly. Thank you.

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Jestloo In reply to Steve-C2 [2012-12-02 00:44:13 +0000 UTC]

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!! XD

Can't argue with that! Oh goodness!! That was funny! XD

Yeah, you conveyed his athleticism. The way you described the school makes it almost like an old castle. I think it would slide.

Yeah, no kidding! Just crushed my middle 2 fingers on my right hand today at work, and that was only plastic! (Boy, did that hurt like the dickens!)

She sounds young and pretty. She is also quiet and puts off this air of authority and wisdom.

Yes, that does seem like an important moment. It would be best to describe it further.

Naw, in fact, I think it would be good. That would help me pace myself with reading. (More like, I'm going to be able to keep up better)

If I do, sure.

I think it does show. You've put a lot of thought and some love into this. I'm excited for the next installment.

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Steve-C2 In reply to Jestloo [2012-12-02 01:14:01 +0000 UTC]

I thought you'd get a chuckle out of that.

Crushed fingers are no fun.

Great read on Ms. Winters. Let me say it again - GREAT read. The next chapter, and chapter 4, will give you more insight. I just bought the TSO album "Dreams of Fireflies", and I was surprised at the front cover image. It's pretty much how I had visualized Ms. Winters.

Just how important it is, will become evident in the next chapter.

Okay, I'm glad that works for you. It probably works best for me, too. As much as I'd love to dump all 7 finished chapters (I've been busy; last time it was, what, 4?), it would leave me in a spot with nothing to post on a regular basis.

(Looking at hand) NO! Stay AWAY from the "submit" button!

I'm glad to hear you're excited for the next installment.

Cheers!

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Jestloo In reply to Steve-C2 [2012-12-02 02:38:20 +0000 UTC]

No, they most certainly are not! For the first hour I was dreading that I wouldn't be able to draw for a while, but it's getting better now. (Just can't put too much pressure, is all)

Like Rose, I can read your thoughts!! XD

Good! I'm awfully curious about that "reading" of him and what it meant!

7 chapters!?
Why, you've been one busy bee!

Lol!! XD


Umm... I got a question.
I'm thinking about posting one of my finished stories, but now that I'm reading one of my "best" ones over again, it's looking really sad. (I did it in March of 2010,while I was in 11th grade) Would it be ok if I noted it to you? I don't want to start it completely over, but I'm finding it difficult to tweak it.

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Steve-C2 In reply to Jestloo [2012-12-02 03:45:07 +0000 UTC]

Oh? Did you see the album cover? (And, was that pretty much how you had envisioned her?)

You have no idea of how much I want to post #2 right now! But, like I said, on this journey, I definitely want the feedback, and don't want to overwhelm you at all. Besides, if I give all my frontwork right now, I won't have anything later. One per week!

Yeah, I have. Just finished #7, started #8, and don't forget that there's another 2 at least partial chapters that will be fit later on.

Feel free to send me a note at any time. I'll be happy to look at your work; I can't promise that I'll be able to say much, but I'll try. If I have critiques, I'll be as gentle as I can. I've been told that is not exactly my strength. So if I come off a little "gruff" (ha!) please don't take it personally.

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Jestloo In reply to Steve-C2 [2012-12-02 04:01:51 +0000 UTC]

Accidentally pressed "add comment"


I told you before, I don't get offended easily. Plus, I know that it needs work. That's why I'm asking for the critique.

(Remember though, it was done early 2010. So it doesn't exactly represent my writing skill anymore)

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Steve-C2 In reply to Jestloo [2012-12-02 04:26:25 +0000 UTC]

Fair enough. As I said, I'll do my best. I haven't critiqued writing since, uh, wow, 20 years - that was a class assignment to score work for other classmates.

I remembered that you said you don't get offended easily; with my interpersonal skills and my own personality quirks, I just wanted to put that out there.

Don't worry, I won't think anything of it.

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Jestloo In reply to Steve-C2 [2012-12-02 04:36:06 +0000 UTC]

Wow! That's a long time ago!!

I love your personality quirks!

Alright, I've sent it...
(now I'm acting like you with the uneasyness) XD

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Steve-C2 In reply to Jestloo [2012-12-02 04:57:30 +0000 UTC]

Did a preliminary skim, and I wanted to let you know I liked what I saw so far.

I'll get back to you with details later; I can't promise tonight, but I'll try tomorrow.

Thank you for sharing.

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Jestloo In reply to Steve-C2 [2012-12-02 05:08:48 +0000 UTC]

Ok. I'll be waiting!
(Don't worry about going too fast. I got church)


Goodnight!

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Jestloo In reply to Steve-C2 [2012-12-02 03:56:06 +0000 UTC]

No, just responding to what you said.

Lol! Persevere!!

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