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wrensharpbeak β Undone
Published: 2008-05-26 19:50:53 +0000 UTC; Views: 11001; Favourites: 129; Downloads: 43
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A scene from "The Barrens", the 15th story in my Avatar: The Last Airbender fan-fiction series found at [link]Excerpt from "The Barrens"
(segment 5 - Undone)
Zuko's head dropped until his brow rested against the top of her head as he choked out, "Mai, why did you -do- that?"
He pulled his head back slightly as she shifted, tilting her face toward his. With obvious effort, she reached a trembling hand up to touch his scarred cheek, and Zuko didnβt resist as she pulled gently, bringing his lips down to meet hers.
The kiss lasted for only a fleeting moment, but it was enough to make her answer clear. When Zuko opened his eyes, Mai was gazing up at him with a small, bittersweet smile.
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Comments: 41
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I'm sick so I can't think clearly but...if I get this right, from a moment of deep depression,
that Mai is...
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Oh my gosh. As soon as I saw this, Aang's expression tore me to pieces. I've always been more of a Zuko fan, but I really feel for Aang is this picture. I never really liked Mai, but I like her here.
Brilliant job.
~Kiratari
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I cried when i wrote it! And then i cried even harder when i got to the funeral segment that followed. In fact, i almost backed out of that particular plot development because it was so heartbreaking and difficult to write.
But i'd already foreshadowed it, and had a plan for how her death would shape the other characters (especially Azula), so i stuck to my original guns and did it.
But it wasn't easy.
As for your Zuko/Katara comment, i'm not sure what you are referring to. There isn't anything going on between them. He loves her. Big deal. So does Aang. Again, big deal.
It's just part of the storyline and character development. I see nothing to get worked up over.
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I guess it's because I'm more of a Kataang and Maiko person, and it irks me slightly that Zuko and Katara are getting cozy right under Aangs nose so soon after Mais death, which didn't seem to have affected Zuko past that chapter. Oh well. I'm sure the Zutarians love it.
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Cozy? What are you talking about? Katara doesn't have a clue about what's going on, and she isn't treating Zuko any differently than she does anyone else. And Zuko isn't betraying Mai in any way either. He didn't even know how she felt until the moment before she died. That's hardly enough time to reciprocate.
But I'll be touching on that particular topic soon enough in the story. The scene is already written and just waiting for me to fill in the blanks between where things are currently at and when that happens. Believe me, i've put a ton of thought into this.
And I understand that you're a shipper. But I'm NOT. I could care less about all this shipping nonsense.
The whole point of me writing this love triangle is actually to develop Aang's character. I've gone to great lengths to make this situation seem as realistic and believable as possible, and i personally feel like i've succeeded in that so far.
I've kept everyone in character and built this scenario in a natural and logical way within the events of my own story. If you see an instance where i haven't, then by all means, point it out specifically and tell me what you think would have been more realistic. I'm willing to listen to a thought-out critique.
But, if you're just going to get pissy about the fact that your favorite pairs aren't working out in this fan-fic, then don't read it. And for heaven's sake don't gripe at me about it! Iβm just trying to tell a story here.
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Eh? Well, I don't like shipping wars either, but I think you could say that Aang/Katara and Zuko/Mai are no longer "ships". They're official couples. Of course you have the right to make whatever pairings you like in your own work. Sorry for sounding pissy, you're writing's great, it's just that it irks me slightly to see Mai killed off and Aang a stones throw from getting turned down to make way for Zuko/Katara.
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I didn't βkill off Mai to make way for Zuko/Kataraβ. Mai died in my story because that's how it played out in my head. Her sacrifice was meant to be something tragic and powerful, and have an enormous impact on ALL the main characters.
Ironically enough, i wasn't too far off the mark with that concept either. The show did something eerily familiar but was far less dramatic about it. Personally, i feel my version was much more poignant.
And believe me, i'm not about to short-change Aang and break his heart either. I adore Aang, and i wouldn't do that to him (the only people i actually ENJOY making miserable in my stories are Zuko and Azula...don't ask me why, it's just fun to write).
This whole story is simply the vision that developed in my head at the end of Season Two. Had i waited for Season Three to begin before i started, it probably would have taken a different path altogether.
So, you can either read it for what it is and enjoy it the way i'm presenting it, or you can find a different story that satisfies your shipping preference. But please don't condemn me for the direction this is going before you've even had a chance to see how it all plays out.
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Sad, but beautiful. The their faces just bring the story to life.
I'm glad Ty-Lee has joined them, but Mai...well I wish she could have survived.
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I love this picture and this story!. Though, Mai's better off not knowing that Zuko did the exact same thing for Katara in the finale.
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WOw this is dramatic and wow!!! Very nice, I love their expressions, you can feel and relate to every single character and they work to gether to convey your story perfectly. The coloring is nice ^_^ Great job!
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Aww, I read the chapter through the link. 
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That's very beautiful and sad
Can I add it to ?
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Thank you. And I would be honored to have it included there.
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OOOOOOOHHHHH THIS IS PURTY!!! XD Lol, I like the way your pictures look colored.
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Really nice, love how the combination of Mai's facial features and her hand on his cheek says 'for you'. Also like the positioning of her body; you can tell she's not going to last much longer and she's giving the last of her strength all to Zuko.
Almost missed Katara's tear at first, thinking it was just the reflection of the healing water, but now that I look at it I can't miss it; it really conveys the 'I can't heal her' written on her face.
Aang's expression is gut wrenching and I like what both you and Karalora have said, he alone seems to know she won't make it.
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Yay! Someone noticed the tear! I was afraid i'd lost it completely when i put in the lighting. But it doesn't surprise me that it was you who spotted it. You and Karalora always seem to have an eye for the little details. 
Thank you!
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I rather dislike romance that is all smooth sailing and sunshine. Tragedy is essential, and character deaths bring about the MOST interesting character developments in stories. A good twist on Mai's death (although I REALLY like her).
You're really neutral? THAT'S a rare find.
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I found myself liking Mai the more i wrote her, so going through with this scene was very hard by the time i got to it. But for the story i have, it was an important plot point.
And yes, i really AM neutral. I like all the pairings so long as they are well done (both in fanon and canon).
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Wren (btw, this is Aurinos from over at ff.net) - love this scene. Heartbreaking and heartwarming all at the same time. Heartwarming because of the empathy both Aang and Katara are showing for both Zuko and Mai. You can tell Aang and Katara both see Zuko as family at this stage, and grieve his loss right along with him. So much said in just one scene.
And truthfully, I think you did the character of Mai much more justice than even the writers of the series have. I have flashes where I think she might be cool, but then they write a scene that just completely turns me off of her. But your Mai - her motivations, her experssions, everything - I like that girl. And I was sad when she died (Ty Lee's comment at the shrine killed me). Too bad you're not one of the writers for the series.
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*expressions, because obviously I can't spell today.
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wow, this is really good. i love the expressions on their faces
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You're a sucker for tragic romances? I prefer feisty ones...which is why I don't ship anything in Avatar, nothing fits the bill. But tragic is good too...
Mai's expression kind of reminds me of the bit at the end of Romancing the Stone when Jack tells Joan how the crocodile died in his arms and she says: "I don't blame him. If I were to die there's no place on earth I'd rather be."
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Feisty romances are definitely the best. Nothing can beat them, really. But having gone through a couple of disastrous relationships in my life, tragic romances still hold a very special place for me.
As for Mai's expression, it wound up being a lot easier to draw than i had expected. I used a reference for the profile, but how i managed to get that tiny, sad smile (on the first go, no less!) is beyond me.
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Sometimes my 'art's' like that too...sometimes they just work the first time and make you happy. I find those are the best and most special pieces...
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The glow on Katara\'s hand and the lighting are amazing! The expressions in this are also wonderful and like said, Aang looks just so sad that I think I want to hug him. As always, wonderful job!
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I'm glad you like the water/glow. I personally wasn't too happy with how it turned out, but finally gave up trying to improve it. So it does me a world of good to be complimented on that.
Thank you!
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At the risk of sounding like a broken record, I have to compliment you again on the way you\'ve drawn the characters\' hair--there is a good sense of gentle wind movement.
I also like the color palettes you used, with warm tones for Katara, very cool ones for Mai, and a combination for Aang and Zuko. The fact that Aang and Zuko are almost identically colored is another opportunity to draw a comparison between them. On the other hand, the contrast between Katara and Mai says a lot about how different they are in personality, and, appropriately for the scene, sets them on opposite sides of the line between Life and Death.
Aang\'s expression makes me want to cry. 
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Aang is definitely the 'Greek chorus' of this piece. He knows exactly how this is going to end, as he is painfully aware of the fact that the only reason he survived this same situation was because of the water from the Sprit Oasis...which Katara no longer has.
Thank you so much for the comments. Like the reviews you give on my stories, your observations on my art always help me see my own work in a new light.
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"...that wasnt nice of me"
No, it wasn't. Which is why i am hiding your comment.
I don't ship, and my story is not a 'Maiko'. Nor is it a 'Kataang', or a 'Zutara' or whatever else people get so worked up over. If you want to comment on the image itself, that's fine. But don't go making rude remarks that might offend other viewers.
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Yeah, I almost hate what I did to Mai in my story. But I'm such a sucker for tragic romances... *sigh*
Anyway, thanks for the comment and i'm glad you like the picture!
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who got hurt in this picture Mai or Zuko?
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