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mindflenzing — RPG Two Kinds of People
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Published: 2013-02-21 17:18:06 +0000 UTC; Views: 861; Favourites: 23; Downloads: 6
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Description
R.P.G. (Ransack People's Gold) is the tale of four D&D/Star Wars/RPG players and their DM, who wishes he were a player. These intrepid players are, from left to right:Kenneth, the over-achieving, yet under appreciated DM.
Adam, the guy who has a theater background but needs a girlfriend.
Barry, the munchkin power-gamer with a bad case of arrested development.
Josh, the straight-laced guy who just wants to play the game.
Kassi, Josh's homicidally-minded younger cousin, whom he regrets inviting.
In my many many hours of updating and reformatting strips I found one I forgot to post to DA! Like most DMs, I found that my players had a strange binary view of NPCs. This causes most DMs to instinctively get defensive with female NPCs. Thus, I made a raunchy female dwarf guild enforcer with low charisma who would sexually harass male NPCs. Let me tell you, DMs are not mentally prepared for your characters to pinch the butt of male NPCs like the middle aged captain of the guard.
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Comments: 104
I had a frisky noble in Starwars Saga Ed who discovered the hard way that sometimes the wrong NPC accepts your advances and thus spent a fair amount of time dodging an amorous female Gamorrean. Adventurers aren't the only people with unrealistic strike zones.
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Oh, as a DM that would truly take me by surprise too. It would be a nice change though.
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Once they got over the initial shock, I think most of the DMs I ran her under thought it was pretty funny given that her behavior tended to bother the low Charisma guys who hit on every priestess who is not specifically described as old. I was originally going to run a homely male cleric of the love goddess who joined the temple to enter a "target rich environment" (given that we had a dozen female passivist clerics of the love goddess floating around). The idea of a big-nosed plain-looking dwarf hitting on every older nobleman, guard captain, and other random NPCs whom parties never interact with was too funny to pass up. I mean who ever interacts with a shopkeeper other then to buy or at most haggle?
I had an Aasimar pirate who was an asymertical chimera with a human mother and both a drow (who was descended from a garuda) and an elf father. He was more or less split down the middle and sporting random feathers and vestigial wings which were crudely removed leaving disfiguring scars). His mother was a priestess of a love goddess so he grew up ugly in a world that celebrated beauty. After completing an assassination mission for the temple, he was shanghaied by pirates and decided not to try to escape. In addition to having two personalities, one serene and one psychotic, he only liked homely women (because they were unlike the people he grew up around) so when the DM saddled him with an ugly chick for laughs, he was shocked how far that relationship went. It was even funnier since we had a priestess who played up her charisma and "assets" and he loathed her. Playing against type is fun.
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Way cool to hear about. Thanks for sharing!
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My players tend to learn very quickly not to do that when I GM since I'm known to have characters wake up drugged and naked in back alleys, create mind-controlling parasites, blackmail pregnancies, tranny surprises, and STDs that cause loss of bowel control at inopportune times. All of which generally involve some sort of quest to have resolved. It's much more fun than just saying, "no" and makes for much more amusing stories.
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I usually play brutes, but I've found this an important piece of info while playing my hobgoblin bard who somehow has a 20 CHA [link]
He was able to pork his way into an alliance with a band of powerful elves and dryads, and coin the DM's new least favorite phrase "It's ain't gay if its fey."
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I am so stealing that phrase. My local group is always making gay jokes at the expense of elves and half-elves.
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Nice one.
Personally, I don't see too many guys doing this anymore (though this is probably more because my players know i'm not afraid to use phrases like "orc dominatrix" and "death by frisky statue" than any thing resembling maturity or morality on their part), but one of the girls in my group recently played a female orc ranger who hit on npcs way more than someone who dumped charisma should, while doing a very funny voice for the character.
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I had a Gamorean who had seen Misery too many times and the random std effect table to teach my players the hard way.
Charisma dumping female PCs hitting on male NPCs is a hoot.
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I'll have to remember the STD tables.
It was the voice she did that made it so funny. She normally has a very hi-pitch voice, but fakes a deep one if playing a bloke. Here she tried to fake this deep one trying to sound female, and I was struggling to keep a straight face whenever she spoke.
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"Sorry, that's a misprint you don't get AIDS, you get FIDS. I told you to stay away from catgirls."
That sounds pretty hilarious. Last week we had to listen to a guy in his mid 40's do a horrible falsetto for a 16 year old girl NPC and try not laugh at him.
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Sounds hilarious
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I tend to let the writing stew till I get some pretty decent lines.
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My party was once attacked by my dwarven paladin's mount in a very sexual way, until or high elf wizard had literally been torn to shreds by its advances. Turns out it was a polymorphed paladin of Gruumsh, so I only lost 1 level for killing it. That DM hated me
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Lost a level because it was your paladin mount? I never played paladins till 4th so I'm not sure what you'd lose the XP for.
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In 3E, pretty much any action that went against the will of your deity could lose a Paladin some XP(At the DM's discretion) and prevent you from progressing until you atone. The mount was a direct gift from Moradin. (How was he to know our high elf sorceror would accidentally find a way to restore it's memory)
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So it was Moradin's will that the Pally's ally get porked to death?
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No, but the Horse being my mount was, so killing it got me in trouble.
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I definitely understand that a Paladin's power is constrained by the RP restraints; Star Wars games are the same with Jedi (who are also really powerful). But I have never really liked being slave to the GM's sense of morality, which I why I never played a Paladin till 4th Ed when their power was mathematically equaled to other defenders so they could lose the old, "make the DM mad, lose all your powers" rule. I like playing characters who are a little bad, and if you can be bad, than choosing to be good means something.
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That was where the blackguard advanced class came in. If you choose not to atone, and instead trade in your levels of paladin, you wound up with some immense bonuses, but at the cost of your character's moral code. It caused me a real dilemma once when I was offered the top level trade in (basically level 23 power level in 4e.) Way before I had earned it. Choosing to remain true to my morality ended up much later having a massive trade up (I was given an awesome companion that I still miss to this day every time I get to play,) but I had no idea at the time. It was just paying my character to me. Belgost was a no nonsense, no surrender, never back down, Superman type hero, and I just couldn't betray my character like that.
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And that is the kind of thing every good character wants in a campaign, the chance to turn down a very tempting offer while in a weak position in order to rise up later and be rewarded for their fidelity to their principles.
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Yup. That's why I miss playing instead of DMing, and that only once ever so often.
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Frankly, I like the power of DMing as well as the challenge and the creativity. Having been a player recently (instead of DM) I don't miss it as much as I missed being a player when I was DMing.
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I have friends like that, but I only wound up DMing when my old DM quit, so I never really was planning on it. Then 4e came out just as I got used to DMing 3e, and then I lost my group, so I never got going good and kinda never got good at it.
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It does take a lot of practice getting good at DMing, even if you have a fair amount of natural talent. You have to wear so many hats. You have to act out all the NPCs, you have to write the story, you have to balance all the combats with your specific group, you have to manage all the personalities and conflicts of interest at the table, you have to know and interpret all the rules, and you have to be able to adjust everything on the fly and under pressure.
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You're telling me. I keep trucking so I can at least keep involved until I find a group.
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That's how it was for me for years.
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One would think it would happen less often outside of high school games but then one would be wrong.
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It can be hilariously awkward (or just, you know, regular awkward) at mixed gender tables.
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lol. Indeed! Either way it makes for a good story!
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Best part of D&D; the stories
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I totally agree with that. The interesting things the that happen when the plot meets the players and the characters meet each other is what makes it worth playing.
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Yup. Long backstory of a fellow player with his Pally and a nice NPC lady apothocary.
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Those kinds of things tend to go either moderately well or catastrophically wrong.
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I think it was doomed from the start. You know how long it takes a Pally to shuck his armour, and he can't do that unless he's quite sure this is what a paladin would do. Otherwise, you know, it affects his performance.
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After only one greedy pimp, "using protection" took to employing plate armor in coitus. I would imagine that would be rather uncomfortable for all involved.
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With no one making eye contact.
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The visor cuts down your field of vision.
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For some of us girls, that's a good thing. We get more Paladins that way.
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Does make it easier to focus them on the parts you are more proud of.
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LOL! Oy. Last campaign, I wrote that a former PC-turned-NPC-because-the-player-left went into a private room with a Sith for a debriefing. Everyone busted up laughing, and I was confused. Then they pointed out how, throughout the description of the scene, things like "lightsaber under his robe" and "the old man looked the young man up and down and smiled," combined with the word "debriefing" just gave the whole thing a sexual vibe that I completely hadn't intended but was ickily hilarious. Best laid plans of mice, writers, and GMs.
Just yesterday, my wife dropped a "debriefing" joke on the forum; I'll never live that down. But that's half the fun, right?
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